Predictions: Dogs, Falcons win, ‘Sack’ video update

Before getting to this week’s investment advice, we have an important announcement from Weekend Predictions Storm Central: About 16,000 dead rats, and I’m not sure who actually counted, have washed up on the Mississippi coast since Hurricane Isaac. Officials are withholding names of the rodents until next-of-kin can be notified, although it’s believed none yet have been identified as Jackie Sherrill.

Two from UGA's recruiting class.

Mississippi officials assured all that dead, smelly rats on the beach posed no health risk — I am not making this up — but decided to clean them up anyway because they thought the atmosphere at their “Cruisin’ The Coast” event in October might be slightly marred by the carcasses. Now THAT’S thinking ahead! Unlike Sheldon Richardson. (Aspiring writers: This is a transition.)

Richardson did about the dumbest thing a Missouri player could do before the school’s first SEC game. He said he watched some of Georgia’s game on TV last week but turned it off and called it “old-man football.”

When is A.J. Green’s rebuttal?

Bulletin board material doesn’t decide games. But I figure if a mediocre showing against Buffalo didn’t get Georgia’s attention, this did. Assuming the Geritol kicks in: Grumpy Old Men cover 3.

Statler and Waldorf weigh in

IT’S A SACK SCHULTZ UPDATE WITH MOVING LIPS!

Faber College

(Where Knowledge Is Good)

This is an actual ad on Presbyterian's football site

Presbyterian at Georgia Tech: Presbyterian’s nickname comes from the early 1900s when the team was referred to as the “Blue Stockings,” and apparently that didn’t sound manly enough. Actual fact: There is an ad on the webpage picturing a woman in underwear and compression stockings, guaranteed to “reduce and prevent varicose veins.” Tell me again why Presbyterian plays football? Jackets by four TDs (no line).

Georgia State at Tennessee: Bill Curry’s team has been outscored 119-7 by two FBS opponents (Alabama, Houston). Something seems worse about getting pummeled by your former rival’s snot-nosed kid. Punk: Get off my lawn! Derek Dooley by four TDs (no line).

Derek and Mr. Curry, a few years back

Auburn at Mississippi State: Dan Mullen on being 3-12 against the SEC West: ”I don’t think about it. I think the media thinks about it an awful lot.” True. Also athletic directors, fans and donors. Take Auburn and 2, and also in a straight upset.

Florida at Texas A&M: A billboard in Gainesville reads, “Howdy Gainesville: You’ve been annexed by Aggie Nation The Best Academics & Cleanest Program in the SEC. WHOOP!.” Love the cleanliness part. After probations in the Southwest and Big 12, I guess they had to get that in quick. Aggies cover 1½.

Savannah State at Florida State: Was Savannah State just hoping to add a couple of bathrooms and some landscaping by scheduling back-to-back games against Oklahoma State ($385,000, 84-0 loss) and FSU ($475,000)? Because they can probably find more players at an orphanage and keep this going against Alabama and USC. Coach Steve Davenport: “You get paid for certain things but I don’t know if some things are worth the payments.” Make him the athletic director. FSU by 40. (no line).

Western Kentucky at Alabama: Nick Saban worked himself into a mock frenzy at a news conference because nobody is giving Western Kentucky the “proper respect.” No Oscar. But he scared the hell out of the Alabama media so mission accomplished. Tide covers 40.

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NFL Snack Pack

Tonya had her own bounty program.

Falcons at Kansas City: The last time the Falcons played at Arrowhead Stadium came in 2004. They lost 56-10. Totally blew a 3-0 lead. Jim Mora in the postgame: “I am honored to be a part of history.” I think he was being sarcastic, but you can never be sure with paranoid schizophrenics. Speaking of paranoid, Mike Smith was keeping quiet on some obscure lineup decisions, but given how much this game and this season may indicate something about franchise direction, maybe that’s not surprising. Falcons cover 3.

Redskins at Saints: In lieu of the game, Saints players will take turns at the microphone and declare how the world is out to get them. That will be followed by a short video: “The art of knee-capping” by defensive quality control coach Tonya Harding. Saints win, but take the Redskins and 9.

Steelers at Broncos: Am I the only one who thinks Peyton Manning is not going to have a great season? Take Pittsburgh and 1½ and in a mild upset.

Bills at Jets: Over/under on camera shots of Tim Tebow on the sideline: 57. ESPN debates how he handles it in 3 … 2 … 1 … Jets cover 3.

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Scorecard

“Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.” — Wilson Mizner

Last week: 10-1 straight up, 7-4 against the line.

Lock of the week: Schlage.

SACK SCHULTZ UPDATE: You can still enter even though the season has started. Just go to AJC.com/go/sackschultz2012 to register for a chance to win a trip to Hawaii and other great prizes. Last week I went 14-1. A bunch of folks went 15-0. It ain’t over, bunky.

LILLY’S PICK OF THE WEEK: This was an easy pick for my mutt. She couldn’t go against her species over cats. Given an option, she went straight for the cheese under “Uga” and passed on “Truman The Tiger.” Georgia (minus-3 ½) over Missouri.

Figured I should help Lilly out with captions, just in case.

By Jeff Schultz

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