Countdown: Vote LeBron, someone else in Count’s hate poll!

The Count was always lovable ...

The Count was always lovable ...

. . . even when he and his twin, Count Floyd, were babies.

. . . even when he and his sister (left) were babies.

The Count believes hate is such a strong word. The Count doesn’t hate. He mocks, he clowns and he occasionally dislikes. But he certainly doesn’t hate. There was that one full moon when The Count was strolling through a bad neighborhood and he needed a quick fix. So he bit some lady as she was leaving the Quik Trip, and she claimed to be European, but The Count was pretty sure she was from Secaucus because he just remembers this dreadful aftertaste and pronouncing, “I would not wash the feet of my pigs in your plasma!” (Say it with an obnoxious French accent, s0unds better.) Anyway, back to this hate thing. A lot of people seem to hate LeBron James. So The Count was thinking, “Hey, how ab0ut the first ever Count Poll?” Sharpen your cuspids. We count down . . .

10. So many choices, but here’s a worthy “Sweet 16″

Sorry. Pick only one.

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fredvampire

Wrestler Freddie Blassie was known as "The Vampire" for acts like this. But The Count thinks he gave vampires a bad name.

The editorial board at Countdown, Inc., had to figure out some way to limit this. So here goes. When voting on the most unlikable, distasteful, contemptible individual (or just Mr. Poopy Pants, if you prefer),  we’re going to stick to the last 10 years. So O.J. Simpson, Ty Cobb and Freddie Blassie are out. The Count’s criteria: The athlete had to have either competed and been hated in the last 10 years, or competed recently and became hated more after retirement (example: the lying Mark McGwire). Mike Tyson almost didn’t make the cut, because he’s so far removed from hate. Also, he was funny in the Hangover (and Hangover II!). But I figured somebody would scream if I didn’t include him. So to the left are my 16 choices. Vote in the poll and sound off below. The Count will not cast a vote so as to not to sway my loyal and disturbed following.

9. LeBron: Let your feelings go

Let it go, LeBron. And no, I'm not calling you "King."

Let it go, LeBron. And no, I'm not calling you "King."

There’s only one thing more valuable than LeBron James when he’s great. That’s LeBron James when everybody is dumping on him and thinks he’s a headcase! Yes, James’ great disappearing act in the fourth quarter of the last three games of the title series has spawned an entire new line of T-shirts (that include sayings like, “Maybe Next Year” and “Still Ringless”) and now a potential cottage industry: people who want to save LeBron. The Miami Herald, which brought you the premature Macy’s ad selling Heat championship T-shirts, ran a story quoting sports psychologists who believe James needs help. And fast! Former Brave John Smoltz probably won’t love that his name was invoked here. From the story: “At some point in the days or weeks to come, James will likely have moments of introspection, searching for what went wrong in the series’ final three games. If James is honest with himself, he’ll acknowledge he wasn’t the same dynamic player that won two consecutive league MVP awards and single-handedly put away the Celtics and Bulls in the previous two rounds. James will see moments of tentativeness, passing up open shots that are usually automatic. And, he’ll begin to ask why. That’s where mental health professionals, who have helped high-profile athletes like John Smoltz and Alex Rodriguez fight through internal roadblocks, could help.” Maybe it’s just me. But when James basically referred to critics as lesser beings after the series, I didn’t sense he was ready for introspection.

8. Cuban gets The Count’s Good Owner stamp of approval

I wonder if the trophy had a drink before takeoff?

I wonder if the trophy had a drink before takeoff?

OK. Mark Cuban is a goofball. And occasionally juvenile, bordering on moronic. But as a sports owner, he’s one of the better ones around. All he cares about is winning. And he spends money. And he’s at every game. And you know that he cares so much about his team and his team’s fans that you never have to stop and ask yourself, “Hmmm. Should I believe these Winnipeg rumors?” So for that reason, I thought this picture was very cool. Cuban sent it out himself on Twitter, with the simple caption, “On the plane.” He also sent out this Tweet on Monday night: “Heard a rumor that Obama was planning on coming to Miami for Gm 7. Will ask him when we visit :) . #MavsSavingTaxDollars.”

7. Mr. Iverson: You might just want to buy a Camry

Iverson's Lamborghini probably is dustier than this one.

Iverson's Lamborghini probably is dustier than this one.

The 2007 Lamborghini Murcielago went for $320,000 new. So I guess it’s still worth it for Allen Iverson to pick his up from impound. But it’s getting close. Iverson, an Atlanta resident when he’s on this planet, was pulled over in Buckhead back in April because he didn’t have a license plate. The car has been sitting in an impound lot on Cheshire Bridge Road ever since, according to WXIA 11Alive. It turns out Iverson hasn’t paid tag fees for the last four years. At $14,000 a year, that’s $56,000. The impound lot also is charging $300 per month. Iverson, meanwhile, says he wants to play again. Of course. He’s reportedly broke. So these wheels could be up for auction soon. The lot has the right to sell the car after 90 days since Iverson hasn’t responded to notices. I can go as high as $3,750. Worried about gas prices.

6. The better wager: Heat at 5-2 or Hawks at 40-1?

Not a good time to ask Josh or Joe if they like the 40-1 odds.

Not a good time to ask Josh or Joe if they like the 40-1 odds.

It probably won’t be as much fun if the Heat fail to win the NBA title again next season. But they’re favored again. Bodog.com lists Miami as 5-2 favorites to win the 2011-12 championship, followed by the Los Angeles Lakers (11-2) and Chicago (6-1). The Hawks are tied for 11th at 40-1. I’m not sure that I’d actually bet $20 on them but it would be a more interesting wager than the Heat, whose odds are ridiculously low. The last, after the top three: Oklahoma City 8-1; Dallas 10-1; Boston 12-1; San Antonio 20-1; Orlando 22-1; New York Knicks 28-1; Portland 30-1; Denver 40-1; Atlanta 40-1; Memphis 40-1; New Orleans 45-1; Houston 50-1; Utah 60-1; Philadelphia 65-1; Phoenix 65-1; New Jersey 65-1; Charlotte 75-1; Indiana 75-1; L.A. Clippers 75-1; Detroit 100-1; Golden State 100-1; Milwaukee 100-1; Minnesota 100-1; Sacramento 100-1; Washington 100-1; Cleveland 100-1; Toronto 150-1.

5. Soccer mascot poses in lingerie (I know, it’s so cliche)

Here's "Donny Dog" back in the locker room. Oh, yeah. (Sorry, I've got editors. But you're smart. You can find the other pictures.)

Here's "Donny Dog" in her dressing room. Oh, yeah. (Sorry, I've got editors. But you dudes are resourceful.)

A British soccer team, the Doncaster Rovers, recently fired their mascot for posing in sexy lingerie. Yeah, by now we should be immune to big stuffy animals with oversized heads wearing a nighty, right? Any way, Tracy Chandler (the women in the “Donny Dog” dog suit) apparently has been given her job back, as the club caved to public pressure. Chandler, a 40-year-old mother of three, said she was only trying to raise money for a children’s charity by posing for the magazine. She thought the photo shoot was “tastefully done.” The team said she had “disgraced the club.” Bad dog. But Ms. Chandler noted that this is the same organization that had players pose nude for a charity calendar last year. So the team relented. However, they are making her sleep outside for a week.

4. Goodbye, Harvey Updyke (and son’s incomplete Tweet)

This man will not be silenced for long.

This man will not be silenced for long.

The other day I blogged about the fact alleged Auburn tree poisoner Harvey Updyke Jr. was now on Twitter. Well, it seems word of this fire-meet-Scarecrow potential was not greeted fondly by Updyke’s attorneys. So just like that, he’s off Twitter. Here’s Updyke’s final Tweet (for now): “Was advised by legal team..attorneys Glennon Threatt & Everett Wess to stop twitting[sic]. go to @bbupdyke my son Bears account follow him.” By the way, this was Bear’s last Tweet: “I have a confession to make to all the Bama fans and it might come as a disappointment and a surprise but I have never been (cont.)” And that’s it. He never Tweeted the rest. Anybody want to finish the sentence? (This should be good.)

3. New autograph pens (soon to be available in Terrelle Pryor model)

auburnpen

Soon to be sold by Cecil Newton.

georgiapen

Will this Dog leave a mark?

And now, for the Georgia, Alabama and Auburn fans who have everything, we introduce: “BIGshooz.” The desk top pens, soon to be available in other team colors, go for $19.95.  According to a news release delivered to my email box: “The sporty figurine-shaped pen sits in a base shaped like a giant pair of shoes, a reminder to be your best and to fill big shoes!” So in a sense, the pen is also sort of a life and spiritual guide. At least until it runs out of ink or the NCAA asks you whether it came free with that tattoo.

2. The Count’s bad fashion note of the week

Dude, seriously? You're wearing capris to a baseball game?

Dude, seriously? You're wearing capris to a baseball game?

Did Todd Coffey lose a bet or something? Here’s the rotund Washington Nationals’ pitchers in his throwback Senators’ uniform. It’s an unfortunate look, made worse by the fact that the short pants give the impression he’s either preparing for a flood or getting ready to squash grapes. From Nationals broadcaster Mark Grant: “His britches aren’t even. They’re kind of like Capri pants. They’re too short to hike up and really stay up above the calf and not long enough, really, to cover down to the shoe.”

1. And finally . . .

Since Jose Canseco is on The Count’s list, here’s an update. His brother, coach-player Ozzie Canseco, was thrown out of a Yuma Scorpions’ game.  Meanwhile, Jose’s dog, Bruce, a Great Dane, got loose during the game and ran around the field. Your next question probably will be: Why did Canseco bring his dog to the game? My response is: Why did the dog bring Canseco to the game? No, the signing of the Cansecos hasn’t quite provided a steadying influence on the team.  The Scorpions just traded catcher Gabriel Ortiz for a player to be named later. Why? It seems Ortiz took off his catche’s gear in the middle of a game and walked off the field following a home run. Maybe Bruce was just trying to escape.

By Jeff Schultz

135 comments Add your comment

MatthewH

June 14th, 2011
9:41 am

I also heard that Mark Cuban is covering the cost of the championship parade in Dallas himself. Do you think he wants to buy a baseball team?

MatthewH

June 14th, 2011
9:42 am

The first link on the mascot story. . . she has some nice puppies!

MatthewH

June 14th, 2011
9:48 am

And finally, I couldn’t vote. It’s like tryig to decide which of my children I love more. I just couldn’t decide who is most deserving of my hate.

Jeff Schultz

June 14th, 2011
9:49 am

MatthewH — Win-Place-Show.

Black Coffee & Bourbon

June 14th, 2011
9:52 am

As always, a great read.

Black Coffee & Bourbon

June 14th, 2011
9:53 am

Oh, and the poll, that was easy! Barry Bonds. Hank Aaron is still the HR King!

P-Man

June 14th, 2011
9:54 am

#2 is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. Hilarious!

The Timekeeper

June 14th, 2011
9:57 am

t, nor have I ever been a fan of LeBron James. But the Hate from people is totally ridiculous and off the charts. In fact, LeBron is right when he says people who hate will go back to the same miserable lives today that they had yesterday. Anyone who hates that much, he is probably correct. I dont hate any of those guys on this list. I dont think any of them are broke either. I save my hate for those who actually try to hurt me for no reason. Other than that, they have to live with themselves for any wrong they have done. Anyone who spedns tha tmuch time hating, well’ Damn!

Bear Updyke

June 14th, 2011
9:58 am

“I have a confession to make to all the Bama fans and it might come as a disappointment and a surprise but I have never been……

intimate with a woman other than my sister. I wasn’t raised IN Alabama, but as you all know I was raised to BE a Bammer.
Roll Damn Tide!

Another Dawg

June 14th, 2011
10:04 am

I mean seriously… HOW DO YOU LEAVE OUT SCAM NEWTON?

No mas Richt

June 14th, 2011
10:07 am

If coaches are included, my vote is for Mark Richt. The phony saint has brought enormous embarrassment to this state the way he recruits thuggos, then tosses them away when he’s done with them. At least they can get jobs pushing a broom somewhere.

gdawginkalamazoo

June 14th, 2011
10:07 am

I don’t know Mark as a rule I feel sorry for dumb people. Looking at that list I guess that would eliminate all of them except one. Given that smart people sometime do dumb things that would leave my vote for the only smart person on the list, at least in my oprinion, Tiger.

To finish the Bear’s tweet…… laid. Okay, I don’t know why that would disappoint or suprise a Bama fan but anybody named Bear in Alabama shouldn’t have that problem so it might be a bit of a shocker.

Congrats to Mark Cuban and the Mavs. Does anybody else think that Dirk sounds a little like Tony Dungy?

I woke up this morning to my life as usual ( and I am okay with it). Lebron still woke up dumb as a rock. I sometimes wonder how dumb people actually enjoy life.

jlewis

June 14th, 2011
10:14 am

Like usual, only 4 white athletes, they do a lot of dirt too, but guess who writes all of the articles, yes, white males like you. Anyway, Lebron is only hated because the white media and white owner chose to hate him, if you ask a majority of black people, they think he did the right thing. Gilbert didnt own Lebron, he had a right to leave, and no one is blaming Gilbert for showing a lack of class when Lebron left, maybe he knew something most didnt know, Gilbert is classless.

White male mentality, they think they own anything or anyone that comes in contact with them, pathetic.

JOYcee Banicheck

June 14th, 2011
10:17 am

ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Buzziswiser

June 14th, 2011
10:33 am

Where’s Manny ? Bonds is the choice otherwise. Actually LeBron maybe the only one without off the court/field issues.

Sunglaspro

June 14th, 2011
10:33 am

You should expand your choices to include coaches and overall sports personalities. While I’m not fond of any of those, all combined would not match my disdain for Lane Kiffin and Urban Meyer

Paul in RDU

June 14th, 2011
10:34 am

Excellent column from the Count.

Any truth to the rumors that Ryan Giggs has asked SAF to schedule a friendly against Doncaster Rovers so he can “walk the dog”?

Jeremy Knipe

June 14th, 2011
10:35 am

Really. Really?

PMC

June 14th, 2011
10:41 am

Don’t have hate, but seriously, Clemens is the guy from that list to be mocked.

beauvighn

June 14th, 2011
10:41 am

Hey Jeff..I think you could have included Ben Rothlesberger in this poll…

Joe Lo

June 14th, 2011
10:42 am

Funny, 10 out 16 athletes on the list are African Americans…..please tell me that can’t be.

Beast from the East

June 14th, 2011
10:42 am

Most hated? I still have to vote for Vick. I would love to see him treated in the same way he treated those dogs. Total scumbag.

beauvighn

June 14th, 2011
10:42 am

My bad…overlooked him…he gets my vote

@jlewis

June 14th, 2011
10:43 am

Uhhh… I’m white. And I voted for Roger Clemons.

People dislike LeBron because he CHOSE to put on an hour long TV Show declaring where he would play next year…can you say egomaniac?

Then, during their “welcome party” they promised “not five, or six, or seven…” NBA Championships…before they HAD PLAYED A GAME. As Bill Simmons says, what if you and a buddy walked into a bar and your buddy points to the hottest girl in the bar and goes I’m taking her home tonight, because I’m the funniest and best looking person in this bar…and then he doesn’t. Are you not going to rail on him for as long as you can??

As for Bonds, I don’t care what color you are when your an a** to every person you come in contact with and then cheat to steal the record from Atlanta’s favorite player of all time (Yes, a black man named Hank Aaron) then you’re not going to get positive feedback among the AJC’s readership.

Michael Vick, could our displeasure with him have anything to do that he has admitted that he DID NOT work as hard as he should have, devote himself to the Atlanta Falcons, do the little things to make him great. We loved him, we didn’t kill the dogs and get him in jail, HE DID.

Quit playing the race card, man, it’s 2011.

Beast from the East

June 14th, 2011
10:44 am

Sunglaspro,
Understand the disdain for all things Kiffin, but why Meyer?
Timeout, timeout, timeout?
Payback’s a bi#%$!

You Ain't-Know Gaily Whacker

June 14th, 2011
10:46 am

Jeff, you don’t know your history about Ty Cobb. His charitable foundations of education and medical
facilities help more people of all races than everyone that reads this article will contribute in their life. Google Ty Cobb charities. It’s funny when people try to revise history.

Dumbo

June 14th, 2011
10:49 am

You should have added the man sports writers loved to stir up – PETE ROSE, a low lifer as a player/manager and even more so now!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Phil

June 14th, 2011
10:50 am

I am waiting to see if Crowell descends on the Georgia Dome on a lift with fireworks and smoke.

The Listener

June 14th, 2011
10:55 am

bbupdyke: “I have never been…… to the dentist!”

And Jeff, until a better single-syllable word conveying serious dislike emerges, *hate* stays.

Bill

June 14th, 2011
10:56 am

Wish Cuban would buy the Braves!!!!!

Buckeye

June 14th, 2011
10:56 am

At least you managed an Ohio State/Terelle Pryor shout out.

Buckeye

June 14th, 2011
11:00 am

Dr. Phil,

Me too. I see a cross between a Mike Vick/Falcon/smoke entry and Pink in her high-wire harness get up. Throw in a little professional wrestling flare ( more red meat for all the uga rednecks) with hot chicks in spandex and you have the makings for the official arrival of The Annointed One II.

Jimmy

June 14th, 2011
11:01 am

Jlewis – I could debunk your pathetic post on so many different fronts, but why should I. You are obviously a “race relations” activist. I mean, you took the time to count the race of the people listed? Then point out that all but four are black?
What a loser.

GaDawg

June 14th, 2011
11:02 am

How about that goofy Arm-flapping Keith Brooking

count_schemula

June 14th, 2011
11:03 am

Some like Mike Tyson and even Tiger have become somewhat sympathetic figures. Barry is Barry, but I think Lebron has every chance to surpass Barry. Lebron has everything I need to dislike in an athlete. Big mouth, lot’s of talk, failure to back up that talk. Plays that “look at me!” “why are you looking at me?” game that is so pathetic. And finally… who pays Lebron? Lots of little people who go to games, and buy the beer and watch the TV commercials. And he makes fun of them? You def root for bad to happen to someone like that. Imagine what a schlong he’ll be if he ever wins a championship – all the destiny, shock the world, god’s will, utter poo that will spew. Lebron is making me forget Barry.

Sunglaspro

June 14th, 2011
11:03 am

Meyer projected the image that alot of SEC fans have of Gators fans. Smug and arrogant. While he may be a nice guy as I’m sure alot of Gator fans are, Most MATURE SEC fans realize this league is cyclical and you spend a few years on top, slide down to the middle of the pack and eventually rise back up. Florida doesn’t have the long history dating back to the 20’s and 30’s that several schools do and alot of us who had to endure the verbal abuse we got in our own stadiums from Florida fans cherished the gators frustration last year

Beast from the East

June 14th, 2011
11:03 am

Buckeye,
You have experience with what can happen with overhyped recruits. Mr. Pryor sure had that entitlement mentality, didn’t he? For the Dawgs’ sake, I hope Crowell has a better head on his shoulders.

GaDawg

June 14th, 2011
11:04 am

How about that Goofy Arm-Flapping Keith Brooking? what an idiot!

Hey Jeff!

June 14th, 2011
11:04 am

You forgot to add Sidney “I just hit puberty” Crosby to your list. Everyone clear of Pittsburgh hates him.

count_schemula

June 14th, 2011
11:07 am

Even Vick has become sympathetic to me. He had it all. He got that first delicious taste of the very best steak, and then his waiter alter ego came and took the plate.

Joe Tess Fish House

June 14th, 2011
11:07 am

Perrier Jerry 4 scaming the Flacons in 2 drafting him fist round and then not doing N E thing.

Beast from the East

June 14th, 2011
11:09 am

Sunglaspro,
Fair enough. I can understand people perceiving Meyer as “smug and arrogant”, but you have to agree that he earned that right. Just look at his record as a HC. Pretty darn impressive at all stops.

Buckeye

June 14th, 2011
11:10 am

Beast,

You know I’m on record saying I hope Isaiah is everything you hope for on and off the field.

It’s hard to imagine all the attention, expectation and hype surrouding him doesn’t f with his head in some, way, shape or form.

Sunglaspro

June 14th, 2011
11:12 am

Yes I do give Meyer and even the Gators their do for what they have accomplished, You know what they say no one hates a loser

Whitey

June 14th, 2011
11:21 am

jlewis@10:14,

Yo Bro, Can’t you save the race baiting for the Cynthia Tucker or Jay Bookman columns? You sound like one of those people that wakes up every morning looking for the racist boogeyman in every nook, cranny, and corner. Get over the hate and move on with your life. You’ll feel better.

Coach Grohbo

June 14th, 2011
11:21 am

@Sunglaspro,

Most people in the Atlanta area hate the Georgia Bulldogs, so there goes your theory right there.

King Saban

June 14th, 2011
11:24 am

“I have a confession to make to all the Bama fans and it might come as a disappointment and a surprise but I have never been…….

an Alabama fan.

Good. Now if we could have only gotten your POS dad to not be an Alabama fan.

mike

June 14th, 2011
11:24 am

It’s okay folks. LeBron got in his Bentley and drove home to his mansion and to his bank accounts. You haters and fellow goobers got up the next morning just like he said. But what other way can you folks express your jealousy for those superstar athletes. It must be hard for you folks to get up every morning with all that hate in your system. It is funny because LeBron and company does not even know you clowns exist.

King Saban

June 14th, 2011
11:25 am

I’ll second coach Grohbo. Your theory has been disproven sunglass pro.

mothers concerned

June 14th, 2011
11:27 am

What about the guy lance Armstrong he will so be caught. He been in the news to many times is time is coming. Keep smiling and lying. Your so called friends are telling:)