Predictions: Dogs over Darth Rooster, Falcons over Skins

chalkboard

Before getting to this week’s big game between Georgia and the S.S. Columbia, captained by Coach Queeg, we have some news related to roosters: It’s World Farm Animals Week!

I checked PETA’s website, and fortunately they did not mandate that all SEC schools with animal mascots change their names to something more acceptable, like to the Fighting Whole Grain Muffins, but it did commemorate this event with a blog that read in part: “By the end of the day, 104,273 cows, 297,392 pigs, 702,383 turkeys, and 21,261,534 chickens will have been killed in the U.S. to satisfy an old eating habit.”

"Bread. Milk. Overthrow Lichteinstein."

"Bread. Milk. Overthrow Liechtenstein."

And I know what you heathens are thinking: Does that come with fries? Because I’m pretty sure if cows, pigs, turkeys and chickens were sitting at the top of the food chain instead of on the right side of the menu, they would pull into a “Bones” (same name) and ask: “Does the Spurrier chops come with a side? Actually, never mind. They had a weird bitter taste last time. Used to be better when I had them back in Florida.”

OK, so let me bring you up to date on Steve Spurrier: He hasn’t banned any writers from news conferences this week, or even threatened to blow up Alderaan. But he has put his little Napoleon foot down.

True story: The AJC’s Chip Towers was supposed to have a phone interview with South Carolina quarterback Connor Shaw, a hometown kid from Flowery Branch. Spurrier nixed it Wednesday night. No reason was

Whatever you do, DON'T look him in the eyes.

Whatever you do, DON'T look him in the eyes.

given. Apparently, Spurrier either feared Shaw would spill state secrets — “Where are the nukes hidden, Shaw? Tell me. Tell me!” — or Darth Steve just had his feelings hurt because World Farm Animals like me are beating him up for being a paranoid, schizophrenic.

Then again, Chip is kind of intimidating.

He’s 5-foot-7, but he’s Bogart tough and his eyes spit fire.

Oh, Steve. Don’t look now but the eyes in that painting are following you.

Onto Saturday: Georgia’s defense will be better than in the Tennessee game. Aaron Murray will make plays in the fourth quarter. Spurrier will blame a writer. Then his head will explode.

South Carolina is giving 2 points. Take ‘em but you won’t need ‘em. Dogs win this straight up.

Can’t figure out if I like Spurrier better as Captain Queeg ...

… Or Foghorn Leghorn (You can stop after 42 seconds)

Is This Going To Be On The Test?

Maybe Tech will keep Al Groh but just keep moving his office (like Milton).

Maybe Tech will keep Al Groh but just keep moving his office (like Milton).

Georgia Yech at Clemson: Al Groh’s key card still worked this week. Pay all tickets. From Paul Johnson: “If we play like we did Saturday, they may not have enough lights on the scoreboard for Clemson.” Funny. Did he have practice as the lounge act on the Titanic? Clemson wins but take Tech and 10½.

New Hampshire at Ga. State of Confusion: The Panthers hired a search firm for their next coach. I guess when you lose 35-3 to 0-4 Bill & Mary, the program doesn’t sell itself. Hey, Al Groh is available! N.H. by 2 TDs.

LSU at Florida: Zach Mettenberger has progressed since felonious bar-groping charges at Georgia but he is struggling a bit at LSU. And something’s wrong when a team drops in the rankings twice after wins. I smell upset. Take the 2½ as a gift — Gators win.

Arkansas at Auburn: A bankruptcy filing shows John L. Smith $40.7 million in debt. He should open a lemonade stand with Jim Donnan. Louisville’s Charlie Strong denied rumors he’s interested in the Arkansas job, nor is he interested in the toxic waste cleanup business. Tigers cover 9½.

VaTech at North Carolina: Stat trumpeted by the Hokies: They’ve won 23 straight road conference openers. Sounds better than saying they’ve lost to Cincinnati and Pittsburgh. But: Take the 4½ and Hokies on the road.

Miami at Notre Dame: It’s not at Catholics vs. Convicts level but at least both programs are competitive again. Can Nevin Shapiro get this on the big screen in the mess hall? Irish cover 13.

John L. Smith is still smiling, and he has a new pep talk

Pros and Cons

Matt Ryan, starring in Southside Story.

Matt Ryan, starring in Southside Story.

Falcons at Redskins: Matt Ryan’s street cred is off the charts: He engineered a last-minute winning field goal drive from the 1-yard-line despite being sacked seven times and losing three major organs. Then he screamed from the sideline to Carolina, “Get the [bleep] off our field!” Turf war! Can Arthur Blank capitalize and charge for PSL’s in Ryan’s new cheering section: “Matty’s ’Hood”? Birds cover 3.

Eagles at Steelers: Philly has won three games by four points. Pittsburgh’s defense gets back Troy Polamalu and James Harrison. Check? Steelers cover 3½.

Chargers at Saints: If Drew Brees throws a touchdown pass, he will break the consecutive game TD mark previously set by Johnny Unitas at 47. Hey, the timing’s not great, but it’s not like Unitas has a won a game this year, either. Saints cover 4.

Texans at Jets: Jets owner Woody “Inheritance Doesn’t Make You A Visionary” Johnson reportedly is pushing Rex Ryan to start Tim Tebow at quarterback. Because what every good grease fire needs is an aerosol spray can. (Boom!) Houston wins but take New York and 7½.

Here’s your “Sack Schultz” video update

Dollars and sense

sports_betting_1“A gambler with a system must be, to a greater or lesser extent, insane.” – George Augustus Sala.

Last week (doh!): 8-2 straight up, 4-5-1 against the line.

Through Chapter 5 (ahh): 43-12 straight up, 32-21-2 against the line.

Sack Schultz 2012 update: “KarlaMoshe” of Kansas still leads the pack with 62 wins but it’s a tight race. David DuBose (Flowery Branch) and Gerald Schmelzle (Kansas) were among those who went 15-0 last week and were our national and local winners.

Lilly Pick of the Week: She’s 3-2. This week, she went for the salami under Uga before the Rooster. (She’s 2-0 when picking her species.)

Lilly didn't take long with this pick -- probably because I used salami this week.

Lilly didn't take long with this pick -- probably because I used salami this week.

By Jeff Schultz

For previous episodes of Weekend Predictions, click here

For recent blogs, send me $1 and click below

Spurrier should take lesson from Richt on handling criticism

Video: It’s Winnersville! We talk Braves, Falcons, UGA

Medlen becomes an unlikely key to Braves’ postseason

Georgia has uncomfortable mix of highlights, slapstick

After celebration, Chipper Jones admits he was an emotional wreck

Chipper Jones: Braves lose a legend, fans lose a hero, I lose reason to open laptop

Weekend Predictions: No ‘bagels’ but Dogs and Falcons win

Video blog: Are Falcons NFL’s best team (after 3 weeks)? We debate

Falcons are looking special, and it starts with Matt Ryan

Falcons’ defenders preferring Mike Nolan to Brian VanGorder

201 comments Add your comment

Lily

October 4th, 2012
12:21 pm

I notice you cut the salami slice in half, instead of using two slices. Cheapskate.

Lily

October 4th, 2012
12:23 pm

So, I left an I out of my name. I’m a dog. Meh.

TM

October 4th, 2012
12:26 pm

What about the Cardinals vs Braves don’t they deservice a pick?

BigHittas

October 4th, 2012
12:28 pm

Nice write up as usual Schultzie. But it would carry more weight if you were a little taller.

Steve Spurrier

October 4th, 2012
12:28 pm

The sign in my office says HEAD Ball Coach, not Ole Ball Coach. I don’t even speak Spanish.

Silly Bloggers

October 4th, 2012
12:30 pm

Holy smokes Thomas. UGA is 5-0. The Braves have a chance at the post-season in Chipper’s final year. You claim Florida is not any good, but how can you say LSU has looked any better. Lighten up on the eeyore. What will you do if UGA and FLA win, as well as the Braves winning the 5-game division Title. Will it then be UGA got lucky, USCe overrated, LSU was a truly terrible team, Braves will get throttled in the NLCS? Seriously, at what point does the rain cloud leave? I think it is a slim chance that the parlay of UGA, FLA, and the Braves winning the division series happen, but I’m almost certain you will miss at least one and likely even two of those predictions.

Joey

October 4th, 2012
12:30 pm

kd, and lost, for evermore, the (dubious) title of “smartest guy in the room”

Bhorsoft

October 4th, 2012
12:31 pm

I need to wash my eyes out with bleach after that Barney video. Can we please have some cheerleaders or something?

Matt "CHOKE" Ryan

October 4th, 2012
12:32 pm

Once again, you LOSERS are sucked into another CHOKE hype.

You would think after 4 years of FAILURE you IDIOTS would get a clue.

Obviously your love affair with the only qb in NFL History with 40

or more wins and 3 or more trips to the playoffs who is 0-3 in the

playoffs.

Like I have been trying to tell you LOSERS is that CHOKE’s menu is

to beat up the basement dwellers and comes playoff times he has to

face a “REAL” defense and here comes the deer meets headlights.

So fast forward to this season and once again you FOOLS are doing your

annual “This is the year”. So they are 4-0 but what is not being

said is that the 1st 5 teams have a 2011 combined record of 34-46.

34-46…..are you kidding me? Even UGA wouldn’t screw that up.

Hell 3 teams alone vs the Eagles (Ravens/Steelers/Giants) won 33 games

Alone……ha ha.

Enjoy your annual meltdown in the 1st round LOSERS.

HA HA :)

Thomas Brown

October 4th, 2012
12:32 pm

Oh, yeah…right.

Atlanta Braves have all these players, and great manager, to add to their awesome ownership who brought us this team with this strength up the middle, our slugging 3rd and 4th hitters in the line-up and 5th place hitter who would be the clean-up hitter anywhere; we have this great triple-crown hitter in our designated hitter and our lead-off hitter is world-class.

Georgia Bulldogs are going to be great because we don’t play anyone. South Carolina has no hope of making anything of their season with their schedule of Georgia, LSU, and Clemson and Florida has no hope of making anything of their season with their schedule of Georgia, South Carolina, LSU and FSU. Our QB who hasn’t beat anyone ever in his career starting here since December 2008, has grown 6 inches over night and can hold on to the football and not fumble while demonstrating he can run more than 1 yards a carry despite the fact that he has ample weapons to hand the ball off to. Our Special Teams just have an undeserved bad rap, and who needs more than 66 scholarship players plus a transfer-in anyway ? We’ve already accomplished all we need to accomplish for 2012, so the USCe game doesn’t matter – I mean look we lost to them last year, we beat no one making any top 25 poll, ended up # 19 in the nation and run in here like we won the game last year.

The Falcons are the only team who has it going on.

If you don’t know that, figure it out.

Thomas Brown

October 4th, 2012
12:39 pm

Chipper ?

Towers or Jones ?

If you mean Chipper Jones, he gets $ 15 million dollars 2012, that’s one million per home run. Oh, yeah, heavens, forgive me for not mentioning Chipper…

I thought you knew.

Thomas Brown

October 4th, 2012
12:42 pm

______________________________________________________________________
“What will you do if UGA wins, as well as the Braves winning the 5-game division Title. ”
______________________________________________________________________

Is that our goal around here anymore, that UGA beats South Carolina and the Braves win the Division Series ?

What will I say ?

I say BIG DEAL LUCILLE RIGHT NOW.

JSS

October 4th, 2012
12:43 pm

Nope, we’ve been celebrating life events… “Success?” That’s relative… Now, you’re right about one thing: Thomas Brown is crazy, he’s fixated on teenagers masquerading as men…

Thomas Brown

October 4th, 2012
12:44 pm

_______________________________________________________________________
“Nice write up as usual Schultzie. But it would carry more weight if you were a little taller.”
_______________________________________________________________________

Aaron Murray is somewhere right now reading that, and thinking : ME TOO.

jeffy01

October 4th, 2012
12:45 pm

Jealous little puppies. You only wish you had Darth Visor as your coach!

Aaron Murray's quote this morning pre-game for USCe bulletin board

October 4th, 2012
12:46 pm

_________________________________________________________________________
“Right now it’s a huge win for us to beat the No. 6 team in the country, to go into their home and beat them. It’s another SEC win leading to our ultimate goal of Atlanta and Miami.”
_________________________________________________________________________

TheBabe

October 4th, 2012
12:46 pm

Thomas Brown is just another slug. He (or she) keeps keeps referring to “we” as if he’s a local fan. but he’s anything but. Just a hot, heaping pile of sludge opinion. Sure, he’s entitled, but we’re also entitled to see those negative bleats for what they really are: sour and growing curdy.

Silly Bloggers

October 4th, 2012
12:47 pm

Wow, 94 win Braves team, garbage. 5-0 UGA team, garbage. 5-0 Fla team, garbage. Sounds like the only way you will be happy Thomas is to be a Bama fan, Houston fan (after Atlanta drops an eventual game), and I’m not sure who you can be a fan of in baseball as every team is flawed. Who in college ball is better right now? USC, no, they lost to Stanford but have an excuse for scholarship players I guess? Oregon? A team that has only played spread D’s? Ohio State at 5-0? Please. Maybe you think Cincinnati is better. Maybe Texas after a controversial game at Oklahoma State? Oklahoma…wait, they already lost. You have pretty much Alabama and FSU. And FSU has played no one and won’t play anyone until Florida. At least their recruiting classes are better than UGA’s…but wait, FSU hasn’t been good for years. Sounds like Bama and maybe Oregon are the only teams you have left to compare.

Everyone gets angry at sports, but you take it to a whole new level. Why watch the Braves? Why watch UGA? Seriously? You must watch the games as you throw out more stats than anyone I have ever seen. Why watch them as you have already determined the outcomes and you get so crazy angry over it. Once Richt is gone and Freddie G has left, you can wait until the Dawgs have won something meaningful, the Braves are 100 game World Series champs, and then you can once again become a fan. Until then, either let it go or don’t watch.

Silly Bloggers

October 4th, 2012
12:49 pm

TheBabe, he is probably pulling for USCe, LSU, and St. Louis right now so he can rush back to the keyboard and type another tirade. I’d rather have GTBob. By the way, I haven’t seen him since Saturday. I never thought he would disappear, even after such a crazy loss to MTSU. I kinda miss him in some sadistic way.

Fact checker

October 4th, 2012
1:18 pm

HUH?????

October 4th, 2012
11:37 am

” RGIII isn’t as dumb as Cam Newton.”

Cam scored higher on his wonderlic test. Not sure where people get the idea that Cam is dumb. He scored higher than most of the other NFL quarterbacks out there.

*****************
RGIII scored 24 on the Wonderlic
Cam Newton scored 21 on the Wonderlic – lower than most NFL QBs

http://www.nflstatanalysis.net/2011/03/qb-wonderlic-scores.html

HUH????? obviously gets his facts from the same source as Mitt Romney

Flattened Gnat

October 4th, 2012
1:22 pm

Dang, I’m sure glad we aren’t playing Middle Tennessee State again.

Can’t we get Agnes Scott on our schedule?

Rodster

October 4th, 2012
1:26 pm

Nice column Jeff. I still say best read of the week.

kingdaddy

October 4th, 2012
1:27 pm

Anyway GT can play the “Blue Hose” again???

mbsurf

October 4th, 2012
1:29 pm

“BUT if GEORGIA plays to their capabilities, SCAR cannot beat them”

LOL so Gamecocks cannot win unless Georgia has a bad game?? Sort of like last year where Murray and the rest of the team decided they didnt want to win so they just gave up??

Esquire

October 4th, 2012
1:32 pm

Matt Ryan has been named the NFC Offensive Player of the Month for the month of September!

kingdaddy

October 4th, 2012
1:32 pm

After this week, Lilly will be 4-2… HEY JEFF, What if Lilly wins the “Sack Schultz” Contest???

mbsurf

October 4th, 2012
1:32 pm

“The Dawgs are just better..as usual…even on the road…”

Like last year??? And the year before??

Answer This

October 4th, 2012
1:45 pm

So you know what it is like to get banned now…….lol! Well Schultz I see it happens to even good guys like you…….

ronb

October 4th, 2012
1:57 pm

Shultz is not letting go of this Spurrier vs the press story. Last time Shultz was this upset is when he got all agitated at the Duke women lacrosse players. Seems the Lady Devils believed that their men counterparts were innocent. They even went so far as to wear the word “innocent” on their game uniforms. This disturbed Shultz greatly and he criticized the ladies harshly. We know how that turned out. Duke Women Lacrosse 1, Shultz and media/academic lynch mob 0.

There’s a pattern here. Journalists cling to the notion that the right to freedom of expression should belong only to them. The Constitution doesn’t say that, but they would have you believe it does. If you dare hit back, they react like the bullies they are. Even when they are as wrong as wrong can be. (See above)

Rodster

October 4th, 2012
1:59 pm

Jeff,
Has Lilly ever picked the team on left side? Or does she always go to the rght?
Thanks.
R

Matt "CHOKE" Ryan

October 4th, 2012
2:03 pm

34-46…….Impressive……….

HA HA :)

Joey

October 4th, 2012
2:38 pm

Here’s something for “CHOKE” to well, choke on:

http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/week-4-rewind-awards-matt-ryan-mvp-robert-griffin-ken-whisenhunt-093012

NFL Quarter of the season awards: MVP – Matt Ryan.

That’s enough to ruin a good pork chop, huh?

GA Sandlapper

October 4th, 2012
2:39 pm

Now we need Corso to pick the puppies!

JRW7

October 4th, 2012
2:47 pm

NO, CORSO has not got it right all year.

GA Sandlapper

October 4th, 2012
2:50 pm

5150 UOAD

October 4th, 2012
2:58 pm

5150 UOAD

October 4th, 2012
3:00 pm

HAHAHHAHAHHA……………Chip Towers got BANNED………he does it to Posters on his blog all the time……Couldn’t happen to a nicer(not) guy.

To Tell the Truth

October 4th, 2012
3:00 pm

Easy win for SC!!

Enough Said!!!

Sonny Clusters

October 4th, 2012
3:02 pm

Jeff, somebody told us Chipper is retiring after this year. Can you confirm that? Did you hear it, too?

5150 UOAD

October 4th, 2012
3:04 pm

Don’t be a AZZ Schultz…………It is either TECH, Ga TECH, The INSTITUTE, GIT or NATS if you have to try to Degrade the BEST School in the State.

Sonny Clusters

October 4th, 2012
3:07 pm

Climb up in a deer stand and look all around you and count the deer hunters in trees everywhere and know that you are at home. Feel content in that and know that you can spit or scratch or adjust or lift off your seat anytime you wish and not have to worry about another woman threatening to leave you. This is how it should be and this is how it soon will be. Your pal, Sonny Clusters

Eric C.

October 4th, 2012
3:08 pm

Chuck @ 9:04 am

3rd time is the charm

5150 UOAD

October 4th, 2012
3:10 pm

Ga State of Confusion?
You belittled every school but UGa. Why
Shouldn’t it be the dWags?
Shouldn’t it be….the Drunk Fake Blonde Girls College and Plantation of Georgia.

Sonny Clusters

October 4th, 2012
3:14 pm

LaRoche and Chipper hunt together. Deer season opened 3 days ago. Which one will be in the tree stand first? This is what the Lottery should be about. Imagine scratching off a ticket that had a Buck Commander tattoo on it and winning $5 for some beef jerky and some of those pickled eggs. Climb up in a tree and open that jar of red eggs and unwrap some of that jerky and have at it. If a little deer walks past be sure you render it helpless with the first shot and if a second shot is necessary, make sure it doesn’t hit any of your deer hunting buddies huddled up in, under, and around the trees. This is the life and we was privileged to watch you play.

Sonny Clusters

October 4th, 2012
3:17 pm

10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3 . . . anytime now.

Beast from the East

October 4th, 2012
3:23 pm

Gotta go with SC in a close one over the Dawgs due to the home filed advantage.
Gators over the Tigers is a close one (I hope).
The rest? Who cares?

Esquire

October 4th, 2012
3:23 pm

Esquire

October 4th, 2012
1:32 pm

Matt Ryan has been named the NFC Offensive Player of the Month for the month of September!

**********************************************

Awesome!! He has earned it!

Esquire

October 4th, 2012
3:28 pm

Sonny Clusters

October 4th, 2012
3:17 pm

10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3 . . . anytime now.
__________________________________________
5-6-7-8
Everywhere we goooO,
Everywhere we goooO,
People wanna knooOw,
People wanna knooOw,
Who we aaa are,
Who we aaa are,
So we tell theem, So we tell theem,
We are the FALCONS!! We are the FALCONS!!
MIGHTY MIGHTY FALCONS, MIGHTY MIGHTY FALCONS !!
OHH AHH OHH YEEAHH

GT Fan

October 4th, 2012
3:28 pm

Thanks for throwing us GT Fans a bone with the “take the 10 1/2 though” …. come on JS, be a man, and say bet the mortgage that Clemson covers 10.5, and covers easy! You really that scared of us “keyboard toughguys”?

So you say UGA’s D will be better than last week. I’d guess that too. But I’d also guess the SC’s D will be a far greater test for UGA’s O than UT’s D was. Don’t be surprised when this game ends in one of those 13-6, 17-13 manners. Total toss-up game.

Matt "CHOKE" Ryan

October 4th, 2012
3:33 pm

30-24 48-21 24-2

Anybody know what the Mega jackpot is tonight?

HA HA :)