Fight predictions: Falcons win, Jackets fall, SEC cowers
What is going on with all of this violence lately? Coaches going after coaches. Coaches going after players who went after coaches. One player even punched another right in the soft part of his zone defense.
A man can’t even go hunting any more without the whole animal kingdom getting upset about it. True story: Some Alaskan moose hunter — and doesn’t every great story start that way? — went out the other day with his musket, hoping to blow off the head of one of nature’s, unarmed creatures, who were just sitting around playing gin-rummy.
Anyway, this guy gets attacked by a grizzly bear, because unbeknownst to the hunter, the Moose, the Grizzlies and the Deer (Wake Forest) have all formed some super alliance and soon plan to announce a conference championship game and a mega-TV deal with ESPN. (That part, I might’ve made up.).
Anyway, the hunter ends up escaping, and I think the grizzly’s head is now on somebody’s wall, and the moral of the story is that the guy with the musket usually wins and the SEC will never admonish him for being an idiot because it’s easier to look tough when you pick on the kid because he’s going to be off campus soon anyway. (See how I did that?)
So the SEC suspends Georgia and Vanderbilt players, but not even a reprimand for the coaches. The conference hasn’t been this whipped since it was taking orders from Urban Meyer.
Meanwhile, on to the less violent ACC. Georgia Tech plays Miami. The Hurricanes will be without defensive tackle Micanor Regis, who last week punched a North Carolina player, Dwight Jones, in the groin. Miami suspended him for “violation of team rules,” which should cover most felonies, post-Jimmy Johnson.
The Jackets have their own issues. The offense produced two touchdowns against Virginia. That’s like a punch to the groin for Paul Johnson. The defense has given up 520 yards rushing in the last two games. On second thought, maybe Johnson should punch Al Groh in the groin.
Tech suddenly has too many warning signs. Also, Miami hasn’t been a garden spot for them. Jackets lose. Canes cover 3.
Mr. Blutarsky: Zero. Point. Zero.
"Classy" Freddie Blassie has a plan for Florida.
Todd Grantham: Off this week. Studying the poetry of Freddie Blassie to prepare for the Florida game.
South Alabama at Georgia State: The Panthers have lost five straight. The problem isn’t Bill Curry’s coaching. The problem is, at the age of 69, he can tackle better than some of his players. No line: State wins.
Tennessee at Alabama: Nick Saban responded to questions about conference expansion and the Heisman race with something from Bartletts’ Quotations: “I could give a s— about all that, excuse my French.” Why do we blame the French every time we swear? And hey, if Saban thinks he has problems, Derek Dooley can look at Tennessee game film and give you an entire dissertation in French. Tide covers 29.
North Carolina at Clemson: Dwight Jones will sing the national anthem. Clemson covers 10½.
Auburn at LSU: Three LSU players have been suspended, reportedly for “synthetic” marijuana, which further magnifies the tragedy of today’s youth because they don’t know the first thing about planting seeds, putting a grow light in your closest, and … wait, where was I? LSU covers 22½.
Three LSU players go to class
Arkansas at Old Ms.: Houston Nutt is the first Mississippi coach to lose nine straight conference games. You know a guy has lost it when he can’t even cheat good. Piggies cover 16.
Army at Vanderbilt: The Commodores might want to watch the chop-blocking this week. The other team is armed. Vandy wins but take Army and 10½.
Pros and Ex-Cons
This week from Don King Productions: Mike Smith (red) vs. Jim Schwartz (blue).
Falcons at Lions: I keep having this vision: Brent Grimes staring at the navel of Calvin Johnson at the goal line. But the Lions can’t stop the run. And on the Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots coaching front, I like Mike Smith to take out Jim Schwartz inside of six rounds. Take the 4 but Falcons win this straight up.
Redskins at Panthers: I just saw a picture of Mark Rypien’s daughter, Angela, who plays quarterback in the Lingerie Football League. The Manning tree just slipped to second place. (Did you really want me to debate the merits of John Beck over Rex Grossman?) Carolina covers 2½.
This is Angela Rypien of the Lingerie Football League's Seattle Mist. Sorry, I can't identify No. 13 in green. Like it matters.
Broncos at Dolphins: Tim Tebow lays hands on the 1-4 Broncos. Fortunately, he only faces 0-5 Miami, so this is sort of like asking a faith-healer: Can you mow my lawn? Take Denver straight up and 1½.
Packers at Vikings: The Packers might be the most powerful force since the Romans, although I’m quite sure if Augustus was in Green Bay he’d look around and say, “Wow, I thought Milwaukee was bad.” Packers cover 9.
Chiefs at Raiders: Oakland traded potentially two first-round picks for Carson Palmer, who last year threw 20 interceptions and won four games. He makes his first start in over nine months. If this is craps, the Raiders are trying to the roll the hard eight. But it’s the Chiefs. Raiders cover 4.
•
Toteboard
“Nine gamblers could not feed a single rooster.” — Yugoslav proverb
Last week (slightly cloudy): 8-3 straight up, 6-5 against the line.
Overall (Real. and spectacular): 59-24 straight up; 53-29-1 against the line.
“Sack Schultz” contest: Last week’s local and national winner (cheater) was Dan Lott of Roswell. He went 15-0. I didn’t. Don’t want to talk about it.
By Jeff Schultz
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320 comments Add your comment
Jeff Schultz
October 20th, 2011
3:21 pm
Hollywould — Occupy AJC. Now there’s an idea. Except I’d have to go to the office. Not happening.
Jeff Schultz
October 20th, 2011
3:22 pm
Bug Zapper — Thanks. I’m ready to buy Lingerie League season tickets. Or maybe a franchise. Or maybe I can be the Thomas Dimitroff of an LFL team!
Jeff Schultz
October 20th, 2011
3:23 pm
Jeff — I watched it on a small black and white TV in my room. That’s how old I am. (52)
BigTimeTechFan
October 20th, 2011
3:25 pm
Jeff you were right on the UGA/Vandy after game stuff. They have proven it was the UGA players talking trash to Vandy coach. Vandy coach to the UGA player that that wasn’t cool, then the UGA coach (one that looks like Chaz Bono), And the UGA coach when off on Vandy coach saying sportsmenship is not a part of UGA football. Tape shows Richt even cussing out his own team. I think he’ll resign before the end of the year, even he knows UGA program is a mess and he tried his best to correct it but I think he’s fed up.
BigTimeTechFan
October 20th, 2011
3:27 pm
Related to Mark “head Butt” Rypien???
red hill
October 20th, 2011
3:29 pm
Funniest column since the “polarhood” piece of ‘08. And Freddie Blassie to boot! Kudos, Shultz.
5150 UOAD
October 20th, 2011
3:30 pm
I hear the League has offered Michael Jackson’s daughter a contract to play too. She plays on the boys flag football team in school right now.
Spanky
October 20th, 2011
3:35 pm
Jeff, have you watched any of the Lingerie Football games? I HAVE!…(I mean)..I have, and you’d be shocked at how many personnal fouls these hotties commit! You should consider covering..(I mean)..watching! LOL, Don’t stop believin, Jeff!…Don’t stop!
Jimmy Crack
October 20th, 2011
3:37 pm
Schuuultz, you are a funny guy. I wish some would rub off on Bradley.
I saw some of the LFL last weekend. Visibly stunning with a dash of football, and they can dish out some good, er, licks. I also like the short halftime. A little primping and back to the game!
Spanky
October 20th, 2011
3:37 pm
BigtimeTechFan, you are more full of crap than a port-a-pottie at Music Midtown! Discuss what you know…..Loneliness!
DIT
October 20th, 2011
3:40 pm
“you are more full of crap than a port-a-pottie at Music Midtown!”
Have to admit, that’s some funny stuff right there. I don’t care who your are!
Spanky
October 20th, 2011
3:42 pm
Danke….(means Thank you)
Procrastinator
October 20th, 2011
3:46 pm
Hide Jeff, I wouldn’t be surprised if the unwashed rabble came after you with pitchforks.
Sack Schultz
October 20th, 2011
3:48 pm
Jeff, The lingerie football league picture is the only worthwhile thing that you have contributed to the AJC in a long time.
DC
October 20th, 2011
3:56 pm
Jeff can you pull up your Win-loss record for Auburn games..kinda curious…
IL Jacket
October 20th, 2011
4:04 pm
Excellent effort this week, Jeff. Loved the VW bus.
Russ, the Temporary Mascot, you gave Jeff a real run this week, but I think he won the tiebreaker with the LFL pics.
PDawg
October 20th, 2011
4:07 pm
Schultz you are an biased anti-Georgian who needs to be run out of the state.
How can you even call yourself an Atlanta sportswriter when all you have done all week is attempt to rally the SEC offices to suspend Georgia players and coaches? Atlanta is in the state of Georgia and you as a reporter in this state have an obligation to support the schools in this state. If you can’t support your home schools, you need to find another state to live in.
If I had any control over your job or your position, I would require to sleep in the streets with those lowlife hippies that make up OccupyAtlanta. No, that would be too nice. I would FIRE YOU IMMEDIATELY.
It is hard to believe that you called the SEC offices and asked WHY THEY DID NOT SUSPEND GRANTHAM? You are the equivalent of Sherman in Atlanta wanting to see all that is good in the state of Georgia burned to the ground. You should be fired and barred from reporting in the state. If you ain’t for Georgia, then you are against us and you need to get out of the state.
It is hard to believe that the AJC staff kept pushing, misreporting the facts (actually reporting them one-sided) and even calling and rallying for SEC suspensions. You guys care more about Vandy recruits that Georgia recruits?
You are a lowlife and I hope it catches up with you soon. I would encourage all UGA supporters to boycott you, your paper, and your ridiculing biased reporting efforts towards the Univ of Georgia.
5150 UOAD
October 20th, 2011
4:11 pm
PDawg you are funny. You just need to stick to the comic page or the coloring books from the UGA Student Library.
True Dawg Fan
October 20th, 2011
4:11 pm
Shultz is a moron. You dont deserve to have anyone read your opinion, in fact you shouldnt be allowed to even have one anymore after this week. Maybe you should only cover tech since youre so anti UGA.
I hope your editor liked my long email about how awful you and Bradley are. Too bad it wont amount to anything, bc they are probably as uninformed on football as you are. But hopefully you calling a reader dumb will get you in some trouble, maybe at least save of us a day from your garbage.
Go cover the dreams offseason that way only about 5-10 people will have to read your awful commentary. Actually I take that back, I wouldnt wish for anyone to have to read your crap, not even the nerds.
Escaped from Email Purgatory
October 20th, 2011
4:12 pm
You’re hot today. There are enough good one-liners in this blog to last a month. Plus a Jeff Spicoli reference. Gnarly.
So that’s the Lingerie Football League? I need to contact my cable provider.
Falcons over the Lions, huh?
True Dawg Fan
October 20th, 2011
4:12 pm
Right on point PDawg
PigIron
October 20th, 2011
4:14 pm
@True Dawg Fan
It’s pretty easy to avoid reading Schultz. I get the distinct impression that you have much more significant problems that you should concern yourself with.
True Dawg Fan
October 20th, 2011
4:15 pm
5150 UOAD-
You prob never even went to tech but think you are smart just bc you cheer for a bunch of nerds in pee yellow jerseys. Congrats on the 84 ranking even though it has nothing to do with test scores or SAT scores, but keep dreaming that you are that much better than UGA. One day soon our minimum SAT score to get in will be hire than techs ( less than 50 points already).
But as always we will laugh in your faces when we once again own you in November!
True Dawg Fan
October 20th, 2011
4:17 pm
PigIron
October 20th, 2011
4:14 pm
@True Dawg Fan
It’s pretty easy to avoid reading Schultz. I get the distinct impression that you have much more significant problems that you should concern yourself with.
hahahahahahhaha like what?? please inform me since you seem to know so much about me after one post.
And I wouldnt have to read it if he didnt cover UGA, which is kinda the point of the comment.
True Dawg Fan
October 20th, 2011
4:21 pm
Everything this idiot says these days is bashing UGA. Even the title bashes UGA TWICE. And once on the chalk board
Fight Predictions- wonder what the refers to?
SEC Cowers- ????
The Coach is never wrong-????
Find something newsworthy to report on instead of continuosly blowing this story out of proportion. But your in the media so that wont happen. What else would you have to do besides make nothing into something???
drivin' n' cryin'
October 20th, 2011
4:22 pm
Jeff really trolled the comments today, huh?
5150 UOAD
October 20th, 2011
4:23 pm
GBI to look into beating of Warren County football coach…………………….great NEWS
PigIron
October 20th, 2011
4:23 pm
“I wouldnt have to read it if he didnt cover UGA”
You don’t have to read it. Why do you torture yourself? Just don’t click the link. It ain’t brain surgery buddy.
5150 UOAD
October 20th, 2011
4:26 pm
True MORON Dawg Fan you are real touchy today. You don’t like what people have to say then don’t read or reply.
True Dawg Fan
October 20th, 2011
4:28 pm
PigIron
October 20th, 2011
4:23 pm
“I wouldnt have to read it if he didnt cover UGA”
You don’t have to read it. Why do you torture yourself? Just don’t click the link. It ain’t brain surgery buddy.
Oh really????? thats all I would have to do is not click???? Wow thats an amazing concept.
Shultz will never get away with anymore UGA bashing without catching an eye full on these blogs from me. Im sick and tired of his crap.
But let me guess you have never held a grudge before so that makes me stupid??
5150 UOAD
October 20th, 2011
4:29 pm
PigIron True Fan’s neighbor is a Bama fan. He comes over, puts a gun the True Fans head, and forces him to read and comment.
oldfart
October 20th, 2011
4:30 pm
Uh, True Dawg Fan. We have already read your vast, mostly inane and illiterate commentary on all things Bulldawg. Even if by all the evidence you’ve presented you are not a True Dawg, just Fan. Before you carry on again with dozens of posts trying to yet again defend the indefensible by name calling in absence of any cognitive power to reason would you please change the tune? I will start you off. I think rasslin’ is FAKE.
drivin' n' cryin'
October 20th, 2011
4:31 pm
As an alumnus of UGA, if you think that holding a grudge against Schultz means religiously reading his columns, you aren’t the brightest bulb in the box…
True Dawg Fan
October 20th, 2011
4:32 pm
5150 UOAD
October 20th, 2011
4:26 pm
True MORON Dawg Fan you are real touchy today. You don’t like what people have to say then don’t read or reply.
Dont post retarded comments and I wont.
I have read your crap for a while, so im just once again letting you know its crap
ramblingbuzz
October 20th, 2011
4:33 pm
Schultz……..I hope you are as wrong about GT losing this week as you were about them winning last week. Otherwise, good column. And man, the Ugagers are really touchy these days. Must have been something someone said to them.
True Dawg Fan
October 20th, 2011
4:37 pm
oldfart
October 20th, 2011
4:30 pm
Uh, True Dawg Fan. We have already read your vast, mostly inane and illiterate commentary on all things Bulldawg. Even if by all the evidence you’ve presented you are not a True Dawg, just Fan. Before you carry on again with dozens of posts trying to yet again defend the indefensible by name calling in absence of any cognitive power to reason would you please change the tune? I will start you off. I think rasslin’ is FAKE.
Born and breed a Bulldog, but thanks for your concern. Maybe you shouldnt believe everything you see from these idiotic “Journalists”.
Grantham got exactly what he deserved, 0 punishment.
The other suspensions are BS, and everyone knows it. Just bc its UGA do they agree with it. If Fairley and Scam didnt get suspended last year for doing the same exact things that williams and Geathers did then its BS.
Scam threw a punch, 0 punishment. Fairley with late and dirty hits to the spine and knee, 0 punishment.
Stop being so naive people.
nmbrsman
October 20th, 2011
4:38 pm
All this Tech, Bulldogs, Falcons stuff is just a waste of time. Check out the Lingerie Football League website. I love their Mission Statement “The Lingerie Football League has become the Ultimate Fan-Driven Live Sports Phenomenon – Blending Action, Impact and Beauty.” I want to see anyone top that. http://www.lflus.com. I know you will thank me later.
True Dawg Fan
October 20th, 2011
4:38 pm
So if standing up for my team and what is right means to you that Im not a True fan then go ahead and believe it.
PigIron
October 20th, 2011
4:44 pm
True Dawg Fan,
Between you and Schultz, one is not an embarrassment to the University of Georgia.
Hint: It’s probably not the one you think it is.
5150 UOAD
October 20th, 2011
4:45 pm
True…………….you have got to be one of the Entitlement crowd if you can find anything Right in this whole situation. ALL parties were WRONG, but some more than others.
Procrastinator
October 20th, 2011
4:46 pm
I’ve read True Dawg Fan’s comments and I bet he has a degree from UGA.
Jeff Schultz
October 20th, 2011
4:47 pm
Red Hill — Thanks.
PigIron
October 20th, 2011
4:47 pm
@Procrastinator
My best guess is that you’re a graduate of GIT?
Jeff Schultz
October 20th, 2011
4:48 pm
Spanky — I’ve never seen an Lingerie League game. I’ve seen “highlights.” But considering buying a luxury suite for every team.
Jeff Schultz
October 20th, 2011
4:49 pm
Jimmy Crack — “Visibly stunning with a dash of football …” … I’m so stealing that, dude.
Procrastinator
October 20th, 2011
4:49 pm
Pigiron, Wrong!
Jeff Schultz
October 20th, 2011
4:50 pm
Procrastinator — They’ll never find me behind the potted palm. (Damn it! Me and my big mouth. Now I’ve got to move.)
oldfart
October 20th, 2011
4:50 pm
Born and bred a Bulldog? Damn I didn’t know bulldogs could type with those stubby paws. When did you pass under the arch? I believe I’ve read you state countless times that it was time for Schultz et al to drop the subject yet here you go again. The game was called mostly fair and the suspensions fit the crimes.
Jeff Schultz
October 20th, 2011
4:52 pm
PDawg — “It is hard to believe that you called the SEC offices and asked WHY THEY DID NOT SUSPEND GRANTHAM?” … This is a completely inaccurate statement. But then, you wouldn’t know that, considering you’re a moron …. By the way, table 6 needs bread sticks.
Jeff Schultz
October 20th, 2011
4:53 pm
True Dawg Fan — “Shultz is a moron” … Hey, I’m with you. I don’t like Shultz either, whoever that is.