Predictions: No bagels, but Dogs win, Jackets don’t collapse

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Having just completed my annual day of Jewish repentance — 24 hours usually isn’t enough, so I tend to just focus on the top seven or eight sins — I was surprised to see a headline on the London Daily Mail website about, “Bagel Heads” taking over Japan. And I’m thinking, OK, I break my fast with bagels every year. I can see the Japanese liking bagels. Everybody likes bagels.

(The real bagels, not the press board at Kroger. There are two things that never should be considered acceptable: replacement bagels and replacement NFL officials. I swear, if Roger Goodell ever got on stage and said, “I think these replacement bagels are getting the job done,” he’d have 7,000 rabbis jump him and make him scream, “Onion! Sesame! Poppy!” within seven seconds.)

Where was I? Right, “Bagel Heads.”

Oy. Really? (via natgeotv.com)

Oy. Really? (via natgeotv.com)

So it turns out this actually is a “fashion trend” in Japan. I wish I was making this up: Misguided youth are having saline injected into their forehead, after which somebody presses their thumb on the area and leaves an imprint.

Hence, “Bagel Head.”

Or, “Idiot.”

I’m not sure who came up with this idea. But I think having an anvil dropped on your head and being called, “Commissioner” was second choice.

One male (uncertain species) who had this makeover looked in the mirror and said, “I’m impressed.” And immediately everybody wondered if John L. Smith had been cloned.

So why address “Bagel Heads” to lead into the Georgia-Tennessee game? Simple. I was too hungry Wednesday to break down game tapes. Besides, I can’t remember the last time there was a less-compelling Georgia-Tennessee game.

There’s this: It will be the first Bulldogs game this season that won’t have a player suspended for past sins. (Hey, they had Yom Kippur, too!) But I expect a Georgia loss as much as I expect Mark Richt to walk out for the postgame press conference and say, “Hey, look what I did to my forehead!”

No dramatic makeover: Dogs cover 13½.

Sis-Boom-Blah

(Unofficially Bad Game Week)

I'm not sure which of these monkeys is Al Groh.

I'm not sure which of these monkeys is Al Groh.

Mid-Tennessee State at Georgia Tech: Four days after his defense allowed 609 yards and blew a game to Miami, Al Groh said Wednesday he was done talking about it. Never mind that it was the first time there was any media access to him. Way to go, Slick. Blow this one, and the next words out of your mouth are going to be, “Hello, I’m Al Groh. Can I get you started with some jalapeno poppers?” Jackets cover 27½.

South Carolina at Kentucky: Steve Spurrier, channeling his inner-second-grader, threw another fit over a Columbia columnist second-guessing his decision to start battered quarterback Connor Shaw against UAB, which seems to qualify as a legitimate second-guess. So Spurrier made an opening statement on a conference call with reporters, then just hung up. Hey, maybe as halftime entertainment against Kentucky, he can stomp his feet, hold his breath and pass out. Oh wait. Lane Kiffin has copyright on that. Roosters cover 20½.

Maybe if everybody just ignored Spurrier, like Stewie

Arkansas at Texas A&M: John L. Smith, the gift that keeps on giving, mistakenly referred to Arkansas as “Alabama” in a speech this week. Hey, he was only talking to Razorbacks fans. For a moment they all thought they had died and gone to heaven. The reality: Not heaven. Texas A&M: This is your Bar Mitzvah! Aggies win and cover 13½.

Old Ms. at Alabama: The Tide has won four games by an average score of 42-5. Of course, Nick Saban is worried and says Mississippi’s option offense gets “defenses out of their comfort zone.” I think Patton said that just before he took Casablanca. Alabama covers 31.

Pros and Cons

Has Superman morphed into Hello Kitty? (Kevin Siers of Charlotte Observer)

Goodbye Superman? Hello Kitty? (Kevin Siers of Charlotte Observer)

Panthers at Falcons: Cam Newton is a pouting, sulking, blubbering, emotional tub of goo, or something to that effect. Steve Smith called him out, and a Charlotte Observer cartoonist mocked his “Superman” touchdown celebration by depicting him with a “Hello Kitty” T-shirt under his jersey instead of an “S.” Ouch. Goodbye kitties: Falcons cover 7½.

Saints at Packers: Amid the hysterical, Wile E. Coyote-esque disaster that the Saints have turned into, here’s the biggest pie in the face: The defense, which figured to be solid after the hiring of Steve Spagnuolo, allowed 520 yards to the Chiefs and has given up 102 points in three games. I think at 110, you’re clinically dead. Packers cover 7½.

Patriots at Bills: If a replacement official wants to press charges for being assaulted by Bill Belichick in last week’s game, does he appeal to the Replacement Officials Union. Or is that kind of like trying to find the Wal-Mart Workers Union? The Patriots (1-2) have a losing record for the first time since 2003. This helps. Pats cover 4.

Giants at Eagles: The Eagles have 12 turnovers. That doesn’t even include Michael Vick’s contract. Take the 2 and the Giants in a mild road upset.

Seahawks at Rams: Personally, the Seahawks didn’t see a problem with the replacement officials. Take the 2½ and St. Louis straight up.

Steve Spagnuolo had the perfect plan. And then … Oops.

Credits and debits

sports_betting_1“Luck never gives; it only lends.” –  Swedish Proverb.

Last week (yech): 8-3 straight up, 3-7-1 against the line.

Overall (better): 35-10 straight up, 28-16-1 against the line.

Lock of the week: Kwikset.

Sack Schultz update: “KarlaMoshe” of Kansas has had four straight 13-2 weeks and leads the pack at 52-8. I like to think I’m in the cool pack at 48-12 (tied for 290th).

Lilly Pick of the Week: She’s 2-2. This week, the biscuit choice was between Drew Brees (Saints) and Aaron Rodgers (Packers). She hesitated, then lunged toward — Packers.

Lilly and I had a little peptalk . . .

I told Lilly that Drew Brees is 0-3 and likes bounties ...

. . . And then she chose wisely.

... And Aaron Rodgers is 1-2 and likes dogs. She chose wisely.

By Jeff Schultz

For previous episodes of Weekend Predictions, click here

226 comments Add your comment

kingdaddy

September 27th, 2012
3:42 pm

Jeff
Does Lilly like Bagels more than Beagles???

Paddy

September 27th, 2012
3:42 pm

dick whiskey……..they don’t make Jews lke Jesus anymore!!! Sorry to burst your bubble

Not so fast, my friend!

September 27th, 2012
3:48 pm

Jewish people only fast for a day, and then pat themselves on the back? Catholics fast for 40 days and then eat and drink like kings! Also, interesting that you include a link to Family Guy, which parodized Judaism so bad they got the episode banned by Fox.

dawggirl

September 27th, 2012
3:49 pm

“Oh oh, Mel Gibson has hit the blog!”

Seriously. What is it with people? I dare that guy to come say that to my face.

Woof Woof, Go Lilly

September 27th, 2012
3:51 pm

Lilly loves Uga IX ….and as Han Solo said to Leia, Uga IX told Lilly “I know”.

Woof Woof, Go Lilly

September 27th, 2012
3:52 pm

Family Guy Rules! Shutup Meg!

Paul in NH

September 27th, 2012
3:53 pm

@JSS
Swansea created a few chances – all saved by Tim Howard who played well – but Everton destroyed them on attack. They scored 3 but it should have been 6 or 7. The best I have seen the Blues play away from Goodison in a long, long time.

TruthSayer

September 27th, 2012
3:56 pm

Paul in NH, What about the Arsenal-Chelsea game?

Tech and 27.5? Did you watch our D against Miami?

We’ll win.
UGA will win.
Falcons will win.
Braves will close to within 1 game of the Nats by Monday.
Saints will start 0-4.
The refs replacing the replacement refs will come under scrutiny because of the game deciding FG kick between NYG and the Eagles. The giants kicker will hit the goal. The ball will break. One part falls inside, and the other falls outside.

Go Falcons

September 27th, 2012
4:00 pm

crybaby Scam Newton needs to give up with the superman act….first, it’s not original, second, doing it after scoring only points while being down by 36 points is foolish, third, it reinforces the me, me, me attitude and entitlement baby people see you as, fourth, it’s plain stupid and childish.

Go Falcons

September 27th, 2012
4:06 pm

Aint’s 0-4, classless Bucs and Scam Panthers both 1-3 after 4 weeks.
Falcons will run away with this division.

Go Falcons

September 27th, 2012
4:12 pm

Might be a while before ‘72 dolphins (whoever’s still alive) can break out their stupid traditional toast after last unbeaten team falls every season.
Falcons gonna remain undefeated for a while this year.
Yep, they sure are.
Houston and Arizona will both have fallen within 3 weeks.

AceDawg

September 27th, 2012
4:14 pm

My main take away in this was the pot shot at Walmart for not being unionized – that evil company that provides us mass access to affordable and necessary products that make the lives of lower, middle, and other classes better.

Anyway, I think I agree with all the sports picks, but I’m plenty worried about the Dawgs.

Matt "CHOKE" Ryan

September 27th, 2012
4:22 pm

AFC WEST (Record): 5-7

When does the parade start…….

NOT….IMPRESSED……..

This has been CHOKE’s resume…….

Beat up the basement dwellers…………………

Have cardiac arrest vs Contenders……………..

It doesn’t get any worse than these numbers:

30-24 48-27 24-2

No folks…..those are not Mega Million numbers….

HA HA :)

Matt "CHOKE" Ryan

September 27th, 2012
4:24 pm

Ooops I gave CHOKE a free touchdown….should be 48-21…..

Still sucks either way :)

NEUTER THE POODLE WITH THE ARM MADE OF NOODLE :)

bless his heart

September 27th, 2012
4:28 pm

That “choke” blogger is an idiot hater….spends all his miserable life criticizing others…..so exhausting.

What's Important

September 27th, 2012
4:35 pm

@not so fast, my friend – if they fasted for 40 days there would be a lot of dead Catholics. They do without something, not everything, for 40 days, and it is not necessarily food.

PMC

September 27th, 2012
4:44 pm

Coming soon to Japan lots and lots of Lox.

JSS

September 27th, 2012
4:45 pm

“I dare that guy to come say that to my face.”

Along the highway or in the drunk tank?

Eric C.

September 27th, 2012
4:53 pm

MCR, there is a sense of desperation in your ramblings, as if you know your days are numbered. You can’t even get the scores right…it won’t be long now =Þ

Answer this

September 27th, 2012
5:01 pm

@ JSS – - for you little mean man. Why come here everyday to change something!? It will never change because no one and I mean NO ONE likes you here. Even Shulztie is having a change of heart about you. He no longer wants your mancrush!

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Eric C.

September 27th, 2012
5:05 pm

Great, here comes another shootout in the wild west of blogs

Supersize that order, mutt

September 27th, 2012
5:06 pm

This sports page needs less religious chatter and more FIRE COACH PAUL JOHNSON!!!

JSS

September 27th, 2012
5:17 pm

“Great, here comes another shootout in the wild west of blogs”

Ha ha, you got a way back machine? This isn’t 2007… This stuff isn’t even out of the Kiddie section at White Water…

JSS

September 27th, 2012
5:25 pm

@ Jeff Schultz…
“Even Shulztie is having a change of heart about you. He no longer wants your mancrush!”

Ha ha, have you stopped laughing yet… If he only knew!

JSS

September 27th, 2012
5:27 pm

Classic symptoms of criminal insanity…
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

But you keep commenting, now that is irony!

Columbus

September 27th, 2012
5:38 pm

Many of us are proud of our guns and our Bibles and always will be. Thats what made this nation great while other there had been many nations that were around 1,000s of years before America.

So be ignorant but if you took God out, there would be no America and no Israel. So will the “real nut” please stand up @3:21 PM

The truth will set you free. I suggest you seek it. The alternative amounts to nothing which equals your life. What you gonna do? Keep on being ignorant and a hater of the truth?

I am a 100% Bible believer. and Jesus follower. (Wonder if Schultz is Messianic?) A gun owner.

And a UGA Dawg by the grace of God! The truth WILL set you free!

5150 UOAD

September 27th, 2012
5:39 pm

Put red makeup on that bagel and the girl looks like she has a monkey butt on her head.

Eric C.

September 27th, 2012
6:04 pm

And now send in the clowns

Matt "CHOKE" Ryan

September 27th, 2012
6:09 pm

How many FOOLS does it take to believe in a CHOKE?…..

Obviously quite a few…..ha ha :)

Matt "CHOKE" Ryan

September 27th, 2012
6:11 pm

CHOKE is Atlant’s Bain Capital……..

Vick built up the capital and CHOKE outsource the playoff revenue…..

HA HA :)

Matt "CHOKE" Ryan

September 27th, 2012
6:13 pm

Hey guys listen up……

The stock market may crash every decade or so but CHOKE crashes

every 1st round of the playoffs……

He is nothing if not consistent………….

HA HA :)

atlfalconsfan0125

September 27th, 2012
6:19 pm

@ JSS

How do you think the Falcons will do on Sunday?

atlfalconsfan0125

September 27th, 2012
6:22 pm

Hey MCR, is it possible to have a conversation with you, or is all you do is spew vitriol about Matt Ryan all day?

TruthSayer

September 27th, 2012
6:37 pm

MCR is a troll, but a funny one. Don’t lend fillip to insanity. Just ignore.

Hillbilly D

September 27th, 2012
6:47 pm

I told Lilly that Drew Brees is 0-3 and likes bounties …
… And Aaron Rodgers is 1-2 and likes dogs. She chose wisely.

Isn’t that what they call “push polling”?

JSS

September 27th, 2012
6:54 pm

@ 6:19P
I don’t predict regular season games… Carolina’s defense does nothing exceptionally well… Their weaknesses (tackling, poor secondary play, foolish penalties) play into presumed areas of strengths… It will be the Falcons first time playing a team with zone read running game. I’m not a big fan of how they run it, but if (and it is a big if) Newton plays one of those games, they can hang offensively… I still say the same thing, you run to the right side of your offense against Atlanta (from center to tackle), do it from the start until it sticks… Don’t stand at the line waiting for them to show the defense, they won’t. Script your first two series, and quick snap the ball. Don’t throw seam routes unless it beyond the safeties. And don’t fear trying to run them out of their big nickel tendencies… It is the path to making the safeties commit, that is the blue print… When Robinson and Moore run by a play, that slows the rush…

HUH?????

September 27th, 2012
7:11 pm

“Cam Newton is a pouting, sulking, blubbering, emotional tub of goo, or something to that effect.”

Jeff’s obsession with Newton is hilarious. At least Newton isn’t getting arrested like the Falcons.

Getaway

September 27th, 2012
7:19 pm

Just heard Jay Glazer getting it started, “…Atlanta is one of the best teams in the NFL, not because of some big FA signing, but because of a coaching hire… Mike Nolan’s name is now at the top of the list when the coaching carousel starts up again.”

Great.

Getaway

September 27th, 2012
7:22 pm

HUH!!! – no, he’s just losing football games, unlike the Falcons.

atlfalconsfan0125

September 27th, 2012
7:26 pm

@ JSS
ah so Playoffs is where it matters, fair enough and I agree. Hopefully the boys pull through this time around. But ill be foolish if I made some post season predictions now. Although, I must say, If they continue their play like they have been, the sky is the limit.

atlfalconsfan0125

September 27th, 2012
7:27 pm

btw the Cam Newton cartoon is hilarious.

Hillbilly D

September 27th, 2012
7:31 pm

The problem with the sky being the limit is that no matter how high you get, there’s still something above you. ;-)

JSS

September 27th, 2012
7:31 pm

“But ill be foolish if I made some post season predictions now.”

That is why they lace em up and snap the ball…

Eric C.

September 27th, 2012
7:34 pm

The Falcons confused Manning and Rivers…can they confuse the sophomore?

Matt "CHOKE" Ryan

September 27th, 2012
7:37 pm

HUH?????

September 27th, 2012
7:11 pm
“Cam Newton is a pouting, sulking, blubbering, emotional tub of goo, or something to that effect.”

Jeff’s obsession with Newton is hilarious. At least Newton isn’t getting arrested like the Falcons.

__________________________________-

Jeff ha his hobby and I have mine. Neither one has won a playoff game

but at least Cam has the excuse of only being in the league for 1 season :)

SauteeDawg

September 27th, 2012
7:38 pm

Someone mentioned betting the line in the Mark Richt era. {11} seasons. If you bet the line with UGA for the past 11 seasons you may not be bankrupt but, you would be financially embarrassed.
However UGA has covered twice this season.
Matter of fact in 11 seasons UGA has tied the spread on numerous occasions.
This week Dawgs cover.
Falcons cover as well. Newton is overrated and the Falcons will take the cape of this so-called superman.
I’m in agreement with someone who posted above, Newton doing his superman strut last week while getting embarrassed on the field.
You can certainly tell where he come from and where Matt Ryan come from.
Some people never learn.
Wondered how long it would take to expose Carolina’s spread offense, if it was successful wouldn’t every offense in the leauge be running it?
GT should pay attention to this as a sign of things to come.

Matt "CHOKE" Ryan

September 27th, 2012
7:40 pm

30-24 48-21 24-2

Better get that Power Ball guys :)

Matt "CHOKE" Ryan

September 27th, 2012
7:41 pm

Can someone please tell CHOKE the games continue after the 1st round of the playoffs?

HA HA :)

Answer this

September 27th, 2012
7:46 pm

Look for the Angry Birds to keep him boxed in this Sunday…and look for MT33 to back up last weeks game with another good performance! Lets keep the Angry Birds hungry and on the attack.

Boo Brees

September 27th, 2012
8:19 pm

Vick is now an old washed up, banged up fraud…Vick will have one or two good games per season and some people will think he is a good QB…but then all the rest of the season Vick will have 8 or 10 lousy games and he will be a turn-over machine and play awful, that’s why Vick has NEVER WON ANYTHING and never will….LOL.

— phil500
——————————————————————

Apparently this Eagles fan forgot that Vick had a NFC Championship game almost 10 years ago.

Then again maybe not, he did say Vick has NEVER WON ANYTHING