Falcons, Dogs, Jackets dance better than Nancy Graceless
It has been a difficult week, and I’m not just talking about the Braves’ exit or the fact that Nancy Graceless apparently had some sort of wardrobe malfunction on Dancing with the Mutants, which brought the world to a standstill, wiped out half the planet’s vegetation and destroyed the good and the innocence that exists inside all of us.
But the really difficult week has been in Flowery Branch, where everybody has been looking at game film and coming to the realization: “Wow. We really stink. Has Nancy ever played left tackle? Because really, she can’t be any worse than Sam Baker, although he might look better in sequins.”
Could Nancy at left tackle be an improvement?
The Falcons are 1-2 so, yeah, they’ve still got 13 games left. But they’ve got problems. When the quarterback seems to call plays better than the offensive coordinator, and too many guys on defense still look at each other with that Scooby Doo, rut-roh gaze in their eyeballs, and linemen aren’t even stopping pass-rushers long enough to collect a 50-cent toll … well, I’m thinking: Last Tango in Playoffs.
Ryan has been sacked 13 times. He has been hit 479 times, I think. He probably has been hit as much as Michael Vick, the only difference being that Ryan isn’t looking to press charges while holding up his paw like some wounded puppy. (Dog analogy was completely accidental. Sorta.)
This week, it’s Seattle. This game would’ve been more fun if Jim Mora were still coaching the Seahawks. But alas, he has been committed.
The Falcons are 0-2 on the road. They have scored one offensive touchdown in eight quarters on the road. Confidence: not oozing. But the line is 4½, and I’m willing to dance. Assuming limited malfunctions: Falcons win and cover.
School Daze
Other Bulldogs at Trembling Chihuahuas: Georgia is 2-0 since the season ended. One juicy subplot: Mississippi State rang the Mark Richt Job Alarm last season with an upset in Starkville, the Dogs’ first loss to MSU in 36 years. On a related note, Dan Mullen is interviewing realtors at halftime. Wait, who said that? Dogs cover 7.
Georgia Tech at N.C. State: The Jackets are 4-0 for the first time since their 1990 national title season. They’ve averaged over 600 yards and 53 points per game and next plan to conquer Eastern Europe. OK, so they’ve beaten a few Lichtenstein’s. But that doesn’t explain how a triple-option coach like Paul Johnson is getting higher marks for his passing attack than the Falcons? Tech covers 9½.
Here's Charlie Weis. And . . .
Alabama at Florida: A young Tampa TV reporter asked Will Muschamp this week if he had “kind of a Master vs Padawan thing going on” in his relationship with his mentor Nick Saban. Muschamp looked at her like she was from Neptune. The rest of the media just figured she had been separated from her middle school group at Dragon*Con. Actually, I’ve got no problem with Star Wars analogies. But stick with the basics: like Charlie Weis and Jabba The Hutt, separated at birth. Tide cover 4.
Arkansas vs. Texas A&M: In a moment of sheer irony that only Bobby Petrino could provide, Beelzebub responded to a question about
Here's Jabba The Hutt. Wait a minute.
SEC expansion this way: “Why don’t we do all this stuff after the football season?” Gee, I dunno. Maybe Texas A&M just couldn’t wait two more games and preferred lying to their bosses and sneaking out of town for a midnight news conference in Pigville. Oh no, wait. That was you. Aggies cover 3.
Auburn at South Carolina: Cam Newton had 11 touchdowns in two games against the Gamecocks last season. Steve Spurrier’s return this season can be tied directly to the NFL draft. Carolina wins, but take Auburn and 10.
Clemson at Virginia Tech: Dabo Swinney has beaten ranked teams (Auburn, Florida State) two straight weeks. Maybe I misjudged him. Naaaaw. Hokies cover 7.
For his comments, Bobby Petrino deserves the, “Fish Slapping Dance.”
NFL Value Meals
(Add fries and a DeAngelo Hall alibi for 99 cents)
Maybe this is D-Hall's career philosophy.
49ers at Eagles: Michael Vick is complaining that he gets hit too much. I thought prison was supposed to toughen you up? Philly wins, but take San Fran and 9.
Redskins at Rams: DeAngelo Hall followed bogus threats of hitting Tony Romo in the ribs by not getting near Romo and whiffing several times on wide receiver Dez Bryant, unless you count when he grabbed Bryant’s face mask after allowing a 30-yard reception on third-and-21 to set up the Cowboys’ winning field goal. How many ways can you spell “punk”? Rams win a pick ‘em.
Lions at Cowboys: Matthew Stafford: 9 touchdowns, 2 interceptions, 977 yards and 3-0 after three games. Amazing what happens when he stays healthy and doesn’t have to play Florida. Make that 4 straight: Detroit (plus 1) wins in a slight upset.
Patriots at Raiders: The Boston Globe website had eight links on their Internet home page about Tom Brady’s haircut. There was only one story about a Massachusetts man who plotted to blow up the Pentagon and Capitol. Bad hair. Pats cover 4½
In dishonor of Nancy and DeAngelo, “Dancing With Myself” seems appropriate.
•
Progress report
Last week (slightly overcast): 7-4 straight up, 6-5 against the spread.
Bottom dollars (four weeks): 36-14 straight up, 33-16-1 against the spread.
“Sack Schultz” update: Ms. Linda Folsom of Cartersville was the local and national winner, going 15-0. Are these folks going 15-0 using a Ouija board or something? Yes, you CAN still enter and win big. Go to ajc.com/go/sack-schultz. Then I shall mock your selections.
By Jeff Schultz
•
• Want to catch up on past Weekend Predictions? Click here.
Follow me on Twitter @JeffSchultzAJC; friend me at Facebook.com/JeffSchultzAJC
Tell us what you think about the site
Customer Care »
Vacation stops, manage subscriptions and more
AJC Services
Sections
Other Editions
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
246 comments Add your comment
pat Sulley
September 30th, 2011
12:25 am
1) Richt 7-3 in bowls….Saban is at .500
.
2) Richts winning percentage is .738…….Sabans is .714
.
3) Richt has had 2 seasons of 8 or less wins…….Saban has had 7
.
4) Richt and Saban are 3-3 against each other (2 of Sabans wins came in a single year) Means Richt has beaten Saban 3 out of 5 years
.
5) Richt has coached 15 all americans in 10 years…..Saban has coached 10 all americans in 16 years.
.
6) Tell me (other than being lucky to get VOTED into a BCSNCG) who is better Walker?
7) in 2008 UGA finished 10-3 and top ten and a bowl win with 19 scholly players out with season ending injuries PRIOR to game 3.
Saban finished 2010 10-3 and out of the top ten (all loses in the SEC) with the absolute best players in college football…..Walker……..who did the better coaching job?
.
9) Richt has the 7th winningest record for all active coaches…..Saban….not so much….Walker…….wh is better?
.
10) Richt has had UGA finish a season ranked top ten 4 times in a row…….Saban has never had his teams finish ranked top ten 4 consecutive years (I only see where he has had them ranked top ten 3 years total in 16 years)….Walker which is better?
.
11) Under Richt over last 9 years UGA has finished ranked in the top ten 6 times.
.
12) Saban in his career of 16 years his teams have finished top ten 3 years that I can find. Tell me Walker…….which is better 6 times in 9 years or 3 time in 16?
.
13) Richt has never finished worst than 3rd in the SEC east…..Saban finished 4th in the SEC west in 2010…….tell me Walker which is better?
.
14) Mark Richt has never resigned prior to a bowl game (quit on his team) Saban resigned (quit on his team) in 1999 prior to the bowl game……Tell me Walker…..which is better?
Gfan
September 30th, 2011
12:34 am
After all that, who cares. You have to win games ahead of season, not what happened 8 years ago. Sorry but your coach has not delivered the past 3 seasons. Pat, you are living a past life.
5150 UOAD
September 30th, 2011
12:37 am
Pat Sulley RICHT is! Please KEEP him and BOBO forever. Give Richt a Paul Hewitt Contract. Richt is a Dawg til the day he dies. PLEASE PLEASE can you make that happen? Please give Richt a Lifetime contract.
5150 UOAD
September 30th, 2011
12:41 am
Dawg crap how would you know what is happening in another teams stadium?
Gfan
September 30th, 2011
12:48 am
UOAD, I agree keep them both. Let me sit at a T.V. and call the next play for uga. Please talk about the Tech offense, which I might add, is leading the nation in most of the offense categories. UGA jerks talk about a high school offense? Try to stop it. It has not happened yet.
5150 UOAD
September 30th, 2011
12:51 am
So Dawg S…t you are friends with the ghetto bros that sweep The Varsity parking lot? Do they tell you who has the best and cheapest meth on the ridge?
BooBoo
September 30th, 2011
12:53 am
I wonder if anyone remembers how the Falcon O-line could not block anyone in the 0-4 preseason? Or, if anyone remembers the defense could not tackle anyone in the 0-4 preseason?
Am I dreaming, or did the 2008 Falcons, with a baby short-armed Sam Baker and a fresh-faced baby Matt Ryan do a lot of rollouts to avoid the rush they knew rookies would be tested severely by, when they would attempt forward passes? So, now they have a pocket only if they hold everyone but J. Jones and R. White in to block?
Detroit was down big to Minnesota last week and needed OT and an ex-GaTech WR make a circus catch to win. I think the Cowgirls can play better D for 4 quarters and sneak out a win.
Is this a decade that Georgia has to play Alabama? I bet with the new 20 teams they are adding, Georgia will have to play Kentucky, Vanderbilt, Mississippi, and Miss. State every year. Add in Tulane and University of the South if they get back in the SEC.
5150 UOAD
September 30th, 2011
12:55 am
Dawg S..t Gordon Muir would never make the cashiers sweep the parking lot. He has a different crew that does that.
5150 UOAD
September 30th, 2011
1:01 am
Dawg S..t and how many of the people that work at the Varsity live right there? Do you know? Cashiers say What do you have and take your order. They don’t chit chat with the likes of you. If they do i will Talk to Gordon and make sure they stop.
Gfan
September 30th, 2011
1:10 am
Again, what is havibg, dawg shi?? Is this grammar taught by our beloved university? The name applies.
5150 UOAD
September 30th, 2011
1:18 am
Dawg Scat……..When you run an Institution and Corporation like The Varsity, you would like to know if your employees are unhappy and don’t do their job with pride. I am sure Frank Gordy’s daughter and Her Son-in-Law would like to know of issues the employees have.
5150 UOAD
September 30th, 2011
1:35 am
Nothing……..One is my best friends aunt and the other I went to school with at Holy Innocence.
azdawg
September 30th, 2011
2:04 am
GA has a lot of difficulty stopping the spread especially when the QB is 6′4″ 240 lbs. Remind you of anyone ? Hint: name rhymes w/Teebow. Ballard the MSU RB is no slouch at 225 lbs. Afraid its going to be a long day for the GA def. GA will score unless it implodes on itself as it did last season. Here’s hoping the dawgs can over come the ghosts of seasons past and stop the spread and their big QB and RB. I don’t expect any surprises from Bozo but just hope he brings his A game this w/e. Go Dawgs.
v-vax
September 30th, 2011
6:35 am
why can’t they sell out at the university of football with all the alumni and all that money?
TampaGator
September 30th, 2011
6:48 am
Mr. Shultz……..
I am not easily offended, but your comparison of Charlie Weiss toe Jabba is WAY OVER THE LINE. Maybe someone should make make a comparison of your expanded forehead to some journalist with a lack of professionalism…..oh….that is you. You may not like Florida or Weiss much….but to make your views this negative and personal is INEXCUSEABLE, in my opinion….and obviously others agree, including several Dawg fans who are showing the class you lack.
East Repeat
September 30th, 2011
6:53 am
Schultz- When will you have the balls to pick against UGA? So UGA covers but SC does not? Way to go out on a limb. Saturday in Athens begins the middle of the end for CMR. We have already had the beginning of the end (Boise and SC) and this weekend UGA takes another step back (or forward to the future) toward getting a new coach. Mississippi State will give UGA its second home conference loss.
Nancy Grace sux!
September 30th, 2011
6:54 am
“Schultz would give his firstborn child to be one tenth as popular as Nancy Grace.”
What are you, her producer?
Jeff Schultz’s column is entertaining. Nancy Grace is not.
TampaGator
September 30th, 2011
6:58 am
All that said, I think it will be interesting to watch the Weiss in-game offensive stategy vs. the Saban/Smart defeensive in-game stategy. Obviously, Bama is very strong on defense and Florida’s offense in one in development (lead by a QB in rehab from last season). I think Florida’s defense can play (although Easley and Floyd got hurt in Tuesday’s practice and their status for the game is in question….Bama may be missing Mosley at LB as well) but can a Florida offense led by Brantley survive the pressure that Bama will put on them? Probably not. But I can’t wait to sit in THE SWAMP and watch what happens. IT IS GOING TO BE READ LOUD SATURDAY NIGHT.
Bama leads 17 to 7 at the half and wins 27 to 14 with Florida getting close at 20-14 before the Tide put it away after a Florida turnover late in the fourth quarter. But I am still dreaming about an upset…..but reality keeps raising its UGly head.
Tennis Rodman
September 30th, 2011
7:09 am
Jabba the Hut vs the offensive whiz Mike Bobo – you make the call. Jeff, I just spoke to Donny Wad Waddell. He wants to punch you in the nose for calling him out as a liar.
John Galt
September 30th, 2011
7:15 am
The Nancy Grace reference is not funny, just cruel.
Don't Shoot the Messenger
September 30th, 2011
7:48 am
He can’t help the fact that Nancy is ugly and obnoxious, that Charlie is morbidly obese or that Mark Richt is a hopeless loser.
Nobody would be upset by any of these revelations, if they didn’t already know in their hearts that it’s all the absolute truth.
pat Sulley? LOL
5150 UOAD
September 30th, 2011
7:57 am
Did Boo wake up and change his mind again?
Are we over the Braves collapse yet?
Have the Dawgs gotten over their inferiority complex of Good SEC teams and coaches?
Have any of you Decided if Tech is really good or not?
Well then the World is still going no matter the answers.
OZZFEST
September 30th, 2011
8:01 am
WOW, COMPARING AN OVERWEIGHT CHARLIE WEIS TO JABBA….NOW THAT IS FIRST CLASS SPORTS REPORTING!
PERHAPS TOMORROW YOU CAN MAKE FUN OF A PERSON IN A WHEELCHAIR.
JEFF SCHULTZ IS A LOSER OF A HUMAN BEING. PERIOD.
UGA = Yawn
September 30th, 2011
8:25 am
Go Jackets!!!! One at a time – just like in 1990!!!
DawginLex
September 30th, 2011
8:26 am
GT 42
NCSU 30
UGA 28
MSU 20
Alabama 24
Florida 16
clemson 28
VT 23
Falcons 34
Seattle 27
5150 UOAD
September 30th, 2011
8:32 am
DiLEX
The Falcons looked scary last weekend.
I am not sold on Clem&Sons on the road yet.
Troof
September 30th, 2011
8:33 am
Sulley, you conveniently forget the most important stat:
BCS Championships
Richt – 0
Saban – 2
That’s why the games are played, right? The rest is noise. But then again this is what Dawg fans concentrate on to rationalize why Richt should stay in Athens.
1eyedJack
September 30th, 2011
8:45 am
Jeff, when did Tommy LaSorda officially hand off the title of Jabba the Hutt to Charlie Wiess? Tommy was pasta fat. Charlie is doughnut fat.
Blackberry Cobbler
September 30th, 2011
9:09 am
With all the hoopla surrounding Chaz Bono on DWTS, you can’t help but notice that Nancy Grace is also quite a porker. Her thighs match her mouth……… too big.
JoeV
September 30th, 2011
9:10 am
Jeff
If Clemson beats VT, will you finally give us some credit?
TallyDawg
September 30th, 2011
9:17 am
DawginLex,
Where’s your S.C/Auburn prediction…unfortunately I’m afraid S.C. wins this..
Larry
September 30th, 2011
9:18 am
Get Francona!
Stinky
September 30th, 2011
9:20 am
Hey Jeff, why don’t you try out for Dancing With the Stars, as well as go play for the Falcons, Braves, and Dawgs since you seem to know EVERYTHING about everything?
JR
September 30th, 2011
9:24 am
Sulley did a good job at presenting some facts that on the surface seem credible. But the bottom line is that college football is a “what have you done for me lately” business. He never mentioned that Saban has won two national titles in the last ten years to 0 for Richt. And if you take a smaller sample size to include the last 7 or 8 years, it would appear a lot different. Saban coached for quite a few years at Michigan State at a time when they had to compete against a lot of good teams in their league and at a school that has been consistently mediocre for 50 years no matter who was coaching. If you take all of the years that Joe Paterno or Bobby Bowden coached, their resumes look impressive. But if you take the last 10, you wonder why they did not lose their jobs a long time ago. And if you take the last 4 or 5 of the 10 that Richt has coached, it is way below what it should be. I know it is hard to admit when you like someone for many reasons that they grown incompetent and no longer to perform to the level they once did. The best true indicator of a college coach’s performance is how they have competed over a recent period with a sample size of about the 3 or 4 most recent years against their peer coaches (for Richt, these would be LSU, Auburn, Alabama, Tennessee, Arkansas, and to a lesser degree South Carolina). And if you use this criteria, UGA has been more than generous by retaining Mark Richt for even this year. I would think that anything short of running the table or maybe losing one more game to a team other than Florida will not be good enough and shouldn’t.
Whiskey Breath
September 30th, 2011
9:25 am
Jeff, you know nobody is going to place any bets with your picks right? I would rather take Bob’s picks on CSS and he doesn’t know much about football.
JR
September 30th, 2011
9:29 am
I left Florida out of that list. They are definitely one as well.
JB
September 30th, 2011
9:41 am
Tech is 4-0 and my Dawgs are 2-2 yet the same old Tech people hang out on here, poking and dissing the Dawgs. Why in world for a team and a University and a group of fans they hate to hang out on this blog, like we care, and not spend time reviling with their beloved unbeaten kind on their blog. They can even beat a bad Georgia team the last two years and just come on here and post stats from those games and tell us how close the were ( and their 3 point point win 3 years ago was a stomp by the way with rings made LOL) . The are laughable little people.
Kaleb
September 30th, 2011
9:43 am
Come on Jeff. Your writing is too good to have to make jokes about someones weight.
rm
September 30th, 2011
9:49 am
I like Nancy at LT. Definitely an upgrade over Sam Baker… Was Dahl the glue that held that O-line together? What’s the deal?
DawginLex
September 30th, 2011
10:00 am
Auburn is capable of scoring points on SC’s D.
But, Mr Lattimore is the real deal and Auburn can’t stop the run too well
i see another shootout
SC 38
AU 33
PerimeterCenterJacket
September 30th, 2011
10:08 am
JB, this aint the Blawg, bro. This is Schultz writing about err’body. Don’t get all angsty before we’ve even played the game. Until November you’re still the winners ’round here (however hollow that may prove to be this season.)
d
September 30th, 2011
10:10 am
*hkhkjhkh*
Eaassyy
September 30th, 2011
10:12 am
Charlie Weiss has the biggest man-FUPA this side of the Mississippi. How can it even get that big? What a slob.
Samuel
September 30th, 2011
10:12 am
No excuses, NO explanations- you got to go in and Hammer Seattle. GO BIRDS!!
JR
September 30th, 2011
10:19 am
That’s a good point Perimeter Center. But a Cris Carter “C’mon Man” is warranted by any Georgia Tech fans who think that there is any real reason for celebration or even over the top optimism by what has occurred so far this season. The only thing that can be said is that they have avoided losing to any below average opponents. Let’s wait and see how they do against Maryland, at Miami, Clemson, VA Tech, and Georgia. They do have a very favorable schedule though. They play only one tough game on the road against Miami.
1eyedJack
September 30th, 2011
10:23 am
Can’t figure out if Charlie Weiss is woman in a fat man’s body or a man in a fat woman’s body.
WDE
September 30th, 2011
10:40 am
Well we need a win vs Miss St this week it will be another tough game, Mullen is starting to hear grumbling from the fan base…this will be I think a old time SEC grinder of a game. Tech should really put in on a very bad NC St team…and I have NO idea of what Falcon team will show up.Bama looks better than last years team and yet the UF line is 4…after the way they manhandled the Gators last year I’m sort of scratching my head over that one…Tide should roll..but my spidey sense is going off over this game!
John
September 30th, 2011
11:00 am
Dan Mullen’s interview is Saturday, if he beats Georgia with 2 star players and walkons, he gets the job.
PerimeterCenterJacket
September 30th, 2011
11:01 am
JR, “avoiding losing” to some below average opponents is not the same as rewriting the school, conference, and (in the case of yards per play in a game) the NCAA records. Were those schools pretty easy? Yeah. Were they easier than the cupcakes other schools play against? Not really. Yes. WCU is a highschool team. MTSU was better, though. Kansas is the Duke of the Big XII but is still BCS. And UNC is…a pretty friggin decent team. All that said though: We can celebrate being 4-0 because it’s been a long time since we’ve had a perfect September, but we SHOULD NOT think we’re world-beaters. I wouldn’t dare make that declaration before we beat Georgie. But if we do, and if we’ve managed to go about 10-2 or thereabouts…lookout for the preseason hype coming next year! And if it happens like that we will be obnoxious as all get out. But not until then would it be warranted, in my opinion.
Go Jackets!
2010 BCS CHAMPS
September 30th, 2011
11:03 am
pat Sulley was banned from ESPN blogs.
Way to go, goober.