Weekend Predictions: Falcons, Dogs and Sarah (oh my)

chalk3

First, let me address the rumors on everybody’s mind: Neither Jon Bon Jovi, L.L. Cool J nor I will be responding to reports of  anything that may have happened back in the 1980s, and the fact is I was only in Alaska to cover the Iditarod for the Santa Monica Evening Outlook, just on the chance that sled-dog racing would catch on at Venice Beach, and besides, I had long hair back then and Sarah Heath had, wow, hair, back then, and she said funny things like, “Oh look, Moscow,” and, “Obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies,” and, “I want to be President!” But then she asked me if I knew Glen Rice personally, and things just got weird, and … wait, where was I?

Roddy White can even do this after a touchdown if you let him.

Roddy White can even do this, if you let him.

Oh yes, Michael Vick is back.

No, this time he’s really back. He was here as a backup and here as an injured guy. Now he’s rolling. And the Falcons are — well, what are the Falcons? We think they’re pretty good. But they didn’t look the part last week in Chicago. Most puzzling was offensive coordinator Mike Mularkey’s defense of constant check-down passes, fearing the Bears’ Cover-2 defense.

I’m sorry. I guess I missed all of the Hall of Famers in the Chicago secondary.

So suddenly you don’t trust Roddy White, Julio Jones, Harry Douglas or Tony Gonzalez to beat anybody one on one? Explosive plays don’t have to be bombs. But please — no more dump-off to guys standing there with concrete blocks tied to their shoes. How about some movement?

I swear I looked down on the field last week and saw Joe Johnson and an iso-offense.

Maybe it’s a wake-up. Can’t believe I’m doing this. Just have a weird feeling. Or is it that after-affects of Motley Crue and Van Halen and Sarah?

Take the 2½, but Falcons win in an upset.

Sarah Heath/Palin could’ve been the next Erin Andrews …

(My Falcons game column last week with the pop gun reference apparently inspired cartoonist/Falcons’ fan Mark Tucker. Here are his cartoons off the Bears’ game and looking ahead to the Eagles.)

Bears

Eagles

Semi-Pros

Coastal Carolina at Georgia: If you can’t beat the school in Columbia, I guess Myrtle Beach is the logical next stop. The Dogs are 2-5 in their last seven games going back to last season. Here’s some needed comic relief: They cover 33.

Kansas at Georgia Tech:Just read some of Georgia Tech’s response to the NCAA. Let me boil it down: “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!” (Thank you, Monty Python.) But here’s the real grudge match: Kansas! Kansas? Jackets cover 15.

Georgia Tech vs. NCAA. (This scene is not PETA-approved.)

Ohio State at Miami: And what was the NCAA’s second choice for a match-up — Iraq vs. North Korea? How about if we just shoot Jim Tressel and Donna Shalala out of a cannon and call it a day? Canes cover 2½.

Oklahoma at Florida State: The Seminoles are considering leaving the ACC. What, not easy enough? Go take Oklahoma’s spot in the Big 12. Sooners cover 3.

Tennessee at Florida: The father of a recruit (Curt Maggitt) says his son committed to Tennessee over nearby Florida because of the Gators’ history of arrests. Also, defensive coordinator Dan Quinn put his foot on the family’s coffee table. It’s a good thing Urban Meyer is gone or he would’ve just had Brandon Spikes gouge his eyes out. Gators cover 9½.

Auburn at Clemson: Auburn has had two narrow escapes. Even the school’s mascot, “Spirit,” is living dangerously. Poor fella crashed into a luxury suite window last week during his pregame flight. All he wanted were some hot wings. Clemson covers 3½.

Who put that suite there?

*** Thursday Night Internet-only Special ***

LSU at Mississippi State: With LSU, South Carolina, Alabama and Arkansas still on the schedule, Dan Mullen really couldn’t afford to blow a winnable game last week against Auburn. Maybe having “Georgia On My Mind” on his iPod is affecting the game plan. Tigers cover 3½.

NFL Snack Pack

Here's Tom, his pony tail and his fashion consultant, Giesele. (AP photo)
Tom, his pony tail and his fashion consultant, Giesele.

Packers at Panthers: Cam Newton threw for 422 yards in his debut but lost. Aaron Rodgers threw for 312 yards and won. Lesson for Cam: In the NFL, nobody’s Ole Miss. Green Bay covers 10.

Bears at Saints: Wonder if Drew Brees will run and hide from the Bears’ Cover 2? Naw. Saints cover 6½.

Chargers at Patriots: Tom Brady made a plea to New England fans this week: “Start drinking early. Get lubed up.” Now there’s someone who has values in order. By the way, Tom: Bridget is on line three. Something about a baby. Pats win but take San Diego and 7.

Rams at Giants: New York became the first team since Vanderbilt to allow Rex Grossman to throw for 305 yards and two touchdowns. Market correction: Giants cover 5.

“Thou shalt not allow Rex Grossman to throw for 305 yards. It is written.”

Scorecard

“Money won is twice as sweet as money earned.” — “The Color of Money.”

football-money Last week (not so hot): 5-5 straight up, 6-3-1 against the line.

Regress report (two weeks): 11-6 straight up, 11-5-1 against the line.

Lock of the Week: Master.

“Sack Schultz” update: I’m 25-5, which puts me in 1,801st place. My plan to lull you into a false sense of security is working. Last week’s winners both went 15-0 and nailed Michigan-Notre tiebreaker (35-31): Seth Morris of Atlanta and Heidi Kibirsky of Reston, Va. You can still sign up at AJC.com/go/sack-schultz

By Jeff Schultz

– You can get caught up on past Weekend Predictions by clicking here.

Follow me on Twitter @JeffSchultzAJC; friend me at Facebook.com/JeffSchultzAJC

255 comments Add your comment

5 Time National Champs Nebraska

September 15th, 2011
2:12 pm

5 Time National Champs Nebraska

September 15th, 2011
2:14 pm

Got that out of the way to stop the lunatics who think they are heros for indicating the order they posted.

5 Time National Champs Nebraska

September 15th, 2011
2:18 pm

If you go to middle and south Georgia, women still wear their hair like Sarah did in that video.

This sounds awfully similar to....

September 15th, 2011
2:20 pm

Nebraska thanks for stopping the insanity

malibuGT

September 15th, 2011
2:22 pm

love the monty python reference jeff!

Stewie

September 15th, 2011
2:38 pm

If you go to middle and south Georgia, they don’t care what 5 Time National Champs Nebraska thinks.

Buckeye

September 15th, 2011
2:39 pm

middleandsouthgeorgia

September 15th, 2011
2:42 pm

I think Sarah is hotter now than before.

sarfdawg

September 15th, 2011
2:46 pm

The reason that White, Jones, and Gonzalez never got the ball is because Ryan was getting knocked on his butt six ways to Sunday. The offensive line was getting gashed right over the center and right guard – oddly enough the positions that are being played by different guys than last year. McClure will be back, but they are going to miss Dahl. The Bears didn’t need HOF DBs when the O-line was as putrid as it was.

GT81

September 15th, 2011
2:48 pm

nice format and I think I agree with your picks for a change

Beast from the East

September 15th, 2011
2:58 pm

“The father of a recruit (Curt Maggitt) says his son committed to Tennessee over nearby Florida because of the Gators’ history of arrests. Also, defensive coordinator Dan Quinn put his foot on the family’s coffee table. It’s a good thing Urban Meyer is gone or he would’ve just had Brandon Spikes gouge his eyes out. Gators cover 9½.”

What an idiot! I can certainly understand the arrests at UF may have scared him off, but to UT????? Doesn’t he realize it’s called the Fulmer Cup for a reason? Bar fights, guns, armed robberies ring a bell? We’re no angels in Gainesville, but Knoxville is like the Wild West!

Buckeye

September 15th, 2011
3:00 pm

Buckeyes proved they are still THE Ohio Stet University with their resounding, emphatic win over Toledo! (or was it Massillon HS?)

CLEARLY

September 15th, 2011
3:05 pm

Nebraska has never been to South Georgia.

War Damnit

September 15th, 2011
3:07 pm

Clemson covers 3 1/2? Good call, how did that pick against Auburn work out for you last week, Jeff?

dumb

September 15th, 2011
3:09 pm

love your stuff, man; great videos

Worm

September 15th, 2011
3:11 pm

Tech will Run-palin-Won’t…That’s alot of Birds in atlanta this weekend…Eagles,falcons,JayHawks and The Auburn mascot will fly over on his way to Klempson…Take the OVER

Buzzfan®

September 15th, 2011
3:13 pm

Fetchez la vache!

Inlet Dawg

September 15th, 2011
3:13 pm

Dawgs can’t cover,not over Coach Bennent’s dogs

ScottBravesFan

September 15th, 2011
3:15 pm

If anyone ever played NBA Jam back in the day you would know that Glen Rice loved to score from the right wing.

mountain_jim

September 15th, 2011
3:19 pm

Enjoyed this one muchly, Jeff.

Agree that NO is not going to cower into nothing but dump-offs against the Bears. They have a creative offense and play-caller, for one thing.

Hope your Falcons pick is a winner!

reebok

September 15th, 2011
3:24 pm

eagles by 13, dawgs by 30, my jackets by 12. hey we got promoted all the way from ESPN3 to FSN!

Studawg

September 15th, 2011
3:30 pm

Well at least Sarah Palin has had an actual job before. More than we can say about our current president.

Studawg

September 15th, 2011
3:33 pm

NUCK FEBRASKA

Overrated RYAN

September 15th, 2011
3:36 pm

WEAR FALCONS VICK JERSEY SUN NIGHT!

5 Time National Champs Nebraska

September 15th, 2011
3:40 pm

Again with all the anger

sidslid

September 15th, 2011
3:42 pm

Sarah previewing those ‘88 Dodgers!

roge

September 15th, 2011
3:43 pm

Dogs yes, Birds no way.

Schnookems

September 15th, 2011
3:46 pm

Sorry Falcons aren’t very good this year. Eagles 34 Falcons 16

MatthewH

September 15th, 2011
3:56 pm

Sarah was on him like white on Rice (sorry, couldn’t resist)

DC

September 15th, 2011
4:01 pm

bad bad pick with Clemsuck Schultz….did you see how poorly they did last week? HC saying they have alot to work on…AU has been tested and will come out with the W by 10. Each week for AU is another week they are 10x better…

Chandler going Deep....

September 15th, 2011
4:02 pm

Sarah I bet u there’s more where that came from?

Oh well you realize the Tea party will disown now, but you already knew that and not going to run for the presidency in 012…

RAMBLE ON!!!

September 15th, 2011
4:06 pm

Wow, Sarah Heath can read a teleprompter just as well as King Obozo.

…AND SHE’S HAD A JOB BEFORE TOO?!?

That probably makes her over qualified in the eye’s of a left coast liberal loon like Jeff.

Kissinger

September 15th, 2011
4:24 pm

I like home ‘dogs who stunk the week before…especially when they’re playing a team that won last week. So, I like Falcons, Clemson, and Miss State in a big upset.

FalconUGAFan

September 15th, 2011
4:35 pm

English Pig dogs!

Paul in NH (formerly RDU)

September 15th, 2011
4:38 pm

Jeff,
Excellent huomr as always, but you are taking a risk mentioning a politician on a sports blog. Now over at the Athens Banner-Herald they are doing some real reporting – even getting quotes from UGA faculty.

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/396382/september-12-2011/stephen-reports-on-an-old-fashioned-hero

Paul in NH (formerly RDU)

September 15th, 2011
4:38 pm

Flounder

September 15th, 2011
4:41 pm

“Listen … strange women lying in ponds is no basis for a system of government!”

“You can’t call yourself King just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!”

One of the best movies of all time … Brilliant!

Najeh Davenpoop

September 15th, 2011
4:41 pm

“Start drinking early. Get lubed up” is also what Glen Rice told Sarah Palin before he went to play in his tournament.

OC/DC Dinosaurs

September 15th, 2011
4:54 pm

Everybody including Jeff has Mularkey’s number.

sarfdawg the Falcons played the same way against Green Bay, Eagles, Steelers last year with all offensive linemen in place. There are no excuses for the Falcons being the only team of 32 teams not to score an offensive touchdown last week. Google “Mularkey play calling Miami and Buffalo” and read the bad news.

WTF

September 15th, 2011
4:58 pm

Who Nuck Febraska? You nuck Febraska, I nuck Febraska, we all nuck Febraska…
But the Eagles will nuck the ATL birds best.
Points wont count.
Take the Phillie, leave the cheese & steak.

5150 UOAD

September 15th, 2011
5:15 pm

Palin is as HOT as we could get? We need some Hot Chick Pics Jeff.

Dawgs don’t cover 23…………………
Mason better Play some……….
Auburn with a Lake? @home? are you saying a Clem & Sons win with DaBo. Like is like UGA winning with BoZo

JSS

September 15th, 2011
5:20 pm

Well Jeff, you know I know that knuckle head with the all the good looks of Admiral Ackbar from college in A2. Heath must have wanted it bad! Will they take Tea Party credentials back now? This ranks up there with revelations about old Strom’s trips to the maid’s room, Tragic!!!

5150 UOAD

September 15th, 2011
5:29 pm

UGA covers if Curran is Playing against well the UGA co-eds.
Don’t worry if they get past him J. Crittenton will take pot shots at them.

Vince Doodly

September 15th, 2011
5:33 pm

Auburn wins. Forget betting against them.

LowCountry XPlant

September 15th, 2011
5:35 pm

OK, Jeff, you had me until you said you had hair.,,

Eric C.

September 15th, 2011
6:14 pm

Jeff, I really hope you’re right about the Falcons…but it always makes me nervous when you start off a pick with “can’t believe I’m doing this.” In all seriousness, what is your record with those kinds of picks? Keep up the great work…

Eric C.

September 15th, 2011
6:18 pm

JSS, ??????????????????????????????????????????

5150 UOAD

September 15th, 2011
6:18 pm

Glenn Rice would make an Aggressive drive to the hole but he seemed to like to pull up short and take a bad shot.

bigeasy830

September 15th, 2011
6:26 pm

Glen Rice is one lucky brother, reminds me of that 80’s song by Rob Stewart, “Some Guys Have All The Luck”

Chandler going Deep....

September 15th, 2011
6:38 pm

Glen Rice= Great shooter!!! lol