Falcons, Jackets, Dogs win (Lies! Lies, says Spurrier!)
We will commence with this week’s blue chip indicators immediately following Steve Spurrier’s testimony to his superiors regarding the stolen strawberries aboard the U.S.S. Caine. Ssssh. I think he’s losing it …
“Lies! I tried to run the ship properly by the book but they fought me at every turn! They encouraged the crew to go around scoffing at me and spreading wild rumors about steaming in circles! And then old yellow stain! I was to blame for Lt. Merrick’s incompetence and poor seamanship. Lt. Merrick was the perfect officer but not Captain Queeg. Ah, but the strawberries! That’s where I had them! They laughed at me and made jokes, but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, and with geometric logic, that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox did exist! I … I … I …”
Darth Dawg! (I post this only because I stumbled on a "Dogs in Star Wars costumes" list at BWE.TV).
Come back to us, Steve.
I never really noticed the resemblance between Spurrier and Captain Queeg until this week, when he declined to speak at a news conference with a certain columnist in the room and later (after four years of Enabling 101) kicked Stephen Garcia off the team (and don’t think the distraction of one clown act didn’t have something to do with the other).
Spurrier needs to bow disgracefully, unless he desires another oversigned recruiting class, after which he’ll deny such a practice exists and just assume everybody’s out to get him.
Where was I? Ah, yes. The strawberries! (Back to that creep in a minute.)
In less riveting matters, Georgia plays Vanderbilt this week. Captain Vanilla’s Dogs have won four straight. The objective at Vandy is to make the Florida game mean something. Todd Grantham’s defense has been strong lately.Here’s a thank you gift: Vandy has scored three points in the last two weeks.
Dogs are favored by 11. Lies! Actually, the truth, and I’m not completely comfortable with that. Georgia wins but take Vandy plus 11.
Watch as Steve Spurrier takes out his Chinese therapy balls
“Captain Insano shows no mercy” (Bobby Boucher)
Tech at Virginia: Al Groh returns to Charlottesville. I’ll sum up his sentimental thoughts: “Phhhhttt.” So what’s a 12th ranked, 6-0 team doing on ESPNU (now seen in 12 homes) with the broadcast team of Pam Ward and Dan Hawkins? The Jackets will start to get more eyes in the next few weeks (Miami, Clemson, Virginia Tech). For now: The 7½ is covered.
South Carolina at Mississippi State: Nick Saban told the media he was limiting access to quarterback A.J. McCarron but added, “I’m not gonna pull a Steve Spurrier on you!” Even he’s mocking Queeg! Would love to pick an upset here. Can’t do it. Gamecocks cover 2½.
Alert reader Hal sent this along (via CafePress.com)
LSU at Tennessee: Les Miles says there’s no quarterback controversy between Jarrett Lee and Jordan Jefferson. But when you win three conference games by scores of 19-6, 35-7 and 41-11, who’s going to squawk? Vols crushed (16 is covered).
Florida at Auburn: The Gators won their first four games, then in consecutive weeks (Alabama, LSU) looked like a chipmunk yelling to the Winnebago, “Stop, or I’ll use my super powers!” Smack. But I sense a rise! Gators win and cover 2.
Clemson at Maryland: I’ve blown a couple of picks expecting this Dabo Swinney team to fold (like normal). I’ll stop now. (Here we go: Murphy’s Law about to hit me like a brick.) Tigers cover 8½
NFL Fridgepack
In case your forgot what Arthur Blank, Thomas Dimitroff looked like when they were happy. (Curtis Compton)
Panthers at Falcons: The NCAA has cleared all potential legal obstacles, so Cam Newton can cross the state border. Newton (322 yards per game) is a threat, but so is everybody against the Birds. The offense goes comatose in the second half. Julio Jones has a bad hammy. Confident? No. But I’ll give the Falcons points for desperation. They’ll cover 4.
Eagles at Redskins: The Eagles have a league-high 15 turnovers. Their offense is like watching a blender with the the top off. Philly covers 1½.
Tim Tebow: He makes his first start of the season next week. Until then, he’s available for exorcisms and resurrections.
Texans at Ravens: With Indy walking the green mile, Houston has a chance to win the AFC Central. But the last two losses should stop any premature canonization of Matt Schaub. Baltimore covers 7½.
49ers at Lions: Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson already have hooked up for nine touchdowns. Imagine the bowl possibilities if they had gone to the same school. Detroit covers 4.
Spread of the week: Green Bay really hates the Falcons for some reason, so much so that I wouldn’t be stunned at a letdown. Besides, I’m a sucker for 15 points in an NFL game. Packers win but give me the Rams and 15.
Toteboard
“In a bet, there is a fool and a thief.” — Proverb
Don't blame me. I Googled betting and this picture showed up.
Last week (Solid. Of course): 9-2 straight up, 7-4 against the line.
Overall (only awesome): 51-21 straight up; 47-24-1 against the line.
“Sack Schultz” contest: Last week’s winners, Diane Feeney of Roswell and Bruce Jones of Mount Aukum, Calif., both went 15-0 and won the LSU tiebreaker. But they cheat. We’ve got two leaders at 80-10 overall for the Hawaii trip and Georgia-Georgia Tech tickets.
By Jeff Schultz
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339 comments Add your comment
Delbert D.
October 13th, 2011
9:02 pm
Except for DarthDawg, the romantic Arthur and Thomas scene and the amazing quartet of ladies in mini-jeans shorts, this was probably the worst column I’ve seen from Jeff Schultz. It really fell flat.
Delbert D.
October 13th, 2011
9:06 pm
Yeah, there was the ABC game of the week with Keith Jackson and either NBC or CBS with a game. It really changed when Georgia and…mental lapse, I forget the other school, sued the NCAA and won the rights to TV.
Ellis Yew
October 13th, 2011
9:07 pm
@Delbert D.
If Auburn is fast enough on defense to tamp down the production of Demps and Rainey, then they’ll be powerful enough running against Florida. I think the QB situation should cancel out and this should be an old-fashioned Southern-Style Slobberknocker game centered around the line play and the running backs. I’ve just got a gut feeling that Auburn wins this one.
Delbert D.
October 13th, 2011
9:14 pm
Ellis Yew – I agree, Auburn is fast enough; where they have had problems is with physical teams. Demps has been banged up, and Rainey alone was not nearly enough. Auburn has played their young tails off.
Delbert D.
October 13th, 2011
9:15 pm
Oh, yeah, I forgot Dyer. He might have a big game.
5150 UOAD
October 13th, 2011
9:17 pm
Darth Dawg? Isn’t that the Todd Grantham move on field goal kicks?
If the Uga’s were that good with the Dark Force they wouldn’t die after the Kentucky Loss.
Are those FSU girls? They look every UGA girl after I drink a 1/2 gallon of Hunch punch at the Tri Delta house. I wish the UGA girls looked like that when I wake-up on Sunday morning.
Jeff don’t do Tech without doing Uga too.
Dawgs still crying about Fairley and Cam.
Tech still crying about UGA’s last win.
ACC……..All Cupcake Conference?
SEC……..Slave Exchange Conference?
ACC…….All Academic Conference
SEC…….. Selectively Educated Conference.
5150 UOAD
October 13th, 2011
9:19 pm
Delbert D I sent Super some more photos of my nephew working on the B-26. Hope he sends to you too.
mall cat
October 13th, 2011
9:23 pm
the dogs will beat vanderbilt—mark it down! the dogs are back and will run the table. Fla’s terrible this year and Ga can finally beat them and win the east!
Ellis Yew
October 13th, 2011
9:34 pm
“Fla’s terrible” = “dogs are back”?
Hmmm…
5150 UOAD
October 13th, 2011
9:37 pm
TampaGator
October 13th, 2011
3:14 pm
Also…..
Georgia crushes Vandy 35-0.
UGA couldn’t score 35 against Ole miss or Miss St howz they gonna do it ginst VANDY?
VandyMan
October 13th, 2011
9:43 pm
Vandy 27, Georgia 24
Gotta love those Commodores!
5150 UOAD
October 13th, 2011
9:44 pm
Dawgs are BACK? cause the Gators are Down? That says it all for the MUTTS. We dawgs can back into the SEC CG cause we don’t play anybody. HHAHAAHAHAHAH………..Here is your Turkey Leg we are going to beat RUSS with in the ATL. BOOK IT, BET THE FARM, or whatever other a stupid phraes a MUTT wants to say. Mutts have 3-4 loses still coming this year.
Mike Vick
October 13th, 2011
9:46 pm
UMMMMMM Bulldog taste just like Chicken or Weak Pitbull.
Planet of the Dreamers
October 13th, 2011
9:48 pm
“Fla’s terrible this year and Ga can finally beat them and win the east!”
Have some more Kool-Aid and go back to dreaming about pie-in-the-sky.
the $2M offense goes to vandy
October 13th, 2011
9:48 pm
can’t wait to see what happens what the newly unveiled uga 2 million dollar offense has in store for the commodores.
what will it be this week when the lead is “safe” and we can work some more on protecting that 2 million dollar salary? 5 penalties in a row? missed field goals? three runs and a punt?
Mike Vick
October 13th, 2011
9:49 pm
i like it. “MALL CAT” a new term for a Fat Stay at Home Mom Spending her Man’s Money until the kids get out of school. MALL CAT the opposite of a COUGAR.
Delbert D.
October 13th, 2011
9:50 pm
I don’t think that the Georgia D is as good as the Alabama D, but Vanderbilt’s 2 best drives, 7 plays and 8 plays for 49 and 56 yards ended in missed FGs. Their next best drive was 5 plays for 11 yards.
Mike Vick
October 13th, 2011
9:52 pm
So UGA will not have a problem going for it on 4th and 37 is what you are saying?
5150 UOAD
October 13th, 2011
9:55 pm
Bobo willl be announced as the New ARIZONA head coach after the Vandy game. Every FBS team in the country is fighting to steal Bobo away from UGA and Right.
rm
October 13th, 2011
9:56 pm
Schultz, you are such a nerd
Paul in NH (formerly RDU)
October 13th, 2011
10:03 pm
Jeff,
Great column this week. Love the Caine Mutiny references and the GT Tee.
In games this week:
UGA covers – Vandy won’t score more than 14 and Bobo hands the ball to Crowell 25 times
GT wins but doesn’t cover – late Q4 defensive lapse makes it close
So Carolina covers
LSU gives a beat down to UT – covers easily
The Gators get their mojo back – they are better than they showed in the last 2 weeks – LSU and ALA will make you look bad
The Fighting Dabos cover
Steve Spurrier playing live on my favorite BBC show from the late 70’s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5zFsy9VIdM
Let's all sing together
October 13th, 2011
10:03 pm
(to the tune of Glory, Glory Hallelujah)
Don’t send my boy to MIT
The dying mother said,
Don’t send my boy to Emory
I’d rather see him dead,
But send my boy to Georgia Tech
‘Tis better than Cornell.
And as for the University of Georgia
I’d rather see him in hell!
chorus
To Hell, to Hell, to Hell with Georgia,
To Hell, to Hell, to Hell with Georgia,
To Hell, to Hell, to Hell with Georgia,
The cesspool of the South!
Mine eyes have seen the glory
Of the stomping of the Dogs
We will teach the poor dumb farmboys
They should stick to sloppin’ hogs
When the Jackets are triumphant
There will be a mighty cheer
We’ll do the same next year!
On the Field between the hedges
There arose a mighty stench,
In the Dogs’ machine the engineers
Had thrown a monkey wrench.
When the Jackets are triumphant
We will raise a mighty yell,
Them Dogs can GO TO HELL!!
Mine eyes have seen the glory
Of the N.C. Double-A
They’re investigating GA players
To see how much they’re paid
After counting all the cars
And the loans Alumni made,
They out pay FSU
Ellis Yew
October 13th, 2011
10:05 pm
@Delbert D.
Those drives by Vandy were with the backup QB coming off the bench. They might play a better offensive game this week.
Dawg '85
October 13th, 2011
10:10 pm
Let’s All Sing… Really??? Douche… Fail! Get a LIFE!
5150 UOAD
October 13th, 2011
10:14 pm
Dawg “85 get an OC not a High School P.E. Teacher and Birther.
Dawg '85
October 13th, 2011
10:20 pm
5150… is there a place or language where your posts are relevant? You need to have an IQ above 30 for anyone to be able to even argue with you. Hopefully, someone looking over your shoulder can explain this to you.
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
October 13th, 2011
10:24 pm
Ryan Leaf has just as many playoff wins as CHOKE.
Soooooooooooooooo…………………
If Leaf is a bust, then CHOKE is a BUST.
Don’t shoot the messenger
5150 UOAD
October 13th, 2011
10:26 pm
85 what about BOBO being a High School P.E. teacher don’t you understand? Birther? he has more kids than the illegal Hispanics in Georgia, but he doesn’t need Anchor babies.
5150 UOAD
October 13th, 2011
10:27 pm
CHOKE then what is A. Murray?
Paul in NH (formerly RDU)
October 13th, 2011
10:33 pm
Delbert,
Georgia and Oklahoma sued the NCAA back in the early 80’s for anti-trust. It lead to the current college football on TV landscape we know and love.
Lee
October 13th, 2011
10:45 pm
if you could trade mark richt for steve spurriur, you’d do it in a heartbeat, you half baked homer
beanster
October 13th, 2011
10:46 pm
5150 — I am embarrassed for you. Please stop while you’re ahead. I really feel sorry for you. I can’t even try to make fun of you anymore because it would be way too easy. Just go away. Seriously. You need help. Actually, you need to accept where you are in life. No one is going to be your friend online. Don’t you think there’s a reason why some people won’t share their “fake” email address with you? I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. But I refuse to let a moron like yourself take cheapshots at my school. Most Tech guys can back it up with some sort of wit. You aren’t even close.
Go to bed, old man.
recruitnik
October 13th, 2011
10:55 pm
jeff this may be one of your worst weekend predictions ever. most of your college predictions will be wrong.
ATL fan
October 13th, 2011
11:09 pm
Jeff, you are oh so predictable. Jump to defend a weasel like Ron Morris and bash Coach Spurrier because he said what we’ve all wished a coach would say to a weak, cowardly reporter who does nothing but write negative content about the local university. Of course you would defend him. Have you actually read the crap Morris has written over the years? He trys to tear down Gamecock coaches and players with every column…and finally Spurrier had enough, and god bless him for saying it. You think just because you’re a “journalist” you should get a free pass? Write anything you want, be as hateful as you want, and no one is allowed to respond to you?
No my friend. If you have read Morris’ BS over the years and have any backbone you would have applauded what Spurrier did. Morris prints lies and slander and is a cowardly little man…but heavens forbid a coach push back on a precious media guy right? Maybe you and other Morris defenders should find your manhood and quit acting like poor victims of the mean ball coach.
And a quick thought since you’ve ripped Garcia many, many times…for getting suspended over drinking beer! Not a DUI or assault like UGA or Clemson or LSU players (Jordan Jefferson). He got drunk…that’s it! That makes him a terrible person?? He’s also a college graduate…how many SEC football players actually achieve that status? Yeah Jeff, Garcia is a real menace to society…what a thug!
If you’re gonna dish it out, you better be able to take it. Based on your blog today, doesn’t sound like you and Morris can do that?
JSS
October 13th, 2011
11:48 pm
@ Delbert D…
Are you talking about when Oklahoma joined with the Georgia to end the NCAA television contract monopoly back in 1984?
JSS
October 13th, 2011
11:53 pm
Justice Stevens wrote the majority decision…
http://caselaw.lp.findlaw.com/scripts/getcase.pl?court=us&vol=468&invol=85
cb
October 14th, 2011
12:25 am
Jeff: Glad you woke up!!! Give a 5hour energy drink to your compadre! Sic em.
BooBoo
October 14th, 2011
12:35 am
The only thing that will keep Cam Newton from 600 yards passing in one NFL game is the 60 minute time limit this Sunday. Question is, “Does 48 points beat the Falcon offense?”
I say, “Yes. Easily.” After this Sunday, I don’t expect the Falcons will be favored again this year.
extremus
October 14th, 2011
1:06 am
This may well have already been mentioned (I didn’t have time to read through all the posts) but Peter King is picking the Panthers over the Falcons this weekend. Considering how closely the Panthers have played some very good teams, I agree that it bodes ill for a wobbly-looking Falcons team. If the Falcons do lose Sunday they may not only fall into last place in the NFC South; they could begin a death-spiral that would land them in the ranks of the lottery teams.
Oops, then again they already traded next year’s number one (and a LOT more) in the Julio Jones deal. In other words, win now or don’t expect to turn things around for a good while. Fasten your seatbelts and assume the position, Falcons fans…we may be about to crash hard (again).
Rolling Along
October 14th, 2011
6:33 am
Have been to Doak-Campbell once. That was when the Jackets beat the Noles in the thunderstorm delayed game. Had to walk about a mile to the stadium and by the time I got to Will Call my tongue was dragging the pavement……….. Not from the walk, but from the scores of FSU chics working that trashy cowgirl look. Enough to give an old married dude hairy palms. Interesting how each school’s women have their own discernible micro-style. Being a GT fan, I admit a deficiency in that dept. Not too many engineering hotties, but there are a few. But then again, the Cheetah is sitting right there by The Flats. Can’t get much better than that if you’re in the mood for some assorted eye candy. Sure beats a grease bomb from The Varsity. What do ya have…what do ya have… what do ya have !
Hope to see the Jackets dominate the Cavs. Unfortunately, something tells me it will be another struggle. Jackets better get clicking on all cylinders, because the schedule is about to get kicked up a few notches for the rest of the season.
Bill
October 14th, 2011
7:19 am
Love the dialogue quote from Caine Mutiny, one of my all time favorites. You got it exactly right except for one word….it was ’steaming IN circles’ not ‘and’. Any dig at Spurrier is worth reading.
GR82BAG8R
October 14th, 2011
7:33 am
UGA stomps the commode doors 38- 6
Tech gets upset ugly by UVA, 29 – 17
Spurrier
October 14th, 2011
7:41 am
Schultzie, I won’t talk withyou in the roomeither. 45-42.
papadawg
October 14th, 2011
7:49 am
The Falcons did nothing to upgrade the average at best defense but gave up the future for Jones who hasn’t shown he was worth it yet. Playoffs? They will be lucky to win 5 more games
dan
October 14th, 2011
7:54 am
Over and Under
2 out of the 4 of those FSU Gals doubling up on a guy like me?
Hmmm… I think I’ll take the under at 1. 1 out of 4, those aren’t bad odds are they?
stendek
October 14th, 2011
8:31 am
Top of morn to ye Jeff. Nothing locally just yet but wanted all to share in my sheer joy.
http://stendek.tumblr.com/post/11433345890/thrasherjets-blow-two-goal-lead-to-remain-winless
Life is good!
Dawgs,Falcons Roll!!
October 14th, 2011
8:38 am
The dawgs and ATL will both win big this weekend. Look for murray and ryan to light it up against these 2 terrible defenses.
Dawgs 41 Vandy 13
Falcons 38 panthers 20
obama sin laden
October 14th, 2011
8:59 am
marcus
and the one next to her
ChippinBigTime
October 14th, 2011
9:04 am
Vandy wins this one straight up. You heard it first here. Dogs should fear James Franklin (or maybe hire him)
Carl Smith
October 14th, 2011
9:10 am
Jeff,
Still love your columns. When are you going to use that immense talent to write the book I requested you produce approximately 6 years ago when we talked briefly at Sanford Stadium press box?