Predictions: Smelly, incompetent, soft Bullldogs win again

chalk

According to legend, and also Wikipedia, my two favorite sources when I have other things to do, the expression, “Eureka!” dates to the Greek scholar Archimedes, who noticed that when he stepped into a bathtub the water level rose and he exclaimed, “Eureka!” because, I dunno, “Wow,” just didn’t sound scholarly. Archimedes then continued this research into volume by seeing what would happen if he sat in a hot tub with five co-eds from Palermo State, but that didn’t work out so good, he lost his grant and now can be found teaching sociology at junior college in Poughkeepsie.

So last week, Georgia punched Florida in the mouth, and I’m certain I heard Mark Richt exclaim, “Eureka! No more Mr. Nice Guy!” See, because I’m sure the Bulldogs played tough because they were angry at being called “soft” by teammate Shawn Williams.

So coddling days are over. This week Richt called in appropriate inspirational speakers to address his players:

"Bring me the broomstick of Nick Saban!"

"Bring me the broomstick of Nick Saban!"

Oz: “You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of collagenous junk!”

Lucky Day (Three Amigos): “You sons of a Motherless Goat.”

Alexandra (Witches of Eastwick): “You’re physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell.”

Groucho Marx: “Now there’s a man with an open mind. You can feel the breeze from here.”

Nino (New Jack City): “Sit your $5 (butt) down before I make change.”

Principal (Billy Madison): “At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul.”

Cyril Bench (Vertical Limit): “100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?”

French Soldier (Monty Python and the Holy Grail): “I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries.”

There. That should do it.

The SEC East title gets a little closer. Georgia covers 14 against Mississippi.

Sack Schultz video update (with special guest Steve Spurrier)

This never gets old

Getting some requests for this also, so …


SCHOOL DAZE

An SEC first: A shirt to commemorate win over Kentucky.

An SEC first: a shirt to commemorate win over Kentucky.

Georgia Tech at Maryland: Last man out, don’t forget to turn out the light. Dan Radakovich left two days after the Jackets couldn’t score an offensive touchdown against BYU. Coincidence? OK, maybe. But if they can’t beat a Maryland team down to its No. 5 quarterback (a converted linebacker), Paul Johnson may be sitting alone in the dark. Jackets cover 7½.

Old Dominion at Georgia State: The Panthers kicked off a player, Isaiah Howard, who had ripped athletic director Cheryl Levick on Twitter. Fortunately, Howard already had an offer from Mensa. Old Dominion by two touchdowns.

Alabama at LSU: Alabama has won eight games by an average score of 41-8. A.J. McCarron: 18 TDs, 0 interceptions. So oddsmaker R.J. Bell of Pregame.com decided to set odds on how the

Gene Chizik (after the A&M game).

Gene Chizik (after the A&M game).

Tide would do against the worst NFL team. Pointspread: Jacksonville would be favored by 24. Question: Has he seen Mike Mularkey call plays? Bama covers 9½.

Missouri at Florida: Missouri commemorated its first SEC win like it was a moon landing. The T-shirt reads, “Oct. 27, 2012, Columbia, Mo: Caged the Cats!” Would’ve gone over better if it wasn’t Kentucky. Mizzou took so much flak that the shirt is off the market. But Kentucky is selling shirts that read, “Somebody made a shirt about us.” Gators cover 17.

Texas A&M at Mississippi State: Texas A&M didn’t make a T-shirt to commemorate its 63-21 win over Auburn last week. But I think somebody came home with Gene Chizik’s shorts. Aggies cover 6½.

MAPQUESTING BOURBON ST.

Turns out Tony Romo has been using the wrong arm.

Turns out Tony Romo has been using the wrong arm.

America’s Meltdown at Falcons: The Falcons (7-0) probably aren’t a threat to the ‘72 Dolphins. Tony Romo (13 interceptions) probably isn’t a threat to George Blanda (season-record 42). But I’m starting to wonder about both. Dallas has one win in the last four and that came over Carolina, which doesn’t really count. Make that 8-0: Falcons cover 4.

Eagles at Saints: Suspended linebacker Jonathan Vilma and assistant coach Joe Vitt returned to the Saints last week and the team lost 34-14 to Denver. This is what it looked like when Custer rallied his troops. Take the 3 — and Eagles in a straight upset.

Broncos at Bengals: Points to ex-Techie Demaryius

Bey Bey picks Roger Goodell's least favorite costume.

Bey Bey picks Roger Goodell's least favorite costume.

Thomas, who dressed as an NFL replacement official on Halloween. Wonder if Roger Goodell dressed up as a visionary? Denver covers 3½.

Steelers at Giants: This game is expected to go on despite the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. Steelers fans are upset because Troy Polamalu is out again. Somehow, I don’t sense the same level of compassion. New York covers 3½.

Panthers at Redskins: DeAngelo Hall last week went cuckoo on a referee, got hit with two unsportsmanlike-conduct penalties, was ejected from the game and generally looked like the same overrated, petulant phoney we’ve come to mock. But hey, for $55 million, he puts on a show! Skins win, but take Carolina and 3½.



D-Hall continuing to make friends

TIME TO SETTLE UP

pokerdogs“There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: Go there with a large one.” — Jack Yelton

Last week: 8-4 straight up, 8-4 against the line.

Where’s my commission? 79-23 straight up, 59-41-2 against the line.

Lilly Pick of the Week: The pup did something I didn’t last week: She picked Georgia. Evened her record at 4-4. This week, it was Alabama or LSU. Winner of the Cookie Chase: Alabama.

Lilly seemed to have some second thoughts while eating the Alabama cookie.

Lilly seemed to have some second thoughts while eating the Alabama cookie.

By Jeff Schultz

227 comments Add your comment

CSP

November 1st, 2012
10:21 am

First!! MEH!!

Copper

November 1st, 2012
10:34 am

Jeff, how about letting the dog write the article just once!

Chi Town

November 1st, 2012
10:35 am

Roll Tide and Hotty Toddy!

Jeffrey

November 1st, 2012
10:36 am

Buckeye

November 1st, 2012
10:37 am

bali

November 1st, 2012
10:37 am

That Lilly is one smart dog

fayncdawg

November 1st, 2012
10:39 am

Almost first! Dos maybe? Anyhow love the Halloween outfit by Bey Bey! Guess Techies do something right on a rare occasion!

Buckeye

November 1st, 2012
10:39 am

Does Lilly know Jasper?

Mask of False Bravado

November 1st, 2012
10:40 am

That Vilma, what a difference maker. So Joe Vitt had MONTHS to prepare for the Broncos and still gets embarrassed on national TV? Cros him off the Chargers and Eagles wish list.

The Mighty Quinn

November 1st, 2012
10:43 am

That George Bland was probably not a big hit at parties…

Not Disappointed

November 1st, 2012
10:44 am

Looking forward to three wins for the state this weekend. Falcons, Jackets and Dawgs!

The Mighty Quinn

November 1st, 2012
10:45 am

Could have used the classic, “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, boys!”

It's Friday (almost)

November 1st, 2012
10:47 am

Demaryius Thomas = Class. DeAngelo Hall couldn’t spell it with a four letter head start. Nice column and kudos to Lilly.

Hike

November 1st, 2012
10:47 am

Even the best teams play flat at times. LSU beat Bama last year in the regular season and this year they play at home…at night. I really think this could be an upset especially if they get some deep completions to loosen up the run game.

DIT

November 1st, 2012
10:49 am

I did not realize that the spread was 9.5 on the LSU/Bama game. Now before the Bammers on here get all upset at me saying this, it’s just an opinion wnd we all now what opinions are, but I think LSU has a good chance at pulling this one off. Week off, at B.R. revenge from last year. LSU has played UF & SCe. Bama has really not been tested. I think we are all getting ready to see how good Miss St is not.
Bama has a very good team, but of the possibilities of upsets for this Saturday I would have to go with LSU over Bama. Of course I have been wrong before.

GFY

November 1st, 2012
10:55 am

How about from the movie “The Hangover”….”You are literally too stupid to insult”.

Jim S.

November 1st, 2012
11:09 am

As always, a very enjoyable read.

GTBob

November 1st, 2012
11:10 am

Alabama is favored by 9.5 at LSU, a supposed top 5 team and they will probably easily cover that. It is pretty amazing how overrated some SEC teams are in the polls.

GTBob

November 1st, 2012
11:13 am

For the record, I will be rooting hardcore for LSU this weekend even though they have very little chance of winning. A win by them this weekend means there is a pretty good chance the SEC doesn’t send a team to the title game this year.

Ted M

November 1st, 2012
11:13 am

it was George Blanda

SimpleDawg

November 1st, 2012
11:14 am

Bama vs LSU will be a squeaker…..for Bama.

TAM and MSU will be a very entertaining game…..with TAM having a few more entertainers.

Dawgs’ D better show up angry against Ole Miss, or this one could be a UT rewind.

Falcons whip the ‘Boys…..with a little help from Over-throw Romo.

DILLIGAF

November 1st, 2012
11:16 am

MeAngela sys, “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..”

The Ref should have pulled his dress down and punted him in the clam.

Allstar

November 1st, 2012
11:21 am

So Alabama covering 9 1/2, was that against Jacksonville or LSU? lol

GFY

November 1st, 2012
11:24 am

Tired of seeing the SEC succeed, Trade School Bob? Just try and win a few games in the A She She conference and root for the conference to improve on its abysmal record in BCS games (even worse than the Big Least, LOL).

HollySpringsDawg

November 1st, 2012
11:25 am

Enter your comments here

GFY

November 1st, 2012
11:25 am

That is too darn funny, DILLIGAF….”punted him in the clam”….

GTBob

November 1st, 2012
11:29 am

Tired of seeing the SEC succeed, Trade School Bob?

I am fine with the SEC succeeding. Seeing their teams highly overrated on a consistent basis is getting a little old though. Does anybody really believe that Florida was the 2nd best team in the country and now LSU is the 5th best? Neither one of those teams are nearly that good.

Belcher

November 1st, 2012
11:30 am

enter tour connemts here.

HollySpringsDawg

November 1st, 2012
11:30 am

GTBob, I have stopped getting mad at you. I now simply feel sorry for you and your idiotic ramblings. To accuse the SEC of being overrated is simply laughable. There will be an SEC team in the BCS title game, you can bank on that. The only other thing that is certain right now is that GT will finish their season before Dec 31. All the Dawg fans can tell you guys what it feels like to play in a big boy game on New Years Day! Look on the bright side when you guys can Johnson, the SEC will give you our reject coach from Auburn.

doc

November 1st, 2012
11:30 am

‘caged the cats”? my true immediate thought was you had switched to basketball somehow.

GTBob

November 1st, 2012
11:33 am

Tired of seeing the SEC succeed, Trade School Bob?

Why yes I am! I hate being a fan of a loser school in a loser conference. Those guys in the SEC are big meanies!! I don’t care that they have earned their position in the polls. It just makes me want to cry, cry just like when my little sister catches me with her Barbie Lap Top and kicks my butt. Why oh why am I such a whimp?

gbal

November 1st, 2012
11:35 am

gt – get a life dude…..

GTBob

November 1st, 2012
11:38 am

To accuse the SEC of being overrated is simply laughable.

The reality is that the SEC is Alabama. They are very good and will probably win the National Championship. Outside of them, no one in the SEC is all that great and LSU at number 5 is a bit of a mockery of the rankings. I guess they have to be ranked that high though so that TV executives can build up the hype for game of the century part 14.

T-Bone

November 1st, 2012
11:41 am

While we are on insults, and in honor of all-saints day, here’s one from Martin Luther (yes, that Martin Luther). You are admirable, fine, pious sows and asses.

From On the Councils and the Church, pg. 54 of Luther’s Works, Vol. 41

GTBob

November 1st, 2012
11:44 am

I’m such a big, bitter whiney girl. I’m so envious of anything to do with the SEC.

T-Bone

November 1st, 2012
11:48 am

Schultz, thought you’d enjoy the source of the Luther insult. There’s more where that one came from. http://ergofabulous.org/luther/

Spanky

November 1st, 2012
11:52 am

Jeff, here’s 2 more inspirational speakers…(just in case) …
1) Matt Foley..who lives in a van..down by the river – “What you’re probly going to figure out…as you go along, that you’re probly not going to amount…to Jack..SQUAT!!”
2) Bobby Petrino – “Hey, anybody wanna go for a ride on my Harley?..if ya know what I mean??”

Good stuff, Jeff!

Beano Cook'ed

November 1st, 2012
11:52 am

From the land down under…
All W’s: UGA, GT, Falcons
L: GaState

Don’t be mad/hate UGA b/c their SEC schedule is weak. They have no control over this. Good for the Dawgs…another shot at the SEC title awaits. Who gives a crap how they get there. They had to do no worse than what they did, split vs. SC/UF and they just did that. Better send Muschamp and the Gatornation a big fat gift basket of say apple & cherry “turnovers” though.

Cosell just whispered to me that he thinks the Falcons might get to 13-0 before losing a game. Nice! Now if I can just find Jimmy The Greek to see what he thinks.

Jeremy Knipe

November 1st, 2012
11:53 am

Saw Ole Jeff in the upper deck cheap seats(which didn’t happen to be cheap) in jacksonville walking around looking for a place to hide before the game started after his pick. Next time just update the pick before the game. I had Georgia 45 Florida 20…..and was a bit off.

Joey

November 1st, 2012
12:00 pm

LSU doesn’t have enough offense to beat Bama – and their D isn’t nearly as good as it was last season.

GTBob

November 1st, 2012
12:02 pm

Good for the Dawgs…another shot at the SEC title awaits. Who gives a crap how they get there.

Usually teams get more respect if they actually earned their way in and didn’t just slip in the back door. In other words, the only purpose of an SEC east title is to gain a little respect, and the way UGA has done it the past couple of years doesn’t really earn any.

Beano Cook'ed

November 1st, 2012
12:06 pm

GT Bob ….

It’s in ESPN’s and the BCS’s best interest to fill the polls with SEC teams, and in many cases inflate some of the SEC team’s ranking. It’s ESPN who signed the giant contract with the SEC. Plus, the theatre that college football has become (i.e. $$) sells well amongst the SEC stadiums/fan bases that conitnue to pile into these gigantic cathedrals.

What other Conference has such a captive audience? By that I mean, audiences whose lives revolve around their football team. Many SEC teams are in small towns, with low quality of life (boring / no other entertainment options). It’s an EASY sell for ESPN, the BCS and $TV$.

Joe "Choke" Flacco

November 1st, 2012
12:12 pm

What about my team?!?!? I need to know if we have a chance going into Cleveland without Ray and my other security blankets on defense. It was so scarey last game against the Texans, and the bye week doesn’t look like we got better. Woisme Eureka Lake Erie, what if the wind blows? Wah wah wah.

GTBob

November 1st, 2012
12:13 pm

OK, OK, OK, I ADMIT IT…….I’M A BIG SISSY GIRL! THERE, ARE YOU HAPPY!

Bulldogs for Muschamp Lifetime Contract

November 1st, 2012
12:14 pm

GTBob,

It is time for you to sign off and go soak your dentures. We just beat Florida who had beaten 2 top 10 teams. Like it or not, LSU and SC are top 10 teams. Just because you hate Georgia doesn’t mean it is not true.
Sometimes you have to accept things for what they are. As old as you are and as smart as you claim to be since you are a big Tech man, it would seem you would understand that.

Beano Cook'ed

November 1st, 2012
12:17 pm

GT Bob,

The powers that be say that being in the SEC is respect enough, and there’s no reason to “earn” anything. Just go out each Saturday, fill your stadiums, make us TONS of $$, and we’ll take care of you. $$ is power.

Yes, UGA will “back their way into the SEC title” for a 2nd consecutive year, but you can’t blame them. To get to 2 consecuitve SEC title games the Dawgs went 1-2 vs. their only real threats (0-1 in 2011 – SC, and 1-1 in 2012 – SC & UF).

My guess is they will get beat fairly soundly vs. BAMA then more than likely lose to a good bowl opponent, finishing 11-3. The powers that be see 10 Ws in 2011 & 11 Ws in 2012, not 1-7 vs. the 8 quality opponents they will have played in the previous 2 seasons. UGA will start 2013 in the top 3 if not #1 if Murray, Jones & Co. return.

GTBob

November 1st, 2012
12:27 pm

We just beat Florida who had beaten 2 top 10 teams. Like it or not, LSU and SC are top 10 teams.

You are missing my point. With the way that ESPN influences rankings these days the SEC is guaranteed to have several teams who beat “top 10″ teams. Especially early in the season when SEC teams are refusing to play quality competition out of conference. There are even a few outside of the SEC who benefit like La Monroe. They beat a top 10 SEC team. Yay for them. The rankings these days have become a business tool used for a specific purpose. They have no relation anymore to the actual quality of the teams ranked. You have to figure that out on your own.

Beano Cook'ed

November 1st, 2012
12:28 pm

B’dawg for Muschamp ….

UF sure didn’t play like a top 10 though. I don’t know how many teams can survive SIX turnovers.
Look what happened to UGA when they played a top 10 team (SC) who didn’t self-implode with TOs.

Unless Bama has a bunch of TOs too, the Tide will do similar, or worse, than what SC did to UGA.

So what if the schedule is weak. SEC teams have an ace-in-the-hole, they play in the SEC. Makes it fun for UGA fans/alumni. And the $$ thing I refer to ………. SEC title game tix could sell for a minimum $1,000 and the game would still sellout.

Then, if UGA were too beat BAMA, and somehow find their way to the NC game, whaddaya think, $2,000-$2,500 minimum UGA fans would spend in selling out that game?

ESPN/BCS is like Socialism to the SEC fan …. they got you, and you can’t do anything about it right now. Sad, but true.

GTBob

November 1st, 2012
12:29 pm

YES, I’M A DORKFISH! I KNOW IT ALL.

GTBob

November 1st, 2012
12:29 pm

The powers that be say that being in the SEC is respect enough, and there’s no reason to “earn” anything.

Yep, pretty much. Then you get Mark May, and David Pollack excusing poor performances against terrible teams like Kentucky and Tennessee because they were “tough SEC matchups”.