Falcons, Jackets, Dogs win (Lies! Lies, says Spurrier!)

chalkboard

We will commence with this week’s blue chip indicators immediately following Steve Spurrier’s testimony to his superiors regarding the stolen strawberries aboard the U.S.S. Caine. Ssssh. I think he’s losing it …

“Lies! I tried to run the ship properly by the book but they fought me at every turn! They encouraged the crew to go around scoffing at me and spreading wild rumors about steaming in circles! And then old yellow stain! I was to blame for Lt. Merrick’s incompetence and poor seamanship. Lt. Merrick was the perfect officer but not Captain Queeg. Ah, but the strawberries! That’s where I had them! They laughed at me and made jokes, but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, and with geometric logic, that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox did exist! I … I … I …”

I post this for no reason other than fact I stumbled upon a "50 dogs in Star Wars" costumes list at BestWeekEver.TV.

Darth Dawg! (I post this only because I stumbled on a "Dogs in Star Wars costumes" list at BWE.TV).

Come back to us, Steve.

I never really noticed the resemblance between Spurrier and Captain Queeg until this week, when he declined to speak at a news conference with a certain columnist in the room and later (after four years of Enabling 101) kicked Stephen Garcia off the team (and don’t think the distraction of one clown act didn’t have something to do with the other).

Spurrier needs to bow disgracefully, unless he desires another oversigned recruiting class, after which he’ll deny such a practice exists and just assume everybody’s out to get him.

Where was I? Ah, yes. The strawberries! (Back to that creep in a minute.)

In less riveting matters, Georgia plays Vanderbilt this week. Captain Vanilla’s Dogs have won four straight. The objective at Vandy is to make the Florida game mean something. Todd Grantham’s defense has been strong lately.Here’s a thank you gift: Vandy has scored three points in the last two weeks.

Dogs are favored by 11. Lies! Actually, the truth, and I’m not completely comfortable with that. Georgia wins but take Vandy plus 11.

Watch as Steve Spurrier takes out his Chinese therapy balls

“Captain Insano shows no mercy” (Bobby Boucher)

Tech at Virginia: Al Groh returns to Charlottesville. I’ll sum up his sentimental thoughts: “Phhhhttt.” So what’s a 12th ranked, 6-0 team doing on ESPNU (now seen in 12 homes) with the broadcast team of Pam Ward and Dan Hawkins? The Jackets will start to get more eyes in the next few weeks (Miami, Clemson, Virginia Tech). For now: The 7½ is covered.

South Carolina at Mississippi State: Nick Saban told the media he was limiting access to quarterback A.J. McCarron but added, “I’m not gonna pull a Steve Spurrier on you!” Even he’s mocking Queeg! Would love to pick an upset here. Can’t do it. Gamecocks cover 2½.

Thanks to alert reader Hal for sending this along from Cafe Press.

Alert reader Hal sent this along (via CafePress.com)

LSU at Tennessee: Les Miles says there’s no quarterback controversy between Jarrett Lee and Jordan Jefferson. But when you win three conference games by scores of 19-6, 35-7 and 41-11, who’s going to squawk? Vols crushed (16 is covered).

Florida at Auburn: The Gators won their first four games, then in consecutive weeks (Alabama, LSU) looked like a chipmunk yelling to the Winnebago, “Stop, or I’ll use my super powers!” Smack. But I sense a rise! Gators win and cover 2.

Clemson at Maryland: I’ve blown a couple of picks expecting this Dabo Swinney team to fold (like normal). I’ll stop now. (Here we go: Murphy’s Law about to hit me like a brick.) Tigers cover 8½

NFL Fridgepack

Just in case your forgot what Arthur Blank and Thomas Dimitroff looked like when they were happy.

In case your forgot what Arthur Blank, Thomas Dimitroff looked like when they were happy. (Curtis Compton)

Panthers at Falcons: The NCAA has cleared all potential legal obstacles, so Cam Newton can cross the state border. Newton (322 yards per game) is a threat, but so is everybody against the Birds. The offense goes comatose in the second half. Julio Jones has a bad hammy. Confident? No. But I’ll give the Falcons points for desperation. They’ll cover 4.

Eagles at Redskins: The Eagles have a league-high 15 turnovers. Their offense is like watching a blender with the the top off. Philly covers 1½.

Tim Tebow: He makes his first start of the season next week. Until then, he’s available for exorcisms and resurrections.

Texans at Ravens: With Indy walking the green mile, Houston has a chance to win the AFC Central. But the last two losses should  stop any premature canonization of Matt Schaub. Baltimore covers 7½.

49ers at Lions: Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson already have hooked up for nine touchdowns. Imagine the bowl possibilities if they had gone to the same school. Detroit covers 4.

Spread of the week: Green Bay really hates the Falcons for some reason, so much so that I wouldn’t be stunned at a letdown. Besides, I’m a sucker for 15 points in an NFL game. Packers win but give me the Rams and 15.

Toteboard

“In a bet, there is a fool and a thief.” — Proverb

Don't blame me. I Googled football betting and this picture showed up.

Don't blame me. I Googled betting and this picture showed up.

Last week (Solid. Of course): 9-2 straight up, 7-4 against the line.

Overall (only awesome): 51-21 straight up; 47-24-1 against the line.

“Sack Schultz” contest: Last week’s winners, Diane Feeney of Roswell and Bruce Jones of Mount Aukum, Calif., both went 15-0 and won the LSU tiebreaker. But they cheat. We’ve got two leaders at 80-10 overall for the Hawaii trip and Georgia-Georgia Tech tickets.

By Jeff Schultz

Follow me on Twitter (@JeffSchultzAJC). Friend me on Facebook (Facebook.com/JeffSchultzAJC).

339 comments Add your comment

Adam

October 13th, 2011
3:00 pm

I actually read the article and now I’m probably not first…

Adam

October 13th, 2011
3:02 pm

Nevermind! Good pics (picks) or how about both???

I’m thinking UGA better cover 11 and MSU takes down USC(e) in an upset…

Marcus

October 13th, 2011
3:05 pm

ha-ha. the one on the far right would be good for Sony’s 3D TV ad campaign.

Eddie in acworth

October 13th, 2011
3:05 pm

First is dumb

merculf

October 13th, 2011
3:05 pm

I think Auburn’s recent past experiance against Florida will bring a victory in Auburn. UF has had problems beating the Tigers.

Miller Time in YH

October 13th, 2011
3:07 pm

Jeff- what do you think those girls in the FSU gear are majoring in?

SOGADOG

October 13th, 2011
3:11 pm

Who cares what they are majoring in?

TampaGator

October 13th, 2011
3:12 pm

Jeff….

No bigger fan or supporter of the Gators than I…..but I have a hard time having any faith that a freshman QB (Driskell or Brissett) can lead the Gators to victory over Auburn. I hope I am wrong….as it will make the Georgia game a lot more interesting with Brantley supposedly returning for that game.

GA Sandlapper

October 13th, 2011
3:12 pm

Ron Morris lives!

TampaGator

October 13th, 2011
3:14 pm

Also…..

Georgia crushes Vandy 35-0. They have played Bama….and they have to be beaten down and recovering from serious bumps and bruises. Bama is one of the most physical teams I have ever seen…a lot of it borderline within the rules.

Tyson Browning

October 13th, 2011
3:15 pm

Jeff, Just Googled “betting” and couldn’t find those girls anywhere.

The Teacher

October 13th, 2011
3:16 pm

When does The Count return?

Pouncing Tiger

October 13th, 2011
3:20 pm

Jeez, why are you media guys so thin skinned? You dish it out, but you sure as he– can’t take it.

Saban

October 13th, 2011
3:21 pm

Dawgs losing big in Nashville. BIG

Saban

October 13th, 2011
3:22 pm

Crowell has a hangnail and isn`t expected to suit up.

gtne80

October 13th, 2011
3:22 pm

Two weeks ago (against NCState) I said that the Jackets wouldn’t cover the 10 (actually 9 1/2 on some spreads). That was a push. Last week, I said that the Jackets wouldn’t cover against MD. That was a “win.” This week I’m saying it first. UVa straight up over Jackets.

Take the Dawgs and lay the points. Vandy is a joke.

Take Awbrun at home….just sayin’. Hard for a road team to win at J-H without a QB, I don’t care who they are.

PMC

October 13th, 2011
3:25 pm

Don’t blame you Jeff, I would have googled those girls too.

Astropig

October 13th, 2011
3:25 pm

Garcia’s the biggest pinhead to ever take a snap in the SEC. His dad all but admitted that he went on a bender and got caught in a random whiz quiz.Spurrier may just be trying to keep his team together by saying “It’s us against The State” (The State being the unreadable rag that is “sold” on Columbia S.C.) .

Spurrier, to me , has earned the benefit of the doubt. Garcia and The State have not.

beanster

October 13th, 2011
3:25 pm

On rare occasions it is safe to say the Dawgs will cover. This is one of them. It will be at least 3 scores. (Jeff, you admit Vandy’s offense is terrible and the Dawgs D is good, yet you say take Vandy and the points? Hmmm….)

Secondly, LSU’s strength is their D, not their offense. Even though they scored 41 (in Baton Rouge) on UF, they only managed 19 points in Starkville. knoxville isn’t any easier than Starkvegas, Jeff. UT keeps it respectable. 24-10.

uscinga

October 13th, 2011
3:25 pm

Schultz(I see nohing, I hear nothing, I KNOW NOTHING) has had an axe to grind agaist the old ball coach for years, or at least his comments lean that way.

Media guys are as thin skinned as the head coaches they question at times.

Jeff, do you need a tissue for your issue????

LOL!

October 13th, 2011
3:27 pm

“Jeff, Just Googled “betting” and couldn’t find those girls anywhere.”

BUSTED! hahahahahaha

Rodster

October 13th, 2011
3:29 pm

Great column Jeff. The Green Mile was on TV last night as well. Florida State co-eds… yum, yum.

LOL!

October 13th, 2011
3:29 pm

lots of Nancies on the board today….get a life guys. Take a look at the pic Jeff posted, that should make u smile.

Black Coffee & Bourbon

October 13th, 2011
3:30 pm

FSU should be invited to the SEC based solely upon the quality of their women. Go ‘Noles!

Jeff Schultz

October 13th, 2011
3:30 pm

To my doubters: Actually, Google “betting football.” You’ll see a few pix. Hah!

Jeff Schultz

October 13th, 2011
3:31 pm

Miller Time in YH — Girls are majoring in a lot of things. None of those majors part of the curriculum, of course.

reebok

October 13th, 2011
3:32 pm

Got a bad bad feeling about Tech vs Virginia. I think the Carolina Cams will roll over the Falcons. Dogs win by 10+. Good luck to all the home teams.

JSS

October 13th, 2011
3:32 pm

Bogart, MacMurrary, Johnson, and Ferrer, now that was a Murderer’s Row of performers… I really hate that there’s no video of Fonda doing it on stage…

Jeff Schultz

October 13th, 2011
3:32 pm

TampaGator — I know Gators getting beat up publicly for “lack of depth” but I don’t buy it. There’s talent there. QB situation hurts a lot no question. I’ve just got a feeling about this week.

Michael M.

October 13th, 2011
3:32 pm

The Falcons just plain out stink !

Jeff Schultz

October 13th, 2011
3:33 pm

GA Sandlapper — Ron Morris is a pro. Steve Spurrier is an idiot and a fraud.

ARdawg

October 13th, 2011
3:35 pm

beanster

Me thinks Jeff is speaking from both sides of his anus too. Bad offense on one team, good defense on the other more often than not equates to few points for the bad offense side. Georgia scores some points in this one, Vandy, not so much. Take Georgia to beat the spread 34-6

Jeff Schultz

October 13th, 2011
3:35 pm

Pouncing Tiger — Thinned skin? Seriously? I’ve got people taking shots at me every day. I don’t care. Only thing that’s ever ticked me off is the whole he-must-have-an-agenda thing. Georgia fans think I’m a Tech homer. Tech fans think I’m a Georgia homer. As a columnist it’s my job to offer my opinion. But that opinion shouldn’t be taken as, “Oh, he’s thin-skinned, he got his feelings hurt.” I have no feelings. Ask my wife.

gtne80

October 13th, 2011
3:36 pm

Regarding the pic – Just remember, no matter how good she looks, somebody, somewhere is tired of putting up with her crap.

ARdawg

October 13th, 2011
3:36 pm

Jeff,

I concur with your latest remark on the Old Bawl Sack

DawginLex

October 13th, 2011
3:37 pm

Georgia 27 Vandy 10
Tech 38 UVA 27
Falcons 27 Panthers 23
SC 24 MSU 17
Florida 27 Auburn 24

Lexington Rooster

October 13th, 2011
3:37 pm

Ron Morris is a d*o*u*c*h*e. Way to go Spurrier. Keep this back stabber out of there.

Jeff Schultz

October 13th, 2011
3:37 pm

USCINGA — “Schultz(I see nohing, I hear nothing, I KNOW NOTHING) has had an axe to grind agaist the old ball coach for years …”

See, now this is what I’m talking about. If USCINGA had actually read me for years, he/she would know that I’ve written a ton of glowing articles/columns on Spurrier. The dude’s a great coach (or at least was) and media gold. Why would I be out to get him?

JSS

October 13th, 2011
3:37 pm

Dick Dastardly and Muttley sure are happy in that picture! They must have finally won the wacky races! Are those underaged girls Penelope Pitstop impersonators?

ARdawg

October 13th, 2011
3:37 pm

Except you could have also added Super Hypocrit

gtne80

October 13th, 2011
3:38 pm

Jeffe’ – If it makes you feel better, as a lifelong Techster, I don’t think you lean toward UGA or us. I enjoy the jabs when they come along. It’s all in good fun.

Jeff Schultz

October 13th, 2011
3:38 pm

Reebok — As you know, Tech’s lost a few times up there, and Virginia’s defense is pretty good. It could happen.

carolinajacket

October 13th, 2011
3:40 pm

UGA will win all of their remaining games, unless Tech can play its A game and ruin their season.

gtne80

October 13th, 2011
3:41 pm

Jeff and Reebok – the problem isn’t so much the UVa defense or our offense…the problem is that these kids still believe that they’re actually as good as their rating and their record…no matter how much CPJ chews on them during the week.

BuzzG

October 13th, 2011
3:43 pm

too bad keg lift stafford couldn’t get into Tech

JSS

October 13th, 2011
3:43 pm

Jeff Schultz
October 13th, 2011
3:35 pm
“Pouncing Tiger — Thinned skin? Seriously? I’ve got people taking shots at me every day. I don’t care. Only thing that’s ever ticked me off is the whole he-must-have-an-agenda thing. But that opinion shouldn’t be taken as, “Oh, he’s thin-skinned, he got his feelings hurt.” I have no feelings. Ask my wife.”

He sure doesn’t! I’ve called him everything from the Oregon State mascot to the 2nd coming of deranged Thom Watson and he still speaks to me! Man, I’m getting old! ;-)

gtne80

October 13th, 2011
3:44 pm

carolinajacket – We saw the one and only glimpse of Tech’s “A” game this year against KU.

Jeff Schultz

October 13th, 2011
3:45 pm

JSS — You want to see a Murderers’ Row? Here’s a clip from one of my top 10 movies:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJWFyms0rQo&feature=related

Schmutz

October 13th, 2011
3:47 pm

Spurrier must have peed in Schmutz’s cereal

Jeff Schultz

October 13th, 2011
3:48 pm

GTne80 — Thanks. A reader once referred to me as an equal opportunity offender. I wanted to put that on a T-shirt.