Weekend Predictions: Dogs roll, Falcons win boring (please)
Legend has it that W.C. Fields was lying in a hospital bed, his organs significantly pickled, when somebody walked in and was astonished to see Fields holding a Bible. When asked why he suddenly had interest in the Bible, Fields responded: “I’m looking for loopholes.”
I’m not sure why this story reminds me of Georgia. Maybe because at 0-2, nothing short of locusts overtaking the rest of the SEC East figured to leave the door open for the Bulldogs. Then came the Stephen Garcia-Marcus Lattimore-John Brantley trifecta of Old Testament plagues and suddenly Mark Richt had a loophole to drive his F-150 through.
W.C. and the Dogs found the loophole.
And now all the Bulldogs have to do is … beat Kentucky? This is sort of like the Allied Forces overrunning Eastern Europe and then being told, “OK. So there’s this nice little coffee and danish stand in Liechtenstein. Take over that, and we’ll declare you the winner.”
Georgia has won eight straight. It’s coming off a 45-7 win over Auburn. Kentucky is 1-5 in the SEC. Its only victory was the last pie in the face Ole Miss could take before drop-kicking Houston Nutt. When you provide a new level of humiliation for Ole Miss, you know something is wrong.
Kentucky? Great. Can I get a latte to go?
I know. Everybody’s assuming that even if the Dogs put the wraps on the East, they’re going to get plucked, stuffed and roasted by LSU. Whatever. In the words of the poet, Otter, who turned to Hoover as the Delta House was circling the Faber College drain: “I’ve got news for you, pal. They’re going to nail us no matter what we do. So we might as well have a good time.”
Toga party!
(Granted, I’m struggling with the visual of Mark Richt in a toga.)
The line is a whopper: 30½. Not really comfortable with that. But after last week, I’ll err to the side of a wrecking ball. Dogs win, cover and float on air to the Georgia Dome.
Toga, Toga, Toga . . .
Faber College
(Where Knowledge is Good)
Georgia Tech at Duke: The fact it’s been a better-than-expected season for the Jackets is overshadowed by the gut-punch that a win over Virginia Tech could’ve turned Tech-Duke into a potential ACC Coastal clincher. Instead, Tech-Duke is preserved in its usual state. Nobody cares. That’s just how Mike Krzyzewski likes it. Tech covers 10½.
Alternate Universe Bowl: Tennessee is 0-6 in the SEC . Vanderbilt is one win from being bowl eligible. I don’t know about you, but I’m getting tired of the school in Nashville holding up the football end of things in Tennessee. It’s clear Vandy coach James Franklin has changed the culture on campus: safety Andre Simmons was just charged with armed robbery. Vandy, this is your SEC Bar Mitzvah! Commies cover 1½ on the road.
LSU at Ole Miserable: The Rebels’ quarterback and running back were suspended, but they’ve been playing without a coach for years. Watching Nutt go down in flames is the hardest I’ve laughed since Wile E. Coyote suddenly realized too late that he had run off the mountain road. Don’t look down, Houston: LSU covers 29½.
Houston: You have a problem (poof)
Georgia Southern at Alabama: It’s the battle of No. 3s: FBS vs. FCS. Both are 9-1. One couldn’t get past LSU. The other couldn’t get past Appalachian State. I give the coaching edge to Jeff Monken over Nick Saban because his team hasn’t been held to two field goals in any game this season. I’ll dance with the 45 (sucker). Tide win, but don’t cover.
Virginia at Florida State: Virginia is rolling, but something tells me the love train is derailing. Just as well. Al Groh is starting to get really irritated. Seminoles cover 17½.
Mississippi State at Arkansas: Dan Mullen is looking a week ahead to a win (Mississippi). Bobby Petrino is looking a week ahead to an oncoming train (LSU). Piggies win, but take the Bulldogs and 13½.
Packers and Lesser Beings
Tennessee at Falcons: And for his next trick, Mike Smith is going to do a “Triple Lindy” off the top of the hot-dog stand behind section 243 into an empty box of Milk Duds, from where he will signal for a triple-reverse halfback option. Please. No more daredevil acts on fourth down. Just give me a grilled cheese and a side of boredom. Falcons cover 6.
Smitty’s Triple Lindy (through YouTube, damn embedding police)
OK, last editorial on the decision (because Herm is funny)
Philly at N.Y. Giants: The Eagles are 3-6, which basically means they have to win the last seven games and get four losses reversed on replay to meet 14-2 projections. They are so dead. Fortunately, it’s not like they’ve tied up $100 million in one player. Oh, wait a minute. Giants cover 4½.
Sick Bay at Green Bay: Aaron Rodgers: 28 touchdowns, 3 interceptions and a bottomless beer mug at any Fantasy football draft. Packers cover 14 over Tampa.
Carolina at Detroit Correctional Institute: After tearing off Jay Cutler’s helmet and nearly his head last week, Lions assault weapon Ndamukong Suh declared, “Part of the game.” Where, Leavenworth? Lions cover 7.
Buffalo at Miami: After scoring a touchdown in Dallas last week, David Nelson ran down the sideline and hugged a Cowboys cheerleader (his girlfriend) and gave her the football. I figure if there’s hope for a Bills’ player, there’s hope for everybody. “Hey, babycakes. Wanna see my steno pad?” Fish win, but take Buffalo and 2½.
•
•
Toteboard
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.” — Kin Hubbard.
Last week (not so hot): 9-3 straight up, 5-7 against the line. Overall: 90-37 straight up; 76-50-1 against the line. “Sack Schultz” update: Jim Layfield of Millsboro, DE., went 15-0 last week. He used darts. It’s still a tight race for the UGA-Tech tickets and the trip to Hawaii.
By Jeff Schultz
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267 comments Add your comment
Athens Bound
November 17th, 2011
2:39 pm
Jeff,
Your articles are great but you really need a proof reader.
dean
November 17th, 2011
2:40 pm
juvenal….If someone has lived in a s**t house all their life they don’t know what is better. It’s just home.
1eyedJack..I get the feeling you are quoting from Animal House.
But this I will bet you all: You have never seen “The Lair of the White Worm”. But because I believe in The Golden Rule, I implore you, DO NOT WATCH “The Lair of the White Worm”. Scarred for life does not suitably describe the agony.
GIVE ME A BREAK
November 17th, 2011
2:43 pm
Paul in NH, now that was funny, I almost choked. Don’t see why Chick-fil-A or Atlanta would want Tech. Not as much motel,hotel,entertainment or restaurant income. After saying all that, it would be nice not to have to travel so far.
gtne80
November 17th, 2011
2:44 pm
“Well…what we s’posed to do, you MO-RONS?”
SSIgator
November 17th, 2011
2:44 pm
Joey, Joey, Joey. Yes, we all know that UF went 0 for October. Find some new material son.
gtne80
November 17th, 2011
2:48 pm
“College FB upsets are KILLING me @ Sack Schultz. Anyone who was 15 out of 15 the last couple of weeks are either hackers or future lottery winners!”
@dean – there’s no way that someone is actually picking 15 out of 15 with some of these upsets. Some of these people are gaming the system and have enough entries (at least dozens) to cover scads of unlikely scenarios so that they can win a Taco Mac gift certificate. If they want it that bad, let them have it.
Bob
November 17th, 2011
2:48 pm
Not sure where you get your lines, but Arkansas is only laying 13 against Miss State. Would be nice to just make up an arbitrary line and then take the points. I think I’ll take Duke +97 against Georgia Tech in that case.
GIVE ME A BREAK
November 17th, 2011
2:50 pm
I would like to see GT and/or UGA play GS. That would be great for the state and a fun rivalry. Alabama can be beaten, so go for it. ” GO EAGLES “
oldfart
November 17th, 2011
2:50 pm
dean – Kids or not. To follow up that you have never seen Animal House with the revelation that you have watched Dorothy over 1300 times calls for an immediate forfeiture of one’s man card
Oh well, the sun’s almost over the yard arm and the WC reference has me inspired to get out a Bible…. and the Maker’s Mark. Can you still buy indulgences?
Say It Aint So
November 17th, 2011
2:52 pm
Thank God the cool weather ran the bees off. Its a lot warmer in El Paso this time of year. LMAO!
gbal
November 17th, 2011
2:54 pm
To all those who wana mak comments about prof reading, gramer, spelling and the like…I say get over it. Yse your imagination. i think you get the point. this is 2011 blogging. Not english 101. I lov it. write it ilke it sounds.
Alphare
November 17th, 2011
3:04 pm
OK, UGA played a single complete game of the 10 games they played so far, against the marginally ranked Auburn. Does that qualify them for SECCG?
Tarlie Chrippi
November 17th, 2011
3:06 pm
@ egeagle — “Upcoming stadium project”?
All those big-time boosters down there in “the ‘Boro” finally coughing up the dough to add another 600 seats to the stadium?
Erk would be downright ashamed…
Tarlie Chrippi
November 17th, 2011
3:09 pm
@ Alphare — Playing one “complete” game doesn’t qualify you for anything. Winning 9 games in a rown and going 7-1 in conference play does. The team doesn’t make the schedule, they just play it — and when they win more games than anyone else in the division, that qualifies them — See how that works?
gtne80
November 17th, 2011
3:17 pm
@Alphare – Assuming that they blow out UK as they should on Saturday, UGA is indeed the rightful winner of the SEC East. No need to disparage that distinction. It’s a matter of chance that no one on this team could control or foresee that their regular season schedule would not include the 3 top teams in the conference (all in the West) and that the traditional top-tier teams in the East are in a down cycle. These things happen.
Alphare
November 17th, 2011
3:18 pm
Creepi,
that seems too easy to be in a Champ game. If I have to pick 2 teams to play in the SEC Champ game, I am not sure I would pick UGA, who struggled badly against the mighty Vandy and lost to BSU and SC. BTW, SC still holds a tie-breaker against UGA.
But a rule is a rule. We are stuck to watch UGA getting slaughtered by the West this year, unless the cats can rescue us.
GSUEagles
November 17th, 2011
3:19 pm
@Tarlie Chrippi… thanks for hating
Paul in NH
November 17th, 2011
3:21 pm
But this I will bet you all: You have never seen “The Lair of the White Worm”.
——
Seen it. But then again I am a sucker for over the top Ken Russell movies with a young naked Amanda Donohoe
juvenal
November 17th, 2011
3:23 pm
dean, you watched toto with your kids & haven’t let them watch animal house yet,so you get to keep your dad-card……..
Paul in NH
November 17th, 2011
3:23 pm
Alphare
November 17th, 2011
3:04 pm
OK, UGA played a single complete game of the 10 games they played so far, against the marginally ranked Auburn. Does that qualify them for SECCG?
—
It doesn’t quite qualify them for the SECCG but it does get CMR off double secret probation.
Occupy Losers
November 17th, 2011
3:23 pm
What a shock. Nothing about any liberal causes. Nothing about the violence by your ows minions schultz. Only knocks and reports on the right huh. Dirtbag leftist.
Habersham Dawg
November 17th, 2011
3:23 pm
Lair of the White Worm. Seen it. Was it bad? Yes, but I only watched it for the nipples.
gtne80
November 17th, 2011
3:31 pm
I don’t mind watching LSU blow out the Dawgs in the SECCG. It’s not like they wouldn’t blow out USC, UF, UT or any of the other teams in the East. LSU will have already played and beaten Big Al, Ark, Awbrun and the Missy teams. They deserve some “fresh meat.”
DYNAMICBIGBOY
November 17th, 2011
3:33 pm
It obvious you don’t think much of the DAWGS. What are you going to rant about when they win the SEC?
Bobo is Not the Problem
November 17th, 2011
3:33 pm
Richt has an amazing capacity to play down to the competition. I would take the points here. Just hope it’s not too close for comfort.
JB
November 17th, 2011
3:35 pm
Kentucky is a given and Georgia just has to show up for contractual considerations with the league office to fulfill the requirements of being the opponent. I’m already thinking about Tech and hoping that Johnson won’t even have to eat a prune to get that look on his face, as the Dawgs will roll big time in Grants Tomb. Can the Dawgs beat LSU? No one outside or inside of Vegas will say they will, but I bet Miles wishes he was playing Carolina. They will need to bring their lunch.
gtne80
November 17th, 2011
3:40 pm
“What are you going to rant about when they win the SEC?”
The shortage of ice skates in hell….
JB
November 17th, 2011
3:41 pm
In all the years that Florida win the SEC East, can it be said they won it because Georgia did not have a good team? That is the logic I’m hearing. Florida didn’t win it this year because they were not Good?
Tarlie Chrippi
November 17th, 2011
3:41 pm
@ Alphare
You’re correct, SC still holds the tie-breaker against UGA and should the Dawgs lose to Kentucky, SC would be playing in the SECCG. Would you “pick” them? I don’t think anyone can argue that UGA is playing the best football in the East right now, so why not let them get hammered by LSU, Bama, or ARK?
And the “struggling mightily” against Vandy thing is a bit off-putting. Remember the ARK – Vandy game? Nobody is talking about how bad ARK is at this point….
JB
November 17th, 2011
3:43 pm
Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu… Almost 11/2 hours into this and no GTBob. I’m thinking they got him medicated and asleep.
gtne80
November 17th, 2011
3:46 pm
“I don’t think anyone can argue that UGA is playing the best football in the East right now, so why not let them get hammered by LSU, Bama, or ARK?”
Makes perfect sense to me. If UGA was playing USC this weekend, the HBC would be taking a butt-whipping back to Columbia. UF just got beat by USC at home. UT and UK are awful. Vandy may be the closest to UGA in the East at this point.
Dawglasville
November 17th, 2011
3:46 pm
Jeff – Dawn Of The Dogs was very funny.
For what it is worth, no one was feeling sorry for Richt the years we had two of the Arkansas, Bama, LSU combo plus Auburn. Historically you would look at UF, Auburn, UT, USC, Boise (this decade), and Tech on a schedule and not think it was a cake walk. I don’t know if Georgia is a top ten team. I do believe, schedule or not, that we have improved greatly over the season.
gtne80
November 17th, 2011
3:49 pm
@Dawglasville – Anyone who has seriously watched UGA over the course of the season would have to agree that they are a much better team at this point than they were when they played Carolina. As a Tech fan, I wish we’d have been playing UGA the third game of this year instead of the last.
JB
November 17th, 2011
3:49 pm
Mistake folk make with the Dawgs. This team today is in no way the same team that opened the season. Richt’s teams have historically gotten better as the year went on, and this one is no different. Tech thinks they will play the Georgia team that lost to Boise. So will LSU. This team has some talent and swagger and speed and size….and posting won’t make believers out of anyone, but the games will.
No AU folks hanging out here I see after all their threats before we played them.
gtne80
November 17th, 2011
3:53 pm
@JB – This Tech fan doesn’t think that we will be playing the same team that lost to Boise and SC. Some might, but I’m not that blind. LSU might also, but the problem is that with LSU’s talent, I don’t think it’ll make that much difference. Could be that you catch them coming out flat to start the game, but they’ll warm up quickly.
straightshooter
November 17th, 2011
3:54 pm
GA Southern gets UGA in 2012, Florida in 2013, LSU in 2014 and GT in 2015. New 50,000+ sq. ft. Football Complex announced for Paulson Stadiium, w/12,000 sq. ft. football only weight room, locker room, offices, GSU Hall of Fame, etc. so every dollar helps.
Good call on Georgia Southern beating the spread. Whoever made that line must have thought Alabama was playing Georgia State again this year.
gtne80
November 17th, 2011
3:57 pm
@straightshooter – with the FCS playoffs coming up, I’d be tempted to sit Jaybo against that Alabama D. Just sayin…..
Dawglasville
November 17th, 2011
4:01 pm
gtne80 – great post. I am concerned about Tech. I think we match up better than we have in the past 3 years now that Samuel has shown the other backs how to run hard between the tackles and because our defense seems to be more disciplined. If the Tech team who showed up to play Clemson shows up then they could give anyone fits.
SS
November 17th, 2011
4:09 pm
Ugh does that cowboys chick have enough make up on? I think she’s UGLY
Bob
November 17th, 2011
4:10 pm
I would take Miss St. and 29 1/2 also. Unfortunately the spread for that game is 13. As far as your Garcia-Lattimore-Brantley trifecta, I’m not sure I follow. SC had Lattimore and Garcia when Auburn beat them and UF was had Brantley when UGA won that game. In case you haven’t noticed, Jeff, Brantley stinks.
Ron Paul
November 17th, 2011
4:16 pm
GT is a trap game for Uga. The focus will be on lsu and somehow pursuing the biggest upset in sec champ game history.
Willie Martinez
November 17th, 2011
4:34 pm
I think we can surmise 2 things:
Jeff Hates Jim Nutt
Jeff Hates Todd Grantham
Willie Martinez
November 17th, 2011
4:35 pm
UGA will come out and run the ball right up Techs azz. Then when the load up, they will pass all day. It ain’t gonna be pretty.
the dude
November 17th, 2011
4:36 pm
I USUALLY DO NOT MAKE PREDICTIONS, BUT WHEN I DO I ALWAYS SAY THOSE NORTH AVENUE PEOPLE WILL BE GOING TO THE MOON BOWL IN JUNEAU ALASKA. STAY THRISTY MY FRIENDS.
dean
November 17th, 2011
4:38 pm
gtne80 destroys my faith in humanity and playing “fair”. Damm, I guess I HAVE watched the Wizard of Oz too many times.
oldfart: I’ve been told that I’m the “See that quiet guy down there at the end of the bar? Don’t F with him.” I don’t know why. I’m just quiet.
Habersham Dawg & juvenal: The Lair of the White Worm got me banned from ever again getting to “bring back something different” from the movie store. I thought it was monster movie. That seems so long ago. Oh. My kids are grown now. I couldn’t bring “trash” home when they were there. I think I’ll dial up Animal House on my On Demand tv. There are no more movie stores in my area.
THE Dixie Redcoat Band
November 17th, 2011
4:39 pm
We’d rather have UGA play Georgia Southern instead of N.Mex. State Teachers.
This keeps the $$$ in Georgia.
Ohio State always plays a MAC (Ohio) team to keep $$$ in Ohio.
Michigan and Michigan State always plays a MAC (Mich.) team to keep the $$$ in Michigan.
Come on people….
Boise Dawg
November 17th, 2011
4:40 pm
Call me crazy, but I think Georgia matches up nicely against LSU. Our offense is playing better than Alabama’s right now… and while I don’t think Georgia’s defense is nearly as good as Bama or LSU, think they are good enough to stop LSU’s offense. The question will be can Aaron Murray limit mistakes and not give points to the LSU defense.
Joey
November 17th, 2011
4:49 pm
UGA Nose – John Jenkins:“I’m just working, man, working,” Jenkins said. “Coach G, he’s just making sure every chance I get that I improve myself and I’m never staying the same.”
********************************************
Now Jeff, Jenkins contributions would have been a lot better read than that, yet another round of Grantham bashing you did yesterday.
There are some good, positive storys to write about the resurgent Bulldogs – you don’t have to look for the (in your eyes) controversial.
Just saying . . .
Alphare
November 17th, 2011
4:50 pm
Boise Dawg,
actually your defense is as good as LSU’s and your offense is more potent.
(don’t tell anybody, that’s according to fans of a secret school).
UGA will beat LSU like a drum in the dome.
Hoopster
November 17th, 2011
4:51 pm
Um Jeff, the line to the Arkansas/Miss St game is 13.5, not 29.5.