Countdown: Tebow’s abs, SEC’s goof and an angry hooker
The Count has been doing P90X, hours of core and drinking yak-liver-and-wheat-grass shakes. Can you tell?
Notice how the cape fits a little looser. The face is slightly thinner, and is a brighter shade of slurple. The fangs no longer drip with bacon grease.
It’s necessary for that mid-summer, buff-for-the-beach look, especially in an Olympic year. There are too many great physical specimens around the world on display right now in London, and maybe we’ll even get to see them one day on NBC’s national, tape-delay-delay-delay, oh-look-Nero-is-going-to-win-his-chariot heat broadcast.
It’s late July, which also means NFL teams are training camps and the buff Tim Tebow and 3,000 lesser football players are hard at work, glistening with sweat in the mid-day sun.
Yeah. I went there. We count down . . .
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10. Oh, he’s a perfect 10 . .
OK. The Count tries to be judicious when it comes to Tim Tebow items, because, really, we have nothing against the young man. It’s not like he’s just some Anna Kournikova-can’t-play-but-marketing-gold creature because, hey, it’s not like Anna Kournikova ever won an SEC title. Or even circumcised kids in the Philippines. We think. But this was just too irresistible. Maybe you heard the other day that Tebow peeled off his shirt (OMG! OMG! OMG!). Tebow jogged shirtless on the New York Jets practice field … in the rain! I think it crashed the Internet. Teammates laughed about it. Quoth Bart Scott: “Maybe it was holy water.” But the best thing we’ve seen so far is this video mash-up with Tebow and Bo Derek from the movie “10.” It is called, TeBowDerek.” For what it’s work, I’m having trouble picturing Dudley Moore in the Rex Ryan role. (via SI’s hot clicks)
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9. These (AA) Braves have spunk!
The Braves’ Double-A affiliate got into bench-clearing brawl with the Mobile BayBears Saturday (via BigLeagueStew). The fight started after Mobile’s Rossmel Perez slid and took out Mississippi pitcher Michael Tarsi at home plate. Tarsi was running to cover home after a wild pitch allowing Perez to score (see video below). There are two sides here. Fair play: Tarsi was on/near the plate. Dirty play: There was no throw, making the knockdown slide unnecessary. You can judge for yourself with the video below. But here’s the backdrop: There were seven players hit by pitches in the game. Four players (including Perez and Braves’ top prospect Christian Bethancourt, and the Mobile manager) were ejected. On a lesser note, the M-Braves won 7-3.
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8. Hah! Take that, IOC . . .
Every time there’s an Olympic games, somebody takes a shot at Atlanta. Just the other day a pal of mine ranked the last six summer Opening Ceremonies and put Atlanta, well, sixth. I’m sorry — but having Muhammad Ali light the torch alone puts in the top 3. (Beijing wasn’t a ceremony, it was a cartoon. Also, food, water and sleep were withheld from 27,000 Chinese 13-year-olds during six-month rehearsals. OK, slight exaggeration. They got a celery stick.) But you know the one thing that Atlanta never did? We didn’t lose keys to a stadium! London police now admit — a week after it happened — that they have misplaced the keys to Wembley Stadium, site of Olympic soccer. These guys are laser-made, not at Ace Hardward, and worth about $63,000. Scotland Yard assures us that all is well. There is no security risk. And why does this sound like a Monty Python skit?
Looking for a key (or Certain Substances)
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7. Umm … better than Tim Tebow
On the court.
If you’re in a pool to pick the athlete who will best cash in on Olympic fame and you guessed, “Croatian women’s basketball player,” you win! (Disclaimer: I’ve been pestered by my degenerate readership to start posting more pictures of women, with no regard for the fact that I also have non-degenerate female readers, as well as a wife and daughter who know where I sleep. But on second thought …) Wow: Did you see Antonija Mišura? We bow to The Big Lead for the research. Mišura, a striking 24-year-old, 5-foot-11 blonde, plays guard on the court, with far more charisma than Joe Johnson, and lists her hobbies as fashion and shopping. If you Goggle Antonija, you
And off the court.
will find a large gallery, easy on the eyes. I’ve posted samples. And to the degenerates: You’re welcome.
(I have room for more words. But why?)
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6. BREAKING NEWS! (OK. Really?)
The Count has become a big fan of the @NBCDelayed Twitter account, which mocks the network for broadcasting everything on a tape-delay-delay-delay basis and its belief that we are incapable of watching a live Olympic event without “context” in . . . wait, what? Here’s NBC’s statement on the Opening Ceremonies from London being tape delayed twice – first on the East Coast, then the West Coast: “They are complex entertainment spectacles that do not translate well online because they require context, which our award-winning production team will provide for the large prime time audiences that gather together to watch them.” Man, was I dumb. And here I thought it was about ratings. The first Tweet from @NBCDelayed: “BREAKING: American colonists announce independence, King to respond.” They have since followed with gems like, “BREAKING: Jesse Owens wins gold in 100m sprint” and “Sources: The British are coming.” #NBCFail also has become a popular hashtag. NBC has responded with constant obnoxious emails about record-breaking TV ratings. A-ha!
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5. Ladies and gentlemen, the Texas A&M … Bulldogs?
There's a nice how-do-you-do?
I don’t want to say Texas A&M has an identity crisis or anything coming into the Southeastern Conference. But what does it say when the conference taking you in can’t even get your nickname right? If you go to the SEC store, you’ll find Texas A&M hats for sale. But the image on the back of the hat (at least the one shown online), says, “Bulldogs,” not “Aggies.” I guess we can assume the SEC is mixing up Texas A&M with Mississippi State, which also is a bad start. (Both wear burgundy.) Here’s the hat’s description on the website: “You’ve always thought you would have been a great coach—particularly for the Texas A&M Aggies. Just because you didn’t end up in that line of work doesn’t mean that you can’t still imagine calling plays for your favorite team when you go to the next game. … Featuring an embroidered school wordmark on the crown, embroidered “Bulldogs Football” lettering at the back …” No worries. A&M will get over it when they get their cut of the TV contracts.
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4. Dumba** Tweet of the Year
Kaman deleted this on Twitter but it lives on the Internet.
The biggest problem with Twitter is people broadcast their thoughts without a filter. Of course, when athletes do this, it’s news, which is something Falcons receiver Roddy White still hasn’t figured out (or may ever figure out). The latest example comes from Dallas Mavericks center Chris Kaman. Kaman is a hunter. He’s kind of a lunatic hunter, actually. He has been known to post photos on his Twitter account of the dead animal carcass whose head he had just blown off. (Hey, the deer had it coming. He was giving him the stink eye.) Well, Kaman jumped the rails after the recent horrific movie theater shooting in Aurora, Colorado. After many wondered why automatic weapons, used by the shooter, would be so easily available for public purchase, Kaman decided to post this picture of himself holding two automatic rifles on Twitter with the hashtag #NRA. It was his way of voicing support for gun rights. It didn’t occur to him how insensitive and stupid it was in light of one of the worst tragedies in American history. So there was blowback. Duh. Kaman soon deleted the picture. He also must be taking a rest on Twitter because his last Tweet was July 18 about “taking out these wild hogs that r destroying TX!!!” Oy.
Correction for all of our NRA loyalists: Aurora shooter used “assault” weapons, not automatic weapons. Doesn’t that make it so much better?
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3. When Mascots go bad …
As a mascot himself, The Count would like to remind all sports mascots to please drive safely, particularly around turns on the outfield warning track dirt, and maybe also after six Budweisers.
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2. ewwwBay.
Can JoePa see through those glasses?
Item from the Memorabilia Hall of Shame.
There is no accounting for taste. Looking for that special gift on eBay? Please, don’t look here.
– A pee-wee football jersey signed by Jerry Sandusky (current bid: $47).
– A signed paperback copy of “Touched: The Jerry Sandusky Story by Jerry Sandusky” (asking $50; 0 bids).
– A Joe Paterno plush doll ($150). (Does he come with blinders?
The Countdown officially recommends only the pin below for 99 cents
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1. And finally . . .
Richard Gere paid for his hooker. Just sayin'.
Here’s your proof that SMU is running a clean football program now: Players are paying for their own hookers! Well, sometimes. No reason to get into all the particulars — really — but here’s the story in true quickie form: 1) An SMU player hires a goochie girl; 2) He doesn’t pay her; 3) He leaves his residence to go to a football team banquet — with the unpaid goochie girl still there; 4) The angry hooker — sounds like the title of a mini-series — steals laptop computers, televisions and video games valued at $3,000. The player who didn’t pay the instant love goddess is Uchenna Nwabuike, whose name literally translates to, “I sucked on paint chips as a kid.” Because, of course, he and the other two players compounded this embarrassment by reporting it to the police, ensuring everybody would find out. See, if boosters were still paying for all this stuff, nobody would’ve found out. For a while, anyway.
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145 comments Add your comment
Pitbull
July 31st, 2012
10:19 am
I liked number 7 the best. Thank you.
5150 UOAD
July 31st, 2012
10:20 am
Delbert D…..The Government should FEAR the Citizens not the other way around.
PMC
July 31st, 2012
10:21 am
Feel Bad for SMU, their football players can’t even find college girls to have sex with. WOW.
#deathpenalty is too harsh.
Ted Nugent
July 31st, 2012
10:29 am
Fully automatic rifles are not illegal. They are just very expensive. You need to pay a special tax to the guvment and then get a Class III dealer to sell you one. Wango Tango you have a fully automatic rifle!! Now go get those deer!
Delbert D.
July 31st, 2012
10:32 am
My favorite in the gallery is the one with this caption:
Londra 2012 – Antonija Misura tra le piĂą belle delle Olimpiadi: le foto sexy
Delbert D.
July 31st, 2012
10:35 am
51 – Okay, lets enforce transparency by putting microphones in all government offices.
Delbert D.
July 31st, 2012
10:39 am
I would rather have a .50 caliber Barrett than an automatic. Close combat is no longer ideal for me at my age and condition. Yeah, and I guess “50 caliber Barrett” just got me on the NSA list.
mark
July 31st, 2012
10:45 am
O.K. Schultz , what is so special about a draft dodger lighting the flame? One who never lived a day in Atlanta. This worship of Ali is absurd. You obviously never served a day in the military.
Delbert D.
July 31st, 2012
10:46 am
Would there be any gender restrictions to the Hawks signing Antonija?
Delbert D.
July 31st, 2012
10:49 am
George Foreman would have been okay by me.
richard whiskey
July 31st, 2012
10:54 am
to all you NRA fools,people don’t kill people,GUNS kill people,and i will start calling hunting a sport when you arm the deer and let them shoot back!
SSIgator
July 31st, 2012
11:05 am
mark -
“O.K. Schultz , what is so special about a draft dodger lighting the flame?”
________________________________________
It is part of that Cali way of thinking. Like when Jeff thought (in error) that the PSU football program should have gotten the death penalty from the NCAA. Liberals – what would we do without them to entertain us?
Ken Stallings
July 31st, 2012
11:05 am
Normally, I don’t reply to such nonsense, but I’m going to make one exception here:
RW, If I placed a loaded semi-automatic pistol on a table, with the hammer cocked, how long you reckon it will stay there devoid of human attention without killing anyone?
Humans do kill humans, and for many reasons. A few under the right circumstances can even be termed moral actions: law enforcement and military come to mind. Self defense is another. The ones that tend to catch the media’s attention are evil and sadistic.
If I gave you two options to reduce violent crime, one proven to work consistently to reduce violent crime and the second proven consistently to cause violent crime to rise substantially, which option would you choose to implement?
If logically you choose to implement the one that has consistently work to reduce violent crime, would you be surprised to learn it is called Project Exile and among its many champions is the same NRA you call “foolish.”
The second option by the way is called gun control laws. Why then the media as a group keep yearning for it is a situation that calls for your attention, wouldn’t you say?
5150 UOAD
July 31st, 2012
11:06 am
@lil richard whiskey…you are right. Guns kill people. My Sig P226 has gone out late at night and robbed and killed people all by itself.
When a robber with a gun attacks you make sure you have that DEER in your back pocket.
Pitbull owners don’t kill people the pitbulls kill people too right?
techgirl
July 31st, 2012
11:07 am
Hey Jeff, you’re an idiot – MSU wears Maroon, not burgundy. Do a little fact check next time. I mean, they only chant “Maroon/White” at every athletic event.
Delbert D.
July 31st, 2012
11:07 am
I don’t think hunting, sport or not, has anything to do with the intent of the 2nd Amendment.
Delbert D.
July 31st, 2012
11:10 am
Cheering “Burgundy/chablis” definitely doesn’t fit the MSU crowd.
Delbert D.
July 31st, 2012
11:16 am
To anti-gun posters, I am not one of the NRA crowd. I do not own a gun except for a Daisy BB gun handed down from my Dad before he died (we used to shoot at empty plastic milk jugs in his back yard). I would not announce under my real name that I do not own a gun, however. I’d rather people with home invasion intent think that I have a souvenir Polaris A-3 warhead from my Navy days in my basement.
Ken Stallings
July 31st, 2012
11:16 am
Either the post monster has arisen yet again, or Jeff Schultz has considered my commentary to be unacceptable. Since the first time I attempted to post this never showed up, I will try a second time:
Normally, I don’t reply to such nonsense, but I’m going to make one exception here:
RW, If I placed a loaded semi-automatic pistol on a table, with the hammer cocked, how long you reckon it will stay there devoid of human attention without killing anyone?
Humans do kill humans, and for many reasons. A few under the right circumstances can even be termed moral actions: law enforcement and military come to mind. Self defense is another. The ones that tend to catch the media’s attention are evil and sadistic.
If I gave you two options to reduce violent crime, one proven to work consistently to reduce violent crime and the second proven consistently to cause violent crime to rise substantially, which option would you choose to implement?
If logically you choose to implement the one that has consistently work to reduce violent crime, would you be surprised to learn it is called Project Exile and among its many champions is the same NRA you call “foolish.”
The second option by the way is called gun control laws. Why then the media as a group keep yearning for it is a situation that calls for your attention, wouldn’t you say?
Delbert D.
July 31st, 2012
11:17 am
I think I just triggered the NSA internet communications intercept again.
DublDawg
July 31st, 2012
11:24 am
Schultz:
You don’t know what you are talking about, that means sissy sports and field sports that involve guns. You are obviously a wimp that could not compete as an athlete and never served in the military. Further, you obviously don’t know or understand American history and cannot comprehend how gun ownership by citizens in a touchstone of freedom. It separated us from the other colonies of the British Empire, whom Britain ensured were disarmed after learning their lesson here. Arms ensure that we are citizens, not subjects. They maintain the balance of power between the people and the govt, and are the last instrument of defense from tyranny and ensure that we can control or reclaim the govt. In light of the types of weapons terrorists want and their deserve to attack govt as well as citizens as they tried in Sept. 2001, having armed citizens that can match the govt is just as relevant now as ever. The generals that discussed the matter in that timeframe stated it would be difficult to maintain a constnl. form of govt in the even of big and effective attacks on DC. Who is going to ensure restoration and continuity of the American way if we become a military state in the short run? Do you think wimps like you who have an irrational fear of guns and an aversion for hard work and fighting are going to write nasty commentaries and restore the republic?
The rifles held by Kaman and used by the nut that was unduly influenced by violence in the movies and thought he was the Joker were semi-automatic rifles. They ARE NOT assault rifles.
The nut in Arizona used a bunch of handguns with lower capacity
Misty From Macon
July 31st, 2012
11:32 am
Seeing TeBow running alone was enough to make me click over to Schultz’s blog!!
One word for you Schultz – MORE!!!
This lady was ga-ga!!
Delbert D.
July 31st, 2012
11:32 am
“The nut in Arizona used a bunch of handguns with lower capacity”
It was reported that he used the shotgun and AR-15 until it jammed.
bitter troll
July 31st, 2012
11:37 am
Nice hats———What about internation bankers running the FED???
—————WHAT??DUH!!!—-SAY WHAT——–hahahahahah
go texas a/m dogs
Misty From Macon
July 31st, 2012
11:38 am
O.K. Schultz , what is so special about a draft dodger lighting the flame? One who never lived a day in Atlanta. This worship of Ali is absurd. You obviously never served a day in the military.
Well, I DID serve, even was a part of BushI War I; and Ali is allright with me.
GFY
July 31st, 2012
11:39 am
Always like to rag Delbert and 5150 on the Tech blog about their team but I am in complete agreement with their thoughts on this blog. Nice to agree on a few things before football season kicks off and the good old fashioned hate begins.
5150 UOAD
July 31st, 2012
11:40 am
#1) Always CLEAN your WEAPON. It should NEVER JAM when you it to work. #2) Change your socks. #3) Use powder on your feet and in your underwear.
GFY
July 31st, 2012
11:42 am
Supersize back from his vacation yet…..I believe he is using different moniker but I have been wrong before and will be again in the future.
5150 UOAD
July 31st, 2012
11:42 am
GFY…….most of us have SOME Common Ground. LOL. We actually have some UGa fans that we have met or talk to on the real phone outside of the blogs.
5150 UOAD
July 31st, 2012
11:45 am
GFY he has been back for almost 2 weeks and he is still SUPERSIZE. He posted some great Photos and videos from his trip.
Jeff Schultz
July 31st, 2012
11:45 am
Hi, my name is Jeff Schultz. I would actually be the best of the mediocre bunch of sports columnists proffered by this uber-liberal paper if I could withstand the overpowering urge to interject smug petulant comments amongst my otherwise decent reporting. You see, I can’t seem to overcome the notion that this column is about ME and not about sports. Case in point: I go on vacation and tell everyone ‘Let’s play hide and don’t seek’, as if I were an international celebrity with droves of adoring fans demanding my every moment. Today, I felt the need to drag a gun control argument into a sports column and belittle the 1st and 2nd amendment rights of an NBA player who dares to have a conservative ideology. I wonder if anyone else has figured out the ironic twist to the fact that I play a role much like guns. By my ideology, guns allow people to kill other people and be stopped. I wonder if anyone will figure out that ongoing media coverage glorifying killers might also motivate otherwise sane and well-adjusted people to kill for fame?
GFY
July 31st, 2012
11:45 am
Agreed. Grand scheme of life more important than the rivalry but it sure makes it easier when the team you are rooting for wins
.
GFY
July 31st, 2012
11:48 am
Excellent. Haven’t “trolled” the Tech blog lately, nor the UGA. Too busy these days. Best of luck until November 24th in Athens.
DublDawg
July 31st, 2012
11:48 am
Delbert:
You are talking about Colorado, I was making a point about the prior big news shooting in Arizona involving Giffords (ran out of time and space). No high cap mags or utility rifles involved. He managed to fire a lot of rounds, kill and injure, and scare people without having high cap mags.
It’s like Bloomberg’s idiocy in limiting the size of soft drinks. Has the fool ever considered that people might buy 2 or 3 or otherwise circumvent the capacity restriction in ways he can’t preclude? Gun control nuts are not smart enough to understand evasion, yet those same lefties will tell you what a waste drug laws are because they don’t stop anyone from using drugs.
5150 UOAD
July 31st, 2012
11:49 am
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=192223944241349&set=a.119065881557156.20092.118365728293838&type=1&theater
Don’t forget to have a Chick-fil-A tomorrow.
GFY
July 31st, 2012
11:53 am
5150:
Link is not viewable right now. Will be having myself a chicken sandwich and a milkshake tomorrow as well.
scoreboard
July 31st, 2012
11:54 am
Jeff, you really should stick to posting the pictures of the hotties. That’s about the only thing you consistently get right. However, the absolute LAST thing you should do is comment on the topic of guns while your current level of knowledge on the subject is so shockingly dismal. It’s fine if you don’t like guns. I certainly won’t force you to own any. It would even be fine if you wanted to voice your opinions about guns on the AJC website… IF you had a clue about them. Since you don’t, please, PLEASE shut the hell up on the topic – or at least gather enough shame to be embarrassed at the inaccuracies you just spewed forth in the name of journalism.
Delbert D.
July 31st, 2012
12:02 pm
OK, folks, I’m off to do my civic duty and save the Metro area from the money grubbers and their T-SPLOSTosaurus Rex. The only “transit” expansion I want is a 300 mph Maglev train to connect our island cosmopolis to the NorthEast corridor, but that is not likely to happen before the manned mission to Mars, which most likely will be long after I’m gone.
pb
July 31st, 2012
12:28 pm
To richard whiskey and all those anti-hunting,
Do you eat meat? If so, why are you not against klling of those animals? Are they not as important as deer? People that are anti-hunting are big hypocrites. I know this is a sports blog mostly, but couldn’t help but comment when saw all the liberal junk posted.
Jack Mehoff
July 31st, 2012
12:36 pm
OK, so how in the hell was the runner coming from 3rd to him see well over his shoulder if a throw is coming or not. He did exactly what he was supposed too, how about the pitcher doesn’t throw a wild pitch. Or don’t bother covering the plate, if that type of coverage was offensive enough to start a brawl goes to show how pansy asses baseball players. Go get another steroid shot so you can hit the big leagues kids.
5150 UOAD
July 31st, 2012
12:37 pm
pb…….FUNNY. if those that HATE deer hunting drive their Nice Car, Truck or SUV down the road and HIT A DEER…..They would LOVE deer hunters to kill more deer.
If we didn’t kill Buffalo and cows but they ran free would you want to DRIVE at night? LMAO.
Delbert D.
July 31st, 2012
12:43 pm
Moose are especially deadly when a driver hits them. Also, they are more aggressive than brown bears. If I lived in the wilderness areas of Alaska, I would carry a .50 caliber revolver when out and about for either species, especially while fishing.
5150 UOAD
July 31st, 2012
12:52 pm
Dilbert D.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=363283323742131&set=a.208994629171002.49708.208877045849427&type=1&theater
5150 UOAD
July 31st, 2012
12:53 pm
Dilbert D.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=361076767296120&set=a.208994629171002.49708.208877045849427&type=1&theater
Yup
July 31st, 2012
1:02 pm
The Count is blog gold! Love the humor, love the entertainment.
Every time I read one of these, i think how lucky we are to have Jeff Schultz in Atlanta.
Jeff, keep up the excellent work. You blow the bloody competition away.
Delbert D.
July 31st, 2012
1:13 pm
51 – The Count ought to add that photo to his package.
Jeff Schultz
July 31st, 2012
1:23 pm
Of course you’re lucky to be graced with my presence. I am the most creative and innovative journalist alive. Everything I say is comedic gold. When I take a dump, excellence comes out.
Jeff Schultz
July 31st, 2012
1:25 pm
And don’t tell me that I blow the competition away…that would imply that I would condone the use of guns and we all know that guns kill people, unlike any other inanimate object like ladders, toasters, chainsaws, weed whackers, ceiling fans, mopped floors, stairs, or nerf balls.
5150 UOAD
July 31st, 2012
1:29 pm
Delbert D……I would LOVE to add my Package to that for sure…LOL
5150 UOAD
July 31st, 2012
1:30 pm
sorry….to that Photo for sure…LOL