Predictions: Dogs over Darth Rooster, Falcons over Skins

chalkboard

Before getting to this week’s big game between Georgia and the S.S. Columbia, captained by Coach Queeg, we have some news related to roosters: It’s World Farm Animals Week!

I checked PETA’s website, and fortunately they did not mandate that all SEC schools with animal mascots change their names to something more acceptable, like to the Fighting Whole Grain Muffins, but it did commemorate this event with a blog that read in part: “By the end of the day, 104,273 cows, 297,392 pigs, 702,383 turkeys, and 21,261,534 chickens will have been killed in the U.S. to satisfy an old eating habit.”

"Bread. Milk. Overthrow Lichteinstein."

"Bread. Milk. Overthrow Liechtenstein."

And I know what you heathens are thinking: Does that come with fries? Because I’m pretty sure if cows, pigs, turkeys and chickens were sitting at the top of the food chain instead of on the right side of the menu, they would pull into a “Bones” (same name) and ask: “Does the Spurrier chops come with a side? Actually, never mind. They had a weird bitter taste last time. Used to be better when I had them back in Florida.”

OK, so let me bring you up to date on Steve Spurrier: He hasn’t banned any writers from news conferences this week, or even threatened to blow up Alderaan. But he has put his little Napoleon foot down.

True story: The AJC’s Chip Towers was supposed to have a phone interview with South Carolina quarterback Connor Shaw, a hometown kid from Flowery Branch. Spurrier nixed it Wednesday night. No reason was

Whatever you do, DON'T look him in the eyes.

Whatever you do, DON'T look him in the eyes.

given. Apparently, Spurrier either feared Shaw would spill state secrets — “Where are the nukes hidden, Shaw? Tell me. Tell me!” — or Darth Steve just had his feelings hurt because World Farm Animals like me are beating him up for being a paranoid, schizophrenic.

Then again, Chip is kind of intimidating.

He’s 5-foot-7, but he’s Bogart tough and his eyes spit fire.

Oh, Steve. Don’t look now but the eyes in that painting are following you.

Onto Saturday: Georgia’s defense will be better than in the Tennessee game. Aaron Murray will make plays in the fourth quarter. Spurrier will blame a writer. Then his head will explode.

South Carolina is giving 2 points. Take ‘em but you won’t need ‘em. Dogs win this straight up.

Can’t figure out if I like Spurrier better as Captain Queeg ...

… Or Foghorn Leghorn (You can stop after 42 seconds)

Is This Going To Be On The Test?

Maybe Tech will keep Al Groh but just keep moving his office (like Milton).

Maybe Tech will keep Al Groh but just keep moving his office (like Milton).

Georgia Yech at Clemson: Al Groh’s key card still worked this week. Pay all tickets. From Paul Johnson: “If we play like we did Saturday, they may not have enough lights on the scoreboard for Clemson.” Funny. Did he have practice as the lounge act on the Titanic? Clemson wins but take Tech and 10½.

New Hampshire at Ga. State of Confusion: The Panthers hired a search firm for their next coach. I guess when you lose 35-3 to 0-4 Bill & Mary, the program doesn’t sell itself. Hey, Al Groh is available! N.H. by 2 TDs.

LSU at Florida: Zach Mettenberger has progressed since felonious bar-groping charges at Georgia but he is struggling a bit at LSU. And something’s wrong when a team drops in the rankings twice after wins. I smell upset. Take the 2½ as a gift — Gators win.

Arkansas at Auburn: A bankruptcy filing shows John L. Smith $40.7 million in debt. He should open a lemonade stand with Jim Donnan. Louisville’s Charlie Strong denied rumors he’s interested in the Arkansas job, nor is he interested in the toxic waste cleanup business. Tigers cover 9½.

VaTech at North Carolina: Stat trumpeted by the Hokies: They’ve won 23 straight road conference openers. Sounds better than saying they’ve lost to Cincinnati and Pittsburgh. But: Take the 4½ and Hokies on the road.

Miami at Notre Dame: It’s not at Catholics vs. Convicts level but at least both programs are competitive again. Can Nevin Shapiro get this on the big screen in the mess hall? Irish cover 13.

John L. Smith is still smiling, and he has a new pep talk

Pros and Cons

Matt Ryan, starring in Southside Story.

Matt Ryan, starring in Southside Story.

Falcons at Redskins: Matt Ryan’s street cred is off the charts: He engineered a last-minute winning field goal drive from the 1-yard-line despite being sacked seven times and losing three major organs. Then he screamed from the sideline to Carolina, “Get the [bleep] off our field!” Turf war! Can Arthur Blank capitalize and charge for PSL’s in Ryan’s new cheering section: “Matty’s ’Hood”? Birds cover 3.

Eagles at Steelers: Philly has won three games by four points. Pittsburgh’s defense gets back Troy Polamalu and James Harrison. Check? Steelers cover 3½.

Chargers at Saints: If Drew Brees throws a touchdown pass, he will break the consecutive game TD mark previously set by Johnny Unitas at 47. Hey, the timing’s not great, but it’s not like Unitas has a won a game this year, either. Saints cover 4.

Texans at Jets: Jets owner Woody “Inheritance Doesn’t Make You A Visionary” Johnson reportedly is pushing Rex Ryan to start Tim Tebow at quarterback. Because what every good grease fire needs is an aerosol spray can. (Boom!) Houston wins but take New York and 7½.

Here’s your “Sack Schultz” video update

Dollars and sense

sports_betting_1“A gambler with a system must be, to a greater or lesser extent, insane.” – George Augustus Sala.

Last week (doh!): 8-2 straight up, 4-5-1 against the line.

Through Chapter 5 (ahh): 43-12 straight up, 32-21-2 against the line.

Sack Schultz 2012 update: “KarlaMoshe” of Kansas still leads the pack with 62 wins but it’s a tight race. David DuBose (Flowery Branch) and Gerald Schmelzle (Kansas) were among those who went 15-0 last week and were our national and local winners.

Lilly Pick of the Week: She’s 3-2. This week, she went for the salami under Uga before the Rooster. (She’s 2-0 when picking her species.)

Lilly didn't take long with this pick -- probably because I used salami this week.

Lilly didn't take long with this pick -- probably because I used salami this week.

By Jeff Schultz

For previous episodes of Weekend Predictions, click here

For recent blogs, send me $1 and click below

Spurrier should take lesson from Richt on handling criticism

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After celebration, Chipper Jones admits he was an emotional wreck

Chipper Jones: Braves lose a legend, fans lose a hero, I lose reason to open laptop

Weekend Predictions: No ‘bagels’ but Dogs and Falcons win

Video blog: Are Falcons NFL’s best team (after 3 weeks)? We debate

Falcons are looking special, and it starts with Matt Ryan

Falcons’ defenders preferring Mike Nolan to Brian VanGorder

201 comments Add your comment

Good Lord

October 4th, 2012
3:37 pm

I guess Georgia should just stay at home since Thomas Brown says they have no chance. Bennett is the only WR that has caught a pass this year?
It is unbelievable how truly stupid your comments are.Richt went 6-7 2 years ago and you have bashed him unmercifully ever since. You trash the AD despite his efforts to stand by Richt and allow him to fix the football program. Complaining about the schedule is idiotic because UGA can’t control what the other teams do.Now UGA is ranked 5th in the country and is playing a huge game against SC on the road and all you want to do is complain and bash Richt some more.

Good lord, how pathetic.

Good Lord

October 4th, 2012
3:38 pm

Matt “CHOKE” Ryan

October 4th, 2012
3:33 pm
30-24 48-21 24-2

Anybody know what the Mega jackpot is tonight?

HA HA

Anybody seen my dog?

Really?

October 4th, 2012
3:59 pm

Speaking of low life out of work trash here comes 5150. I notice he has been missing in action lately and since his only “job” is making and selling bird houses(but not actually shipping them) we all know why he has been hiding out.

Despite predicting the north avenue trade school loss to mts the night before the game after supersissy attacked me for no reason, I have held off on rubbing any salt in the HUGE gapeing wounds that the trade school fans are suffering with. Considering many of the texties are classless trash like 5150 I wonder why I am so considerate of such a petty pathetic hate filled fan base.

Dawglasville

October 4th, 2012
4:05 pm

That was too funny Mr. Schultz. “I specifically remember having a seat at the coaches meetings and now I don’t. I guess I’m going to have to burn the stadium down.”

Hope you are right about the Dawgs and Birds. Hopefully with the Dawgs, Birds, Braves in the mix at least one of them can go all the way. We really need some joy in Mudville.

LOL at The Aints

October 4th, 2012
4:14 pm

Carefull Clusters, Stingers head might explode. LOL

DawgNole

October 4th, 2012
4:25 pm

Thomas Brown
October 4th, 2012
10:25 am

Excuse me dawgfan they play LSU, Clemson and Georgia while we play only them.
________________

Quit ignoring fla, jerk.

Paul in NH

October 4th, 2012
4:30 pm

Only pick of Jeff’s I disagree with is UNH-GSU. It won’t be UNH by 2 TDs – more like UNH by 4 TDs.
The Wildcats beat Delaware by 20 – and Delaware is good. Not going to be pretty in the Dome

Beast from the East

October 4th, 2012
4:35 pm

“Quit ignoring fla, jerk.”

DawgNole,
Everyone is ignoring us and we kind of like it. It’s been many years since UF has flown under the radar and we are relishing the underdog role. Players, coaches and fans alike.

DawgNole

October 4th, 2012
4:45 pm

Joey
October 4th, 2012
10:46 am

Wonder how many consecutive-game-TDs Johnny Unitas would have had if he threw it 50-60 times a game, instead of 20?
Probably at least 2 TDs in EVERY game of his career.
Yes, he was that good . . .
____________________

One (CONSECUTIVE GAMES completing a TD pass) has nothing to do with the other (pass attempts PER GAME). Throwing a million passes per game would have no bearing on how many consecutive games he completed a TD pass, which is the record that Brees is threatening.

5150 UOAD

October 4th, 2012
4:52 pm

CHOKE’s…..HUGE JACKPOT numbers are Really?’s
40″
56″
4″
32″

40″ is REALLY?’s chest measurement
56″ is REALLY?’s STOMACH measurement
4″ is REALLY?’s Gamecock measurement
32″ REALLY?’s waist measurement

Sonny Clusters

October 4th, 2012
5:04 pm

Let’s say you work out a lot at the gym and build up these huge biceps and people start calling them Popeye arms and you go back to the gym after baseball season and everybody there wants to hear you tell ‘em about how you crushed the ball and hit 30-35 home runs and was a factor in every game and an All-Star and how you made a difference in every game. Then, you tell ‘em you hit in the low .200s most of the season and you hit 19 home runs but had some real pretty walks and all this was for only $60 million spread over 5 years. What do you think they would say? 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, . . .

Sonny Clusters

October 4th, 2012
5:09 pm

Let’s say your team just won 94 games and you was watching most of them from the dugout and you were about to be managing at the play-in game where some execution and small ball and some strategy was probably going to be needed. What would you do to prepare? What would you do differently to ensure good results head-to-head against the reigning World Champion? If you said, get to the ball park early you win! 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, . . .

Sonny Clusters

October 4th, 2012
5:09 pm

Let’s say your team just won 94 games and you was watching most of them from the dugout and you were about to be managing at the play-in game where some execution and small ball and some strategy was probably going to be needed. What would you do to prepare? What would you do differently to ensure good results head-to-head against the reigning World Champion? If you said, get to the ball park early you win! 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, . . .

Sonny Clusters

October 4th, 2012
5:15 pm

Say you’re a Clusters and you post something and it shows up twice what do you think happened? We was thinking this makes up a little for all the filtering Jeff does on us when we post here sometimes. Remember that 2 Clusters posts that are just the same are still more intriguing than 2 different posts from a pajama wearer who always says the same thing. Now, baseball . . . the AJC says there is playoff fever in town but you would never know it from reading the paper unless UGA and SC are the ones they think are playing-off. We was listening to that “new” editor of the AJC talking about all the changes and how much better they made the paper and we was wondering how losing so many journalists made it better? They can run some stuff twice like our posts above. :-) We’ll try not to do that again. It might have been lightning quick Clusters fingers that caused it.

Really?

October 4th, 2012
5:39 pm

5150 you did manage to get the waist measuerment right oddly enough. I’m afraid you are projecting where the other measurements are concerned though. Your baby mama will confirm this and I swear to God I will never drink that much booze again in my life.

Matt "CHOKE" Ryan

October 4th, 2012
6:05 pm

@Good Lord

Probably at the local dog fighting ring.

Did you check? :)

Esquire

October 4th, 2012
6:15 pm

************************************************************************************************************
Matt Ryan has been named the NFC Offensive Player of the Month for the month of September!
*************************************************************************************************************

FalconUGAFan

October 4th, 2012
6:19 pm

Love the West Side Story pic of Ryan…too funny Jeff…you have outdone yourself…Now get the bleep off my computer!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

October 4th, 2012
7:41 pm

Another GA weekend!! Braves win, UGA wins & Falcons win!! And I’m over .500 in my fantasy football league!

joe jenkins

October 4th, 2012
8:09 pm

Enter your comments herethat was funny as hell jeff ….darth rooster….see ya’ll stupid chicken fans…you’re tear is so easy to make fun of…..your team sucks ass….steve chicken spurrier is nothing but a loser

5150 UOAD

October 4th, 2012
8:16 pm

joe jenkins
October 4th, 2012
8:09 pm

“Enter your comments here”(should be deleted) Rocket scientists…. that was funny as hell jeff ….darth rooster….see ya’ll stupid chicken fans…you’re tear is so easy to make fun of…..your team sucks ass….steve chicken spurrier is nothing but a loser

Is that TEAR? As in Crying?
or
Is that Tier? An in level?
Maybe you should have said “ilk”.
As in TYPE of a group.

5150 UOAD

October 4th, 2012
8:18 pm

sorry……….you’re is short for YOU ARE……….Wrong again.
It should be YOUR.

Now EXACTLY Who is so easy to make FUN of? Stupid dWag………

5150 UOAD

October 4th, 2012
8:22 pm

Is that Tier? An in level?……………..Sorry
As in level?

DawgNole

October 4th, 2012
9:18 pm

Beast from the East
October 4th, 2012
3:23 pm

Gotta go with SC in a close one over the Dawgs due to the home filed advantage.
Gators over the Tigers is a close one (I hope).
The rest? Who cares?
______________________

Home “filed” advantage? Not picking your favorite team from Athens, GA?

“The rest? Who cares?” Now, Beast, you know you care about your beloved Noles.

DawgNole

October 4th, 2012
9:19 pm

Beast from the East
October 4th, 2012
4:35 pm

“Quit ignoring fla, jerk.”

DawgNole,
Everyone is ignoring us and we kind of like it. It’s been many years since UF has flown under the radar and we are relishing the underdog role. Players, coaches and fans alike.
____________________

Everyone ELSE might be ignoring you, but I’m not–at least not until we win 18 of 22 against you.

joe jenkins

October 4th, 2012
10:14 pm

Hey 5150…..why don’t you get darth rooster’s nut sack out of your mouth….or if you are a tech fan get paul johnson’s man boobs out of your mouth so you can think properly homeslice.lol

5150 UOAD

October 4th, 2012
11:19 pm

joe jenkins…………….Haha….you call people STUPID? You say it is Easy to make fun of them, then you get called STUPID cause you can’t SPELL or use the proper words in your attempted INSULT? So, now you try to attack the MESSENGER? What a Classic dWag Moe Ron.

Grimace

October 5th, 2012
2:24 am

@Really?
You are the resident blog bouncer. Always ready to pounce on someone when they say something you don’t like. You are what is known as iTough. Little man behind a big keyboard.

Thomas Brown

October 5th, 2012
2:35 am

**************************
Quit ignoring Florida ?
**************************

Florida plays LSU tomorrow afternoon, then 2 weeks from now plays South Carolina, then the next week against Georgia at the stadium which has the Gator Bowl every year, and finishes against FSU before they play their bowl game for Loss # 5, all at the end of the year. 5 Losses.

# 107 NCAA Passing Offense
# 60 NCAA Total Offense
# 50 NCAA Scoring Offense
# 72 NCAA 3rd Down Conversions by Offense
# 84 NCAA 1st Downs made by Offense
# 73 NCAA Tackles for a Loss Allowed by Offense
# 100 NCAA Most Penalties per game
# 85 NCAA Most Penalty Yards per game
# 36 NCAA Rushing Defense
# 25 NCAA Passing Defense
# 40 NCAA 1st Downs given up by Defense
# 103 NCAA Fumbles Recovered by Defense
# 76 NCAA Turnovers Gained by Defense
# 60 NCAA Red Zone Defense
# 54 NCAA Punt Returns
# 84 NCAA on Kick-Off Returns
# 54 NCAA on Kick-Off Returns Defense
# 98 NCAA Sacks Opposing Quarterbacks
# 84 NCAA Tackles for a Loss Defense
# 104 NCAA Sacks Allowed Offense

Florida has only played so far 4 unranked cupcakes, and this is all they can amass ?

Seriously, flying under the Radar

**********************
Beast from the East
**********************

LSU
Georgia
South Carolina
FSU

You ain’t a gonna win any of those like this, and you know it. Pardon me if I know it too.

Elvis the Falcon Fan

October 5th, 2012
8:51 am

Why all the anger towards the Visor? Because he had the temerity to call out a buffoon with a keyboard?

DawgNole

October 5th, 2012
10:06 am

Thomas Brown
October 5th, 2012
2:35 am

Quit ignoring Florida ?
_____________________

You’ve misquoted me here from my 4:25 p.m. post, which was obviously directed straight at you. What I said was, “Quit ignoring fla, jerk.”

That’s a key word there at the end that you’ve left off–in another of your disgraceful and unsuccessful attempts to distort, jerk.

Gatorzone

October 5th, 2012
11:07 am

Thomas Brown, you may be right about 5 losses we shall see… However, the cupcakes you mentioned were Tam, UK who gave USC all they wanted and UT who gave Uga all they wanted… I know, it means nothing and when UGA plays UF all the Dawgs will have to do is throw their helmet on the field and declare victory this year against an obviously inferior opponent, but based off of the last 25 or so years I would not be so confident…
Let’s just see how the season plays out. My guess is there is an upset or two laying in the weeds for Richt as per his usual coaching job…

We Run The East

October 5th, 2012
12:35 pm

All settled on the field Saturday. Fortunately, its SC’s home field. Usually makes the difference in big games. I think Spurrier has been holding back Lattimore, building and preparing for this particular game. Spurrier and Lat will lay it all on the field Saturday. Hope Marcus gets his annual 175 yd rushing against UGA. Who will be the best back on the field Saturday? Gonna be interesting.

Woodstock Dawg

October 5th, 2012
1:12 pm

Hey Big Dave…Let compare running games. This is the time of year when the Gamecocks start phoning it in.

The biggest accomplishment of USC fooball is a sign that hangs in William Brice…It Reads:

“Sterling Sharp Played here” Cockadoodledoo!

spider

October 5th, 2012
1:20 pm

are you nuts jeff, no way we cover 10 1/2 against clemson

alpha

October 5th, 2012
2:23 pm

you’re not too self-absorbed…..R-I-G-H-T!!!

I’m sure Spurrier, one of the greatest coaches in college football history, is totally focused on what YOU have to say…..it’s driving ALL of his decisions this week….R-I-G-H-T!!!! You’re why he changed a player’s interview plans. You’re such a powerful influence in the world of sports…R-I-G-H-T!!!!

brick

October 5th, 2012
4:07 pm

Cocks will get a chance to see the best back in the SEC run this weekend, Lattimore isn’t back to were he was before the injury. Of course they don’t believe that, but anyone who isn’t biased that watches them run knows who the best back is.

Byron

October 5th, 2012
4:27 pm

WRONGO! on the COCKS. Bet you selected UGA las two years as too. Once again, Steve Superior gets the job done. COCKS by 4 or more.

Under The Bleachers

October 5th, 2012
6:10 pm

USC over the Dogs by 12
Florida over LSU by 4
Clemson over GT by 30plus
Nebraska over Ohio St. by 6
Auburn over Arkansas by 9

I hope the UGA fans are back on here this saturday nite as the game progresses.

[...] Jeff Schultz so eloquently pointed out in his weekly predictions column, my scheduled interview with South Carolina quarterback Connor Shaw on Wednesday was canceled by [...]

The Steve Spurrier Fan Club

October 5th, 2012
8:15 pm

Steve Spurrier has more talent and ethics in his little finger than the phony Richt has in his whole body.

USC by 17 points in an easy beatdown in Columbia.

Swami Sez

October 5th, 2012
9:45 pm

Bravo’s lose, Tech will Lose and so will the Dawgs….. Book it!

John L. Smith

October 6th, 2012
10:37 am

SMILE!!!! Dawgs lose today for third year in a row!

LOL at the Aints

October 7th, 2012
1:06 am

Well, Georgia sucks,, Tech sucks,, Braves suck,, lets go for the foursome,, LOL

Brian

October 7th, 2012
11:51 am

Wow…”Georgia will win this straight up.” Yeah…how are all of the bulldog fans feeling this morning??? Once you accept the fact that South Carolina has surpassed UGA as being a powerhouse in the SEC…you’ll feel much better

Henry Eichel

October 7th, 2012
12:51 pm

“South Carolina is giving 2 points. Take ‘em but you won’t need ‘em. Dogs win this straight up.”
Yeah, right.
Just keep on being arrogantly dismissive of Carolina. You might get it right someday.

GT Fan

October 7th, 2012
5:15 pm

Onto Saturday: Georgia’s defense will be better than in the Tennessee game. Aaron Murray will make plays in the fourth quarter. Spurrier will blame a writer. Then his head will explode.

South Carolina is giving 2 points. Take ‘em but you won’t need ‘em. Dogs win this straight up.
————————-
Mr. Shultz, and to think you wrote that with such confidence. I’m going to cut & paste my original comment about your “picks” I was wrong, thought UGA-SC would be much closer.

GT Fan

October 7th, 2012
5:28 pm

GT Fan
October 4th, 2012
3:28 pm
Thanks for throwing us GT Fans a bone with the “take the 10 1/2 though” …. come on JS, be a man, and say bet the mortgage that Clemson covers 10.5, and covers easy! You really that scared of us “keyboard toughguys”?

So you say UGA’s D will be better than last week. I’d guess that too. But I’d also guess the SC’s D will be a far greater test for UGA’s O than UT’s D was. Don’t be surprised when this game ends in one of those 13-6, 17-13 manners. Total toss-up game.
————————————–
The Tigers didn’t do it easily, as I expected, but anyone that bet the mortgage like I suggested would be pretty darn happy today.
I was more than correct regarding the SC D being a “far greater test for UGA” than UT’s was. Just didn’t know the Cockys would deliver such a lopsided beatdown. UGA was lucky to even get 7.

IMO, UGA’s got 2-3 more Ls coming in 2012. 2 Ls if USC or UF win the East & 3 Ls if UGA backs in again. 2 Ls being UF & the bowl opponent. 3 Ls being UF, Bama, and Bowl opponent.

My Jackets will finish 2-10 or 3-9 (only win being Maryland). Prediction: BC, DUKE, UNC, and UGA each score 45+ vs. Al Groh’s absolute joke of a D. 3 of the 4 QBs will have their career best passing game as well. I have NEVER seen a team fail as bad on 3rd downs as I have seen AG’s D do. Simply unbelievable.

Steve Spurrier

October 8th, 2012
9:19 am

Looks like coach Richt took to heart what I said about UGA scoring too fast! I didn’t mean don’t score at all though! We at least thought you guys would show up!

yellow hammer

October 8th, 2012
5:05 pm

but,but,but,but, we beat the crap out of vandy, and the chickens struggled badly.