Predictions: This time it’s all red — Dogs, Falcons win
As we head down the stretch of this football season and attempt to answer the age-old question, “Who whines more: SEC football fans after losing a game or Republicans after losing an election?” — and this is why I always check under my car for suspicious wire before starting it — it’s time to check in on the remains of Gene Chizik.
Two years ago, Auburn won the national championship. Now the Tigers are 2-7 overall and 0-6 in the SEC.
The governors of Colorado and Washington.
Or, as Karl Rove would put it, they’re trending upward and on the verge of conquering the SEC West, the conference, the BCS, Ohio (don’t it make my red eyes blue?), Hawaii, Alaska, Manitoba, the dangling chads of Florida, the clogging anchors of Fox, the Western Hemisphere, the Eastern Bloc (Commies! We’ll hunt ‘em all down!), the Peoples Republic of Cheech and Chong (Colorado and Washington just legalized marijuana — so, yes, we have confirmation that Doritos has lobbyists) and even the educated, artistic and peaceful liberals of Alderaan (oh wait, they were destroyed by the Death Star in Episode IV. Never mind.)
Back to Gene Chizik. I’m generally not a proponent of firing coaches two years after winning national championships. But this guy is now 9-29 in SEC and Big 12 conference games in which he didn’t have the luxury of telling Cam Newton, “Here’s the ball. Go do anything you want.”
I know what you’re thinking: “Georgia’s going to let down.”
Not this time. Too much at stake: The SEC East and a trip to the Georgia Dome. That’s reality, not an electoral projection.
If the Bulldogs can just keep Mark Richt off a swing set, they should be fine.
The line is a whopper: 15½. But it’s covered. Division, ho!
You contest (and Lane Kiffin) update
The wit and wisdom of Mr. Burns (whiny SEC fan?)
OLD SCHOOL
Just trying to help Curry with a little zen rock garden.
Georgia Tech at North Carolina: The Jackets are 1-0 without athletic director Dan Radakovich. See, I’m all about the positive. It was either that or point out Tech’s four wins have come over 2-9 Presbyterian and three ACC teams with a combined conference record of 4-12. Oops. Heels win, but take Tech and 9.
Georgia State at Maine: Not saying Bill Curry has had a rough season, but last week he inadvertently turned in an organ-donation card instead of a lineup card. A Zen moment: A career-ending win for Curry.
Texas A&M at Alabama: The disingenuous Nick Saban says no-huddle, spread offenses like A&M’s are a danger to player safety. Let me translate: “If they go too fast and I can’t rotate my three-deep, five-star, winded front seven, there’s a chance I might lose. And another thing, Sumlin: Get off of my lawn!” Tide win, but give me the Aggies and 14.
How about Dooley vs. Saban in a Zoolander-esque "Walk-off."
Arkansas at South Carolina: Too bad it’s not Bobby Petrino vs. Steve Spurrier or we could’ve had “The Moral Compass Bowl.” Jimmy Johnson actually said Arkansas should rehire Petrino. Question: Is he willing to bankroll the university for all future sexual-harassment lawsuits? Yeah. Didn’t think so. Roosters cover 14.
Missouri at Tennessee: Derek Dooley was depicted in “art work” on UT’s painted rock again, this time as “Doolander” (as in, “Zoolander”). With all of that creativity on campus, you’d think somebody could draw up a play. Finally, an SEC win: Vols cover 3½.
Mississippi State at LSU: Les Miles is a great coach when he’s not trying to pull a moose out of a hat (cue: Bullwinkle). Tigers win, but take the other Dogs and 14½.
Les Miles reaching into his playbook
NFL SNACK PACK
"So are we going to carpool to work next year?"
Falcons at Saints: The Saints have stabilized since an 0-4 start. That’s not to say they’re going to make the playoffs, but at least linebacker Curtis Lofton isn’t stabbing himself with a fork in the middle of the night, screaming, “What have I done!?!”By the way, what’s Sean Payton doing with a Dallas tags on his car? Falcons cover 2½.
Cowboys at Eagles: Jerry Jones the owner said he would fire Jerry Jones the general manager, but then Jerry Jones the deluded poobah most responsible for the Cowboys’ mess said he won’t strip himself of personnel duties. The good news: With one playoff win in 15 years, he has the full support of 31 other owners. Eagles win (and take the 1).
Texans at Bears: Houston strikes me as one of those really good teams that will never do anything in the playoffs. Then again, the Bears have Jay Cutler. Winner: Texans (take the 1).
Broncos at Panthers: Since those three quick interceptions against the Falcons, Peyton Manning has thrown 18 touchdowns and three picks. It’s all in the timing. Denver covers.
It’s Jerry Jones, starring as “Dark Helmet” (”Spaceballs”)
BUT WHO’S COUNTING? (ME)
Last week: 8-3 straight up, 7-4 against the line.
So far, so awesome: 86-26 straight up, 66-45-1 against the line.
“Sack Schultz” update: “JoeB1515″ and “Rayne09″ lead the race for the Georgia-Georgia Tech tickets and other prizes. “Wildone” leads for the trip to Hawaii. Lucky dude Brad Sawyer of Stockbridge who went 14-1 last week to win a Marlow’s giftcard and a Fathead.
Lilly Pick of the Week: It’s Falcons-Saints week. Cheeseballs were placed on pictures of the two quarterbacks, Matt Ryan and Drew Brees. Lilly puts her 5-4 record on the line. The winner: Brees.
Lilly is an Atlanta native but she has no allegiances to Falcons. Clearly.
By Jeff Schultz
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362 comments Add your comment
joja boi
November 8th, 2012
3:17 pm
Larry,
You make it seem that everyone was born to be an entrepreneur, and if that is not there desire they are worthless. If everyone had that goal then who would work for said entrepreneur? So essentially you are saying everyone should be their own, Doctor, Realtor, Accountant, Teacher, Trash Collector, Fast Food Clerk, Dentist, Reverend, Lawyer, Farmer, etc….and if you don’t have the ability to do that shame on you…If you are all of those things for yourself, I applaud you and think you should share the secrets of your success, oh wait….maybe that would be to liberal of you.
joja boi
November 8th, 2012
3:22 pm
Beast, Let me guess, You own your own business and are super satisfied with the life you lead? Never borrowed money for anything right? Never used a credit card, never foreclosed (most people haven’t). Didn’t use Financial Aid to go to school (if you attended college) Everything you got you worked hard for and nobody ever gave you anything…Built yourself from the ground up, huh?
DawgFanInBama
November 8th, 2012
3:25 pm
Lilly, did you eat the kitty cat treats? (ala Denver the guilty dog)
Dennis
November 8th, 2012
3:25 pm
Jeff congrats on your Presidential win. For me, I was looking forward to starving some children and killing some old people. Now no child will be hungry and the old will live forever, drats. It is tough being a Republican. I have five more years of paying taxes and I will be in line for mine, if there is any left. Get it, left. Keep up the good work while paying your fair share of taxes and most importantly please keep it up after I retire.
Beast from the East
November 8th, 2012
3:26 pm
joja boi
November 8th, 2012
3:17 pm
Larry,
You make it seem that everyone was born to be an entrepreneur, and if that is not there desire they are worthless. If everyone had that goal then who would work for said entrepreneur? So essentially you are saying everyone should be their own, Doctor, Realtor, Accountant, Teacher, Trash Collector, Fast Food Clerk, Dentist, Reverend, Lawyer, Farmer, etc….and if you don’t have the ability to do that shame on you…If you are all of those things for yourself, I applaud you and think you should share the secrets of your success, oh wait….maybe that would be to liberal of you.
———————–
Focus on the “accountability” part of his post. That is what 49% of us are frustrated with, but apparently the others just don’t get. Simple lesson my father taught me…”EARN your way through life, son.”
Skeptic
November 8th, 2012
3:26 pm
Lots of conservative steam waiting to blow. Face it, we’re in the minority now. I went numb years ago. You give others too much power over you when you let them blow your top. Just vote and know your facts, don’t blow a gasket in public. At least for now the USA is still the “least crappy country in the world.”
LDawg
November 8th, 2012
3:26 pm
Lilly’s going to 5-5 this week!
Bill Payer
November 8th, 2012
3:28 pm
Your editor in chief keeps going on and on about have even handed the political coverage is in the “new AJC”. So I guess if I go over to Bradley’s blog, it’ll be knocking the lib’s?
Dogs win only if they don’t get to see Auburn game films. It always hurts a team to laugh hysterically when studying next opponent.
Put in Timeout by Ken Suguira,Filtered by Mark Bradley, Banned by Bill King, Chip Towers & only slightly loved by Jeff Schultz.
November 8th, 2012
3:32 pm
How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the ‘woo-woo’ sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower. Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart, and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the ‘woo-woo’ sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
I KNOW YOUR LAUGHING CAUSE MOST OF IT’S TRUE!!!!!!
joja boi
November 8th, 2012
3:34 pm
Larry, Sounds like your father and mine went to the same school! However it seems like we have differing views..When I was 12yrs I had a TV in my room, it was probably older then me, when it broke my dad had another (slightly less older) tv that wasnt even being used. You think he gave it to me? Of course not, he made me pay for it, through cutting grass, or whatever I could in the neighborhood to earn the money. But guess what, someone had to allow me to do that work for them! So I couldn’t do it on my own. So a lot of the complaining just isn’t warranted., Unless people are willing to provide the services that Gov’t provides for themselves, we all have to pay taxes.. Period. Simply put there aren’t enough EDUCATED people out there to fill all the jobs available. Unemployment for those with college degrees is at 4% while it is over 10% for those without! So as long as there are people satisfied with just getting by, nothing will ever change, and that goes for everyone, regardless of political, racial, economic, affiliation!
Beast from the East
November 8th, 2012
3:35 pm
joja boi
November 8th, 2012
3:22 pm
Beast, Let me guess, You own your own business and are super satisfied with the life you lead? Never borrowed money for anything right? Never used a credit card, never foreclosed (most people haven’t). Didn’t use Financial Aid to go to school (if you attended college) Everything you got you worked hard for and nobody ever gave you anything…Built yourself from the ground up, huh?
———————
Went to a small college and paid my own way. Work for a Fortune 300 company and make a decent living. Zero credit card debt, although I do have several and use them occasionally for credit rating purposes. Started in the work force at 16 making minimum wage and have worked my way up. I have one mortgage and no other debtors. 10% of my income goes into savings for retirement and I have about another 20 years before I can retire.
Why is that so hard to believe? Many others CHOOSE to be responsible/self-accountable and live the same way. Sad that the majority just don’t get it. But hey, I’ll keep paying my taxes to keep you afloat, so don’t worry.
joja boi
November 8th, 2012
3:38 pm
Put in Timeout by Ken Suguira,Filtered by Mark Bradley, Banned by Bill King, Chip Towers & only slightly loved by Jeff Schultz. LOL
You pretty much summed it up!
Dawglasville
November 8th, 2012
3:38 pm
Larry,
The Republican Party needs more guys like you to insure that they will never win another presidential election. Surely the party that makes up the brains, back bone, morals of this country can find a candidate to win an election. If you can’t, then what does that say? Hannity will be on WSB soon. Let him tell you how smart you are and maybe you will feel better.
Go Dawgs.
Joey
November 8th, 2012
3:44 pm
Well done, Larry.
joja boi
November 8th, 2012
3:49 pm
Beast!! Sounds like we are in the exact same boat actually.. WoW. I work for a company (don’t know if their in the fortune 500, don’t care either as long as they pay me but very well known company nonetheless) I too have worked since my teenage years, both while in college an in high school. Fortunately my parents were able to help me pay for my small private school in VA. I only used a credit card to relocate home after working in DC for 10yrs. Own a condo and a home. Put money into savings and 401k yet I still couldn’t believe half of the $hit that flew out of Republican representatives mouth! See for me it’s deeper than the party, its about the representation. Romney flip flopped like a college kid spring breaking in Destin. and that I couldnt vote for.
So you don’t have to worry about paying your taxes to keep me afloat my friend, I’m doing pretty darn good myself. Nice try though…
I think the common denominator between us is the education! We both have degrees and we are both working. Again as quoted, unemployment for those with degrees is at 4%. Education sees no color, gender, religion it is the great equalizer.
harleyman
November 8th, 2012
3:53 pm
@Schultz. I read the sports section to get away from politics so please stick to the subject. Thanks.
True Falcon Fan
November 8th, 2012
3:57 pm
Falcons “WIN” BIG!
— 9-0 Sunday evening!
Falcons 48 —- Nawlins Aints 21 (Payback’s is Betchy ain’t it)
Go Falcons!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
bamaguy
November 8th, 2012
3:58 pm
I thought this was a sports blog? Some of you need to calm down. But I do recall some of that “I’m just going to leave the country” crazy talk from the other side when Bush was re-elected. I thought Jeff’s post was quite humorous. Lighten up. (BTW, Saban is a Roman Catholic, as we say in the South, that makes him half liberal and half conservative)
Joey
November 8th, 2012
3:59 pm
Well, since Jeff started it . . .
Dawglasville, you better hope and pray that guys like Larry keep getting up and going to work, and keep paying taxes, so guys like you (apparently) can sit on the porch and study your belly button.
It’s tough to get a guy voted in, that believes in smaller more efficient government, when the other guy is offering perpetual Christmas. Freebies galore!
bamaguy
November 8th, 2012
4:02 pm
In fact, the two best couches in the country are Catholic. Urban Meyer (named after a Pope) and Nicholas Saban (named after a Saint),
Dawglasville
November 8th, 2012
4:08 pm
Joey – The arrogance of you guys kill me. I’m the branch manager of a distribution company. My wife is an attorney. I have two kids in private school. I pay every cent I owe the government and I don’t cry about it. How incredibly full of yourself can you be?
Alphare
November 8th, 2012
4:10 pm
Catholics used to be more Dem in the 80’s. Their moto back them are more like “care for the poor”.
Now most of them are Repubs, and that moto is gone. Study says they are less giving than before.
Saban keeps his old roots. Something to admire about.
Answer This
November 8th, 2012
4:10 pm
Lilly! What the heck?! Is she working on getting moved out of that plush dog house she has? Wow looks like you woke up those Republicans…………..about time someone could light a fire under them!
Check please
November 8th, 2012
4:14 pm
Turns out old fashioned hard work is indeed old fashioned. The looters and thieves represent the majority. Really, who wouldn’t sacrifice the American Dream for government goodies like free birth control. Of course, if liberals promise never to reproduce, than this is the best bargain of all time.
Alphare
November 8th, 2012
4:15 pm
My conservative economic view tells me, liberal head coaches are better at winning National Champs.
It simply makes economic sense. Bank on it!
Jeff Schultz
November 8th, 2012
4:16 pm
After further review: If that Alabama-Texas A&M game was being held in College Station, I might’ve picked an upset.
Jeff Schultz
November 8th, 2012
4:17 pm
Dawglasville — Balance: The key to life, Grasshopper.
Jeff Schultz
November 8th, 2012
4:18 pm
Dawg Realist – Definitely a lot to jab on both sides of the aisle.
Jeff Schultz
November 8th, 2012
4:20 pm
Pamela – Your comment was deleted, not for attacking me but for profanity. I’m sorry that you can’t articulate a rational thought without resorting to bad words (or initials). Grab a dictionary, broaden your mind and then get back to me.
Alphare
November 8th, 2012
4:20 pm
Check please,
if Nick Saban making 6mill a year is a liberal, why would you be so concerned shouldering the load? Saban will cover for you, man, if Saban is not enough, there is Warren Buffet and Bill Gates.
joja boi
November 8th, 2012
4:21 pm
Sick’em Dawglasville!!
It seems that if you don’t mind paying taxes (so long as they aren’t absorbitant) then people think you are worthless and living off the everyone else!! There are plenty of educated, well-to-do people that voted for Obama just as there are people that are in the “system”. Guess what though, there are just as many people that (well maybe not quite, that’s why he lost) voted for Mitt, that fall into both of those categories too! Think about the rural places where there aren’t many jobs in the SOUTH, Kentucky, Indiana, WVA etc.. I guarantee in those places there are just as many people “in the system” but still voted for Romney for one reason or another.
Jeff Schultz
November 8th, 2012
4:21 pm
Buckeye — ” Seems Lilly has a tendency to go left. Am I wrong?.”
<<< We’ve never discussed politics.
Jeff Schultz
November 8th, 2012
4:22 pm
Bo Duke -- You and Pamela date? Your comment also deleted.
Jeff Schultz
November 8th, 2012
4:24 pm
Harleyman -- You’ve never heard of a political football?
Put in Timeout by Ken Suguira,Filtered by Mark Bradley, Banned by Bill King, Chip Towers & only slightly loved by Jeff Schultz.
November 8th, 2012
4:29 pm
Dawglasville………….Why would you PAY double for education? I understand your children going to private school but being a DEM why not Government school? Is it a Christian based School?
1eyedJack
November 8th, 2012
4:30 pm
By the way Jeff, what make, model and color car do you drive?
GTBob
November 8th, 2012
4:34 pm
Turns out old fashioned hard work is indeed old fashioned. The looters and thieves represent the majority.
Are republicans really convinced that 51% of the country are poor, free loading, thieves that have never worked a day in their life?
Jeff Schultz
November 8th, 2012
4:36 pm
1eyedJack – OK, that was funny. (Um… 2009 Maserati. Red. Big rims. can’t miss it.)
joja boi
November 8th, 2012
4:37 pm
Put in Timeout by Ken Suguira,Filtered by Mark Bradley, Banned by Bill King, Chip Towers & only slightly loved by Jeff Schultz.
I will answer that…Because this is America and he has the right to!
My parents are Dems, yet sent me to private school, because the PRIVATE aspect of it weeds out those who want to be there and those who don’t want to be there, thus eliminating the distractions and allowing teacher to do their jobs. It also says a lot about the value the parents place on their child’s education which means there are often parents that share similar beliefs (at least educationaly) as you. Again, education is the great equalizer. No one can ever take it away from you. Once you have it’s yours. they cant repossess it, foreclose on it, or include in a BK. It also places more accountability on parents because guess what, if I am paying this kind of money on school, I am going to make sure your a$$ is in class, and your grades better be on point.
Alphare
November 8th, 2012
4:40 pm
“Why would you PAY double for education? I understand your children going to private school but being a DEM why not Government school?”
why cannot somebody pay for his own kids and other’s as well. I thought that’s called generosity.
Dawglasville
November 8th, 2012
4:41 pm
Put in – It is a Christian based school and I know where this is headed. When the Armed Services, FBI, CIA fails or has a bad showing no one screams to…
I hope that the President and Congress do a better job of fixing this mess than we have. I hope the you all have a great weekend. Go Dawgs.
1eyedJack
November 8th, 2012
4:42 pm
Whoa Jeff! They got any openings there at the AJC?
Joey
November 8th, 2012
4:45 pm
Not arrogance, Dawglasville. Just uneasiness, or close to fear, of what my children and future grandchildren will be facing at the end of this reign. As a business owner, I have paid my share of taxes – plus about 8% more for my employees’ SS and Medicare benefits. For many years.
The thing with us is, we want what’s best for OUR COUNTRY. We are not a part of the ME generation.
Dawglasville
November 8th, 2012
4:48 pm
Wow, I’m on the same side as GTBob and Alphare on the same blog, Now I can sign off knowing that you can always find common ground if you are willing. You just have to be willing. Peace.
joja boi
November 8th, 2012
4:49 pm
Joey,
Now that is something I didn’t know…”plus about 8% more for my employees’ SS and Medicare benefits.” Yet and still, don’t your employees have those same taxes taken out of their paychecks too? Just wanting to be informed. Probably why I haven’t chosen to run my own business..
GTBob
November 8th, 2012
4:49 pm
Whoa Jeff! They got any openings there at the AJC?
Jeff makes millions in sports betting.
joja boi
November 8th, 2012
4:49 pm
Amen, Dawglasville…
Stinger2
November 8th, 2012
4:57 pm
Politics should never be allowed on sports blogs by either the writer or the respondents. See David O`Brien rules.
wpeebles
November 8th, 2012
5:08 pm
Worst written column I have ever had the opportunity not to read all of. Schultz is an idiot with a keyboard that doesn’t work.
Jeff Schultz
November 8th, 2012
5:15 pm
GTBob – True, I make several million that doesn’t show up in the books. But that’s off the record. Wait, is this blog tapped?