Weekend Predictions: LSU over Georgia, and BCS ducks

So let me see if I’ve got this straight.

If LSU beats Georgia, LSU and Alabama will play for the BCS title. Simple. Unless some anti-SEC sentiment leads voters to match LSU against Oklahoma State (and everyone suddenly gets amnesia about the Iowa State game).

But this doesn’t preclude the possibility that LSU may play Oklahoma State in the BCS game even if Georgia upsets LSU. Why? Because at least one SEC school will go, and Nick Saban getting snubbed is funnier, and if you dare put both LSU and Alabama in the BCS final when neither even won its conference, you’ll have red noses and exploding clown feet falling from the sky (thank you, Larry), and even the BCS has its limit when it comes to humiliation. I think.

So really, what Saturday’s SEC championship comes down to is this: Barring some complete, multi-touchdown, oh jeez, Curly-just-dropped-the-TNT-powder-in-the-pancake-batter-again-collapse by LSU against the Bulldogs in the Georgia Dome, the Tigers are really only playing for Alabama’s lifeline in the BCS.

What could possibly go wrong with the BCS in the kitchen.

Dude. Has anybody seen Isaiah Crowell’s bong?

OK. Flush. Simplify. It’s just a football game.

Cleansing breath. And, go . . .

Georgia has one advantage in this game: Aaron Murray. Expectations for the running game are low, unless Crowell suddenly emerges from bubble wrap this week and breaks from the field with Forrest Gump’s miracle legs.

LSU is equal to or better than Georgia everywhere else. The Tigers have won over ranked teams, won on the road, won in Tuscaloosa, won nine of their games by 46, 26, 28, 30, 31, 35, 33, 49 and 24. Also, they conquered Belarus and are moving into Poland.

Yes, I really believe the Dogs have a chance to win this game. They are playing that well and that confident. The problem is too many things need to happen. Something-to-zero in turnovers. Something big on special teams. Something bionic on the defensive front.

It’s too much. The 10-game winning streak ends here. LSU wins, but Georgia keeps it close. I’ll dance with 13½.

It’s OK for Georgia fans to be Daydream Believers. Yeah. I’m going there …

School Daze

Oklahoma at Okie State: The Cowboys’ plan: 1) Win; 2) Scream, light their hair on fire, hold their breath, pass out and repeat (until somebody puts them in the BCS title game). All of which ignores the fact that they never should have lost a conference game to 2-4 Iowa State. Shut up and enjoy the Fiesta Bowl. OSU cover 3.

VaTech vs. Clemson (ACC title): The ACC keeps hoping for Miami-Florida State title game. It keeps getting Virginia Tech vs. somebody else. Clemson is 1-3 since starting 8-0 and turning back into Clemson. Hokies cover 7.

Wisconsin vs. Mich. State (Big Ten title): Fans have been warned: DON’T look Urban Meyer in eye when he emerges for his pontiff wave from a luxury suite before kickoff. Nice year for the Big Ten’s first title game. Scandal at Ohio State. Slime at Penn State. Where’s next year’s game, Chernobyl? Badgers win, but take Sparty and 9½.

UCLA vs. Oregon (Pac-12 title): One of the teams in the inaugural Pac-12 championship (UCLA) already has fired its coach (Rick Neuheisel). Even Auburn never did that. If UCLA wins, everybody might want to duck when Neuheisel gets his hands on the trophy. Actually, no worries there: Ducks win, but take UCLA and 32.

Rick Neuheisel, at the trophy presentation

NFL Six Pack

(I drank one)

Falcons at Texans: A stat from pal Len Pasquarelli: Falcons coach Mike Smith is 8-0 against rookie quarterbacks. Next on the list: T.J. Yates. It’s a nice story for Pope High School, but it wasn’t the Texans’ first choice. In consecutive weeks, the Falcons miss Adrian Peterson and Matt Schaub. Did Smith sacrifice a chicken? Falcons cover 3.

Broncos at Vikings: Tim Tebow (5-1) has won more games than Philip Rivers, Michael Vick or Josh Freeman. But he’s completing 45 percent of his passes and ranks 37th in yardage. Ever read one of those stores when the guy living out of a shopping cart wins the lottery? Slight market correction: Vikings cover 1.

Here's the felonious Lion, Ndamukong Suh, stomping a player, which is frowned upon in most cultures, and even the NFL.

Packers at Giants: A few days after his defense allowed seven touchdowns to New Orleans, Giants coach Tom Coughlin proclaimed: “It’s time for us to be bold, not to listen to what you all are saying.” Want to be bold? How ’bout you get in somebody’s way? Pack covers 7.

Lions at Saints: Ndamukong Suh has been sentenced to two games to life. Roger Goodell’s plan to make Suh the face of the league worked out as well as the fed’s plan for the Al Capone plush toy. Saints cover 9.

Colts at Patriots: The Colts are 0-11 and have been outscored by 177 points, give or take a major organ. But the line is 20 points. Sorry. That’s like sliding chips and onion dip across the table and telling me, “Don’t touch.” Pats win, but give me Indy and 20.

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Toteboard

“Depend on the rabbit’s foot if you will, but remember it didn’t work for the rabbit.” — R.E. Shay

Last week (kiss the ring …): 10-2 straight up, 9-3 against the line.

Overall (… and bow): 109-41 straight up; 87-61-2 against the line.

Important “Sack Schultz” update: This is the week the Hawaii trip will be decided. There’s a 10-way tie for first. I remain in contention for a high draft pick.

By Jeff Schultz

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