Predictions: Falcons over No. 666, Tech wins, Pigs faceplant

week3 001

Welcome back for another week of almost-flawless investment advice. We’re off to a decent start here: 17-5 overall, 14-8 against the spread and 12-0 in the games I was really serious about. The “Sack Schultz 2012″ contest is not playing out as well. I went 8-7 last week, which puts me in 319th place, or right on track to win the trip to … Kabul.

If things don’t improve, I may have to reassess my marketing leverage and join the ACC (at least in softball and lacrosse).

And speaking of numbers:

OMG -- the Denver school people are right!

OMG -- the Denver school people are right!

The Falcons face Beelzebub this week. No, not Bobby Petrino — Peyton Manning. Yes, Manning is pure evil. Or at least his jersey number is. The Greeley-Evans (Colo.) school district has barred kids from wearing Manning jerseys because he’s No. 18, and there’s concern that he has ties to the “18th Street” gang, or maybe because 666 (The Number of the Beast!) adds up to 18, or maybe because every single member of the Greeley-Evans School District is a complete boob.

One elementary school sent home an 8-year-old in a Manning jersey. But hey, he brought red jello for lunch, and … well do I even need to say it?

The school district has banned (I’m not making this up) 18, 13, 14 (all with supposed “gang” links), as well as 81, 31 and 41 (uh, the dreaded, “Transposed Gang”?), as well as an assortment of square roots, fractions and pi (which I believe is Latin for: “Luca Brazi sleeps with the fishes”). Thank you, educators.

Now, learn something: There’s panic in Falconland. Brent Grimes is injured. Manning is coming to town. He’s bringing the entire underworld with him! Oh wait, Mike Shanahan is in Washington now. Never mind. But I don’t see the Broncos stopping the Falcons’ offense, and the second-half defense in Kansas City was impressive.

It will be close. But evil shall fall. Falcons win and cover 3.

Total Frat Moves

If this guy's smart, he'll stay out of Johnson's way.

If this guy's smart, he'll stay out of Johnson's way.

Virginia at Georgia Tech: Paul Johnson responded to the news of Notre Dame becoming a sorta ACC member as you would expect. He punched a leprechaun. All obnoxious little punks may be at risk if Johnson drops to 0-2 in the ACC for the first time. Also Al Groh. But no worries. Jackets cover 10½.

FAU at Georgia: Big week for Georgia. They get back two suspended players but still have to wait for two others, Bacarri Rambo and Alec Ogletree, who totally accidentally, mistakenly, keep eating the same pot brownies, thinking they were straight from Kroger. (Honest.) Half the team could be in leg chains this week, and it wouldn’t matter. Dogs win but take FAU and 43.

Georgia has had a problems with “Certain Substances”

Alabama at Pig Remnants: After losing to Louisiana-Monroe, Arkansas coach John L. Smith needed a rallying cry. He settled on: “We’re still undefeated in the league.” Now there’s a statement with a limited shelf life. The laughter continues: Tide covers 20.

Florida at Tennessee: Vols quarterback Tyler Bray got a tattoo of his name across his back — and the letters in stars. OK. So now we know he can’t audible. Take Florida and 3 and the Gators in a straight upset.

These shirts are selling well in Louisiana. In Arkansas, not so much.

These shirts are selling well in Louisiana. In Arkansas, not so much. (Via ULM.edu/shock)

La.-Monroe at Auburn: The NCAA continues to hover over Auburn. Now it’s about a recruit (Jovon Robinson) having his high school transcript altered, which led to him being declared academically ineligible. I’m not declaring guilt or innocence here. But given the amount of time NCAA investigators spend in Auburn, wouldn’t buying a condo save on hotel costs? Tigers win, but take ULM and 16½.

Wake Forest at FSU: Wake has won four of the past six meetings, including last season as a 10-point underdog. I hate research: Clouds the judgment. Seminoles cover 28.

USC at Stanford: Lane Kiffin banned a reporter from practice and “suspended” his credential for a home game for reporting (accurately) that a Trojans kicker underwent knee surgery. Kiffin doesn’t want any medical news to get out. Like that metal plate in his head, for example. (Postscript: The school reversed the decision and told Kiffin no cartoons for a week.) Trojans win, but give me Stanford and 8.

Maybe Lane just got the wrong brain

Between Bounties

Saints at Panthers: The Saints’ defense allowed 40 points in their season opener to the Redskins. The good news is they don’t have to convince anybody that the bounty program is over. Feeling an upset: Take the 2½, but Carolina wins straight up.

Ravens at Eagles: Michael Vick threw four interceptions in Game 1. Somewhere in Philadelphia, there are a roomful of lawyers looking for an escape route in his $100 million contract. Take the 2½ and Baltimore in a mild upset.

Bucs at N.Y. Giants: The defending Super Bowl champions lost their season opener. Tom Coughlin firing rumors start in 3…2…1… Giants cover 7½.

Lions at 49ers: Jim Harbaugh promises if the 49ers win he won’t give Jim Schwartz another semi-assault handshake like he did last season. Maybe a pile-driver this time. San Francisco covers 6½.

Bottom Dollars

tree“Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.” – W.C. Fields.

Last week: 7-4 straight up, 7-4 against the line.

Season to date: 17-5 straight up, 14-8 against the line.

“Sack Schultz” update: Nicholas Norys (Dacula) and Petr Kasparek (Harrison, Ark.) were the weekly winners, each going 13-2. Punks. Contest is still open for a chance to win game tickets and a trip to Hawaii. Go to AJC.com/go/sackschultz2012.

Lilly’s Pick of the Week: The mutt is 1-1. This week’s race for the biscuit was between the Falcons and Broncos. I put up pictures of Matt Ryan and Peyton Manning. She didn’t hesitate: Manning and Broncos win.

For what it's worth: This was the fastest decision Lilly has ever made.

For what it's worth: This was the fastest decision Lilly has ever made.

By Jeff Schultz

– Previous episodes of Weekend Predictions: Click here

– To win $1 million, click here (again … again …)

Recent past episodes (no charge):

Loss of Brent Grimes doesn’t have to derail Falcons’ season

Video blog: On Brent Grimes, Falcons’ offense and some early picks

Falcons finally show an offense worthy of their talent

Short takes: 3 thoughts on Falcons’ win over Chiefs

Short takes: 3 thoughts on Georgia’s win over Missouri

Georgia starts slow, then writes the winning script

Georgia needs to avoid playing catch-up in SEC again

Weekend Predictions: Dogs, Falcons win and a ‘Sack’ video update

Falcons, Smith going to amusing extremes to get an edge

Chipper Jones provides Braves with a needed miracle

267 comments Add your comment

dougmo2

September 13th, 2012
1:05 pm

steve

September 13th, 2012
1:07 pm

steve

September 13th, 2012
1:08 pm

steve

September 13th, 2012
1:08 pm

Ghruten

September 13th, 2012
1:10 pm

Ghruten

September 13th, 2012
1:11 pm

I just read the column and then guessed. Got it right, sort of like Schultz did here.

Steve

September 13th, 2012
1:12 pm

I am such a loser because I wasn’t first! I hate my life! Hate it!

Almost not famous

September 13th, 2012
1:14 pm

Almost not famous

September 13th, 2012
1:14 pm

Spanky

September 13th, 2012
1:15 pm

Jeff, I honestly see the Falcons game going to Overtime, with the ATL getting the winning field goal…but will be a nail-biter! I also think Virginia will make it real close against Tech!

Are there any “Bobby Petrino Motorcycle Club” T-shirts available? Christmas is just arounf the corner!! Good reads, Jeff, thanks!

Kramer

September 13th, 2012
1:19 pm

Good crap this week Jeff. Oh and sixth! Or seventh or eighth!

BigDave

September 13th, 2012
1:21 pm

Tennessee will beat Florida 30-27

Chi Town

September 13th, 2012
1:23 pm

The NCAA will take down the Chiz and the Barn.

Hollywould

September 13th, 2012
1:24 pm

Good stuff Jeff but i am taking uva over tech.

Mitch Kumstein

September 13th, 2012
1:25 pm

If we can run the ball between the tackles, we have a good chance. If not, it will be a long day for us.

I’m still waiting for the real 33 to show up. Maybe Qiuzz can show us something?

WDE

September 13th, 2012
1:29 pm

Let me guess, somebody in Memphis changed a grade, and its Auburn’s fault. Just like Miss St. tried to buy Cam Newton, and it was Auburn’s fault. It makes perfect sense… Grasping at straws..

Immaletyoufinish

September 13th, 2012
1:31 pm

Never take the home team in the UVa/Tech series (last year – barely – excepted). UVa wins straight up.

Kevin

September 13th, 2012
1:39 pm

Carpet would look really good in your house.

Wet Willie...keep on smiling

September 13th, 2012
1:47 pm

The Hogs will play well vs Bama and cover. I wouldn’t touch the UT vs UF game but I am looking forward to watching. Best of luck to your favorite football team. Roll Tide.

ole dawg

September 13th, 2012
1:48 pm

@WDE… when you lay with dogs you get fleas. You forgot to mention how some talented Georgia HS player just happened to transfer to Auburn HS. There is a continuous awful odor coming out of Auburn.

Mike Franklin

September 13th, 2012
1:50 pm

O.M.G.

I had NO idea that anyone on the AJC staff had such writing talent! This is hilarious… and a dead-ringer bullseye!

Mr. Schultz, a hat tip & salute, sir! You have a new full-time fan!

Silly Bloggers

September 13th, 2012
1:50 pm

I think Tennessee is going to end that 7-year streak against the Gators. Can’t argue how good UF is on defense…especially in making adjustments, but I give the edge to Tennessee for a better offense and having home field.

LOL at the Braves

September 13th, 2012
2:00 pm

But not this blog.

Bhorsoft

September 13th, 2012
2:08 pm

Don’t get to add pizza 3.14 (pi) to your equations. Football is always better with pi.

Sonny Clusters

September 13th, 2012
2:08 pm

What about the Braves? Oh, yeah, they are collapsing. We asked Fredi some questions after the games in Milwaukee. Here’s what he had to say: “You know what? We was trying to put up a crooked number but we had a hard time putting up anything.” Well, we was thinking last night we can’t remember a time when Jeff or somebody asked Bobby Cox a question about the game that was just played and Bobby Cox said, “You know what, I didn’t see it.” That has happened twice in the past few days. What is Fredi watching if he’s not watching the game?

Sonny Clusters

September 13th, 2012
2:14 pm

Poor old Chipper Jones leaves as soon as Uggla gets back. At least it looked like he left third base unattended last night. We understand he sprained something brushing his foot across the bag. Well, “Danny is hot right now” (.215 hot) and Fredi is expecting big things. Are we seeing another collapse?

Benjamin

September 13th, 2012
2:14 pm

So much confusion today over first. Why not go for “best?” Just a thought.

- Zenjamin

Regarding the Falcons this week, I’m worried myself. I think your dog may have outpicked you on this one, Schultzie. Hope not, though. Go Falcons!

Benjamin

September 13th, 2012
2:15 pm

Also, what in the world, Tyler Bray?

Big 10 a Joke, Delany All Mad

September 13th, 2012
2:19 pm

Irish beats Sparty, ASU dumps Mizzou.

Ted M

September 13th, 2012
2:25 pm

Pretty funny stuff Jeff…good job.

Ted M

September 13th, 2012
2:34 pm

Chipper’s defense was pretty bad last nite…Maholm may have gotten out of that big inning w/good defense

Ted M

September 13th, 2012
2:36 pm

The Braves defense in general, for the past month, has been substandard.

banshee29

September 13th, 2012
2:38 pm

Schultz….moves to a new room in the house and this one needs a paint job…maybe you could sell your trip to hawaii for a refurb job on teh compound….good column

Howard

September 13th, 2012
2:40 pm

Dang it Jeff. thought by the headline that Bobby Petrino had grabbed a substantial amount of print space…shucks. (Of course his replacement John L. Smith is a weasel too so at least you mentioned him. what will happen in Auburn if they lose to ULM?? ULM pounded Arkansas’ quarterback last week and the Hawks ran up a ton of offense on the Hawgs. maybe if ULM wins, this will finally let folks know how over-rated Gene Chizik is as a head coach!!!

Big Crimson 75

September 13th, 2012
2:52 pm

Man, I love football season!!
I kinda wish Arky didn’t lose last week, butt no matter. Saban hasn’t lost to Arky yet & I just don’t see John L. Smith breaking the streak.
I love the Falcons Monday night. The D will shut some people up.
UT beats Fla. GT beats UVA.
SF will destroy Detroit. San Fran is the best team in the NFL.

bulldogbubba

September 13th, 2012
2:54 pm

Mr Clusters you know how the Dodger’s manager lets a player manage a game at the season and the manager sits and watches the game.Whay do you about Fredi starting that tradition here except we don’t wait until the last game.Maybe Fredi could take a few days off and let Chipper manage from the bench while spitting seeds and talking deer talk of course the other Buck Commander will be in town for the weekend and He might be persuaded give Terry Pendleton 3 days off and Chipper coach first base so he will have more time to talk to Laroche and about what to do at hunting camp since Chipper will get there first. Just sayin’.

JSS

September 13th, 2012
2:59 pm

Clusters, how long before your stalker shows up?

Jeff Schultz

September 13th, 2012
3:05 pm

Spanky — Maybe Santa will bring you a B.P.M.C. T-shirt.

Jeff Schultz

September 13th, 2012
3:05 pm

Hollywould — Don’t think so but that would be bad loss for Tech.

Jeff Schultz

September 13th, 2012
3:06 pm

WDE — Hey, don’t blame me. If NCAA’s asking questions, they’re asking questions. Call them.

Jeff Schultz

September 13th, 2012
3:07 pm

Bhorsoft — Pizza pi! How did I miss that?

Jeff Schultz

September 13th, 2012
3:09 pm

Banshee29 — Geez, first I get called out for needing to paint the baseboards in my kitchen (true that). Now I get called out for a dirty and scuffed basement floor that once looked cool but now is in need of hardwoods (true that). Maybe I should start a Help-Renovate-Schultz’s-House-Fund. Care to make the first donation? … Hello? … Hello?

Jeff Schultz

September 13th, 2012
3:10 pm

JSS — Clusters is the stalker.

Supersize that order, mutt

September 13th, 2012
3:12 pm

Tech loses, but I’m at peace with that as long as Coach Johnson gets fired.

Paddy

September 13th, 2012
3:12 pm

The Greeley school district does not add to the sympathy of teachers/administrators when they act like they have no common sense. Like the story 2 weeks ago about the deaf boy being expelled because his ’sign’ for his name looked like a revolver when he made it with his little fingures. They asked the parents to change the way the boy ’signed’ his name, parents refused! Good for them!!

Another great piece of writing Jeff. I love Thursdays!!!!!!!!!!!

Esquire

September 13th, 2012
3:14 pm

I vote for these as new Falcons Cheerleaders uniforms!!

http://sports.sho.com/videos/1135

LOL at The Aints

September 13th, 2012
3:16 pm

Clusters should have his own segment on Channel 46 news cause he asks’ the tough questions,,,

Whats with that floor?

September 13th, 2012
3:16 pm

So the dog gets picks now? WOW! I cant speak I am in a bad spot in sacking you Shultz……but I shall make a hard charge this week! I have the upset special in my picks this week and I will have a side of Bronco meat to go with it! Falcons win and Cover and here is the upset special……….Stanford beats USC!

LOL at The Aints

September 13th, 2012
3:25 pm

Looks like Manning is a big AC/DC fan,,,

Joey

September 13th, 2012
3:31 pm

Clusters, I felt a little chill in the air the last couple days.

We know where the Buck Masters minds are . . .