Predictions: No bagels, but Dogs win, Jackets don’t collapse
Having just completed my annual day of Jewish repentance — 24 hours usually isn’t enough, so I tend to just focus on the top seven or eight sins — I was surprised to see a headline on the London Daily Mail website about, “Bagel Heads” taking over Japan. And I’m thinking, OK, I break my fast with bagels every year. I can see the Japanese liking bagels. Everybody likes bagels.
(The real bagels, not the press board at Kroger. There are two things that never should be considered acceptable: replacement bagels and replacement NFL officials. I swear, if Roger Goodell ever got on stage and said, “I think these replacement bagels are getting the job done,” he’d have 7,000 rabbis jump him and make him scream, “Onion! Sesame! Poppy!” within seven seconds.)
Where was I? Right, “Bagel Heads.”
Oy. Really? (via natgeotv.com)
So it turns out this actually is a “fashion trend” in Japan. I wish I was making this up: Misguided youth are having saline injected into their forehead, after which somebody presses their thumb on the area and leaves an imprint.
Hence, “Bagel Head.”
Or, “Idiot.”
I’m not sure who came up with this idea. But I think having an anvil dropped on your head and being called, “Commissioner” was second choice.
One male (uncertain species) who had this makeover looked in the mirror and said, “I’m impressed.” And immediately everybody wondered if John L. Smith had been cloned.
So why address “Bagel Heads” to lead into the Georgia-Tennessee game? Simple. I was too hungry Wednesday to break down game tapes. Besides, I can’t remember the last time there was a less-compelling Georgia-Tennessee game.
There’s this: It will be the first Bulldogs game this season that won’t have a player suspended for past sins. (Hey, they had Yom Kippur, too!) But I expect a Georgia loss as much as I expect Mark Richt to walk out for the postgame press conference and say, “Hey, look what I did to my forehead!”
No dramatic makeover: Dogs cover 13½.
Sis-Boom-Blah
(Unofficially Bad Game Week)
I'm not sure which of these monkeys is Al Groh.
Mid-Tennessee State at Georgia Tech: Four days after his defense allowed 609 yards and blew a game to Miami, Al Groh said Wednesday he was done talking about it. Never mind that it was the first time there was any media access to him. Way to go, Slick. Blow this one, and the next words out of your mouth are going to be, “Hello, I’m Al Groh. Can I get you started with some jalapeno poppers?” Jackets cover 27½.
South Carolina at Kentucky: Steve Spurrier, channeling his inner-second-grader, threw another fit over a Columbia columnist second-guessing his decision to start battered quarterback Connor Shaw against UAB, which seems to qualify as a legitimate second-guess. So Spurrier made an opening statement on a conference call with reporters, then just hung up. Hey, maybe as halftime entertainment against Kentucky, he can stomp his feet, hold his breath and pass out. Oh wait. Lane Kiffin has copyright on that. Roosters cover 20½.
Maybe if everybody just ignored Spurrier, like Stewie
Arkansas at Texas A&M: John L. Smith, the gift that keeps on giving, mistakenly referred to Arkansas as “Alabama” in a speech this week. Hey, he was only talking to Razorbacks fans. For a moment they all thought they had died and gone to heaven. The reality: Not heaven. Texas A&M: This is your Bar Mitzvah! Aggies win and cover 13½.
Old Ms. at Alabama: The Tide has won four games by an average score of 42-5. Of course, Nick Saban is worried and says Mississippi’s option offense gets “defenses out of their comfort zone.” I think Patton said that just before he took Casablanca. Alabama covers 31.
Pros and Cons
Goodbye Superman? Hello Kitty? (Kevin Siers of Charlotte Observer)
Panthers at Falcons: Cam Newton is a pouting, sulking, blubbering, emotional tub of goo, or something to that effect. Steve Smith called him out, and a Charlotte Observer cartoonist mocked his “Superman” touchdown celebration by depicting him with a “Hello Kitty” T-shirt under his jersey instead of an “S.” Ouch. Goodbye kitties: Falcons cover 7½.
Saints at Packers: Amid the hysterical, Wile E. Coyote-esque disaster that the Saints have turned into, here’s the biggest pie in the face: The defense, which figured to be solid after the hiring of Steve Spagnuolo, allowed 520 yards to the Chiefs and has given up 102 points in three games. I think at 110, you’re clinically dead. Packers cover 7½.
Patriots at Bills: If a replacement official wants to press charges for being assaulted by Bill Belichick in last week’s game, does he appeal to the Replacement Officials Union. Or is that kind of like trying to find the Wal-Mart Workers Union? The Patriots (1-2) have a losing record for the first time since 2003. This helps. Pats cover 4.
Giants at Eagles: The Eagles have 12 turnovers. That doesn’t even include Michael Vick’s contract. Take the 2 and the Giants in a mild road upset.
Seahawks at Rams: Personally, the Seahawks didn’t see a problem with the replacement officials. Take the 2½ and St. Louis straight up.
Steve Spagnuolo had the perfect plan. And then … Oops.
•
Credits and debits
“Luck never gives; it only lends.” – Swedish Proverb.
Last week (yech): 8-3 straight up, 3-7-1 against the line.
Overall (better): 35-10 straight up, 28-16-1 against the line.
Lock of the week: Kwikset.
Sack Schultz update: “KarlaMoshe” of Kansas has had four straight 13-2 weeks and leads the pack at 52-8. I like to think I’m in the cool pack at 48-12 (tied for 290th).
Lilly Pick of the Week: She’s 2-2. This week, the biscuit choice was between Drew Brees (Saints) and Aaron Rodgers (Packers). She hesitated, then lunged toward — Packers.
I told Lilly that Drew Brees is 0-3 and likes bounties ...
... And Aaron Rodgers is 1-2 and likes dogs. She chose wisely.
By Jeff Schultz
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226 comments Add your comment
Boo Brees
September 27th, 2012
8:26 pm
@ 7:57 pm
LOL, does Vick Supporter 2 ring a bell?
Hey Pot!!! Oh snap, what’s up Kettle?
Nothing much, just looking for Vick Supporter 1
Coming soon
September 27th, 2012
8:28 pm
Jeff,
How long before one of the cable networks starts a bagel head reality show….maybe Bruce ‘Plasticface’
Jenner and his plastic family can be the first guests and all have their heads ‘bageled’.
Meanwhile, back in ‘not pathetic land’, Dogs cover, Falcons cover and after three more losses at what is soon to be the second best engineering school in the state, those folks who have Groh ask them if they was jalapeno poppers will have been seated by Paul Johnson. Reruns of the cartoon offense will be on the big screen behind the bar.
Coming soon
September 27th, 2012
8:30 pm
oops, I meant those folks who had Groh ask them if they WANT jalapeno poppers, of course.
DawgNole
September 27th, 2012
8:34 pm
TruthSayer
September 27th, 2012
6:37 pm
MCR is a troll, but a funny one. Don’t lend fillip to insanity. Just ignore.
_____________________
Funny? Not at all. Sick-minded, hate-filled, racist, obsessed, disgusting, ignorant, cowardly–yes. But not funny; not in the least.
robertussen
September 27th, 2012
8:39 pm
Lock of the week: Kwikset. i love terrible jokes. thats one of the best i’ve heard in awhile
Festus
September 27th, 2012
8:45 pm
I will miss the replacement refs. There were much better than the ones used in professional wresting. After Tech dispenses with Middle Tenn there is an East Tenn but no West Tenn. This is an unusual week with more Falcons in the clink than Bulldogs. One thing miss from Jeff’s column: Is there a game this week more interesting than QVC selling mood rings?
GSUStud
September 27th, 2012
8:51 pm
If Middle Tenn. State wins the weekend, it would not be an upset.
Lance
September 27th, 2012
8:55 pm
Jeff,
If that woman is 52-8 against the spread I am wondering if she is married. Maybe a trip to Vegas?
Goldberg's Deli
September 27th, 2012
9:03 pm
Jalapeno/Cheese Bagel….they’re the best Jerry, The BEST!!
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 27th, 2012
9:34 pm
Hey CHOKE you dumb LOSER…..Pay back that 72 million you stole from Blank you sorry piece of never gonna win a playoff game since Vick did it when he was 22 years old vs Brett Favre in the Winter on a snowy field.
Am I rambling?…….HA HA
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 27th, 2012
9:37 pm
Seriously how many times does it take you IDIOTS to realize if you fail in year 1…..year 2…..year 3…..year 4 that year 5 is going to be any better?
Ever heard of fool me once shame on you…..fool me twice shame on me…..
Well with you LOSERS it’s shame on you x 4……ha ha
ijonathan
September 27th, 2012
9:39 pm
Oh the irony for a supposed Vick fan claiming that Ryan “stole” money from Blank.
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 27th, 2012
9:41 pm
30-24 48-21 24-2
Anybody know the best location to put down a couple of bucks on Mega Million?
Oh that’s right those aren’t lotto numbers…..
HA HA
ijonathan
September 27th, 2012
9:41 pm
Fool me once, shame on me.
Fool me twice, your dog electrocuting a$$ ends up in the slammer for two years.
ijonathan
September 27th, 2012
9:41 pm
The lotto number joke wasn’t funny the first 7 times you spewed it, troll.
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 27th, 2012
9:51 pm
Hey you guys know what is symbolic about this season right?
Come on you die hard Falcants fans…..surely you know what it is….
Okay let me help you out.
Vick started 5 seasons here…….
2002 – Playoff win
2003 – Broken Leg
2004 – Playoff win and championship game
2005 – No playoff wins
2006 – No playoff wins
Well this year is CHOKE’s 5th season as the starter….
2008 – 1 and done.
2009 – No playoffs.
2010 – 1 and done.
2011 – 1 and done.
2012 – ?????
Dang are you telling me the elite CHOKE won’t duplicate at least 2 separate seasons with playoff wins? No single championship game appearance?
So what is the value of a 72 million dollar contract?
Basically he has been as WORTHLESS as I predicted, but the AJC and his LOSER fanbase still calls him elite.
I guess elite must now has an asterisk on “zero playoff wins”….
HA HA
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 27th, 2012
9:54 pm
30-24 48-21 24-2
What’s wrong with my numbers?
How did a 2 get in there?
HA HA
JSS
September 27th, 2012
9:54 pm
Ah, here comes the Jenkins, Price, Dez White apologist talking about his favorite fallback… That entire team was a colossal failure… That is not a personal thing, but your perspective as you like to point out in others is way out of kilter too… And for the record, Arthur’s gotten his money back from Vick… He’ll never get it back from that three or Ed Hartwell…
JSS
September 27th, 2012
9:56 pm
And you’re still paying Michael Jenkins… SMDH, and you can’t blame Rich McKay for that fact, that is all TD…
ijonathan
September 27th, 2012
9:57 pm
Fool me once, shame on me.
Fool me twice, you’re the last to practice and the first to leave and don’t study the playbook.
Fool me three times, your posse is lifting watches at the airport while you’ve got weed in your water bottle
Fool me for times, you’re running an illegal dogfighting ring and going to prison for two years, derailing a franchise, fanbase and ownership
I guess it did take us five times to finally get smart.
ijonathan
September 27th, 2012
9:59 pm
Hey idiot, pull out the posts where I defend that group of crap receivers. I’m waiting.
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 27th, 2012
9:59 pm
72 Million and ZERO playoff wins……
Hell Joey Harrington could have done that for a couple of million…
HA HA
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 27th, 2012
10:01 pm
So let me get this straight……………
CHOKE gets 72 million and ZERO playoff wins…….
Flacco gets 30 million and 5 playoff wins, 2 championship games…..
What’s wrong with that math?
HA HA
JSS
September 27th, 2012
10:02 pm
ijonathan
January 11th, 2011
1:26 am
Mr. Poop, Hello! Let’s recap some of your postings recently:
1. It’s also quite relevant to point out that as fashionable as it may be to credit the WRs’ success to their QB, Michael Jenkins continues to suck with Matt Ryan throwing to him just as he did with Vick throwing to him.
2. Again, it’s one thing to like or dislike a player, but when you have to blatantly lie and ignore the facts to support your point of view, your point of view is wrong.
So, apparently you don’t like it when someone “ignores the facts” to support your point of view, and you claim that Jenkins sucked with Vick and he sucks with Ryan.
Just ain’t so, Poop.
2005-2006 with MV7 heaving it to him (2004 he didn’t play much):
30 games
75 receptions (2.5 receptions/game)
944 yards (12.6 YPC)
10 touchdowns
2008-2010 almost exclusively with Ryan (yes I know Redman filled in a couple of games)
42 games
141 receptions (3.4 receptions/game)
1,917 yards (13.6 YPC)
6 TD
So, let’s review. About 1 more reception per game with Ryan. 1 more YPC with Ryan. Yes, fewer touchdowns…but we all know that the emergence of White as a star and the acquisition of Gonzalez led to that, right? So, it is undeniable that Jenkins has performed much better with Ryan than with Vick (as has White). But that doesn’t refute your assertion, necessarily, as Jenkins’ improved performance with Ryan might still objectively “suck” right?
Using this year as a benchmark, Jenkins’ 13.6 YPC under Ryan would place him with Devery Henderson and James Jones, at 34/35th ranked among qualified receivers…or a fairly highly ranked #2 receiver (assuming each of the 32 teams has 3-4 wideouts). I would say that definitely does not suck. Jenkins’ 12.6 YPC with Vick would place him 50th among qualified wideouts this year, or near the bottom of “second receiver status”. I would still say that doesn’t suck…but it is getting close to being labeled as poor to mediocre, at best. If you go back to 2005 and 2006, when Jenkins was actually playing with Vick, that 12.6 YPC would have placed him an even poorer 55th/56th among qualified receivers.
So, while not a total refutation of your assertion Poop, pretty darn close. Try again on the Jenkins angle.
OTPVol
September 27th, 2012
10:04 pm
You have enough references in here to award a Juco player of the week…
JSS
September 27th, 2012
10:09 pm
And “apologist” does not = “defend!” And that is not “hedging,” it is called a definition for a reason… They stink, putting 5 rotten fish heads (D. White, Hartwell, Jenkins, a young White, and Horn) in a bag just means there was going to be more odor…
ijonathan
September 27th, 2012
10:11 pm
Okay, so Jenkins was a below average #2 receiver (based on certain stats) with Vick, and an above average #2 receiver with Ryan (again, based on some stats).
Looking at Jenkins stats with Ryan, can you truly say that he “sucks”…which is apparently what Najeh was saying and I was attempting to refute?
Claiming someone doesn’t “suck” isn’t the same as giving a full-throated defense.
Oh, and I know I have NEVER said anything remotely good about Price or Dez White. Not sure which of your meds caused that hallucination.
Good effort JSS, but alas a fail.
ijonathan
September 27th, 2012
10:15 pm
I don’t have the energy to try to explain to an idiot like you how it wasn’t the case of a poor supporting cast (including coaches) holding back the greatness that was Mike Vick. First of all, if everyone was so terrible, how did the Falcons win a couple of playoff games? Second, Vick has admitted he half-assed it during his time in Atlanta in terms of maximizing his immense talent.
You try to hide your biases and ignorance using flowery language and pseudo coach speak…ultimately you are no better than MCR, VS1/2 and others.
You are getting very tiring.
ijonathan
September 27th, 2012
10:17 pm
Okay, Mr. Webster, exactly how have I “apologized” for Jenkins?
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 27th, 2012
10:18 pm
Meanwhile CHOKE is 0-3 and coming off of being SHUTOUT in the playoffs
HA HA
Go Jackets
September 27th, 2012
10:25 pm
Why do Atlanta teams (other than Arthur’s Falcons) immediately keep hiring ppl who have just been fired and expect the fans to embrace it?
tech hires Al Groh after he gets canned. The Braves hire freddi (tip your hat0 Gonzo after being let go by the marlins. Just dont understand it…….
5150 UOAD
September 27th, 2012
10:25 pm
Why does Anybody read or respond to “CHOKE”. Look the guy pays a woman to tie him up and flog him cause he hates himself and life so much.
Let the guy live in his misery all by himself.
JSS
September 27th, 2012
10:27 pm
“You are getting very tiring.”
No tiring than you… They won two different playoff games on two different occasions because they played to the strength, ran it down the Rams throat in ‘05 at the Dome… The ‘02 GB game, they spread the Packers out and even with that sorry receiving corps with Shawn Jefferson leading the way took it to them… Being awful doesn’t keep you from winning playoff games… As you and your ilk love to rub in Saints fans face, the single asset Seahawks proved that… Mershawn Lynch proved that one… Heck, I saw the 85 Rams almost make a Super Bowl with the only thing that can described as the 1957 Baltimore Colts offense… Your form of contrarian mess stinks just like everyone else! Now go give Blank some more money to pay Michael Jenkins!
Matt "Choke" Ryan
September 27th, 2012
10:29 pm
Sorry, guys. My dad told me to clean up the basement today, and I’m still a little bitter. At least I have Zaxby’s chicken fingers to soothe my wounds. Sweet, sweet chicken fingers…
ijonathan
September 27th, 2012
10:34 pm
So JSS, I gues you are choosing (wisely) to avoid explaining to me how I apologized for Jenkins (I actually think I was explaining, using, you know, stats and stuff) and dig up any flowery praise I’ve ever heaped upon Peerless or Dez.
Are you seriously saying that those Falcons teams that won playoff games were “awful”? Your arguments and trains of thought have more detours and flip-flops than certain presidential candidates.
I have no ilk. I don’t associate myself with anyone else on here. I simply chime in when I encounter idiocy and feel it needs to be responded to, or if I feel a point needs to be made about our local team.
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 27th, 2012
10:35 pm
Matt “Choke” Ryan
September 27th, 2012
10:29 pm
Sorry, guys. My dad told me to clean up the basement today, and I’m still a little bitter. At least I have Zaxby’s chicken fingers to soothe my wounds. Sweet, sweet chicken fingers…
______________________________________
Now that is funny….ha ha…..Daddy no not the belt…ha ha
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 27th, 2012
10:37 pm
Seriously folks how did Baltimore get it right for a 42 million discount?
Even Tim Tebow did it….ha ha
Dude SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS………
HA HA
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
September 27th, 2012
10:38 pm
Hell…..even Warrick Dunn threw a prettier deep ball than CHOKE….
HA HA
JSS
September 27th, 2012
10:47 pm
@ ijonathan…
I’m on Skype… You’re full of yourself… I’ll get back to you…
LOL at the Aints
September 27th, 2012
11:29 pm
JSS telling someone “You are full of yourself”, ,, LOL,, now thats comedy!
JSS
September 27th, 2012
11:55 pm
It would be “comedy” to you, anything beats the ‘Honey Boo Boo Child’ marathon going at your house…
JSS
September 27th, 2012
11:58 pm
You know ijonathan, I owe you an apology. You’re not an Dez White, Michael Jenkins, and early Roddy White “apologist.” I won’t expound on what you’re really, you won’t take it as a good thing…
TXDawg3
September 28th, 2012
12:13 am
Thanks for your predictions…I was beginning to believe you we’re in a perpetual ground hog day and didn’t realize that UGA played Mizzou almost a month ago
Boo Brees
September 28th, 2012
12:17 am
SIX lousy points, ZERO touchdowns and Vick states he can get the job done week in and week out. Well I hate to be the one to break the news to this fraud, but you didn’t getter done last week and the 2 weeks before you yourself were not the reason for the 2 wins.
— oneway
——————————————————————-
But Vicks performance in weeks 1 and 2 was the stuff legends are made from.
LOL, Philly not impressed!!
Wilbo
September 28th, 2012
12:40 am
Another 1/2 sports blogger trying to be a comedian. Yawn. Schultz is almost as funny as colonoscopy. Not quite, though.
GT Fan
September 28th, 2012
1:45 am
UGA loses outright … gonna be one of those weird UT butt kickings (remember 2009, Dawg fans??)
PJ will not get conservative …. GT will score over 50.
Falcons are darn GOOOOD … Beat the Panthers comfortably.
KARMA, John L. Smith … KARMA
Blake
September 28th, 2012
1:57 am
@Matt “CHOKE” Ryan….yep….your 5 years old for sure or maybe just squeeked Into your teen years….
Blake
September 28th, 2012
2:01 am
@Matt “CHOKE” Ryan…..go suck your pacifier…..
Blake
September 28th, 2012
2:16 am
@Matt”choke”Ryan……1. Atlanta Falcons (3-0): New kings of my NFL power rankings, Atlanta is as complete a team as any I’ve seen during September games. Matt Ryan looks like a MVP candidate at the start of fall.
You r a Hack
September 28th, 2012
7:06 am
If it were not for Lilly, I would not read this trash but she is really cute