Predictions: Dogs over Darth Rooster, Falcons over Skins

chalkboard

Before getting to this week’s big game between Georgia and the S.S. Columbia, captained by Coach Queeg, we have some news related to roosters: It’s World Farm Animals Week!

I checked PETA’s website, and fortunately they did not mandate that all SEC schools with animal mascots change their names to something more acceptable, like to the Fighting Whole Grain Muffins, but it did commemorate this event with a blog that read in part: “By the end of the day, 104,273 cows, 297,392 pigs, 702,383 turkeys, and 21,261,534 chickens will have been killed in the U.S. to satisfy an old eating habit.”

"Bread. Milk. Overthrow Lichteinstein."

"Bread. Milk. Overthrow Liechtenstein."

And I know what you heathens are thinking: Does that come with fries? Because I’m pretty sure if cows, pigs, turkeys and chickens were sitting at the top of the food chain instead of on the right side of the menu, they would pull into a “Bones” (same name) and ask: “Does the Spurrier chops come with a side? Actually, never mind. They had a weird bitter taste last time. Used to be better when I had them back in Florida.”

OK, so let me bring you up to date on Steve Spurrier: He hasn’t banned any writers from news conferences this week, or even threatened to blow up Alderaan. But he has put his little Napoleon foot down.

True story: The AJC’s Chip Towers was supposed to have a phone interview with South Carolina quarterback Connor Shaw, a hometown kid from Flowery Branch. Spurrier nixed it Wednesday night. No reason was

Whatever you do, DON'T look him in the eyes.

Whatever you do, DON'T look him in the eyes.

given. Apparently, Spurrier either feared Shaw would spill state secrets — “Where are the nukes hidden, Shaw? Tell me. Tell me!” — or Darth Steve just had his feelings hurt because World Farm Animals like me are beating him up for being a paranoid, schizophrenic.

Then again, Chip is kind of intimidating.

He’s 5-foot-7, but he’s Bogart tough and his eyes spit fire.

Oh, Steve. Don’t look now but the eyes in that painting are following you.

Onto Saturday: Georgia’s defense will be better than in the Tennessee game. Aaron Murray will make plays in the fourth quarter. Spurrier will blame a writer. Then his head will explode.

South Carolina is giving 2 points. Take ‘em but you won’t need ‘em. Dogs win this straight up.

Can’t figure out if I like Spurrier better as Captain Queeg ...

… Or Foghorn Leghorn (You can stop after 42 seconds)

Is This Going To Be On The Test?

Maybe Tech will keep Al Groh but just keep moving his office (like Milton).

Maybe Tech will keep Al Groh but just keep moving his office (like Milton).

Georgia Yech at Clemson: Al Groh’s key card still worked this week. Pay all tickets. From Paul Johnson: “If we play like we did Saturday, they may not have enough lights on the scoreboard for Clemson.” Funny. Did he have practice as the lounge act on the Titanic? Clemson wins but take Tech and 10½.

New Hampshire at Ga. State of Confusion: The Panthers hired a search firm for their next coach. I guess when you lose 35-3 to 0-4 Bill & Mary, the program doesn’t sell itself. Hey, Al Groh is available! N.H. by 2 TDs.

LSU at Florida: Zach Mettenberger has progressed since felonious bar-groping charges at Georgia but he is struggling a bit at LSU. And something’s wrong when a team drops in the rankings twice after wins. I smell upset. Take the 2½ as a gift — Gators win.

Arkansas at Auburn: A bankruptcy filing shows John L. Smith $40.7 million in debt. He should open a lemonade stand with Jim Donnan. Louisville’s Charlie Strong denied rumors he’s interested in the Arkansas job, nor is he interested in the toxic waste cleanup business. Tigers cover 9½.

VaTech at North Carolina: Stat trumpeted by the Hokies: They’ve won 23 straight road conference openers. Sounds better than saying they’ve lost to Cincinnati and Pittsburgh. But: Take the 4½ and Hokies on the road.

Miami at Notre Dame: It’s not at Catholics vs. Convicts level but at least both programs are competitive again. Can Nevin Shapiro get this on the big screen in the mess hall? Irish cover 13.

John L. Smith is still smiling, and he has a new pep talk

Pros and Cons

Matt Ryan, starring in Southside Story.

Matt Ryan, starring in Southside Story.

Falcons at Redskins: Matt Ryan’s street cred is off the charts: He engineered a last-minute winning field goal drive from the 1-yard-line despite being sacked seven times and losing three major organs. Then he screamed from the sideline to Carolina, “Get the [bleep] off our field!” Turf war! Can Arthur Blank capitalize and charge for PSL’s in Ryan’s new cheering section: “Matty’s ’Hood”? Birds cover 3.

Eagles at Steelers: Philly has won three games by four points. Pittsburgh’s defense gets back Troy Polamalu and James Harrison. Check? Steelers cover 3½.

Chargers at Saints: If Drew Brees throws a touchdown pass, he will break the consecutive game TD mark previously set by Johnny Unitas at 47. Hey, the timing’s not great, but it’s not like Unitas has a won a game this year, either. Saints cover 4.

Texans at Jets: Jets owner Woody “Inheritance Doesn’t Make You A Visionary” Johnson reportedly is pushing Rex Ryan to start Tim Tebow at quarterback. Because what every good grease fire needs is an aerosol spray can. (Boom!) Houston wins but take New York and 7½.

Here’s your “Sack Schultz” video update

Dollars and sense

sports_betting_1“A gambler with a system must be, to a greater or lesser extent, insane.” – George Augustus Sala.

Last week (doh!): 8-2 straight up, 4-5-1 against the line.

Through Chapter 5 (ahh): 43-12 straight up, 32-21-2 against the line.

Sack Schultz 2012 update: “KarlaMoshe” of Kansas still leads the pack with 62 wins but it’s a tight race. David DuBose (Flowery Branch) and Gerald Schmelzle (Kansas) were among those who went 15-0 last week and were our national and local winners.

Lilly Pick of the Week: She’s 3-2. This week, she went for the salami under Uga before the Rooster. (She’s 2-0 when picking her species.)

Lilly didn't take long with this pick -- probably because I used salami this week.

Lilly didn't take long with this pick -- probably because I used salami this week.

By Jeff Schultz

For previous episodes of Weekend Predictions, click here

For recent blogs, send me $1 and click below

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Falcons’ defenders preferring Mike Nolan to Brian VanGorder

201 comments Add your comment

Freehawk

October 4th, 2012
8:09 am

Wrong on the Gamecocks, but most excellent videos earn kudos.

And Captain Queeg reminds us, “don’t make fun of Godzilla films, cinema synch is harder than keeping Bulldogs from drink.”

CHDawg

October 4th, 2012
8:18 am

Win it for Bennett!

HUH?????

October 4th, 2012
8:26 am

No predictions on the Bravos?

HUH?????

October 4th, 2012
8:29 am

I hope the Steelers just smash Mike Vick.

Texans are probably the best team in the NFL…right now. Solid team. Falcons are looking fantastic and they have so much on offense. The defense needs a little work but they look good. I hope the Saints go 0-5.

As for UGA, I’m not sure what the outcome will be but it would be cool to have UGA and Bama both be undefeated and Bama just smash them into the ground in the SEC title game.

Auburn’s defense should destroy Arky. Gators will win based on offense alone.

Weaseal

October 4th, 2012
8:32 am

Son I say Son….that and no way to catch a Chicken Hawk

AtlantaGamecock

October 4th, 2012
8:33 am

Jeff – you’re wrong, gamecocks will win. They are the superior team and playing at home. Mark it down. Nice article though.

Willy

October 4th, 2012
8:41 am

Schultzie and Heather Dinich would make hot babies.

Gary

October 4th, 2012
8:42 am

“By the end of the day, 104,273 cows, 297,392 pigs, 702,383 turkeys, and 21,261,534 chickens will have been killed in the U.S. to satisfy an old eating habit.”

That old eating habbit is called NOT STARVING! Hey peta, your teeth were designed over millions of years to tear through MEAT!!!

Please Please Please dogs, beat the visor. Please. Just step up and play well.

Wet Willie...keep on smiling

October 4th, 2012
8:50 am

UGA by 7.

They can ban all the beatwriters and that will be fine. The libs got their azz handed to them last night for sure!

gatorphil

October 4th, 2012
8:53 am

How could banks or savings and loans give John L. Smith enough cash to get over 40 million in debt? John L. Smith?? And yet, some people still wonder why the housing market crash happened.

Chuck

October 4th, 2012
9:04 am

If my memory serves me correctly (and Jeff, please check the logs), Mr. Schultz also predicted UGA to win against the Gamecocks in 2010 and 2011. So, this will make three years in a row, in which he has missed the mark.

banshee29

October 4th, 2012
9:05 am

Darth Spurrier fails to control the universe Saturday. Dawgs eek out a close one. Schultzie, what about the Bravos?

Son of Sammy Davis Jr, Jr

October 4th, 2012
9:08 am

Schultz hate for Steve Spurrier is obvious in his comments. It’s going to be a good game and I’m looking forward to watching it. It will be a close game, but the Ole’ Ball coach knows to many tricks (see fake punt from last year) to lose to JawGA in Columbia. Clowney and Taylor will feast on a steady diet of Aaron Murray poppers, while Jerdieu and Quarles will make the JawGa interior offensive line wish they were playing Georgia Tech. By the time the game is over, angry Jawga fans watching from home will go outside and change out their summer truck mud flaps to their winter truck mud flaps.

dick whiskey

October 4th, 2012
9:11 am

give me some weekend prdictions! got my money on the cocks though jeff

THE Dixie Redcoat Band

October 4th, 2012
9:12 am

Plz don’t let Capt. Superior “out-coach” CMR…!

dawgfan

October 4th, 2012
9:19 am

Yeah Schultz, South Carolina is the superior team. Did you see what they did against powerhouses UAB and East Carolina? And what about that stunning comeback against Kentucky, the worst team in the SEC?

What planet are Gamecock fans on?

dawgfan

October 4th, 2012
9:19 am

Yeah Schultz, South Carolina is the superior team. Did you see what they did against powerhouses UAB and East Carolina? And what about that stunning comeback against Kentucky, the worst team in the SEC?

What planet are Gamecock fans on?

Georgian in exile

October 4th, 2012
9:23 am

“…or even threatened to blow up Alderaan.”
“Because what every good grease fire needs is an aerosol spray can.”

Priceless, Jeff. Thanks for the laughs.

Chi Town

October 4th, 2012
9:25 am

Vince

October 4th, 2012
9:25 am

I hope Ms. Lilly is correct!!!!!!

Cheer Shepard

October 4th, 2012
9:29 am

Can I quote Bill Stanfill? “What’s the matter, Steve? Did I step on your skirt?”

I'm Gumby, Dammit

October 4th, 2012
9:32 am

Gary, why so angry dude. Here, just have a stalk of broccoli and calm down.

Thomas Brown

October 4th, 2012
9:35 am

Mark Richt has recruited avg 3.67 recruits averaging # 8 recruiting rankings during the Steve Spurrier era at South Carolina starting 2005, and yet while Steve Spurrier is only 3.04 avg recruit and # 20 recruiting rankings over the same time period, Steve Spurrier can tie the record at 4-4.

We have drops for the WR other than Michael Bennett and have like South Carolina, played 5 unranked opponents. Clearly, USCe defense has had the better showing to-date. We continue to not play better players at catching the ball while preferring favorites ahead of Chris Conley and Jay Rome. We had not recruited a Fullback of the over 200 available for 6 consecutive seasons, and have this preference for walk-ons ahead of the 1 we did recruit. We changed the drug category of pot to not have several more players Suspended for this game, as a university – a fact they deny; but, nonetheless true.

Our Special Teams rank among the dead-last in all 6 categories, again against 5 unranked opponents.

Aaron Murray has not done well against South Carolina his entire career, and he remains 0-9 vs teams who made the Top 25 with 2 more losses to teams outside the Top 25. Or, 4 losses to teams outside the Top 25 if you prefer what the teams were ranked at game time over what they actually are for the season, which is a curious position for fans who state that Mark Richt has made the AP Poll Top 10 in 5 of his now 12 seasons.

The line right now is South Carolina wins -1

Sun Belt > ACC

October 4th, 2012
9:39 am

UGA will put up 50+ on the chickens.

Archibald Hole Broke

October 4th, 2012
9:42 am

Darth Visor’s guys win this one BIG! I just hope it isn’t raining in Colo, because the stench of wet dawgs is awful.

HUH?????

October 4th, 2012
9:45 am

” The libs got their azz handed to them last night for sure!

I got a trickle down my leg – Chris Matthews

HUH?????

October 4th, 2012
9:46 am

“Go Cocks!”

How any self respecting man can say that line with dignity is laughable.

gdawginkalamzoo

October 4th, 2012
9:50 am

Chicken for dinner Saturday night. This is one I won’t sweat over because we win it by 2 TD’s or more. GO Dawgs!

Thomas Brown

October 4th, 2012
9:51 am

They not only beat us last year but ended up # 9 in every poll, while we ended up # 19 because like this year, we beat no one who made the top 10. South Carolina cannot possibly make the top 10 playing Georgia, LSU and Clemson; but then again neither can Florida playing Georgia, LSU, South Carolina, and FSU.

Mark Richt up-date : 3 wins in 16 games against teams who made the Top 10 over 12 years now.

chase

October 4th, 2012
9:55 am

@ AtlantaGamecock

“South Carolina is the superior team”

REALLY????!?!?!?!?!

Let’s see, …….vs VANDY, SCAR had to have the refs blow a pass interference call and have Rodgers turn the ball over inside the 5 yard line TWICE – just to scrap away with a what…3 point win

THEN SCAR beats UAB and EAST CAROLINA before having to come back in the second half vs KENTUCKY?

Oh, but you say, look SCAR beat MIZZOU by 21 – YEP – so did UGA – the difference – UGA did it without 5 starters, on the road at night in the most difficult circumstances (Mizzou’s first game inn the SEC etc etc)

UGA also dismantled their patsies but also beat TENNESSEE (a team with a pulse)

Oh, UGA also has the TOP RUNNING GAME in the SEC……….

Not saying SCAR can’t win….sometimes the lesser team does win – BUT if GEORGIA plays to their capabilities, SCAR cannot beat them

1eyedJack

October 4th, 2012
9:58 am

How in the hell does a football coach get $40.7 million in debt?

1eyedJack

October 4th, 2012
10:00 am

Brains require meat and protein to develop, which might explain those PETA idiots.

Thomas Brown

October 4th, 2012
10:06 am

vols are a team with a pulse ?

vols are unranked, were at game time last week too, and face Alabama and South Carolina coming up now. vols propably fire Dooley junior after those 2 games.

vols are not, and have not been, nor will they be a good football team, despite how poorly we played against them.

HUH?????

October 4th, 2012
10:10 am

“South Carolina is the superior team”

USC hasn’t won anything significant. Ever. No SEC championship, no national title.

Try again.

HUH?????

October 4th, 2012
10:11 am

“How in the hell does a football coach get $40.7 million in debt?”

Same way a president gets a country in 16 trillion dollars in debt.

Sheer stupidity.

Big Albany Dawg

October 4th, 2012
10:12 am

Jeff, love the picks. Please tell me Lilly isn’t picking the Dawgs because she is a “UGA homer”?

Hankie Aron

October 4th, 2012
10:19 am

Peta apparently not aware that this thing called free market and supply and demand determines how many of those animals die every day. If people didn’t enjoy their taste, they wouldn’t buy them.

dawgfan

October 4th, 2012
10:23 am

“They not only beat us last year but ended up # 9 in every poll, while we ended up # 19″

They ended up #9 last year because they didn’t have to play LSU (we did) or Bama and padded the W column against East Carolina, Navy, the Citadel and an always grotesquely overrated Clemson. Cry me a river about South Carolina’s schedule last year. I’d take that schedule every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Thanks.

Thomas Brown

October 4th, 2012
10:25 am

Excuse me dawgfan they play LSU, Clemson and Georgia while we play only them.

Jacket Man

October 4th, 2012
10:27 am

GA Yech? Not very “neutral” for a local sportswriter, especially before the game has even been played. Now if the Jackets played terrible, and someone is trying to be “clever” and describe how bad they played that particular game, then maybe, just maybe, I could see the insult. But in reality, GA Tech played a bad game against MTSU and a bad quarter and a half a quarter against Miami, losing in overtime. They should have beaten VA Tech and Miami, and could very well be 3-1, and if they were 3-0 going into MTSU, who knows how the team would have gone into that game (perhaps they were just down from the loss from the previous week).

But GA Yech? C’mon, Jeff. Let me ask you…if UGA loses Saturday, do you plan on calling them just dogs, runts, or some other derogatory reference? After all, they did almost lose to Tennessee, and we all know that if they then lose a game after that should mean they really don’t have such a good team after all, right?

Thomas Brown

October 4th, 2012
10:27 am

And, they ended up # 9 in the nation because they beat us, while we lost 4 games to every team who made any top 25 poll; they also won their bowl game while Aaron Murray has lost every bowl game he’s played in and lost every game to every team who ever made any top 25 poll plus 2 more who did not make any top 25 poll in his entire career here.

Thomas Brown

October 4th, 2012
10:29 am

“could very well be 3-1, and if they were 3-0 going into MTSU, who knows how the team would have gone into that game”
_____________________________________
If a bullfrog had wings, he could fly instead of bumping his buns across the rocks. You sound like a RICHT-0-PHILE.

TGT

October 4th, 2012
10:31 am

To Huh?????

Thanks for calling out Bush for racking up all that debt before heading off to Crawford to play with his chainsaw. Go Dogs!

Esquire

October 4th, 2012
10:31 am

AtlantaGamecock

October 4th, 2012
8:33 am

Jeff – you’re wrong, gamecocks will win. They are the superior team and playing at home. Mark it down. Nice article though.
**********************************************

What? They already played the game?

Thomas Brown

October 4th, 2012
10:33 am

TGT you obviously didn’t watch the debate won handily by anyone other than the President, because it the point was clearly made that the debt has GONE UP with Obama.

Thomas Brown

October 4th, 2012
10:36 am

We all know who lost the debate.

The debt was run-up by current administration. The economy sucks.

While The Dawgs have the superior team talent-wise with far more top players than Spurrier by almost 3 to 1, we have Aaron Murray.

That should be worth 1-point.

Flo-Ri-Duh

October 4th, 2012
10:38 am

Got news for you punks out there ……. last year’s outcome has no bearing on this year. These are different teams. Losing Michael Bennett is a big break for Spurrier but there are no excuses ’cause UGA is going to win anyway – by 10. I see this 24 – 14 Dawgs.

ARdawg

October 4th, 2012
10:41 am

Jeff

Isn’t it amazing those that call you wrong on the UGA/SC pick are all Tech nerds? None of them called you wrong on Nerd/Clempson

BigDave

October 4th, 2012
10:44 am

Georgia will have trouble with USC’s running game and they lost their best WR for the season. South Carolina wins at home 28-24

Joey

October 4th, 2012
10:46 am

Wonder how many consecutive-game-TDs Johnny Unitas would have had if he threw it 50-60 times a game, instead of 20?

Probably at least 2 TDs in EVERY game of his career.

Yes, he was that good . . .