Weekend Predictions: Deja vu time (Gators over Dogs)
Before we get to the SEC East, the Republican primary of college divisions where everybody looks like a 4-4 team with two soundbites, a new tax plan and reservations for the Liberty Bowl, this just in: We’ve officially gone to hell.
With the holiday shopping season just around the corner, Mattel is preparing to launch, “Tokidoki” Tattoo Barbie in the U.S. I am not making this up. She has pink hair, is covered with tattoos around her neck and arms and has another just above her Barbie Buttocks (copyright?) that reads, “Ken” (in a heart).
![tattooedbarbie[1]](http://blogs.ajc.com/jeff-schultz-blog/files/2011/10/tattooedbarbie11.jpg "tattooedbarbie[1]")
Mattel has come under criticism but says the doll is targeted at adult collectors, not children, which is why we can also soon expect Wowsa Mondo Implant Barbie, Underground Kim Kardashian Video Barbie (with rapper), Strung Out Lindsay Leg Chains Lohan Barbie, and, a sidekick: the Ha Ha How Does It Feel To Have That Tie Rod Jammed Into Your Forehead Ndamukong Suh Psychotic Ken doll (candy Thorazine in grape and cherry flavors included).
See? You just can’t count on anything any more.
Oh wait. It’s Georgia-Florida week. Never mind.
I know. This is the year, right? Aaron Murray is better
![tattoo_barbie[1]](http://blogs.ajc.com/jeff-schultz-blog/files/2011/10/tattoo_barbie12.jpg "tattoo_barbie[1]")
That "Indonesia" branding had to really hurt.
The Georgia defense is better than Florida’s.
Chris Rainey? He hasn’t been a threat since Gainesville police revoked his texting privileges. (”Time To Die…Hello? Hello?”)
Will Muschamp? Look at those eyes. We never trusted him!
And the Dogs have won five in a row!
Whatever.
Let’s look at this. The teams have one common opponent so far: Tennessee. They both won. Whoop.
Florida got boat-raced by Alabama and LSU. Like Georgia wouldn’t?
Georgia’s four SEC wins have come over teams with a combined conference record of 1-15. Murray has been average. The defense has been better but will be missing two starters (Kwame Geathers, Shawn Williams) for suspensions in the first half, and can’t really be sure what they’ll get from two other starters just back (Cornelius Washington, suspension; Alec Ogletree, broken foot). Also, Malcolm Mitchell likely won’t play.
Florida’s average. Maybe below average. But this is close enough to a push. Sorry, but a push ain’t pushing me over to the anemic side of 3-18.
Florida is getting 3. I’ll take the points. And the upset. Gators win.
Saturday Value Menu
(Add fries and a used car from Houston Nutt for 99 cents)
Paul Johnson is not taking losing well.
Clemson at Tech: The Jackets have three offensive touchdowns in the last nine quarters. I think it’s clear Al Groh needs to fire Paul Johnson and hire a new offensive coordinator. Tevin Washington’s confidence looks shot and sources say Johnson is miserable, which explains the stockades on the sideline at practice. Clemson covers 3½.
South Carolina at Tennessee: Your Poultry update: Marcus Lattimore is done, Stephen Garcia is plotting his next career move at Barbizon, and Alshon Jeffery seems as relevant as Gummo Marx without his brothers. But it’s Tennessee. The Vowels have been outscored 95-25 in their last three games, and Derek Dooley wonders, “Why did I give up law again?” Gamecocks cover 4.
Mississippi at Auburn: I just learned Houston Nutt has a $6 million buyout. Do they not offer classes in high finance in the land of Faulkner? Nutt’s SEC losing streak runs to 11, and Auburn covers 11.
Arkansas at Vanderbilt: The Commodores were painted as dirty against Georgia and last week had to apologize for blasting music over the loud speaker and drowning out the Army alma mater. So now they’re un-American. The Vandy bad boys. If this keeps up and they may be allowed back in the SEC. Hey, can anybody cut-block Bobby Petrino? Arkansas wins but give me Vandy and 10.
Georgia State at Texas-San Antonio: It turns out the Longhorn Network does exist. It’s carrying this game. I believe GSU-UTSA comes on right after, “In The Kitchen With Fred Akers” and “Texas A.D. DeLoss Dodds At The Yalta Conference: Revisionists History, Brought To You By ESPN.” No line. Panthers make it two straight.
NFL Snack Pack
Lions' defense warms up for this week's game. That's Suh on the left.
Paper Lions at Broncos: It’s Matthew Stafford vs. Tim Tebow. That’s timely. (Advice to Lions: If you score, don’t empty the bench and celebrate in the end zone. Leaves a hangover.) Stafford is banged up and struggling to hold together an imploding team with defense of cretins. Was that Suh robbing a blood bank this week? Take the 3 but Denver wins in an upset.
Cowboys at Dream Team: Philadelphia’s Asante Samuel ripped management, saying they’re “playing fantasy football.” Hah! Nobody in my league would’ve been dumb enough to sign Ronnie Brown. Take Dallas and 3½, and in an upset.
Patriots at Steelers: Tom Brady vs. Pittsburgh: 6-1, 14 touchdowns, three interceptions. Check? New England covers 3.
Dolphins at Giants: Miami’s quarterback depth chart: Matt Moore, J.P. Losman. My eyes! My eyes! Giants cover 10.
•
Toteboard
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.” — Kin Hubbard
Last week (slightly cloudy): 11-1 straight up, 8-4 against the line.
Overall (Real. And spectacular): 70-25 straight up; 61-33-1 against the line.
“Sack Schultz” contest: Last week’s winners: Local–Mitchell Hunter (13-2) of Sharpsburg, GA. National–Olivia Trebino (14-1) of Pomona, Ca. I’m slipping. Badly. Not entered? Click here for details.
By Jeff Schultz
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544 comments Add your comment
Eldawg
October 27th, 2011
9:29 pm
“I’ll take the points. And the upset. Gators win.”
If you think UF is going to win why do you need points? coward.
Levi
October 27th, 2011
9:29 pm
Florida 31, Athens Correctional Institute 17
Watch for the State Patrol on the looooong drive home!
Good googily moogily that thang is juicy
October 27th, 2011
9:29 pm
nobody cares about matt ryan sir
G8torOne
October 27th, 2011
9:34 pm
Note to Richt: Don’t forget the diapers for Israel Troupe. And please don’t let Cornelius Washington drive the team bus in Jacksonville.
Why Florida?
October 27th, 2011
9:41 pm
Florida has been playing against better competition. That is their only tangible advantage. The Gators also have the intangible advantage of being inside the Dawgs’ heads – just because they’re Florida.
Georgia should win this one, but I’m feeling more and more like maybe they won’t.
Buckhead Bulldog
October 27th, 2011
9:41 pm
Saturday’s weather for J’ville
“Breezy. Mostly cloudy with a 20 percent chance of showers in the morning…then partly cloudy in the afternoon. Highs around 70. North winds 15 to 20 mph with gusts to 30 mph.”
All right…30 mile/hour wind gust. That should add a lii’ more flavor to the game, eh?
SEC Baby !
October 27th, 2011
9:45 pm
So Georgia wins for the first time in a long time, big deal ! No matter who wins the East, the West will kill them in Atlanta.
Why Florida?
October 27th, 2011
9:46 pm
Maybe a gigantic gust will send a wayward Walsh kick careening through the uprights for the winning 3?
Hey! Stranger things have happened.
Lamont
October 27th, 2011
9:49 pm
The dawgs “BLOW” the gators this year. Gosh I hope they wear their jet suits and helmets. They are soo mean in them and their trash talking really is a turn on.
JiveTurkey
October 27th, 2011
9:50 pm
more like that the gust will push it just left
Lamont
October 27th, 2011
9:51 pm
I am pulling soo hard for the Dawgs. And praying that some old Gator doesn’t hammer throw Rambo by his dreads into the St John’s river.
LakeDawg
October 27th, 2011
9:51 pm
After the Gator’s first missed field goal, I think all the Dawgs should run onto the field doing the “choke” sign.
Najeh Davenpoop
October 27th, 2011
10:10 pm
Betting against Andy Reid coming off a bye week? Not a safe bet.
BG
October 27th, 2011
10:14 pm
Jeff you picked UT over UGA as well. Just Saying!
Florida State Troopers
October 27th, 2011
10:20 pm
I just hope Coach Grantham understands that we carry Tasers here in the Sunshine State.
The main MAN
October 27th, 2011
10:21 pm
schultz the curse is on you! It can not be broken until you apologize to all DAWGS everywhere,and I will not release the curse unless it is sincere.
NewnanRxDawg
October 27th, 2011
10:22 pm
Yes Schultz say georgia loses = UGA win
5150 UOAD
October 27th, 2011
10:25 pm
Dawgs wouldn’t know what to do with an apology. They just what to sniff Jeff’s butt and have him do the same to them. It will be all good then.
Just kidding the dawgs still wouldn’t be happy with Schultz.
Class of 93
October 27th, 2011
10:26 pm
Betting on sports is less about your record and more about how much you wager on the games that you win. That being said, I am betting my house on Georgia -3. A win and I’m rich. A push, I’m happy and go home. Anything less and I don’t go home.
Hetch Hetchy
October 27th, 2011
10:31 pm
Florida over the baying pseudo yankee (their fight song is the battle hymn of the republic for chrissakes) mongrels. Easy call.
arf arf arf
FLA DAWG
October 27th, 2011
10:32 pm
Agreeing with Schultz is like buying a Powerball Ticket here in Florida…………you just know it’s the wrong thing to do but sometimes you do it anyway!
While I would love to watch my Dawgs drill Muschamp in his Gatorbutt I am thinking UF is tired of losing…………and what better team to open up and unload upon than The UGA Dawgs!?
We have a 5 win streak against nobody and ripe for the picking.
This thing was destined in the stars.
Well, I gotta believe that a loss solidifys Richt’s departure from my beloved Athens and welcomes the arrival of a qualified HC.
OkieDawg
October 27th, 2011
10:42 pm
Has Rainey dialed up his girlfriend tonight? Has Dominique Easley been officially charged with battery? Will Roberson be allowed to play with charges pending? According to Muschump, these guys are doing it the Gator way. We sit ‘em, the Gators play’em.
manfur
October 27th, 2011
10:43 pm
your predictions are about as good as Bernanke’s
Lakedawg
October 27th, 2011
10:45 pm
Thanks, Schultz, I feel a lot more confident now the Dawgs win.
Limer Rick
October 27th, 2011
10:46 pm
The Drinking Has Started In Jax
They’re Swimming In Liquor Tax
The Hounds Hit The Scene
All Snarling And Mean
Yet Leave With Their Tails In Their Cracks
FL 27 – GA 24
Lakedawg
October 27th, 2011
10:47 pm
Since when has Rambo had dreads?
FLA DAWG
October 27th, 2011
10:48 pm
Limer Rick,
Don’t quit your day job.
The Beginning of the End
October 27th, 2011
10:50 pm
Good Luck to both Teams. Hope both play injury free and it is a clean game. This should be a heck of a game and CBS should score good rating points.
The game is going to be close and with the number of players who have not played in recent weeks on both sides of the ball anyone who thinks they really know who is going to win and what each team will attack with is just guessing.
MarineDog
October 27th, 2011
10:51 pm
Is Malcolm Mitchell out or in?
O'Reilly
October 27th, 2011
10:51 pm
Rolo
October 27th, 2011
8:04 pm
Hey Jeff, we went to hell when we elected an empty suit POS race baiting poverty pimp President
—
I agree. Thank God he could only serve 2 terms and the draft dodging, coacaine sniffing, imbecile moved back to Texas in January 2009.
Football Fan
October 27th, 2011
10:53 pm
In watching tonights Miami-UVA game, I’ve come to realize that even two horrible teams, if they’re fairly evenly matched, can produce an interesting ball game.
That gives me hope for the FL-GA game. I hope it’s decent to watch. There aren’t really any other interesting games this weekend.
The Beginning of the End
October 27th, 2011
10:53 pm
Word on sports talk today was if Mark Richt is let go at UGA( especially is he loses to UF) that UNC will be very quick to scoop him up. If CMR and the dawgs pull out a win and go on to beat Auburn he stays and UNC will rapidly approach Malzahn at Auburn as their new AD was the AD at Tulsa when Gus was there and he wants an explosive team on both sides of the ball.
Football Fan
October 27th, 2011
10:55 pm
Malzahn’s explosions aren’t always a good thing.
Football Fan
October 27th, 2011
10:56 pm
Mark Richt would be a better fit at UNC that he has ever been at Georgia.
The Beginning of the End
October 27th, 2011
10:56 pm
I think the AD remembers all the points they put up while he was at Tulsa in that weak league and thinks he can duplicate in the soft ACC.
Sid
October 27th, 2011
10:57 pm
“Are the Falcons the Raiders of the NFC South?”
I see D. Led is off his medication again……………….
The Beginning of the End
October 27th, 2011
11:01 pm
The problem with coaches is that if a coach is an offensive guy he will go out and heavily recruit offensive weapons and take good athletes and put them on offense leaving the defensive coaches to work with what they have.
We can look at Mike Leach and Nick Saban as examples; Mike Leach recruited heavy offensive skill guys and he scored a ton of points but had little to no defense. Coach Saban knows that defense wins and he is a defensive guy an puts his best players on defense and gives the offense a run first mentality and enough weapons to keep a defense honest. The ACC is mostly an offensive league and when VT had great defenses and pretty good offenses they won the league and competed on the national level. The same can be said about FSU while CMR was on the offensive staff. They had great offenses and great athletes on defense, but the offense is what won the big games for them.
Football Fan
October 27th, 2011
11:02 pm
The only experience Malzahn has as a Head Coach is in High School. Maybe Tech will hire him.
Paul in NH
October 27th, 2011
11:05 pm
Football Fan @10:53PM
No interesting games this weekend? What do you call Stanford-USC?
A 7-0 #6 ranked team with the likely #1 pick in the 2012 NFL draft against a traditional power with a 6-1 record.
How about Oklahoma-K.State? 6-1 vs 7-0. #9 vs #8
PSU-Illinois? 7-1 vs 6-2. JoePa going for win #409, passing Eddie Robinson in the process.
OkieDawg
October 27th, 2011
11:05 pm
Bubba Cunningham, Tulsa’s old AD now at NC knows offensive talent. Kragthorpe now at LSU, Graham at Pitt, Malzahn at Auburn and Chad Morris at Clemson. All were approved by Cunningham. Great hire by NC!
BOBBY
October 27th, 2011
11:07 pm
JEFF SCHULTZ
I CAN’T BLAME YOU FOR PICKING FLORIDA TO BEAT UGA BECAUSE YOU AND I KNOW UGA’S HISTORY AGAINST THE GATORS. MY TAKE IS UGA HAS A BETTER TEAM THAN FLORIDA BUT WITH THEIR HISTORY AGAINST THEM YOUR PREDICTION IS RESPECTED. BUT YOU AND I KNOW THAT UGA HAS THE BETTER TEAM I DON’T KNOW IF THEY WILL PLAY LIKE IT. I DON’T THINK SHAWN WILLIAMS AND KWAME GEATHERS SUSPENSIONS IN THE FIRST HALF WILL HURT THEM BECAUSE JENKINS WILL DO A GOOD JOB I THINK AND SANDERS CUMMINGS WILL DO GOOD AT SAFETY AND I THINK BRANDON SMITH WILL
BE MORE THAN CAPABLE REPLACEMENT FOR CUMMINGS AT CORNER. TO ME HE’S A FIRST TEAM CALIBER CORNER ANYWAY AND CUMMINGS IS A FIRST TEAM CALIBER SAFETY OR CORNER PROBALY UGA MOST VERSTAL DEFENSIVE BACK ANYWAY.
dawg4u
October 27th, 2011
11:08 pm
Jeff, I sincerely hope you are wrong in your prediction about the dawgs. Isn’t it great that our fan base is getting mellower regarding your picks? There seems to be not much dispute about the Tech game but I wouldn’t be surprised if that one was much closer than everyone realizes. I can’t bring myself to predict a GT victory but a 3 to 7 point loss wouldn’t be surprising. UGA 21 UF 18.
JoeC
October 27th, 2011
11:15 pm
Jeff,
Its true that Georgia’s four SEC wins have come over teams with a combined conference record of 1-15. Florida’s two SEC wins have come over teams with a combined conference record of 0-4.
checkercab
October 27th, 2011
11:17 pm
don’t believe jeff—Ga’s on a roll and fla’s team is terrible. Ga can finally beat them good. Lay the 3 and bet the house on UGA–it will be easy money and pay for my weekend partying in Jacksonville at the Omni and eating top shelf seafood at the beach!!!!
Fair and Balanced
October 27th, 2011
11:19 pm
A Ga win will be an upset. I agree with you. But Go Dawgs!
Class of 93
October 27th, 2011
11:21 pm
Hope so, my house is on it.
observor
October 27th, 2011
11:22 pm
Got to love it when a sports writer has to find a way to inject his cute little political ideology into a topic that has nothing to do with it. I think for next weeks column, you should show your cleverness by working in a federal reserve reference.
Olberman
October 27th, 2011
11:28 pm
O’Reilly
October 27th, 2011
10:51 pm
I agree. Thank God he could only serve 2 terms and the draft dodging, coacaine sniffing, imbecile moved back to Texas in January 2009.
———————————————————————————————————————————————-
Yeah, it’s too bad your incompetent hero admitted to being a coke user before you voted for him.
Josh
October 27th, 2011
11:29 pm
Yes we can!
Flo-Ri-Duh
October 27th, 2011
11:40 pm
You picked Gaytors and thus they are now cursed. Thanks!