I’ve got guaranteed picks on Alabama-LSU, Dogs, Falcons! (no, seriously)
Yes. I decided to come back.
Did you lose the bet?
So there I was, sitting by the railroad tracks, just me and my Pop-Tarts and my Florida-Clemson-Broncos parlay ticket and some creepy guy who kept staring at my shoes, waiting for me to fall asleep, when it struck me: I was getting too good! Everybody needs a market correction now and then. Me. Wall Street. Everybody who plays running back for Georgia, at least when they’re not sitting in their dorm room, in a cloud of smoke, next to a bong and an open box of Ho Hos, staring at the same fly for like, I dunno, seven hours, wondering what it would be like to be a fly, then trying to catch the fly, giving up after 12 seconds, then napping for, I dunno, another seven hours. (Hey, did I miss class?)
Crowell better hope this isn't his career.
OK, so my strategy sorta went kaboom last week. Sort of like Custer, whose reported famous last words at Little Big Horn were, “Hurrah boys, we’ve got them!” And then he put $100 on Tim Tebow to slay the Lions. Tool.
But I couldn’t miss this week: It’s Homecoming!
Isaiah Crowell, Carlton Thomas and Ken Malcome will not be in uniform for the Georgia-New Mexico State game. Their urine specimens blew up the laboratory. Hey, I know kids do dumb things. But how dumb do you have to be to get your ganja on in the middle of the football season? I mean, what was Crowell planning to do when a linebacker came up to tackle him: Offer him a toke and a brownie? Come on Gator Man, it’s all good.
Cheech, Chong and Spicoli were at practice this week, pushing weighted sleds – eyes fixated I believe on the 12 bags of Nacho Cheese Doritos that strength coach Joe Tereshinski had dangling from a fishing pole.
Georgia is still favored by 33 points, which makes you wonder: How many players would have to flunk a drug test for the spread to go down? Forty?
I think Mark Richt pulled some kid out of the Poultry Sciences building to play running back. No matter. I’m not biting on the spread. Conservative week for me. Dogs cover 33.
After last week, my Thanksgiving plans are set
Do I Smell A Comeback?
(Or did I just step in something?)
LSU at Alabama: It’s the two best teams with the two best defenses and possibly the two best coaches, and this lovely postseason system of ours means the winner is going to the BCS championship and the loser is going to Six Flags and some place where kids eat free. Short breakdown: Everything LSU can do, Alabama can do. But Alabama has Trent Richardson, LSU doesn’t. And it’s in Tuscaloosa, where as one of the 600 media in attendance I fully expect to be set up with a folding chair and a TV tray somewhere in the parking lot. Oh look, there’s Mike Price. Roll Tide! Bama covers 4½.
South Carolina at Arkansas: Doggy fans, here’s your choice: Pull for South Carolina, which is ahead of Georgia in the SEC East, or pull for Bobby Petrino, which could lead you to an afterlife of whiffing brimstone. You’re going the soul-selling route, aren’t you? Richt said this week he might have to learn the pig-sooie chant. And when you lose Richt to the underword, it’s over. Piggies win and cover 5.
So if you’re selling your soul, just like Homer…
Vanderbilt at Florida: The Gators are 94th in the nation in offense — just ahead of UAB and behind Rice. But they’re still ahead of Vanderbilt (106th). Flawida wins, but give me Vandy and 13.
Old and Decrepit Miss at Kentucky: The Rebels have lost 11 straight SEC games. Athletic director Pete Boone gave coach Houston Nutt a vote of confidence this week, saying: “I think that we’re at the point in the season that we just let the season play itself out.” OK, maybe not so much a vote of confidence. More like, “If you need any empty boxes, they’re out back by the dumpsters.” Take the Cats and the gift 1.
The Packers and Everybody Below
Oh yeah. They look ready.
Falcons at 0-8: Sports Illustrated this week listed Matt Ryan as the 17th-best quarterback so far this NFL season, behind Alex Smith,Ryan Fitzpatrick and I think leftover road kill from Atlanta Public Schools. Whatever. I can’t even name the Colts’ quarterback. Also, Indy’s defense is allowing the most points (31.5) and the second-most rushing yards (144) per game. Geez, all this research. What’s come over me? Falcons cover 7.
Bucs at Saints: New Orleans just lost to 0-6 St. Louis. It is just me or are the Saints starting to look like the Colts of the past couple of years — a great quarterback but little else. Yeah, I went there. But: Saints cover 8.
Giants at Patriots: In the past week, the Patriots have seen Rob Gronkowski photographed with a porn star and Julian Edelman arrested for groping at a Halloween party (maybe he went dressed as Herman Cain). OK, story of the Kim Kardashian-Bill Belichick secret weekend in Cape Cod breaks in 3, 2, 1 … Pats cover 8½.
Watch Bill Belichick open up to the media
Ravens at Steelers: These are the kind of games you watch and when it’s over you look down and ask yourself, “Why is that bone sticking out of my leg?” Pitt wins (but take the Ravens and 3).
Packers at Chargers: Green Bay has won 13straight going back to last season. It’s Godzilla vs. Bambi all over again. Packers cover 5½.
I won’t tell you how it ends
•
Toteboard
Last week (slightly cloudy): 4-6 straight up, 2-8 against the line.
Overall (Real. And spectacular): 74-31 straight up; 63-41-1 against the line.
“Sack Schultz” update: I’m sinking like a stone, but enough about me. Last week’s winners were Richard Stone (Mt. Airy, Ga.) and Doreen Schweki (Roy, Wash.).
By Jeff Schultz
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274 comments Add your comment
Isaiah for Mayor
November 3rd, 2011
6:23 pm
The Dixie Red Coat Band is going to be playing “One Toke Over The Line” at the half on Saturday. Rumor has it that Isaiah will leading them on to the field.
Paul in NH
November 3rd, 2011
6:23 pm
RXDAWG
November 3rd, 2011
3:10 pm
For FLAT TIRE- UGA drug policy-1st offense=10% of season 2nd=30% of season 3rd=loss of scholarship and kicked off team. This is the toughest drug policy in college sports.
—-
I would have thought that BYU would have the toughest drug policy in college sports. Heck, they suspended a star b’ball player for having sex.
Belcher
November 3rd, 2011
6:32 pm
Crowell already looks like a thuga with that long nappy, dirty hair. Now we know he is!!
Dawg'88
November 3rd, 2011
6:33 pm
Hey schultz you Yech bandwagoneer…you’ve been ripping into UGA about all of this drug mess and giving other schools a pass like your beloved Yechmites. And Yechmites don’t even attempt to look for moral high ground either as a poster said on another site:
“Does Tech even give drug tests to it’s SA’s?
The ESPN writer was on 790 The Zone and said Richt orders drug tests as soon as he
has a reason to suspect someone has been abusing drugs, and that he had wider
information that his happened over the summer, and that all involved passed the
screening.
But have you ever heard of Tech players suspended for recreational drugs? Based on
what I’ve read concerning tuis incident, all of that is completely up to the school and
it’s AD; he NCAA tests for performance enhancers but nothing else.
While we he world is hammering us for suspending Crowell for dope, why is nobody
questioning the leniency and testing frequency at other programs?
Tech doesn’t suspend on the first positive drug test – and what do we know about
whether or not they test at all? If they never have any suspensions, you can assume
one of three thingsTech
1- Tech players never do drugs (lol)
2- Tech always nips it the bud after the first positive test
3- Tech does not test, or they warn their players a test is coming
Number 1 is laughable, number 2 would seem nice, but this is an athletic department
that actually saw a baseball player overdose on heroin, and the odds he never did any
testable drugs before that are nil IMO.
On number three, they just got smacked by the NCAA for warming a kid that he was
going to be questioned. They have also been smacked for playing kids they knew to
be inelligible. Thy have established a culture of hireling facts rather than risk losing
players for games – the total opposite of our own “air all be dirty laundry” approach.
The local media has relished going all Woodward and Bernstein on Greg McGarrity.
Let’s see if they turn to Tech and ask some hard questions concerning their drug
policies.
Just don’t hold your breath for that to happen.”
Nuff said!!!
Paul in NH
November 3rd, 2011
6:37 pm
Talk about a tough drug policy – see page 25 – they even include alcohol and tobacco. Implement that at most colleges and you can get rid of half the students
http://police.byu.edu/images/stories/police/files/2009CSR.pdf
Dawg'88
November 3rd, 2011
6:37 pm
Belcher…first of all thats racist posting…2nd check this picture by link and comeback and say something stupid then. BTW…Does the name Rueben Houston mean anything? Dope dealer not just a user…big difference!
http://athenscms.com/oa/zenphoto/cache/111810-georgia-tech-will-take-on-georgia-bulldogs/georgia-tech-football-02_w693_h800.jpg
Now here's a guy who knows how to build a strawman...
November 3rd, 2011
6:39 pm
Dawg’88
November 3rd, 2011
6:33 pm
2010 BCS CHAMPS
November 3rd, 2011
6:42 pm
When will UGA beat a ranked team?
SEC Fact Finder
November 3rd, 2011
6:43 pm
Uga without running backs will throw it around and Murray has 200 plus passing yards by halftime.
UGA covers.
Alabama is a pickem game.
Arkansas covers and blows out USC
Kentucky wins outright
Good weekend Jeff.
Dawg'88
November 3rd, 2011
6:43 pm
Proof that Ga Yech has not moral high ground here…you keep calling UGA players thugs like every Yech player is perfect…well every program has its problem athletes. Selective Memory FanBase…thats Yech! Those in glass houses…well you know..
from ajc in 2010(sounds like an upstanding citizen and a real sweetheart that Yech produced)
:Georgia Tech football star on run from U.S. Marshals
By Kristi E. Swartz
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
A former Georgia Tech football player convicted of federal drug charges is now on the run from the U.S. Marshals.
.Reuben Houston has been on the run from investigators since September, senior inspector Katrina Crouse said.
That’s when he brought a gun to the home of a family whose child had gotten into some sort of a fight with Houston’s daughter, Crouse said.
Crouse said few details were available on Houston’s arrest warrant but said his daughter “got into some kind of dispute with another child, and he became very unhappy about it.”
Houston went to the family’s house in Cobb County to confront the parents about it, Crouse said.
“He got angry, pulled a gun and held everybody at bay for about five minutes,” she said.
One of the family members tried to wrestle the gun from Houston, who eventually left.
Crouse said investigators have been looking for him since that time.
Houston is wanted for making terrorist threats and aggravated assault with a weapon.
He is also charged with possession of a firearm by a convicted felon because of 2005 charges connected to a marijuana distribution ring.
Houston, still playing cornerback for Georgia Tech at the time, was convicted of helping smuggle more than 90 pounds of marijuana into Atlanta from California.
He accepted a plea agreement to lesser charges a year later.
He was suspended from the football team in June 2005 but received a court order to be reinstated in November.
He graduated with a degree in management and signed a free-agent contract with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers the following May.
Crouse said Houston may be in Florida because he spent time there.
The 27-year-old was also a Fayette County high school football and track star.
“What a shame,” Crouse said. “Here’s somebody who had so much talent and promise and opportunities – to then take this path instead.”
Crouse said the U.S. Marshals consider Houston to be violent and dangerous. They do not want the public approaching him.
“We’re more interested in getting tips so we can find him,” Crouse said.
Chuck
November 3rd, 2011
6:45 pm
The Tech way, is:
“Smoke all you want, we don’t test.”
Dawg'88
November 3rd, 2011
6:45 pm
strawman’s attempt at humor….Idiotic!
Now I know I’m a Tech site.
Beast from the East
November 3rd, 2011
6:48 pm
Dawg’88 is the typical deflector. But, but, but, they did it, too and no one wrote a story! It’s not fair, I tell ya!
Doesn’t change a thing. They smoked dope and got caught. They will serve their punishment and life will go on. Learn to laugh at yourself and you won’t get so uptight about these things.
u got to be kidding
November 3rd, 2011
6:52 pm
lsu 35 bama 31
dawgs 55 aggies 10
falcons 45 colts 24
F. Sinkwich
November 3rd, 2011
6:53 pm
Jeff, I look forward to your picks every week. Well, maybe not so much the picks but certainly the article.
But Dude, please make sure all of your videos are iPad 2 compatible.
Thanks!
leelee
November 3rd, 2011
6:54 pm
LOL…. Maybe your best article ever. I’m a dawg fan but I must admit this is funny..by the way
could you give me the number of your contact
jarvis
November 3rd, 2011
7:17 pm
Wow Shultzie….everyone covers. BOLD man BOLD.
I’m not even mad, I’m impressed.
BobDawg
November 3rd, 2011
7:50 pm
Jeff, you are going against “The Mad Hatter”??? Isn’t this his gun slinging best element, prime time Saturday Night??? Les wins and takes the -4 and throws it back at Saban!!!!
DILLIGAF
November 3rd, 2011
7:51 pm
2010 BCS CHAMPS:
“When will UGA beat a ranked team?”
On November 12, 2011.
Your team is still ranked, right?
Now here's a guy who knows how to build a strawman...
November 3rd, 2011
7:56 pm
Dawg88 – How original of you to have your IQ in your name.
Tchnation
November 3rd, 2011
7:56 pm
We should just end the season after the LSU/Alabama game. The winner should be immediately declared National Champion and all remaining games cancelled. Clearly, which ever team wins is unbeatable and a lock to win the BCS title…in fact the winning team should just go ahead and play in the SuperBowl. In fact, why were LSU and Bama even playing games this year. Why can’t we just give them the year to prepare and let them play each other in the BCS NC game. All other teams and games are meaningless.
...... I'm flying a Georgia Tech flag right now
November 3rd, 2011
7:58 pm
`
……… in downtown Athens.
Old Dog
November 3rd, 2011
7:59 pm
I just hope Georgia wins this weekend – I will be at the game. Hope they don’t allow twenty 99-yard kickoff returns.
Driscoll Dawg
November 3rd, 2011
8:09 pm
“I am extremely proud of how Isaiah has been handling the situation,” Richt said. “I think he was very remorseful. I think I have already seen, I don’t know, I think he is going to grow up from this in some ways. I think he’s going to be better for it.”
Richt can’t possibly be that naive. But he does know how to spin things.
Bob LaBlah
November 3rd, 2011
8:16 pm
headley lamar – what does anything in your post accomplish? You sound like a 5th grade whiner? ANYBODY THAT PLAYS FOOTBALL AND SMOKES DOPE KNOWING THEY WILL GET DRUG TESTED IS A MORON. AND ANYBODY WHO MAKES EXCUSES FOR THEM IS A DUMAZZ MORON.
Bob LaBlah
November 3rd, 2011
8:21 pm
dawg’88 – anybody who puts dawg in their screen name is an idiot. Not just an opinion. All you have to do is read the post. You bring up something totally irrelevant. Odell Thurman.
Bob LaBlah
November 3rd, 2011
8:23 pm
DAWG stands for Dope And Weed Galore.
Jeff Schultz
November 3rd, 2011
8:33 pm
Bronco Nagurski — Good list. Always remember Curt Gowdy and Tony Kubek on the NBC baseball game of the week.
Jeff Schultz
November 3rd, 2011
8:34 pm
Mater Man — Thanks.
Jeff Schultz
November 3rd, 2011
8:35 pm
Ole Smoky — I think it would be fun covering Belichick, just from the standpoint of always TRYING to get him to say something. I like the jousting. Plus, I think he’s actually a good guy — a smart guy.
No Worries
November 3rd, 2011
8:38 pm
Dawgs and Falcons win easy, Ark beats SC by 13—Dawgs win the East!!!! UGA upsets LSU in the SEC title game—take the points and bet the house!
Jeff Schultz
November 3rd, 2011
8:40 pm
Dilligaf — Thanks, an editor fixed.
Jeff Schultz
November 3rd, 2011
8:41 pm
Die Hard Falcon — SI’s rankings were based on how QBs are playing this year (so far).
Jeff Schultz
November 3rd, 2011
8:42 pm
Ted M — Yes on Bambo-Godzilla, found it on YouTube. It’s an all-time classic.
uscinga
November 3rd, 2011
8:42 pm
No Worries,
And Ga goes on to an undefeated season, oh wait, that can’t happen,and the COCKS still rule the SEC East roost.
Go Cocks
BBQMAN
November 3rd, 2011
8:43 pm
Crowell = HAHAHAHAHA……….. part of the uga culture just doing his part in keeping them highly ranked…. as a “party school”
bamaonline
November 3rd, 2011
8:45 pm
Are the bama players going to have their free suits on this week when they copy the dawg walk?
Jeff Schultz
November 3rd, 2011
8:46 pm
Dawg ‘88 — I want to with you, man. I mean, who’s with me on this?
Jeff Schultz
November 3rd, 2011
8:47 pm
F.Sinkwich — Sorry, I just make sure my videos are Wordpress compatible and if it works, I post. I didn’t realize some wouldn’t work on iPad-2 — as I don’t have an iPad-2.
Jeff Schultz
November 3rd, 2011
8:47 pm
Jarvis — Actually no: said take Vandy plus 11, Kentucky in mild upset and Ravens plus 3.
jadams
November 3rd, 2011
8:55 pm
you cant get addicted to pot
cattle dawg
November 3rd, 2011
8:58 pm
Best duo is John Madden an Pat Summerall
cattle dawg
November 3rd, 2011
9:03 pm
I smoked hootie weed just about everyday for 3 years. It wasnt hard at all to quit, and havent touched the stuff in 15 years. But theres nothing like smoking a J and eating 4 lbs of beef ravioli followed by a gallon of milk and 12 reeces cups.
5150 UOAD
November 3rd, 2011
9:08 pm
I TWISTED a HogLeg with the Big Bamboo Papers that came with that album………….KIDS an ALBUM is what came before CD’s and Direct Download Songs. The LP had ART and Liner Notes. You could read the band member names the producer and back-up singers. You could learn about where the music was made and STUFF that only came with the Vinyl Album.
cattle dawg
November 3rd, 2011
9:08 pm
All this talk about weed is going to make me call up my old boy tony 2 tokes.
Delbert D.
November 3rd, 2011
9:10 pm
Funny stuff this week, Jeff. The focus for the “Occupy” movement Saturday is to appoint a delegate to the Tailback position in Athens. They are annoying; just take their cardboard boxes away and rubber bullets probably won’t be needed due to the weather.
5150 UOAD
November 3rd, 2011
9:10 pm
jadams…………..the addiction to the body for pot is BAD, but the way it locks to your nervous system and slow releases makes the withdraws minimal. That is why POT takes 2-4 weeks to leave your system and you fail drug tests.
Bammer Spammer
November 3rd, 2011
9:12 pm
Bama wins by a TD.
Delbert D.
November 3rd, 2011
9:12 pm
@jadams “you cant get addicted to pot”
Right on, dude. Death by unnatural causes usually occurs first.
Delbert D.
November 3rd, 2011
9:15 pm
“Officer, I was just sitting here holding my axe, and dang, that guy he looked like a bear.”