Predictions: This time it’s all red — Dogs, Falcons win

chalk

As we head down the stretch of this football season and attempt to answer the age-old question, “Who whines more: SEC football fans after losing a game or Republicans after losing an election?” — and this is why I always check under my car for suspicious wire before starting it — it’s time to check in on the remains of Gene Chizik.

Two years ago, Auburn won the national championship. Now the Tigers are 2-7 overall and 0-6 in the SEC.

The governors of Colorado and Washington.

The governors of Colorado and Washington.

Or, as Karl Rove would put it, they’re trending upward and on the verge of conquering the SEC West, the conference, the BCS, Ohio (don’t it make my red eyes blue?), Hawaii, Alaska, Manitoba, the dangling chads of Florida, the clogging anchors of Fox, the Western Hemisphere, the Eastern Bloc (Commies! We’ll hunt ‘em all down!), the Peoples Republic of Cheech and Chong (Colorado and Washington just legalized marijuana — so, yes, we have confirmation that Doritos has lobbyists) and even the educated, artistic and peaceful liberals of Alderaan (oh wait, they were destroyed by the Death Star in Episode IV. Never mind.)

Back to Gene Chizik. I’m generally not a proponent of firing coaches two years after winning national championships. But this guy is now 9-29 in SEC and Big 12 conference games in which he didn’t have the luxury of telling Cam Newton, “Here’s the ball. Go do anything you want.”

I know what you’re thinking: “Georgia’s going to let down.”

Not this time. Too much at stake: The SEC East and a trip to the Georgia Dome. That’s reality, not an electoral projection.

If the Bulldogs can just keep Mark Richt off a swing set, they should be fine.

The line is a whopper: 15½. But it’s covered. Division, ho!

You contest (and Lane Kiffin) update

The wit and wisdom of Mr. Burns (whiny SEC fan?)

OLD SCHOOL

Figured Curry could use a little help with a zen rock garden.

Just trying to help Curry with a little zen rock garden.

Georgia Tech at North Carolina: The Jackets are 1-0 without athletic director Dan Radakovich. See, I’m all about the positive. It was either that or point out Tech’s four wins have come over 2-9 Presbyterian and three ACC teams with a combined conference record of 4-12. Oops. Heels win, but take Tech and 9.

Georgia State at Maine: Not saying Bill Curry has had a rough season, but last week he inadvertently turned in an organ-donation card instead of a lineup card. A Zen moment: A career-ending win for Curry.

Texas A&M at Alabama: The disingenuous Nick Saban says no-huddle, spread offenses like A&M’s are a danger to player safety. Let me translate: “If they go too fast and I can’t rotate my three-deep, five-star, winded front seven, there’s a chance I might lose. And another thing, Sumlin: Get off of my lawn!” Tide win, but give me the Aggies and 14.

How about Dooley vs. Saban in a Zoolander-esque "Walk-off."

How about Dooley vs. Saban in a Zoolander-esque "Walk-off."

Arkansas at South Carolina: Too bad it’s not Bobby Petrino vs. Steve Spurrier or we could’ve had “The Moral Compass Bowl.” Jimmy Johnson actually said Arkansas should rehire Petrino. Question: Is he willing to bankroll the university for all future sexual-harassment lawsuits? Yeah. Didn’t think so. Roosters cover 14.

Missouri at Tennessee: Derek Dooley was depicted in “art work” on UT’s painted rock again, this time as “Doolander” (as in, “Zoolander”). With all of that creativity on campus, you’d think somebody could draw up a play. Finally, an SEC win: Vols cover 3½.

Mississippi State at LSU: Les Miles is a great coach when he’s not trying to pull a moose out of a hat (cue: Bullwinkle). Tigers win, but take the other Dogs and 14½.

Les Miles reaching into his playbook

NFL SNACK PACK

"So are we going to carpool to work next year?"

"So are we going to carpool to work next year?"

Falcons at Saints: The Saints have stabilized since an 0-4 start. That’s not to say they’re going to make the playoffs, but at least linebacker Curtis Lofton isn’t stabbing himself with a fork in the middle of the night, screaming, “What have I done!?!”By the way, what’s Sean Payton doing with a Dallas tags on his car? Falcons cover 2½.

Cowboys at Eagles: Jerry Jones the owner said he would fire Jerry Jones the general manager, but then Jerry Jones the deluded poobah most responsible for the Cowboys’ mess said he won’t strip himself of personnel duties. The good news: With one playoff win in 15 years, he has the full support of 31 other owners. Eagles win (and take the 1).

Texans at Bears: Houston strikes me as one of those really good teams that will never do anything in the playoffs. Then again, the Bears have Jay Cutler. Winner: Texans (take the 1).

Broncos at Panthers: Since those three quick interceptions against the Falcons, Peyton Manning has thrown 18 touchdowns and three picks. It’s all in the timing. Denver covers.

It’s Jerry Jones, starring as “Dark Helmet” (”Spaceballs”)

BUT WHO’S COUNTING? (ME)

sportsbettingLast week: 8-3 straight up, 7-4 against the line.

So far, so awesome: 86-26 straight up, 66-45-1 against the line.

“Sack Schultz” update: “JoeB1515″ and “Rayne09″ lead the race for the Georgia-Georgia Tech tickets and other prizes. “Wildone” leads for the trip to Hawaii. Lucky dude Brad Sawyer of Stockbridge who went 14-1 last week to win a Marlow’s giftcard and a Fathead.

Lilly Pick of the Week: It’s Falcons-Saints week. Cheeseballs were placed on pictures of the two quarterbacks, Matt Ryan and Drew Brees. Lilly puts her 5-4 record on the line. The winner: Brees.

Lilly is an Atlanta native but she has no allegiances. Obviously.

Lilly is an Atlanta native but she has no allegiances to Falcons. Clearly.

By Jeff Schultz

362 comments Add your comment

nola falcon fan

November 8th, 2012
12:49 pm

Put in Timeout by Ken Suguira,Filtered by Mark Bradley, Banned by Bill King, Chip Towers & only slightly loved by Jeff Schultz.

November 8th, 2012
12:50 pm

I fear the FALCONS lose and CHOKE will not shut up about it.

nola falcon fan

November 8th, 2012
12:51 pm

for those in ‘the know” down in New Orleans… don’t expect Sean Payton to move to Big D b/c his wife is there. Word is there were “issues” in the marriage that took her back to dallas. Issues being Coach straying off the ol marriage reservation.

SOUTH GA DAWG FAN

November 8th, 2012
12:52 pm

Rise Up # 9

November 8th, 2012
12:53 pm

9-0 FALCONS !

After further review...

November 8th, 2012
12:54 pm

I think you’re right about the Bulldogs, and the Texas A&M vs. Alabama game will be a pretty interesting matchup.

Rise Up # 9

November 8th, 2012
12:55 pm

FALCONS 62

parade of saints knuckleheads 7

SOUTH GA DAWG FAN

November 8th, 2012
12:56 pm

Lilly beats me every time

Put in Timeout by Ken Suguira,Filtered by Mark Bradley, Banned by Bill King, Chip Towers & only slightly loved by Jeff Schultz.

November 8th, 2012
12:57 pm

Vick over the Cowboys? JEFF must have made a fast flight to Colorado for that pick.

If you have a job be happy and Hope that doesn’t Change real soon but don’t count on IT.
The US is moving FORWARD to the Financial Cliff….Our Debt is now more than our GDP and the Dept Limit is coming up soon……LEARN Chinese…..I am sure The COUNT will start teaching the kids how to count in Chinese.

zzggyy

November 8th, 2012
12:58 pm

I’d love to see them continue to win, but the Falcons are going to have a tough time playing the Saints in NOLA.

Dawglasville

November 8th, 2012
1:02 pm

My Georgia brothers will be torn by your pick for the Dawgs and the barb against Romney. The Saints fan will be torn by your Falcons pick and your barb against Romney. You may have a little zen balance working for you as well. The Dooley rock was funny. Go Dawgs.

Eric C.

November 8th, 2012
1:04 pm

Falcons defense…no turnovers in the past two games – this will be a good game to get a few.

Jimmy crack corn

November 8th, 2012
1:15 pm

i think alabama looses the game

Banned by Mark Bradley

November 8th, 2012
1:22 pm

NateDawg

November 8th, 2012
1:28 pm

Thanks Schultz. After all, we just don’t get enough politics everywhere else.

Name Changed to Avoid Moderation

November 8th, 2012
1:30 pm

I think Lily picked Brees because she wants to chew that “thing” off his face.

DIT

November 8th, 2012
1:32 pm

I think tech takes UNC. Could not tell you why, but I think they will. I think Bama will win, but it will be close. Mizzou / UT – The team that can score in the 60’s will win the game. My bet would be that the total yardage combined is well oper 1000 yards. LSu will crush Missy St. MS was way overrated..

How about that crap about Robert Nkemdiche………. Is anyone really surprised. I sure hope UGA does not go hard after him. I don’t think I have ever seen a High School player want so much attention. This will be a problem child for Ole Miss. You can have him. World of talent with a 2 cent head!!

Oh, Dawgs win by 17

CSP

November 8th, 2012
1:35 pm

Cowboys big over Iggles this week!

Dawg Realist

November 8th, 2012
1:36 pm

Jeff, you’ve always done a great job of keeping your political leanings hidden–almost as well as, for example, Jemele Hill at ESPN. [end sarcasm]

As it turns out, neither my vote, nor yours, counted for anything in this presidential election.

No problem with throwing in some political jabs now and then in a sports column, but you could try doing it a little more even-handedly. As you well know, there is a LOT to “jab” at on both sides of the political spectrum.

markie mark

November 8th, 2012
1:42 pm

I’m with natedawg….I actually come here to get AWAY from Bookman, et al…..thanks a bunch, Jeff. I guess the liberal slant on this paper covers every corner…..

Alphare

November 8th, 2012
1:46 pm

Jeff, I am glad you realize politics and football are intertwined.

Believe it or not. A football team’s performance has a lot to do with politics. Look at BAMA, the HC is reportedly a Dem. Look at FL, their state just voted Dem, again. Combined, they win 4 of the last 6 NC’s.

Auburn couldn’t win an NC even with an undefeated season in 04. You know what? Tommy Tuberville is not only a Repub, but he is a Birther!

I know LA voted Repub and won a NC, but is it possible Les is a Dem? Saban won one there too, but he is a Dem.

Don’t tell me those are just coincidence. Think about it, your unpaid players are mostly from Dem families who make little money out of playing football, while the coaches are mostly Repub and make tons of money and want a lower tax rate at the mean time.

Why would the players want to win a NC so that their coaches can make more money and pay an even lower tax rate?

ternor

November 8th, 2012
1:49 pm

Nola Falcon Fan – brilliant insight into the Sean Payton to Dallas thing. The fact that he and his wife both filed divorce petitions back in July kind of makes “those in the know” a little unnecessary doesn’t it?

PiersonBrave

November 8th, 2012
1:49 pm

How in the world did anyone go 14-1, honestly, last week?

Heisenberg

November 8th, 2012
1:52 pm

Do you use the same 3 thumb tack holes for the Lilly pictures each week? Either way when football season ends that wall is gonna need some spackle & paint.

Alphare

November 8th, 2012
1:55 pm

Pamela,

girl, you can just shut up if you only have bs. Did Jeff ever invite you to make a comment in his blog? I thought so.

Eastinfection

November 8th, 2012
1:57 pm

A & M over the bammers. Doggies over the Camless Tigers, er. wareagles, er. plainsmen. Whatever, Cheesestick gets another “L” . Yella Fella and Dat Pye will relieve Cheesestick of his misery following the beat down the bammers will put on them.

bamaguy

November 8th, 2012
1:59 pm

I agree that Alabama will have a difficult time with “Oregon Lite” but I think they win at home. If Georgia doesn’t beat Auburn by at least 21, they don’t deserve to be in the championship game. I am hoping for a perfect SEC regular season. That would be Alabama 8-0 with Auburn 0-8.

Skeptic

November 8th, 2012
2:02 pm

‘Whiny’ is a blog/messageboard put-down that was popular 5 years ago. Please update. The throwback stuff (bullwinkle, etc) is fine, though.

Aggies beat Bama this week.

Boo Boo

November 8th, 2012
2:05 pm

Imagine if Israel was a Democracy like the USA and their laws were challenged by the Islamic equivalents of the ACLU, NAACP, and Illegal Immigrant Rights Organizations. Soon, minority liberal Arabs could vote their representatives into the Parliament. Before long, Syria, Lebanon, and Jordan would be voting to join Israel as states, to share the Israeli wealth and to increase minority representation in Israel … as a demographic shift never before foreseen. Within a decade, the Prime Minister of Israel would be Muslim, and not long after that Israel would forbid Jews from living there.

Buckeye

November 8th, 2012
2:06 pm

Buckeye

November 8th, 2012
2:07 pm

Auburn ” shocks the world”. Goes to 3-8

SEC LEAST! SEC LEAST!

JB

November 8th, 2012
2:08 pm

Dawgs stumble for a quarter or so as Auburn is playing for the Russian’s job and their D try’s to avenge VanGorders and Willie’s time in Athens. Won’t work. Dawgs wake up and that horrible AU team raises it ugly head, Dawgs 35-17

Buckeye

November 8th, 2012
2:08 pm

Cam Newton was a “student athlete” for one semester. Joke.

Buckeye

November 8th, 2012
2:10 pm

Seems Lilly has a tendency to go left. Am I wrong?

JB

November 8th, 2012
2:15 pm

Buckeye….Look at Jeff’s picture. Got Lib all over it.

Dawglasville

November 8th, 2012
2:31 pm

Holy cow. I knew it was too early to make political jokes. There goes any hopes you had to ever work for Fox Sports.

Jj

November 8th, 2012
2:34 pm

Obama won. Suck on it racists.

Larry Panetta

November 8th, 2012
2:39 pm

Wow, what a vast wasteland of free association that might be the result of visiting Colorado or Washington to induldge in some of the newly legalized recreational plants…I really enjoyed your article.

Alphare

November 8th, 2012
2:40 pm

Bo Duke,

go easy, Jeff is getting old. Like most seniors, he’ll need other people’s tax money for pills and hospital stay.

warfalcon

November 8th, 2012
2:44 pm

ONE GAME AT A TIME,LETS GO FALCONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joey

November 8th, 2012
2:50 pm

Lilly, bad dog! Bad dog!

Alphare

November 8th, 2012
2:53 pm

Auburn only got 2 chances to beat an SEC team, UGA will become its victim this weekend.

But I won’t bet my house on it this time.

Howard

November 8th, 2012
2:54 pm

Jeff…why the blue hell do you have to include political crap in yopur column…everyone knows you and your brethern in the sports media are Democrats but many of your readers including me vote GOP so why take the time to dish out the barbs?? I can’t stand butterbean head Rove but pleez lay off the frigging politics…oh and check out things in this country after 2-3 morw yrs of your main squeeze Obama. Stick to sports…you’d think with guys like Bobby Petrino and such out there you could lay off dissing Republicans.

joja boi

November 8th, 2012
2:54 pm

Sounds like a bunch of sour grapes to me…If the writer of this blog is so off and so wrong, why do you read it? Don’t let you “political” bias get in the way of your simple pleasures, for the few of you able to read (bi-product of GA school system) and even smaller amount that are able to write.
Boo-Boo if you don’t like the way things are, maybe you should move to a country that isn’t as prosperous and less desirable to the “undesirables” I guess you feel have ruined this country. It was all good when the Euros came to the US and stole the land from it’s natural inhabitants who living and doing perfectly fine without the introduction of Bio-Warfare (small pox) and the violent take over of their land. So use that analogy to put things in prospective as you spout out idiotic information relating to Israel.

joja boi

November 8th, 2012
3:00 pm

Boo-Boo just to poke a hole in your Imaginarium, Minority Liberals didn’t vote Obama into office, in fact that is the entire point of the process. It takes a majority to get anyone elected! So it seems that those you are referring to as the minority are actually the majority, unless you are speaking in clearly racial terms. Then if that were the case then Whites would be in the majority. SO I think you are confused by your own hate.

Bulldogs for Muschamp Lifetime Contract

November 8th, 2012
3:00 pm

Georgia wins
Falcons don’t

Greatest tweet ever

ESPN reporter: “Peyton Manning bought ownership interests in 21 Papa John’s Pizza stores in Colorado 2 weeks before the state legalized marajuana. The guy can do no wrong.”
#munchies

Larry

November 8th, 2012
3:03 pm

So, the victims, degenerates, indecent, perverted, illegal aliens, detestable Hollywood entertainers, liberal writers who haven’t the courage or wherewithal to get run or own anything, minorities that vote minority regardless of who or what (see Marion Barry, Washington DC), etc, etc, etc., all leading to the collapse of the stock market (not that it affects them anyway) and the decisions by numerous companies to abort a new, pre-election hires and Jeff thinks this is all funny.

No worries. We’ll keep giving you handouts while finding ways to circumvent excessive government and still be stronger financially than your reading constituency, Jeff, the next four years. You see we earn what we get in life and gauge the success of the government not upon how much assistance given to others, but rather upon how much assistance is unnecessary due to sound fiscal policy, zero debt, and accountability…just like one should do at their home and business!

After further review...

November 8th, 2012
3:08 pm

Face it: Lilly chose Brees because she saw the commercial where he got to join 1 Dierection, and she’s a HUGE 1D fan.

Beast from the East

November 8th, 2012
3:11 pm

I suspect the Dawgs will blow the doors off the worst Auburn team in my lifetime. Maybe then the Barn will realize that you can’t expect to win with a coach that was a loser in a lesser conference.

Beast from the East

November 8th, 2012
3:14 pm

Larry
November 8th, 2012
3:03 pm

So, the victims, degenerates, indecent, perverted, illegal aliens, detestable Hollywood entertainers, liberal writers who haven’t the courage or wherewithal to get run or own anything, minorities that vote minority regardless of who or what (see Marion Barry, Washington DC), etc, etc, etc., all leading to the collapse of the stock market (not that it affects them anyway) and the decisions by numerous companies to abort a new, pre-election hires and Jeff thinks this is all funny.

No worries. We’ll keep giving you handouts while finding ways to circumvent excessive government and still be stronger financially than your reading constituency, Jeff, the next four years. You see we earn what we get in life and gauge the success of the government not upon how much assistance given to others, but rather upon how much assistance is unnecessary due to sound fiscal policy, zero debt, and accountability…just like one should do at their home and business!

—————————
Larry,
You should realize by now that you cannot use common sense when dealing with some folks. I do applaud your efforts, though.