Predictions: Falcons over No. 666, Tech wins, Pigs faceplant
Welcome back for another week of almost-flawless investment advice. We’re off to a decent start here: 17-5 overall, 14-8 against the spread and 12-0 in the games I was really serious about. The “Sack Schultz 2012″ contest is not playing out as well. I went 8-7 last week, which puts me in 319th place, or right on track to win the trip to … Kabul.
If things don’t improve, I may have to reassess my marketing leverage and join the ACC (at least in softball and lacrosse).
And speaking of numbers:
OMG -- the Denver school people are right!
The Falcons face Beelzebub this week. No, not Bobby Petrino — Peyton Manning. Yes, Manning is pure evil. Or at least his jersey number is. The Greeley-Evans (Colo.) school district has barred kids from wearing Manning jerseys because he’s No. 18, and there’s concern that he has ties to the “18th Street” gang, or maybe because 666 (The Number of the Beast!) adds up to 18, or maybe because every single member of the Greeley-Evans School District is a complete boob.
One elementary school sent home an 8-year-old in a Manning jersey. But hey, he brought red jello for lunch, and … well do I even need to say it?
The school district has banned (I’m not making this up) 18, 13, 14 (all with supposed “gang” links), as well as 81, 31 and 41 (uh, the dreaded, “Transposed Gang”?), as well as an assortment of square roots, fractions and pi (which I believe is Latin for: “Luca Brazi sleeps with the fishes”). Thank you, educators.
Now, learn something: There’s panic in Falconland. Brent Grimes is injured. Manning is coming to town. He’s bringing the entire underworld with him! Oh wait, Mike Shanahan is in Washington now. Never mind. But I don’t see the Broncos stopping the Falcons’ offense, and the second-half defense in Kansas City was impressive.
It will be close. But evil shall fall. Falcons win and cover 3.
Total Frat Moves
If this guy's smart, he'll stay out of Johnson's way.
Virginia at Georgia Tech: Paul Johnson responded to the news of Notre Dame becoming a sorta ACC member as you would expect. He punched a leprechaun. All obnoxious little punks may be at risk if Johnson drops to 0-2 in the ACC for the first time. Also Al Groh. But no worries. Jackets cover 10½.
FAU at Georgia: Big week for Georgia. They get back two suspended players but still have to wait for two others, Bacarri Rambo and Alec Ogletree, who totally accidentally, mistakenly, keep eating the same pot brownies, thinking they were straight from Kroger. (Honest.) Half the team could be in leg chains this week, and it wouldn’t matter. Dogs win but take FAU and 43.
Georgia has had a problems with “Certain Substances”
Alabama at Pig Remnants: After losing to Louisiana-Monroe, Arkansas coach John L. Smith needed a rallying cry. He settled on: “We’re still undefeated in the league.” Now there’s a statement with a limited shelf life. The laughter continues: Tide covers 20.
Florida at Tennessee: Vols quarterback Tyler Bray got a tattoo of his name across his back — and the letters in stars. OK. So now we know he can’t audible. Take Florida and 3 and the Gators in a straight upset.
These shirts are selling well in Louisiana. In Arkansas, not so much. (Via ULM.edu/shock)
La.-Monroe at Auburn: The NCAA continues to hover over Auburn. Now it’s about a recruit (Jovon Robinson) having his high school transcript altered, which led to him being declared academically ineligible. I’m not declaring guilt or innocence here. But given the amount of time NCAA investigators spend in Auburn, wouldn’t buying a condo save on hotel costs? Tigers win, but take ULM and 16½.
Wake Forest at FSU: Wake has won four of the past six meetings, including last season as a 10-point underdog. I hate research: Clouds the judgment. Seminoles cover 28.
USC at Stanford: Lane Kiffin banned a reporter from practice and “suspended” his credential for a home game for reporting (accurately) that a Trojans kicker underwent knee surgery. Kiffin doesn’t want any medical news to get out. Like that metal plate in his head, for example. (Postscript: The school reversed the decision and told Kiffin no cartoons for a week.) Trojans win, but give me Stanford and 8.
Maybe Lane just got the wrong brain
Between Bounties
Saints at Panthers: The Saints’ defense allowed 40 points in their season opener to the Redskins. The good news is they don’t have to convince anybody that the bounty program is over. Feeling an upset: Take the 2½, but Carolina wins straight up.
Ravens at Eagles: Michael Vick threw four interceptions in Game 1. Somewhere in Philadelphia, there are a roomful of lawyers looking for an escape route in his $100 million contract. Take the 2½ and Baltimore in a mild upset.
Bucs at N.Y. Giants: The defending Super Bowl champions lost their season opener. Tom Coughlin firing rumors start in 3…2…1… Giants cover 7½.
Lions at 49ers: Jim Harbaugh promises if the 49ers win he won’t give Jim Schwartz another semi-assault handshake like he did last season. Maybe a pile-driver this time. San Francisco covers 6½.
•
Bottom Dollars
“Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.” – W.C. Fields.
Last week: 7-4 straight up, 7-4 against the line.
Season to date: 17-5 straight up, 14-8 against the line.
“Sack Schultz” update: Nicholas Norys (Dacula) and Petr Kasparek (Harrison, Ark.) were the weekly winners, each going 13-2. Punks. Contest is still open for a chance to win game tickets and a trip to Hawaii. Go to AJC.com/go/sackschultz2012.
Lilly’s Pick of the Week: The mutt is 1-1. This week’s race for the biscuit was between the Falcons and Broncos. I put up pictures of Matt Ryan and Peyton Manning. She didn’t hesitate: Manning and Broncos win.
For what it's worth: This was the fastest decision Lilly has ever made.
By Jeff Schultz
•
– Previous episodes of Weekend Predictions: Click here
– To win $1 million, click here (again … again …)
Recent past episodes (no charge):
– Loss of Brent Grimes doesn’t have to derail Falcons’ season
– Video blog: On Brent Grimes, Falcons’ offense and some early picks
– Falcons finally show an offense worthy of their talent
– Short takes: 3 thoughts on Falcons’ win over Chiefs
– Short takes: 3 thoughts on Georgia’s win over Missouri
– Georgia starts slow, then writes the winning script
– Georgia needs to avoid playing catch-up in SEC again
– Weekend Predictions: Dogs, Falcons win and a ‘Sack’ video update
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267 comments Add your comment
Joey
September 13th, 2012
3:35 pm
Jeff, hate to tell you this, but somebody’s gotta do it – word is, UGA’s Russ was seen coming out your front door early this morning.
And Lilly was at the door blowing kisses . . .
Buck Belue says forget the stat sheets on Aaron Murray
September 13th, 2012
3:39 pm
When do we play a team who is making the Top 10 ?
True Falcon Fan
September 13th, 2012
3:40 pm
I am seeing ZERO is trying his best to find somebody to give him a little love & encouragement… Try quite running your 14 D / botox flapper…. Maybe sum will come your way….. What a Moron!!!
Go Falcons, #18 next —- Bet the over on this game & take the home team!
Schultzie: You must have given sweeter food on the Broncos side —- I’m jus sayin……
Old Dawg
September 13th, 2012
3:43 pm
I vote that all students in the Denver Public School System has custom Broncos jerseys with the number 0 on them, to match the IQ of school officials.
Next up? No Brown Shirts allowed!
Buck Belue says forget the stat sheets on Aaron Murray
September 13th, 2012
3:47 pm
“UT beats Fla. GT beats UVA.”
vols beat Florida ? Georgie tek beats whom ?
Colorado is full of liberal whackos
September 13th, 2012
3:51 pm
Say it aint so Lilly!!!!
And Jeff,did you get sunburned in Missouri….a little redfaced in video
Joey
September 13th, 2012
4:03 pm
UT is a favorite over UF?
When did that happen last Tampa Gator?
I’d take UF straight up. The Gators have a really good D, and a QB that is growing up fast.
b
September 13th, 2012
4:04 pm
Young Frankenstein:
Inga: Werewolf!
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Werewolf?
Igor: There.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What?
Igor: There, wolf. There, castle.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Why are you talking that way?
Igor: I thought you wanted to.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: No, I don’t want to.
Igor: [shrugs] Suit yourself. I’m easy.
Share this quote
Paul in NH
September 13th, 2012
4:12 pm
GT wins butdoesn’t cover
UGA covers big time as they make up for the Buffalo game
Alabama in a blow out
UF wins close over UT
Auburn wins but doesn’t cover
FSU and USC both win big
Liverpool FC celebrates the truth finally coming out and Cameron’s apology by drawing at Sunderland – they are looking ahead to ManU next week.
Everton FC betters their neighbours with a 3-1 victory at home against Newcastle
Ted M
September 13th, 2012
4:24 pm
Jeff,
Why don’t you invite Clusters to join you on a video blog then we can all meet…The Man, The Myth The Legend?
Nativebird
September 13th, 2012
4:50 pm
and turkey-neck, pudgey Geek-boy-never-could-play-football-because-I-was-a-soft-marshmellow-body-so-I-became-a-coach, Paul Johnson would get his A$$ kicked by a Leprechaun.
HUH?????
September 13th, 2012
4:58 pm
“The NCAA continues to hover over Auburn. Now it’s about a recruit (Jovon Robinson) having his high school transcript altered, which led to him being declared academically ineligible. ”
Jeff, there hasn’t been one single story about the NCAA investigating Auburn. A high school counselor changed Robinson’s grades which has WHAT to do with Auburn?
Alabama was also recruiting Robinson…heavily. Should Bama be worried as well?
HUH?????
September 13th, 2012
5:02 pm
“Falcons win and cover 3.”
Peyton will disassemble the Falcon defense. Peyton beat Pittsburgh, Jeff. Or did you forget that?
HUH?????
September 13th, 2012
5:04 pm
Coach interviewed by NCAA says Auburn not involved in violations he witnessed
Nashville-based football coach Byron De’Vinner, who has spoken to the NCAA regarding potential recruiting violations by Mississippi State, said that although he is aware of other schools offering cash and benefits to players he has coached, Alabama and Auburn have not been involved.
http://www.al.com/sports/index.ssf/2012/09/coach_interviewed_by_ncaa_says.html
canadian falcon
September 13th, 2012
5:07 pm
Most exelent link Esquire
HUH?????
September 13th, 2012
5:08 pm
Jeff, here is a link to ESPN SEC coverage. There is not one single story about Auburn or the NCAA.
http://espn.go.com/blog/sec
Sonny Clusters
September 13th, 2012
5:40 pm
We don’t know what to say about the stalker except he thinks he’s our mama. If we went around correcting everybody like that somebody would probably tell us to go to the Dairy Queen and relax. Speaking of relaxing . . . that was some relaxed defense at third base last night. We was remembering when somebody lost a chopper to chipper in the lights last year and the Braves ended up losing the game on an Infante game winner. Never should have happened. Yes, it is cooling down and somebody is going to be sitting in a tree soon (probably very soon) eating little sausages from Milwaukee and spitting seeds and scratching and lining up a little deer in his gunsight.
Sonny Clusters
September 13th, 2012
5:45 pm
Anybody wanting to see a Clusters can see us on Facebook. We don’t really do video. You must be thinking of Dan Uggla. It was good to hear Uggla say he is back and we was wondering back from what, back from where? .215 ain’t back where Clusters come from. We could hit .215 without Popup arms and with those big ol’ arms we could probably hit one through the wall. We think Uggla may be pretty strong but he just can’t make contact with the baseball. We was thinking he would be a bad ex-president because if he was trying to hammer a nail in a Habitat house he would never hit the nail.
bad apples & stolen hash browns
September 13th, 2012
5:46 pm
Enter your comments here
Stinger2
September 13th, 2012
5:51 pm
Clusters: FYI this is a football blog in case you did not notice. This is not a forum to start another of your Braves bashings but I see you did it anyway.
The Braves are going to be fine in spite of you and your continued rantings that stir up some of your sympathizers.
1eyedJack
September 13th, 2012
5:52 pm
“Paul Johnson responded to the news of Notre Dame becoming a sorta ACC member as you would expect. He punched a leprechaun. All obnoxious little punks may be at risk if Johnson drops to 0-2 in the ACC for the first time. Also Al Groh.”
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Love the W.C. Fields quote Schultzy, heres another:
“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.”
Sonny Clusters
September 13th, 2012
6:04 pm
There he is! Bless his heart. This is an equal opportunity blog and we are glad to see him. One day, he’s going to offer something about baseball that makes sense instead of just blogging about us. Stalking is creepy but we think this little guy is probably harmless. You know, this little fella says we are stirring up the other bloggers here where we think it is bad baseball that’s getting them stirred up. If everybody is okay with a team that can’t execute fundamentals or field a ground ball and can’t bring in a run from third base with nobody out . . . then join up with our little buddy and say so. If, though, you think like us that the team is as sharp as its manager and this manager doesn’t seem to be paying attention to the game in front of him then feel free to say so.
Sonny Clusters
September 13th, 2012
6:07 pm
Jeff, will Chipper be allowed to carry some little sausages on the field with him or will he be allowed a few in the dugout for a snack? Do you think he was thinking sausages last night when those ground balls were hit over there and he didn’t know what to do? We was wondering.
Beast from the East
September 13th, 2012
6:14 pm
Gators win 27-17
Tech wins handily
Bama in a laugher
Wake over the Semis
Stinger2
September 13th, 2012
6:15 pm
Clusters: “Its bad baseball that stirring up the other bloggers”.
This cannot be the case. The Braves have the fifth best record in MLB and are 18 games over .500. That is good baseball. Only you and your group of naysayers could call that bad baseball.
1eyedJack
September 13th, 2012
6:50 pm
I wish Chipper would put up a stand in my back yard and cull the herd a little before they eat up all my trees and flowers. I’d do it myself but the Ol’ Lady won’t cook it.
Sonny Clusters
September 13th, 2012
6:50 pm
5th best in baseball? Will they finish first in their division? Will they be guaranteed a playoff appearance? Or will they be in a play-in? Or will they tank like last year and miss everything but deer season? You don’t give us much credit but you don’t give other bloggers any credit for being able to discern what they are seeing nightly. We feel a little bit sorry for you because you probably don’t have any friends. In fact, we would guess you are seated right now by yourself at a table for two. See you later, alligator.
Sonny Clusters
September 13th, 2012
6:54 pm
1eyedJack, just make sausages out of it. We was wondering why Chipper was so glad to get that box of little sausages because we figure he must have a bunch of deer sausage in his freezer at home. Then we remembered he may not have a freezer anymore and he may not have a house or a bed either. Of course, he’s got plenty of money to buy another house but he could have bought his own sausages, too. Go figure. One thing, we bet our little stalker buddy will start liking sausage now and if he had some bigger biceps he might even get a deer tattoo.
Tampa Gator
September 13th, 2012
7:02 pm
Joey
September 13th, 2012
4:03 pm
“UT is a favorite over UF? When did that happen last Tampa Gator?”
@Joey……
Tennessee deserves to be favored for this game. But it has been a while….and it has been a while since the Vols have beaten the Gators as well….7 years in fact. A&M was favored to beat the Gators as well…..and Knoxville will not be any tougher a place to play than College Station was. The Vols are a much improved team this year, but so are the Gators….and I think the Gators have a much tougher D…..and that will be the 3 point difference in the game. Gators…..20-17.
1eyedJack
September 13th, 2012
7:08 pm
Yeah, Clusters, deer sausage is one of my favorites. Right up there with a Dipped Cone with chopped nuts from DQ. But, she still won’t cook it. Won’t cook nothing she considers cute, so I guess the cat is safe.
Sonny Clusters
September 13th, 2012
7:35 pm
Well Mrs. Jack would never cook a Clusters because girls say we are cute and smart and handsome and one of the 5 best athletes in the world with such a high IQ. When Clusters are still little babies we are able conjugate verbs and diagram sentences and solve most calculus problems and all algebra problems. We’ve also memorized the periodic tables by then. That’s why when we say it’s bad baseball it really is bad baseball. It’s sort of like being the best player on a bad team if you have the best record of the ones that didn’t win anything.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater
September 13th, 2012
7:55 pm
Parents are just way to sensitive today!! Really- football or any kind of jerseys?? Can i no longer wear my Dale Murphy jersey in SW ATL??
Nonetheless- Falcons will win, ESPN will come back down to earth, and I call GB going 0-2 to start the season tonight!!
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater
September 13th, 2012
7:56 pm
I agree Clusters- i call it CSB: Classic September Braves. Always embarrassing themselves with sub .500 teams.
1eyedJack
September 13th, 2012
8:02 pm
I reckon Clusters are smart. About the only thing I ever done was invent oxygen. Oh, and them little bitty spoons they put in the diced onions at the concession stand.
1eyedJack
September 13th, 2012
8:05 pm
How they hangin’ Dr. Noisewater?
bulldogbubba
September 13th, 2012
8:13 pm
Mr clusters I found a picture of you and you were a handsome fella.It is a shame we all couln’t look like that. My mama had to tie the bone around my neck so the dog would play with me.As for the Braves it is like Paul Simon sang: Slip slidin’ away , slip slidin’ away, the Phils are gonna pass us ,slip slidin’ away.
Sonny Clusters
September 13th, 2012
8:41 pm
Speaking of spoons, we have been collecting Dairy Queen spoons since 1989. And speaking of that, we noticed Fredi is spitting seeds in the dugout every time they put a camera on him and we was thinking that looks almost as stupid as having your thumb up your nose on camera. One thing we know and that is Coach was always watching the game. Always. It didn’t matter if he was spitting seeds or scratching or adjusting or whatever he was always watching the game.
Sonny Clusters
September 13th, 2012
8:41 pm
Speaking of spoons, we have been collecting Dairy Queen spoons since 1989. And speaking of that, we noticed Fredi is spitting seeds in the dugout every time they put a camera on him and we was thinking that looks almost as stupid as having your thumb up your nose on camera. One thing we know and that is Coach was always watching the game. Always. It didn’t matter if he was spitting seeds or scratching or adjusting or whatever he was always watching the game.
Sonny Clusters
September 13th, 2012
8:42 pm
How did we do that? We posted in clusters.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater
September 13th, 2012
8:51 pm
we’re hanging just fine jack
Hillbilly D
September 13th, 2012
8:54 pm
I’d do it myself but the Ol’ Lady won’t cook it.
Take it to the slaughterhouse and have it ground up. You can make hamburger or sausage out of it and she’ll be none the wiser.
JSS
September 13th, 2012
9:05 pm
@ Jeff Schultz…
When have I ever used a “word” like “Schultzy?” Or made game a stupid college football prediction? This clown is laughable…
Jeff Schultz
September 13th, 2012
9:15 pm
JSS (real one) — Gotcha.
Jeff Schultz
September 13th, 2012
9:16 pm
Thanks Paddy.
Arno
September 13th, 2012
9:17 pm
Not fair– Lilly loves Sports Illustrated.
Jeff Schultz
September 13th, 2012
9:18 pm
Ted M — I would love to do a live remote with Clusters from a Dairy Queen with Frenchy and Stinky Wintes.
JSS
September 13th, 2012
9:19 pm
@ Stupid TFF…
You’re so obsessed that you can’t tell the difference between “real” and “fake.” Kinda like the reason you prefer mail-order blow-up to “real” human…
JSS
September 13th, 2012
9:24 pm
@ Jeff Schultz…
We’ve had our blow-ups, but you’d think the stalkers would do their homework by now… Entertainment law rule #6, Protect the brand!
Yeti
September 13th, 2012
9:36 pm
Hey Shultz. My prediction: another weekend of “better than average referees”. Funny what a little story it was. Despite the fact, every journalist in the U.S. was waiting to pounce. If the refs in the Seattle game would not have messed up the timeout call, would have been a huge improvement from the old refs. But than again, they have been known to miss a coin toss or two.
Jeff Schultz
September 13th, 2012
9:42 pm
JSS — Haha. Blowups? Me? You? … Naw, see that’s what most people don’t get about me (though I think you do). I don’t care how much of an irritant somebody may be, or what their opinion is, just so long as they: 1) don’t get abusive and; 2) don’t believe I have some kind of agenda. And if somebody throws something at me, be prepared for me to throw it back. … Also, as a general rule, stalkers are dumb. So are people who use multiple screen names. I mean, really? You’re that insecure that you have to use different screen names on one blog to “support” your case? … OK. End of rant.