Predictions: Smelly, incompetent, soft Bullldogs win again
According to legend, and also Wikipedia, my two favorite sources when I have other things to do, the expression, “Eureka!” dates to the Greek scholar Archimedes, who noticed that when he stepped into a bathtub the water level rose and he exclaimed, “Eureka!” because, I dunno, “Wow,” just didn’t sound scholarly. Archimedes then continued this research into volume by seeing what would happen if he sat in a hot tub with five co-eds from Palermo State, but that didn’t work out so good, he lost his grant and now can be found teaching sociology at junior college in Poughkeepsie.
So last week, Georgia punched Florida in the mouth, and I’m certain I heard Mark Richt exclaim, “Eureka! No more Mr. Nice Guy!” See, because I’m sure the Bulldogs played tough because they were angry at being called “soft” by teammate Shawn Williams.
So coddling days are over. This week Richt called in appropriate inspirational speakers to address his players:
"Bring me the broomstick of Nick Saban!"
Oz: “You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of collagenous junk!”
Lucky Day (Three Amigos): “You sons of a Motherless Goat.”
Alexandra (Witches of Eastwick): “You’re physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell.”
Groucho Marx: “Now there’s a man with an open mind. You can feel the breeze from here.”
Nino (New Jack City): “Sit your $5 (butt) down before I make change.”
Principal (Billy Madison): “At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul.”
Cyril Bench (Vertical Limit): “100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?”
French Soldier (Monty Python and the Holy Grail): “I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries.”
There. That should do it.
The SEC East title gets a little closer. Georgia covers 14 against Mississippi.
Sack Schultz video update (with special guest Steve Spurrier)
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This never gets old
Getting some requests for this also, so …
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SCHOOL DAZE
An SEC first: a shirt to commemorate win over Kentucky.
Georgia Tech at Maryland: Last man out, don’t forget to turn out the light. Dan Radakovich left two days after the Jackets couldn’t score an offensive touchdown against BYU. Coincidence? OK, maybe. But if they can’t beat a Maryland team down to its No. 5 quarterback (a converted linebacker), Paul Johnson may be sitting alone in the dark. Jackets cover 7½.
Old Dominion at Georgia State: The Panthers kicked off a player, Isaiah Howard, who had ripped athletic director Cheryl Levick on Twitter. Fortunately, Howard already had an offer from Mensa. Old Dominion by two touchdowns.
Alabama at LSU: Alabama has won eight games by an average score of 41-8. A.J. McCarron: 18 TDs, 0 interceptions. So oddsmaker R.J. Bell of Pregame.com decided to set odds on how the
Gene Chizik (after the A&M game).
Tide would do against the worst NFL team. Pointspread: Jacksonville would be favored by 24. Question: Has he seen Mike Mularkey call plays? Bama covers 9½.
Missouri at Florida: Missouri commemorated its first SEC win like it was a moon landing. The T-shirt reads, “Oct. 27, 2012, Columbia, Mo: Caged the Cats!” Would’ve gone over better if it wasn’t Kentucky. Mizzou took so much flak that the shirt is off the market. But Kentucky is selling shirts that read, “Somebody made a shirt about us.” Gators cover 17.
Texas A&M at Mississippi State: Texas A&M didn’t make a T-shirt to commemorate its 63-21 win over Auburn last week. But I think somebody came home with Gene Chizik’s shorts. Aggies cover 6½.
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MAPQUESTING BOURBON ST.
Turns out Tony Romo has been using the wrong arm.
America’s Meltdown at Falcons: The Falcons (7-0) probably aren’t a threat to the ‘72 Dolphins. Tony Romo (13 interceptions) probably isn’t a threat to George Blanda (season-record 42). But I’m starting to wonder about both. Dallas has one win in the last four and that came over Carolina, which doesn’t really count. Make that 8-0: Falcons cover 4.
Eagles at Saints: Suspended linebacker Jonathan Vilma and assistant coach Joe Vitt returned to the Saints last week and the team lost 34-14 to Denver. This is what it looked like when Custer rallied his troops. Take the 3 — and Eagles in a straight upset.
Broncos at Bengals: Points to ex-Techie Demaryius
Bey Bey picks Roger Goodell's least favorite costume.
Thomas, who dressed as an NFL replacement official on Halloween. Wonder if Roger Goodell dressed up as a visionary? Denver covers 3½.
Steelers at Giants: This game is expected to go on despite the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. Steelers fans are upset because Troy Polamalu is out again. Somehow, I don’t sense the same level of compassion. New York covers 3½.
Panthers at Redskins: DeAngelo Hall last week went cuckoo on a referee, got hit with two unsportsmanlike-conduct penalties, was ejected from the game and generally looked like the same overrated, petulant phoney we’ve come to mock. But hey, for $55 million, he puts on a show! Skins win, but take Carolina and 3½.
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D-Hall continuing to make friends
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TIME TO SETTLE UP
“There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: Go there with a large one.” — Jack Yelton
Last week: 8-4 straight up, 8-4 against the line.
Where’s my commission? 79-23 straight up, 59-41-2 against the line.
Lilly Pick of the Week: The pup did something I didn’t last week: She picked Georgia. Evened her record at 4-4. This week, it was Alabama or LSU. Winner of the Cookie Chase: Alabama.
Lilly seemed to have some second thoughts while eating the Alabama cookie.
By Jeff Schultz
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227 comments Add your comment
kingdaddy
November 1st, 2012
2:23 pm
Why do y’all make fun of Bilbo Bobbins???
GTBob
November 1st, 2012
2:24 pm
But at the end of the day, results are results and you just look like an idiot arguing where the best team is.
I haven’t argued against the fact that the SEC has had the best team every year recently. I argue that the SEC in general is extremely over inflated because they have had good teams at the top. Look how this season started. Arkansas top 10. Auburn top 25. Look at both now. Missouri was going to be a world beater. They ended up terrible. Vandy was going to really compete after that tough SC game. Hasn’t happened. Kentucky couldnt beat Western Kentucky, but when UGA barely hangs on to beat them it is a tough road victory. The pampering and excuses that the SEC gets from ESPN is pretty sickening at times.
Bad Dawg
November 1st, 2012
2:34 pm
Transcript from this week’s UGA-Ole Miss Game-Planning meeting with CMR, CMB and CTG:
CMR: Today we have a special guest! I’ve invited Shawn Williams to join us because, as we saw, Shawn did a better job motivating the defense in 10 minutes than we have all year. Personally, I prefer gimmicks, but whatever, it’s our first winning streak vs UF in 25 years!
CTG: Speaking of gimmicks, I’m afraid to ask what are those red bracelets for?
CRM: Don’t be afraid Big Boy, these are WWSWD bracelets and we’ll be wearing them the rest of the year. Shawn, would you say a few words please?
SW: Thank you coach. It’s an honor to be here. I believe strongly in shifting the attitudinal paradigm; not just for the defense, not just for the team, but for the entire program! I believe in personal accountability for players and coaches alike! Many players here harbor dreams of playing in the NFL. Let’s embrace, nurture and build on that! Treat us like the men we are becoming. Decide who will play based on merit, not some seniority-based system that may keep our best on the bench.
(CTG and CMB stare unblinking with eyes big as saucers, mouths agape)
CMR: Whoa there Shawn baby. RELAX! Don’t go all Tony Robbins on us. We’re playing Ole Miss not Bama! I was looking for some positive vibes not a manifesto. What the heck are you majoring in anyway? Pretty words?
SW: I just want to add that the team is looking forward to you taking an active role in coaching the kickers. We’ve just got to fix the kicking game!
CMR: Thanks SW. As mentioned in last week’s presser, I’m going to first learn the ABCs of kicking then I’ll coach my tail off. Got a great head-start as Blair Walsh sent me “Ace Ventura-Pet Detective”. It’s a super-awesome instructional video for kickers and a cautionary tale as well. Seems this poor Dolphins kicker, Ray Finkel, missed a Super-Bowl winning chip-shot when Dan Marino botched the hold and naturally, he wound up turning into a woman. Since Ray, Dan, Blair, Marshall and I are all from South Florida, it really hits close to home. Apparently it’s vitally important to have the laces out when holding for a kick. Who knew, right?
CMB: I really don’t think MM will become a wom…oh, forget it. Let’s focus on the Black Bears.
CMR: Gotta tell ya fellas, just love that Hottie Toddy cheer! Had it stuck in my head all week!
CMB: Thinking we keep the good times rolling this week we are going to cancel practice, talk about how great we are, read our press clippings and watch the WLOCP again! We’ll be fine on Saturday-Murray can’t play worse, right?
CTG: (Red-faced, voice rising) I suggest you practice harder than that, your O managed a whopping 10 points on our 6 turnovers. We can’t gift-wrap games for you every week. On D we are going to keep the intensity up through public insults and
CMR: Don’t be such a Gasbag Todd! Let’s use our inside voices. No more sideline meltdowns either, try to be more like Shawn. Gotta run and talk to Vern and Gary.
Enter your comments here
Rodster
November 1st, 2012
2:46 pm
Everybody in America is setting Bama up for an upset in this one. all the talk about how they can’t lose. I don’t care one way or the other, but I think it’s bad mojo for the Tide. I agree with some of the other posters.LSU could get it done. I think LSU’s defense will play like their hair is on fire.
The Factor
November 1st, 2012
2:46 pm
Funny how GTBob thinks the world is out to get him and the guys who played the game, Like Gary Danielson (CBS), Kurt H (ABC, ESPN), Todd Blackledge (CBS), Mark May (ESPN) and many others, say we the best conference from top to bottom. But hey, Bitter Bob knows Best. Certainly all those mentioned are being paid off….. A conspiracy!!!
The Factor
November 1st, 2012
2:46 pm
Funny how GTBob thinks the world is out to get him and the guys who played the game, Like Gary Danielson (CBS), Kurt H (ABC, ESPN), Todd Blackledge (CBS), Mark May (ESPN) and many others, say we the best conference from top to bottom. But hey, Bitter Bob knows Best. Certainly all those mentioned are being paid off….. A conspiracy!!!
TexGT
November 1st, 2012
2:47 pm
Have to root for Bama on this one, and Bama in the SEC Champ. If LSU wins, then guaranteed a 1 loss SEC champ.. Out of ND, K. State, and Oregon, I would be surprised if two lose. Thus, two legit teams will likely be undefeated, and keep out a 1 loss SEC team. That is a terrible way to end the SEC’s reign–if it is to end, it should end on the field. And a Bama vs. whoever is a much better matchup, football and ratings wise.
Dirty Dawg
November 1st, 2012
2:49 pm
Dirty to Bad…you probably eat you own crap (I would have used a more !insulting’ word but they usually kick me off for saying shit). And actually it was George Blan-duh.
Steve
November 1st, 2012
2:51 pm
What blows me away is that GTBob wakes up every day, alone, and spends his entire day, everyday, on blogs. I guess when you are 12 you have nothing else to do. He will always have a comment for almost every comment on here. If UGA shocks the world and beat Alabama in the SEC Championship, he would have something negative for that too. Maybe we will get lucky and he will end up falling from the stands like those other people at Bobby Dodd.
Big Earl
November 1st, 2012
2:56 pm
@Schultz….you forgot my favorite…. Chevy Chase (SNL News Anchor): Jane you ignorant slut…
GTBob
November 1st, 2012
3:00 pm
Like Gary Danielson (CBS), Kurt H (ABC, ESPN), Todd Blackledge (CBS), Mark May (ESPN) and many others, say we the best conference from top to bottom.
What do all of those guys have in common?
GTBob
November 1st, 2012
3:03 pm
Maybe we will get lucky and he will end up falling from the stands like those other people at Bobby Dodd.
Very classy. Just like the other UGA fans who keep making fun of that unfortunate incident. Wishing harm on others is a great way to live life also.
Steve
November 1st, 2012
3:09 pm
Only wishing harm on you GTBob. Maybe one day you guys will make your stadium safe. Then again, since it is always half empty, maybe take away half of the seats and have it hold 20,000 or so.
GT BOB= Waste of Blog space
November 1st, 2012
3:15 pm
GTBob
October 23rd, 2012
5:45 pm
Against common opponents (UT, Vandy, SC, UK) this year:
UGA: 3-1, +29 point differential
Florida: 4-0, +102 point differential
On top of that Florida beat a top 10 team. Something UGA hasn’t done in recent memory. Plus its Florida who UGA never plays well against. Sorry, but UGA seems like a pretty silly pick here Mark. I know you want to play the hopeful homer but be realistic every once in a while.
You have no credibility ..Good-bye
BobbyDawg
November 1st, 2012
3:15 pm
Hugh Freeze went in as head coach of the Rebels with a 30 — 7 record. Even though he hasn’t coached in a major conference this tells me that he is not used to losing, and he already has the Rebs looking better. This could be just as tough of a game as we’ve had all year. Who knows which Aaron Murray will show up ! I just hope the defense keeps playing like they did last week. GO DAWGS !
Sylvesta Kroooooom in yo face!!!
November 1st, 2012
3:16 pm
i wanna corch
Glory Between the Hedges
November 1st, 2012
3:19 pm
I don’t think the Dawgs will cover in this game. Ole Miss is an improved team and I think we will fall short and win by 11.
Chuck
November 1st, 2012
3:20 pm
GTBob, there are two kinds of networks…
Those who are part of the SEC package, and those who only wish they were.
Steve = No Class
November 1st, 2012
3:21 pm
Better be careful that Karma doesn’t jump up and bite you in the ….
GTBob
November 1st, 2012
3:23 pm
You have no credibility ..Good-bye
If Alabama played Alcorn St, and I predicted Alabama to win would you say I know nothing if Alcorn St pulled it off? If UGA played Florida again tomorrow I would make the same prediction. Florida has a better team they just need to quit trying to set the NCAA record for turnovers in a game.
Steve
November 1st, 2012
3:23 pm
I have plenty of class. I, just like almost everyone else, is sick of GTBob and his pointless and silly posts. He never comes with his own stuff and simply just comments on others comments 24/7.
Steve = No Class
November 1st, 2012
3:24 pm
Wishing death on someone, and making a joke out of a serious accident, is the epitome of “no class.”
Skeptic
November 1st, 2012
3:25 pm
I gotta go with LSU on this one just because it’s in Red Stick at night. Those Cajuns get so lubed up you have to watch out for the “water” balloons they throw.
“PGAWife” on previous page……hmmmm. Mrs. Watson?
Steve
November 1st, 2012
3:28 pm
Techs strength of schedule ranking through last Saturday = 90. UGA’s = 38.
RTD
November 1st, 2012
3:31 pm
Incompotent! Like your column, Mark?
Steve = No Class
November 1st, 2012
3:36 pm
LSU – Death Valley is a crazy place to play. Then my Dawgs beat LSU in SEC champ.
keith
November 1st, 2012
3:37 pm
If Lily is 4-4 where does that leave us that are less than .500
also, is lily being compensated other than in cookies (SPCA, here they come)
Steve
November 1st, 2012
3:38 pm
Never said dealth, just falling. Learn to read little one.
Flo-Ri-Duh
November 1st, 2012
3:41 pm
I will go with UGA in a close game – not 14 points by any means. After all Ole Miss hung with Bummer for 3 quarters plus….. eventually losing 30 – 14. which is not a blow out. If Mettenbubba can avoid turnovers and dumb mistakes LSU will take Bummer to the wire. Bummer ain’t beat anybody yet. Michigan was way over rated.
Flo-Ri-Duh
November 1st, 2012
3:44 pm
Florida was forced in to turnovers by a good defense. Some times you have credit where it is due. Get a rush on the QB and you will get turnovers. Funny how that works.
Flo-Ri-Duh
November 1st, 2012
3:47 pm
Can’t trust Mettenbubba or I would go with LSU – Bummer by 10. UGA in a tight one – by 8.
Steve = No Class
November 1st, 2012
3:53 pm
Really? Falling from stadium likely means death. “Learn to read little one.” What is that? Are you twelve?
Steve = No Class
November 1st, 2012
3:55 pm
So instead you merely wish someone to “fall,” and what, land on a bunch of pillows? Nice attempt at clawing back your classless statement.
Thomas Brown
November 1st, 2012
3:58 pm
“Look how this season started. Arkansas top 10. Auburn top 25. Look at both now. Missouri was going to be a world beater. They ended up terrible. Vandy was going to really compete after that tough SC game. Hasn’t happened. Kentucky couldnt beat Western Kentucky, but when UGA barely hangs on to beat them it is a tough road victory. The pampering and excuses that the SEC gets from ESPN is pretty sickening at times.”
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BCS Standing today, not pre-season Mr. Georgie tek booby :
# 1 Alabama
# 5 LSU
# 6 UGA
# 7 Florida
# 8 South Carolina
# 15 Mississippi State
# 16 Texas A and M
ACC # 9 and # 13 only
Big 10 # 20 only Nebraska by the way
PAC-12 # 4, # 7, # 14, # 17, # 22
Big XII # 2, # 12, # 18, # 21, # 23, # 24
GTBob
November 1st, 2012
4:01 pm
After all Ole Miss hung with Bummer for 3 quarters plus….. eventually losing 30 – 14. which is not a blow out.
They were down 27-7 at half time of that game. That isn’t exactly hanging for 3+ quarters. They also got beat by 35 against a below average Texas team. Ole Miss is pretty bad and UGA should beat them by 2-3 touchdowns at least if they are really a top 10 team.
GTBob
November 1st, 2012
4:07 pm
BCS Standing today, not pre-season Mr. Georgie tek booby :
I think you are completely missing my point. My point was that SEC teams are completely over inflated in the rankings by ESPN. Your post just proves that even further.
Really?
November 1st, 2012
4:16 pm
Which team has the most pathetic fans, the trade school or allybammer? The texties have nothing at all in their lifes other than their hatred of Georgia. Bama fans have nothing at all in their lifes other than their worship of the tide.
Both fanbases are full of sad little nothings but I have to give the nod to the trade school for being more pathetic.
PreyDawg
November 1st, 2012
4:30 pm
Flo Ri Duh- Shhhhh. No talk of Bama being overrated please! We need them to stay a solid number 1 so when we beat then in the Georgia Dome we get the bounce we need to play the big game for the crystal.
Joe Bob Thibodaux
November 1st, 2012
4:33 pm
Schultzie: This week predictions column if funny.
For LSU to win, the offense needs to catch passes, and the Mett needs to complete the long pass and not get so many knocked down..
JBT
Alphare
November 1st, 2012
4:33 pm
Miss St is underrated IMO. They can beat UGA if you ask me.
ARdawg
November 1st, 2012
4:39 pm
GTBoobie has moved his rage from Georgia football to all of the SEC. Look out world, you’re next
ARdawg
November 1st, 2012
4:40 pm
Alphare
Well they didn’t beat UGA last year
GTBob
November 1st, 2012
4:42 pm
Miss St is underrated IMO. They can beat UGA if you ask me.
They almost lost to Troy.
Skeptic
November 1st, 2012
4:45 pm
ARDawg: What is a UGA doing in Arkansas?
Steve
November 1st, 2012
4:46 pm
MSU almost lost to Troy, LSU almost lost to Auburn. I guess that makes LSU a terrible team. Comment away GTBob! It’s your favorite thing to do!
GTBob
November 1st, 2012
4:48 pm
MSU almost lost to Troy, LSU almost lost to Auburn. I guess that makes LSU a terrible team. Comment away GTBob! It’s your favorite thing to do!
LSU isn’t terrible but they are highly overrated. Auburn isn’t the only team they struggled against. They are significantly worse than last season.
ARdawg
November 1st, 2012
4:53 pm
skeptic
He’s moved on. He’s now in Oklahoma because like most he has to earn a living
ARdawg
November 1st, 2012
4:55 pm
GTBoobie
It’s the SEC guy, anyone can beat anyone on any given day. Accept that one invariable fact and life might become a tad bit clearer for you
Boo Boo
November 1st, 2012
4:59 pm
If ever a defense could make a high school star a college success it would be those gentlemen at the georgia institute of technology on north avenue. Remember how well they accommodated the mighty middle Tennessee state university football club. Maryland should squeak by in overtime, 47 – 41.
cewbee
November 1st, 2012
5:22 pm
Dean Vernon Wermer (Faber College): “Fat drunk and stupid is no way to go through life….”