Countdown: Tebow’s abs, SEC’s goof and an angry hooker

Core, core, core ....

The Count has been doing P90X, hours of core and drinking yak-liver-and-wheat-grass shakes. Can you tell?

Notice how the cape fits a little looser. The face is slightly thinner, and is a brighter shade of slurple. The fangs no longer drip with bacon grease.

It’s necessary for that mid-summer, buff-for-the-beach look, especially in an Olympic year. There are too many great physical specimens around the world on display right now in London, and maybe we’ll even get to see them one day on NBC’s national, tape-delay-delay-delay, oh-look-Nero-is-going-to-win-his-chariot heat broadcast.

It’s late July, which also means NFL teams are training camps and the buff Tim Tebow and 3,000 lesser football players are hard at work, glistening with sweat in the mid-day sun.

Yeah. I went there. We count down . . .

10. Oh, he’s a perfect 10 . .

OK. The Count tries to be judicious when it comes to Tim Tebow items, because, really, we have nothing against the young man. It’s not like he’s just some Anna Kournikova-can’t-play-but-marketing-gold creature because, hey, it’s not like Anna Kournikova ever won an SEC title. Or even circumcised kids in the Philippines.  We think. But this was just too irresistible. Maybe you heard the other day that Tebow peeled off his shirt (OMG! OMG! OMG!). Tebow jogged shirtless on the New York Jets practice field … in the rain! I think it crashed the Internet. Teammates laughed about it. Quoth Bart Scott: “Maybe it was holy water.” But the best thing we’ve seen so far is this video mash-up with Tebow and Bo Derek from the movie “10.” It is called, TeBowDerek.” For what it’s work, I’m having trouble picturing Dudley Moore in the Rex Ryan role. (via SI’s hot clicks)

9. These (AA) Braves have spunk!

The Braves’ Double-A affiliate got into bench-clearing brawl with the Mobile BayBears Saturday (via BigLeagueStew). The fight started after Mobile’s Rossmel Perez slid and took out Mississippi pitcher Michael Tarsi at home plate. Tarsi was running to cover home after a wild pitch allowing Perez to score (see video below). There are two sides here. Fair play: Tarsi was on/near the plate. Dirty play: There was no throw, making the knockdown slide unnecessary. You can judge for yourself with the video below. But here’s the backdrop: There were seven players hit by pitches in the game. Four players (including Perez and Braves’ top prospect Christian Bethancourt, and the Mobile manager) were ejected. On a lesser note, the M-Braves won 7-3.

8. Hah! Take that, IOC . . .

Every time there’s an Olympic games, somebody takes a shot at Atlanta. Just the other day a pal of mine ranked the last six summer Opening Ceremonies and put Atlanta, well, sixth. I’m sorry — but having Muhammad Ali light the torch alone puts in the top 3. (Beijing wasn’t a ceremony, it was a cartoon. Also, food, water and sleep were withheld from 27,000 Chinese 13-year-olds during six-month rehearsals. OK, slight exaggeration. They got a celery stick.) But you know the one thing that Atlanta never did? We didn’t lose keys to a stadium! London police now admit — a week after it happened — that they have misplaced the keys to Wembley Stadium, site of Olympic soccer. These guys are laser-made, not at Ace Hardward, and worth about $63,000. Scotland Yard assures us that all is well. There is no security risk. And why does this sound like a Monty Python skit?
Looking for a key (or Certain Substances)

7. Umm … better than Tim Tebow

On the court.

On the court.

If you’re in a pool to pick the athlete who will best cash in on Olympic fame and you guessed, “Croatian women’s basketball player,” you win!  (Disclaimer: I’ve been pestered by my degenerate readership to start posting more pictures of women, with no regard for the fact that I also have non-degenerate female readers, as well as a wife and daughter who know where I sleep. But on second thought …) Wow: Did you see Antonija Mišura? We bow to The Big Lead for the research. Mišura, a striking 24-year-old, 5-foot-11 blonde, plays guard on the court, with far more charisma than Joe Johnson, and lists her hobbies as fashion and shopping. If you Goggle Antonija, you

And off the court.

And off the court.

will find a large gallery, easy on the eyes. I’ve posted samples. And to the degenerates: You’re welcome.

(I have room for more words. But why?)

6. BREAKING NEWS! (OK. Really?)

st00tm91sjfedncjud5zThe Count has become a big fan of the @NBCDelayed Twitter account, which mocks the network for broadcasting everything on a tape-delay-delay-delay basis and its belief that we are incapable of watching a live Olympic event without “context” in . . . wait, what? Here’s NBC’s statement on the Opening Ceremonies from London being tape delayed twice – first on the East Coast, then the West Coast: “They are complex entertainment spectacles that do not translate well online because they require context, which our award-winning production team will provide for the large prime time audiences that gather together to watch them.” Man, was I dumb. And here I thought it was about ratings. The first Tweet from @NBCDelayed: “BREAKING: American colonists announce independence, King to respond.” They have since followed with gems like, “BREAKING: Jesse Owens wins gold in 100m sprint” and “Sources: The British are coming.” #NBCFail also has become a popular hashtag. NBC has responded with constant obnoxious emails about record-breaking TV ratings. A-ha!

5. Ladies and gentlemen, the Texas A&M … Bulldogs?

There's a nice how-do-you-do?

There's a nice how-do-you-do?

I don’t want to say Texas A&M has an identity crisis or anything coming into the Southeastern Conference. But what does it say when the conference taking you in can’t even get your nickname right? If you go to the SEC store, you’ll find Texas A&M hats for sale. But the image on the back of the hat (at least the one shown online), says, “Bulldogs,” not “Aggies.” I guess we can assume the SEC is mixing up Texas A&M with Mississippi State, which also is a bad start. (Both wear burgundy.) Here’s the hat’s description on the website: “You’ve always thought you would have been a great coach—particularly for the Texas A&M Aggies. Just because you didn’t end up in that line of work doesn’t mean that you can’t still imagine calling plays for your favorite team when you go to the next game. … Featuring an embroidered school wordmark on the crown, embroidered “Bulldogs Football” lettering at the back …” No worries. A&M will get over it when they get their cut of the TV contracts.

4. Dumba** Tweet of the Year

Kaman deleted this on Twitter but it lives on the Internet.

Kaman deleted this on Twitter but it lives on the Internet.

The biggest problem with Twitter is people broadcast their thoughts without a filter. Of course, when athletes do this, it’s news, which is something Falcons receiver Roddy White still hasn’t figured out (or may ever figure out). The latest example comes from Dallas Mavericks center Chris Kaman. Kaman is a hunter. He’s kind of a lunatic hunter, actually. He has been known to post photos on his Twitter account of the dead animal carcass whose head he had just blown off.  (Hey, the deer had it coming. He was giving him the stink eye.) Well, Kaman jumped the rails after the recent horrific movie theater shooting in Aurora, Colorado. After many wondered why automatic weapons, used by the shooter, would be so easily available for public purchase, Kaman decided to post this picture of himself holding two automatic rifles on Twitter with the hashtag #NRA. It was his way of voicing support for gun rights. It didn’t occur to him how insensitive and stupid it was in light of one of the worst tragedies in American history. So there was blowback. Duh. Kaman soon deleted the picture. He also must be taking a rest on Twitter because his last Tweet was July 18 about “taking out these wild hogs that r destroying TX!!!” Oy.

Correction for all of our NRA loyalists: Aurora shooter used “assault” weapons, not automatic weapons. Doesn’t that make it so much better?

3. When Mascots go bad …

As a mascot himself, The Count would like to remind all sports mascots to please drive safely, particularly around turns on the outfield warning track dirt, and maybe also after six Budweisers.

2. ewwwBay.

Can JoePa see through those glasses?

Can JoePa see through those glasses?

Item from the Memorabilia Hall of Shame.

Item from the Memorabilia Hall of Shame.

There is no accounting for taste. Looking for that special gift on eBay? Please, don’t look here.

A pee-wee football jersey signed by Jerry Sandusky (current bid: $47).

A signed paperback copy of “Touched: The Jerry Sandusky Story by Jerry Sandusky” (asking $50; 0 bids).

A Joe Paterno plush doll ($150). (Does he come with blinders?

The Countdown officially recommends only the pin below for 99 cents

pin

1. And finally . . .

Richard Gere paid for his hooker. Just sayin'.

Richard Gere paid for his hooker. Just sayin'.

Here’s your proof that SMU is running a clean football program now: Players are paying for their own hookers! Well, sometimes. No reason to get into all the particulars — really — but here’s the story in true quickie form: 1) An SMU player hires a goochie girl; 2) He doesn’t pay her; 3) He leaves his residence to go to a football team banquet — with the unpaid goochie girl still there; 4) The angry hooker — sounds like the title of a mini-series — steals laptop computers, televisions and video games valued at $3,000. The player who didn’t pay the instant love goddess  is Uchenna Nwabuike, whose name literally translates to, “I sucked on paint chips as a kid.” Because, of course, he and the other two players compounded this embarrassment by reporting it to the police, ensuring everybody would find out. See, if boosters were still paying for all this stuff, nobody would’ve found out. For a while, anyway.

145 comments Add your comment

GT Alum

July 30th, 2012
11:35 pm

Well, and you really should tell the police that you’re hiring a hooker. Also, wtf does a football player need to hire a prostitute?

Speaking of delayed coverage, are you waiting for confirmation of the Braves’ trade before you report it?

R. Stroz

July 30th, 2012
11:59 pm

There must be a Monty Python skit for the Atlanta Spirit Group. BTW, this is considerably more entertaining than discussing the T-SPLOST.

macrotech

July 31st, 2012
12:58 am

1st to say FIRST! Your #1 sounds a LOT like Risky Business!!!

Reid Adair

July 31st, 2012
1:54 am

Unlike Joe Johnson, Antonija Misura would be worth a NBA max contract.

Asheville Dawg

July 31st, 2012
3:47 am

Nice to see the count back.

CountRules

July 31st, 2012
7:31 am

Jeff—good stuff from the Count to start the year!

Sammie

July 31st, 2012
7:34 am

First and last time visitor. Lots of stupid and predictable opinion. Not much work, Not much sports.

What a yawner.

Bye

Paddy

July 31st, 2012
7:35 am

Don’t believe we should burn books but I will make an exception for that Sandusky crap!!!!!!!!!! “Touched”, America’s biggest creep. Hope he enjoys his next 320 years. I know I will!!!!

Nice way to start the day

July 31st, 2012
7:37 am

Nice job… always good to start a day with a smile and after seeing Misura, a … well, you know.

SomewhereinGA

July 31st, 2012
7:42 am

Your quote regarding Chris Kaman: After many wondered why automatic weapons, used by the shooter, would be so easily available for public purchase, Kaman decided to post this picture of himself holding two automatic rifles on Twitter with the hashtag #NRA. It was his way of voicing support for gun rights. It didn’t occur to him how insensitive and stupid it was in light of one of the worst tragedies in American history

Did it ever occur to you how stupid the assumption that an AR-15 is “automatic”???? It is NOT an automatic weapon. Good Lord when will the media quit sensationalizing a tragic event by reporting that perfectly legal weapons are “automatic” when they are in fact not.

Your calling him a “lunatic hunter” certainly speaks well of your journalistic integrity. What has he shown to you that would accurately describe him as a lunatic? That he hunts and you don’t??? Get a life.

bamaguy

July 31st, 2012
7:43 am

You could buy the A&M/State baseball cap, find one of the game tickets from a couple of years back when the Alabama Athletic office misspelled “Mississippi” and start a collection.

JoeFann

July 31st, 2012
7:52 am

JS–Nice! Welcome back. Been an extreme dearth of snark since you left. Glad to see your tanks refilled.

JoeFann

July 31st, 2012
7:52 am

JS–Nice! Welcome back. Been an extreme dearth of snark since you left. Glad to see your tanks refilled.

Carl Spackle

July 31st, 2012
7:57 am

Atlanta 96 was top three? Yeah, the fleet of chrome pickup trucks, Izzy and the cheerleaders running around in all directions truly was memorable.

Churning Deep

July 31st, 2012
7:59 am

Hire a proofreader.

Lewis

July 31st, 2012
8:00 am

He has semiautomatioc rifles. Full automatic is illegal. Get your facts straight.

Rodster

July 31st, 2012
8:07 am

Funny stuff Jeff. This is vintage! Made me laugh out loud on multiple points. The NBC tape delay stuff was hilarious!
More Antonija!

50 arrests in four years

July 31st, 2012
8:11 am

A nice column today.

Now let’s get back to exposing Mark Richt as the money-hungry 3rd rate coach of a gang of illiterate thugs. That’s the real story.

Joey

July 31st, 2012
8:34 am

“Does he come with blinders?
***************************
Well done, JS!

DawginLex

July 31st, 2012
8:38 am

50 arrests

Bet you won’t tell us who your team is

i bet I can guess correctly………………

AUTOMATIC WEAPONS

July 31st, 2012
8:41 am

AUTOMATIC WEAPONS ARE EASY TO GET????? REALLY?????
FUNNY YOU WOULD WRITE SOMETHING SO DUMB…. TWICE!

DawginLex

July 31st, 2012
8:46 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ggy6WGUFaYs

************************

Phillip Wellman

Greatest manager blowup ever

Deep South

July 31st, 2012
8:47 am

The Deep South has come so far….. from Atlanta in all its glory to this garbage….. Job well done to push the liberal agenda with you hunter/automatic weapons comments…. Shows your true colors…. That is the last straw for me and the garbage that comes from ajc….

dawgfan

July 31st, 2012
8:55 am

I’m a little tired of the obsessive swimming coverage. I don’t need to see Missy Franklin or whatever her name is getting warmed up. That is not exciting. They even have a camera in the room where the swimmers are waiting to get their reactions to races that they are not even in. Its becoming a reality show featuring all the swimmers. There are other sports. I’d like to hear a little more about them.

Thanks.

Delta

July 31st, 2012
9:01 am

Deep South:

We’re ready when you are to fly you to that safe haven northern city of………………….Chicago!! LOL! Wonder how many murders there are per year in the city where handguns are banned?

gern

July 31st, 2012
9:02 am

#1 – a story about SMU football/hookers AND Craig James is not mentioned? My have times have changed.

GFY

July 31st, 2012
9:07 am

Thanks for the link, Dawg. Had forgotten about that video…..the grenade toss with the rosin bag was something else.

bill

July 31st, 2012
9:19 am

Welcome back and kudos to the bloggers who passed on comments about the tragedy of the cinema deaths to rant about automatic or semi-automatic weapons. Try to think a minute: You own the Mavs and your center posts a picture of himself holding weapons after the cinema shooting. Think you might be on his case-nah I thought not. Blah blah, ajc liberal agenda, never going to read again, etc. JS congrats on always striking a spark. .Keep those blog numbers up.

bill

July 31st, 2012
9:19 am

Welcome back and kudos to the bloggers who passed on comments about the tragedy of the cinema deaths to rant about automatic or semi-automatic weapons. Try to think a minute: You own the Mavs and your center posts a picture of himself holding weapons after the cinema shooting. Think you might be on his case-nah I thought not. Blah blah, ajc liberal agenda, never going to read again, etc. JS congrats on always striking a spark. .Keep those blog numbers up.

dean

July 31st, 2012
9:20 am

Dam. Football season is about to start for real! Thanks Jeff.

Speaking of hookers, what happens when a hooker solicits a reporter—>while interviewing a poh-leese officer? Only in Savannah. http://www.wtoc.com/category/240221/video?clipId=7544171&autostart=true

bill

July 31st, 2012
9:21 am

sorry computer went off to never never land so two posts.

Wilson Pickett

July 31st, 2012
9:26 am

It’s easy to understand why newspapers are going broke. I wouldn’t count on Mitt helping with the bailout either.

5150 UOAD

July 31st, 2012
9:28 am

5150 UOAD

July 31st, 2012
9:37 am

Jeff are you referring to ME?
“(Disclaimer: I’ve been pestered by my degenerate readership to start posting more pictures of women, with no regard for the fact that I also have non-degenerate female readers, as well as a wife and daughter who know where I sleep. But on second thought …)”

Victim of a loose bowel movement

July 31st, 2012
9:44 am

I don’t understand.

I like Bill

July 31st, 2012
9:48 am

His comment was smart, people like Deep South are exactly what we’re trying to drive away from Atlanta. He’ll be reading the ajc tomorrow…

Pierre d.

July 31st, 2012
9:54 am

The Olympics have provided quality jerk fodder since 1896.

Ken Stallings

July 31st, 2012
9:59 am

I read something with a pair of blue eyes in the middle, and I forgot all else!

Jeff Schultz

July 31st, 2012
10:01 am

Stroz — More fun than debating T-SPLOST? You think?

Jeff Schultz

July 31st, 2012
10:02 am

CountRules — I .. I mean he … thanks you.

Jeff Schultz

July 31st, 2012
10:04 am

Sammie — “First and last time visitor. Lots of stupid and predictable opinion. Not much work, Not much sports.
What a yawner.
Bye”

Sammie — We’ll always have Paris.

Delbert D.

July 31st, 2012
10:05 am

I’m not a Constitution scholar, but I’m now thinking that the 2nd Amendment is aimed at forming a citizen militia in the event that the Government is taken over by a socialist dictator or someone else that John Adams wouldn’t like (mental image of Hugo Chavez). 22-caliber bolt actions and 12-guage pumps aren’t going to do well against those Abrams tanks and F-22 Raptors.

Jeff Schultz

July 31st, 2012
10:06 am

Lewis (and others with NRA stickers) — OK. SEMI-automatic. Does it really change anything?

Dr. Phil

July 31st, 2012
10:06 am

Will Michael Dyer join Crowell at Alabama State? That will be a well-armed backfield.

Delbert D.

July 31st, 2012
10:08 am

Gauge, not “guage”. I are a scientist.

5150 UOAD

July 31st, 2012
10:08 am

Delbert D. I think the 2nd Amendment is to allow the formation of a Militia to OVERTHROW the government when it becomes no longer viable and beneficial to the population it is supposed to SERVE.

We are damn close to that point.

Delbert D.

July 31st, 2012
10:11 am

Dr. Phil – More like the OK Corral. Last man standing gets the ball.

Ken Stallings

July 31st, 2012
10:12 am

On the other hand, Jeff, how many years is it going to take for media folks to learn the factual basics of firearms? Don’t you think that people who report on these items should at least know basic facts first?

The weapons he was holding were semi-automatics, and those are the only rifles that can be legally purchased in the United States unless you first get a permit from BATF prior to purchasing a true automatic weapon. That permit has the owners address and it requires an extensive background check. To purchase any weapon requires the purchaser to provide information for an instant FBI background check, which is a lot more than what’s required to purchase a car, a sword, a knife, a club, or any other item which is known to have killed a lot of people.

Also, Jeff, would it surprise you to learn that these so-called assault rifles are actually a poor choice for the task of killing people in a confined area? I realize this is morbud, but you opened the door on this by inserting your own information in this otherwise wonderful column. In fact, the best choice is a semi-automatic shotgun. But, thank God that psychopaths who mass murder innocent people are psychopaths, else they may be smart enough to know how firearms actually work vice get their inspiration from movies.

Which leads me to my final point. If we truly want to get to the core of what motivates psychopaths to engage in mass murder, we must look at the role of media in movies and news reporting. Now, before we urge society to treat legal firearms ownership as the stuff of fools, how about the media take an honest look in the mirror? Imagine the justified outrage should society work to ban movies with violence, or amend the First Amendment to prevent the media from making any reports on a psychopath engaging in mass murder?

Why then would the same media that would take umbridge at these two obvious overreactions then so reflexively seek to embark on disproven gun control after every once-a-year act of a psychopath? Only law abiding citizens allow laws to interfere with their plans, which is why everytime it is tried, gun control increases violent crime — a statistical and proven fact should the media care to report on it.

Buckeye

July 31st, 2012
10:14 am

Jeff,

Many thanks for sharing Antonija with us. Much obliged. You need to submit her to si.com’s Extra Mustard.

And yes, all you dogs, I am a degenerate.

Delbert D.

July 31st, 2012
10:15 am

51 – I didn’t want to say that, because of the NSA monitoring all internet posts for keywords. If you leave the house anytime today, go ahead and sweep for electronic devices when you get back.