Predictions: No bagels, but Dogs win, Jackets don’t collapse
Having just completed my annual day of Jewish repentance — 24 hours usually isn’t enough, so I tend to just focus on the top seven or eight sins — I was surprised to see a headline on the London Daily Mail website about, “Bagel Heads” taking over Japan. And I’m thinking, OK, I break my fast with bagels every year. I can see the Japanese liking bagels. Everybody likes bagels.
(The real bagels, not the press board at Kroger. There are two things that never should be considered acceptable: replacement bagels and replacement NFL officials. I swear, if Roger Goodell ever got on stage and said, “I think these replacement bagels are getting the job done,” he’d have 7,000 rabbis jump him and make him scream, “Onion! Sesame! Poppy!” within seven seconds.)
Where was I? Right, “Bagel Heads.”
Oy. Really? (via natgeotv.com)
So it turns out this actually is a “fashion trend” in Japan. I wish I was making this up: Misguided youth are having saline injected into their forehead, after which somebody presses their thumb on the area and leaves an imprint.
Hence, “Bagel Head.”
Or, “Idiot.”
I’m not sure who came up with this idea. But I think having an anvil dropped on your head and being called, “Commissioner” was second choice.
One male (uncertain species) who had this makeover looked in the mirror and said, “I’m impressed.” And immediately everybody wondered if John L. Smith had been cloned.
So why address “Bagel Heads” to lead into the Georgia-Tennessee game? Simple. I was too hungry Wednesday to break down game tapes. Besides, I can’t remember the last time there was a less-compelling Georgia-Tennessee game.
There’s this: It will be the first Bulldogs game this season that won’t have a player suspended for past sins. (Hey, they had Yom Kippur, too!) But I expect a Georgia loss as much as I expect Mark Richt to walk out for the postgame press conference and say, “Hey, look what I did to my forehead!”
No dramatic makeover: Dogs cover 13½.
Sis-Boom-Blah
(Unofficially Bad Game Week)
I'm not sure which of these monkeys is Al Groh.
Mid-Tennessee State at Georgia Tech: Four days after his defense allowed 609 yards and blew a game to Miami, Al Groh said Wednesday he was done talking about it. Never mind that it was the first time there was any media access to him. Way to go, Slick. Blow this one, and the next words out of your mouth are going to be, “Hello, I’m Al Groh. Can I get you started with some jalapeno poppers?” Jackets cover 27½.
South Carolina at Kentucky: Steve Spurrier, channeling his inner-second-grader, threw another fit over a Columbia columnist second-guessing his decision to start battered quarterback Connor Shaw against UAB, which seems to qualify as a legitimate second-guess. So Spurrier made an opening statement on a conference call with reporters, then just hung up. Hey, maybe as halftime entertainment against Kentucky, he can stomp his feet, hold his breath and pass out. Oh wait. Lane Kiffin has copyright on that. Roosters cover 20½.
Maybe if everybody just ignored Spurrier, like Stewie
Arkansas at Texas A&M: John L. Smith, the gift that keeps on giving, mistakenly referred to Arkansas as “Alabama” in a speech this week. Hey, he was only talking to Razorbacks fans. For a moment they all thought they had died and gone to heaven. The reality: Not heaven. Texas A&M: This is your Bar Mitzvah! Aggies win and cover 13½.
Old Ms. at Alabama: The Tide has won four games by an average score of 42-5. Of course, Nick Saban is worried and says Mississippi’s option offense gets “defenses out of their comfort zone.” I think Patton said that just before he took Casablanca. Alabama covers 31.
Pros and Cons
Goodbye Superman? Hello Kitty? (Kevin Siers of Charlotte Observer)
Panthers at Falcons: Cam Newton is a pouting, sulking, blubbering, emotional tub of goo, or something to that effect. Steve Smith called him out, and a Charlotte Observer cartoonist mocked his “Superman” touchdown celebration by depicting him with a “Hello Kitty” T-shirt under his jersey instead of an “S.” Ouch. Goodbye kitties: Falcons cover 7½.
Saints at Packers: Amid the hysterical, Wile E. Coyote-esque disaster that the Saints have turned into, here’s the biggest pie in the face: The defense, which figured to be solid after the hiring of Steve Spagnuolo, allowed 520 yards to the Chiefs and has given up 102 points in three games. I think at 110, you’re clinically dead. Packers cover 7½.
Patriots at Bills: If a replacement official wants to press charges for being assaulted by Bill Belichick in last week’s game, does he appeal to the Replacement Officials Union. Or is that kind of like trying to find the Wal-Mart Workers Union? The Patriots (1-2) have a losing record for the first time since 2003. This helps. Pats cover 4.
Giants at Eagles: The Eagles have 12 turnovers. That doesn’t even include Michael Vick’s contract. Take the 2 and the Giants in a mild road upset.
Seahawks at Rams: Personally, the Seahawks didn’t see a problem with the replacement officials. Take the 2½ and St. Louis straight up.
Steve Spagnuolo had the perfect plan. And then … Oops.
•
Credits and debits
“Luck never gives; it only lends.” – Swedish Proverb.
Last week (yech): 8-3 straight up, 3-7-1 against the line.
Overall (better): 35-10 straight up, 28-16-1 against the line.
Lock of the week: Kwikset.
Sack Schultz update: “KarlaMoshe” of Kansas has had four straight 13-2 weeks and leads the pack at 52-8. I like to think I’m in the cool pack at 48-12 (tied for 290th).
Lilly Pick of the Week: She’s 2-2. This week, the biscuit choice was between Drew Brees (Saints) and Aaron Rodgers (Packers). She hesitated, then lunged toward — Packers.
I told Lilly that Drew Brees is 0-3 and likes bounties ...
... And Aaron Rodgers is 1-2 and likes dogs. She chose wisely.
By Jeff Schultz
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226 comments Add your comment
AAAAA Athens Bail Bonds R Us
September 28th, 2012
7:42 am
How many dawgs arrested today?
UGA = Yawn
September 28th, 2012
7:49 am
Isn’t UT due for a big upset? This would be a great weekend for it. But it really doesn’t matter as Spurrier is back to his old tricks of beating UGA year after year – just as he did while at UF. So that is a definite loss.
We beat Virginia by 36 (should have been 43) – so I find it funny that one reader would say we won’t cover 27 vs Mid Tenn St? The only way we don’t is if the coach puts in the 2nd and 3rd string in early.
Escaped from Email Purgatory
September 28th, 2012
7:55 am
Here’s hoping Carolina’s cheesing man-child remains in his funk for at least another week. Hate for a break-out game to come against us.
Honey boy
September 28th, 2012
7:58 am
Daga … Umm care to share where you came up with your statistics to back up your claim? “I bet GA hasn’t covered twice since Richt got here”
Incredibly stupid statement… You sir, are the idiot…
Wet Willie...keep on smiling
September 28th, 2012
8:06 am
UT and Dooley have to win or it’s over for Derek at UT. With that said UGA wins in a good battle. UT just doesn’t have enough players on defense to last a full 4 qtrs. Now if UGA doesn’t protect the ball things could get interesting.
Don’t see Bama covering the spread but you never know when the opposition will go into the tank once victory isn’t apart of the process. Football (college) is a strange game just loook at Washington taking down Stanford last night! Really LSU beat the Huskies like a redheaded stepchild yet they looked like the stepchild vs Trailer Robbing U last week.
The word is real strong that Henry will select Bama today. Nick has a plan for the kid no doubt but it’s hard to understand where all these RB’s will play….when they will play I should have said.
Esquire
September 28th, 2012
8:14 am
You r a Hack
September 28th, 2012
7:06 am
If it were not for Lilly, I would not read this trash but she is really cute
**************************************************
Finally, a post worth reading.
FLA DAWG
September 28th, 2012
9:00 am
UT will never stop The Dawg Offense and The D will be vastly improved.
Dawgs win by 21 or more.
Ivan
September 28th, 2012
9:02 am
Can anyone imagine Peyton Manning with the “Bagel Head”?
The Donald (Duck)
September 28th, 2012
9:02 am
If UGA is so good, why did they pay Oregon $250,000 to get out of playing the Ducks?
If you have to pay the opposing team a quarter million to have them say the decision to cancel the series was “mutual” — its a canard (that’s french for Duck for you UGA fans) and what was really going on was Richt knew the Dawgs would get whipped.
CC
September 28th, 2012
9:30 am
GO DAWGS!!!
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 28th, 2012
9:47 am
CHOKE LEGACY
Year 1……1 and done. (Lost by 6).
Year 2……no playoffs.
Year 3…..1 and done. (Lost by 27)
Year 4…..1 and done. (Lost by 22)
Enjoy your winning tradition you LOSERS……
HA HA
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 28th, 2012
9:49 am
Blake
September 28th, 2012
2:16 am
@Matt”choke”Ryan……1. Atlanta Falcons (3-0): New kings of my NFL power rankings, Atlanta is as complete a team as any I’ve seen during September games. Matt Ryan looks like a MVP candidate at the start of fall.
___________________________________________
And the replacement refs looked like the real deal…..
HA HA
HUH?????
September 28th, 2012
10:04 am
“no, he’s just losing football games, unlike the Falcons.”
I had no idea Cam played defense and offense. Who knew? Wake me up when the Falcons actually win a playoff game.
HUH?????
September 28th, 2012
10:07 am
Matt “CHOKE” Ryan
Falcon fans and UGA fans are very delusional. It’s the beginning of the season and both teams are undefeated yet NEITHER team has faced a tough opponent. I’m still laughing, and mocking, Mark Bradley who said that UGA beat a tough Vandy team.
DELUSIONAL!!!!!!!!
DC
September 28th, 2012
10:09 am
I am glad PTI brought up the Cam Newton deal…They both said it was stupid of the media to be so quick to bash him…They did say he needed to lose the super man thing though. Cam loves to prove people wrong..and I enjoy watching him play…but I hope his big game is next week..Leh go falcons!
DC
September 28th, 2012
10:12 am
Oh and Arsenal Dominate Chelski!! 2-0 to the arsenal!
Taxi Smith
September 28th, 2012
10:17 am
Love the “Old Ms.”: HAHAHAHAHA!! Great column sir, and I’m glad youre fully atoned.
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 28th, 2012
10:25 am
How has Flacco, Sanchez, Tebow and Yates have been abble to win in the playoffs at such a young age and neither one of them makes 72 million?
CHOKE is a LOSER but his fanbase are IDIOTS for believing after 4 years of failure in the playoffs that his so call great play vs 5-7 teams that he will magically pull a rainbow out of his butt……
I’ve seen this story for the last 4 years and the ending is always the same………………
Next season they say……”This is the year”.
10 years later……”This is the year”.
HA HA
Cam "DODO Pie" Newton
September 28th, 2012
10:33 am
Lily look angry
True Falcon Fan
September 28th, 2012
10:34 am
Falcons WIN — “BIG”!!!!!!!!!!
Bet the over forsure —- Falcons 41 — Panther/Superman–Kitten 17
MR2 —- “Big WINNER” in fantasy world
JW
September 28th, 2012
10:34 am
Very interesting development last night…Stanford loses. As a Nole fan, I am loving this. As Tee’d up as FSU’s schedule is, Oregon had a softer one even before the Stanford loss (look it up). VT…get it together. Gators…keep winning. Miami…keep surprising. Alabama…get it done. We relish an opportunity to prove ourselves against anyone. God I love Fall and football season.
Jeff Schultz
September 28th, 2012
10:38 am
Kingdaddy — “Jeff … Does Lilly like Bagels more than Beagles???”"
<< Yes.
Jeff Schultz
September 28th, 2012
10:40 am
JSS — @ Jeff Schultz…
“Even Shulztie is having a change of heart about you. He no longer wants your mancrush!”
Ha ha, have you stopped laughing yet… If he only knew!
<<< I’m sorry. And you are . . .?
Jeff Schultz
September 28th, 2012
10:45 am
Ivan — “Can anyone imagine Peyton Manning with the “Bagel Head”?”
<<< There’s a lot of room on that forehead. Probably could put a dozen “bagels” there.
gtne80
September 28th, 2012
11:33 am
Groh is a loser. As a coach, can anyone tell me where he actually won with any consistency? It wasn’t at UVA. It wasn’t with the Jets.
C’mon, Paul. You’re smarter than this!
Blake
September 28th, 2012
11:34 am
@HUH?????
Matt “CHOKE” Ryan
Falcon fans and UGA fans are very delusional. It’s the beginning of the season and both teams are undefeated yet NEITHER team has faced a tough opponent. I’m still laughing, and mocking, Mark Bradley who said that UGA beat a tough Vandy team.
DELUSIONAL!!!!!!!!
So your saying Denver on Monday night football and San Diego on the road weren’t tough opponents? Before you make another Idiotic statement like that see If you can decide to take the pacifier out of your mouth……YOU AND CKOKE……
KQuark
September 28th, 2012
1:00 pm
In defense of Newton, most QBs have a sophomore slump because the league has a whole year of film on them. Even Ryan had one. It’s how QBs respond to that slump that matters.
Answer this
September 28th, 2012
1:03 pm
Just someone who recognizes a man crush when I see one! Or could JS and JSS be one in the same? The world may never know! Lol!
Interesting
September 28th, 2012
1:06 pm
This weeked sets up perfectly for a big upset. UGA has given up the most plays of 30plus yards in the SEC and guess which team has the best big play potential in conference… UT.
Turnover battle will be huge in this game. UGA is 11th in INTs with 2 and UT is 2nd with 8. Murray is also prone to throwing picks in big games. This factor will be big.
UT also gives up by far the fewest sacks in the sec, which is the thing that makes UGA’s D work. If they cant pressure Bray, UT will put up points.
On the surface UGA should win this game easy, but when you dive deeper this will be a much better matchup than most realize. The fact that UGA is probably a little overrated and UT is underrated, combined with the fact that UT has zero pressure to win this game, will make it very interesting.
Red Stick
September 28th, 2012
1:12 pm
I expect a close game as I believe Georgia will be looking ahead to next week. I don’t think Georgia covers.
Geaux Tigers
Go SEC
GT Fan
September 28th, 2012
1:16 pm
Interesting ….
UGA, at 4-0, has played the 114th toughest schedule thus far.
I won’t be surprised if UGA were to win, even win big. Just as much as I won’t be surprised when, IMO, UT wins by double-digits.
GSUEAGLES
September 28th, 2012
1:42 pm
Ga Southern studens pass fees needed to expand stadium and cover cost if move to FBS
ITS A GREAT DAY
Soon
September 28th, 2012
1:50 pm
Shouldnt Choke be up in Philly cheering up his hero. Number 7 is about to become fastest athlete ever to hold a clipboard and wear a baseball hat. Have to sit near bench to watch his moves.
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 28th, 2012
2:07 pm
@Blake
AFC West 5-7
You do the math
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 28th, 2012
2:12 pm
Soon
September 28th, 2012
1:50 pm
Shouldnt Choke be up in Philly cheering up his hero. Number 7 is about to become fastest athlete ever to hold a clipboard and wear a baseball hat. Have to sit near bench to watch his moves
__________________________________________________
The difference between cities like Philly, New York, Pittsburg….etc is that they don’t give lifetime assignments to qbs, unlike the Falcants.
Real winning teams don’t keep a qb around after 4 straight years of playoff failure.
If Vick loses his job in Philly (which he won’t) it’s not the end of the world. But in Atlanta they are so afraid to hurt CHOKE’s delicate feelings by having a qb competition.
HA HA
GSU
September 28th, 2012
2:25 pm
Bill and Mary 35
Gag State 3
Eric C.
September 28th, 2012
2:32 pm
@Interesting, are you kidding??? UT has no pressure to win this game…their coach is already on the hot seat and they are 0-1 in the SEC. If anything, they have more pressure to win this game.
bali
September 28th, 2012
2:32 pm
bet that s a replacement dog makin the picks at the end of your column
Eric C.
September 28th, 2012
2:35 pm
GT Fan, I’m calling you out on those ratings…
http://sagarin.com/sports/cfsend.htm
That SOS of 114 is actually in the top half because the Sagarin system is using all levels of CFB. Notice that FSU is 176. Vandy and MO are the top SEC teams in SOS because they have played UGA and SC.
Matt Ryan
September 28th, 2012
2:46 pm
I wish CHOKE would quit sweating my jock.
Boo Brees
September 28th, 2012
2:53 pm
Right now Vick has a 66 QB rating, while AJ FEeley and Ty Detmer both had a 69 and 74. So essentially, right now, VICK IS PLAYING WORST THEN AJ FEELEY. ITS PATHETIC.
— CharlieGarner25
——————————————————————
Holy LOL!!! Say it ain’t so…..
Boo Brees
September 28th, 2012
3:02 pm
I’ve been watching the Eagles since the 70s and can’t think of a starter worse than Vick. Time to move on.
— joemani28
——————————————————————-
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Dude is a BUST!!! Philly has spoken!!!
JSS
September 28th, 2012
3:48 pm
“Or could JS and JSS be one in the same? The world may never know! Lol!”
Only in your loopy world, the rest of the “real world” has illusions… Learn some blogging history before posting next time…
JSS
September 28th, 2012
3:53 pm
@ Answer This…
Don’t forget to change your diaper!
kingdaddy
September 28th, 2012
4:41 pm
Jeff
watched the bagel-heads on Taboo. Glad you showed the not so hot girl and not the two dudes. Also give Lilly a pat on the head from kingdaddy. She is cuter than the bagel head…
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 28th, 2012
4:46 pm
Reality will soon set in when all those defensive turnovers cease and CHOKE will have to play the whole field and not 30 and 20 yards away
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 28th, 2012
4:50 pm
Year 1…………1 and done (Lost by 6).
Year 2…………..No playoffs.
Year 3……………1 and done (Lost by 27).
Year 4…………….1 and done (Lost by 22).
See a pattern LOSERS?
HA HA
Interesting
September 28th, 2012
5:08 pm
Eric C,
No, they dont have any pressure. No one around the Tennessee program has picked them to beat UGA or Bama at any time. There is no expectation for them to win. All Dooley has to do is get to 8 wins and his seat will be cool. They are 3-1, with probably losses at UGA, Bama and USC, easier games against Troy, Vanderbilt and UK. That would put them at 6-4 and leaves MSU and Mizzou as the swing games to get to 8. Both of those are winnable.
Tennessee and Dooley play at UGA with house money.
Troy Aikman
September 28th, 2012
5:29 pm
It technically took me four seasons to get my first playoff win. I guess the Cowboys and Dallas faithful should have ran me out of town too.
Blake
September 28th, 2012
6:17 pm
@Matt “CHOKE” Ryan….Any road game In the NFL Is a tough game…This must really hurt your psyche that the Falcons are doing well. You KNOW It would be tough for anybody to go Into a 2-0 teams backyard and beat them….If Atlanta beat the 49’s or the Steelers on the road right now…you would still have something negative to say…hell..for that matter If the Falcons won the Super Bowl..you would still call us losersville and we we’re lucky…We are not DELUSIONAL.We are simply enjoying our teams early season success.BTW I don’t care If the AFC West Is 5-7.San Diego was 2-0 when we went out there and we smoked um’…we’ve suffered long enough…It’s our time now and you can’t handle It and because of your attitude that makes me warm and fuzzy…