Take cover: Harvey Updyke (we think) is on Twitter (UPDATED)

Harvey: Is this really you?

Harvey: Is this really you?

(UPDATE: Guess what? I received a Tweet from @bbupdyke, who claims to be Bear Updyke, son of Harvey. He says this account is legit, so I guess we can believe him, assuming he’s legit.)

Reaffirming once again that there are no minimal requirements — intellectual or otherwise — to enter the world of social networking, say hello to one of the newest individuals with a Twitter account: Harvey Updyke Jr.

It’s true. We think. Via this alert from Friends of the Program, you can now follow the pearls of the alleged poisoner of Auburn’s oak trees at @HAUpdykeJR.

We can’t verify it’s actually Updyke’s account — and, sorry, but I don’t have a phone number for the last car Updyke was sleeping in. But the fact the photo on the account (left) is not the same arrest photo all over the Internet, and the comments don’t seem satirical, give it a degree of believability over the fake accounts (see below).

First, let me try some test Tweets, all under 140 characters.

Just poisoned the trees at Toomer’s Corner. LOL. Follow me!

Only 2000 more followers before I catch Chizik! Hah! Roll Damn Tide!

If Saban ain’t oversigning, he ain’t tryin’! Take that wimps!

I loves me a six-pack of PBR and a bowl of paint chips!

OK, back to reality. Updyke’s Twitter account was opened on May 23. The first Tweet: “I will try this twitter thing.” The profile on @HAUpdykeJR reads:: “Retired Texas State Trooper, Alleged Toomer Tree Poisoner.”

Samples of his Tweets include:

– May 23: i HAVE LOST 22LB. SINCE THE TOOMER TREES THING.

– May 28: My tombstone will read “I told you I was sick”.

– June 4: I know I will not get a fair trial in Lee co. Hell I will not get a fair [sic.] in alabama.

– June 7: I will have surgery on my neck after I find out when Im going to trial.

– June 7: Hey dip[bleep] I have not killed anything yet.

So far, fairly tame stuff. So it’s up to each one of you to bait him into something better.

I sent him a Tweet but so far no response.

For what it’s worth, there are more entertaining fake Harvey Updyke Twitter sites out there. From @GetUpdyked: “Taking an arbor appreciation class today.” From @Harvey_Updyke: (Profile) YeeHaw I likes to raze hell and I hate me sum tigers like you woodent beleeve an i ‘came famose when I keeled them trees.

Do you have a Tweet for Harvey? Let’s hear them below. And you are entitled to go over 140 characters.

By Jeff Schultz

Follow me on Twitter @JeffSchultzAJC; friend me at Facebook.com/JeffSchultzAJC

82 comments Add your comment

again, not last

June 10th, 2011
1:09 pm

Suprised he is smart enough to use the technology

Ben

June 10th, 2011
1:12 pm

Benjamin

June 10th, 2011
1:13 pm

Call me a softie, but I feel bad for the guy.

82Dawg

June 10th, 2011
1:24 pm

Sounds like all of the other Bama fans I know…..

Bob Rathbun

June 10th, 2011
1:26 pm

Benjamin, how bout we just call you a tool?

Bill Murray

June 10th, 2011
1:27 pm

Lee Harvey, you are a madman.

When you spiked that ground, and you tried to kill that tree…

I want to party with you, cowboy.

GTT

June 10th, 2011
1:30 pm

That was John Winger.

LOL

June 10th, 2011
1:33 pm

Pretty sure this guy is Tide Roll. Just an FYI.

Joyce Kilmer

June 10th, 2011
1:33 pm

The trees are still alive Harvey…go back and finish the job!!!

Big

June 10th, 2011
1:35 pm

Who gives a crap. Why don’t you write about uggla and heywards pathetic performance.

VOLinATL

June 10th, 2011
1:36 pm

Quoting another famous Bama guy: “Stupid is as stupid does”.

Richt`s Hammer

June 10th, 2011
1:37 pm

I believe he has been poisoning our UGA`s Also. Bad Man.

King Saban

June 10th, 2011
1:41 pm

Takes a mighty big man to pick on a nutcase like Updyke.

VOLinATL,

Soooooo Kiffin and Pear, 2 disgraced former UT coaches are meeting with the NCAA infractions committee today regarding 12 major violations. Don’t worry though. Your UT program should recover in about 10-15 years.

Clark Griswold's Father-in-law

June 10th, 2011
1:50 pm

It was an ugly tree anyway.

Chi Town

June 10th, 2011
1:53 pm

Nothing better to write about, Schultz?

What about Saban oversigning, again?

Can’t we find some new topics besides your hard on for the University of Alabama?

BiggdawgK

June 10th, 2011
1:59 pm

Hankie Aron

June 10th, 2011
2:01 pm

Throwing hate really doesn’t get you anywhere King Saban. It would be nice if you would contribute some intelligent or at least funny comments of which yours are neither. And from a Dog fan no less.

Hankie Aron

June 10th, 2011
2:03 pm

Same for you Richt’s hammer, dont’ know which team you root for but they should have a problem with your love affair with Richt.You are a sad individual, may God has mercy on your soul because the rest of us have none.

Ted M

June 10th, 2011
2:05 pm

Jeff is Uggla starting tonight?

Chi Town

June 10th, 2011
2:14 pm

Schultz,

Do you think your cute and funny with this story? It sucks. Get some new material and quit being such a douche bag.

Bob Rathbun

June 10th, 2011
2:17 pm

Good Lord Hankie Aron……is there a cloud following you where ever you go?

JSS

June 10th, 2011
2:34 pm

If BugKiller and Larry can blog, then that danger to forestry can Twitter!

Chi Town

June 10th, 2011
2:39 pm

Yawwwwwwn.

What ya think, Schultz?

Great job today on this article. Really informative stuff. Does your alma mater GA Perimeter really teach this type of journalism?

You should go home tonight feeling that you have really contributed to the ajc and society today.

Bob Rathbun

June 10th, 2011
2:42 pm

We get it Chi Town……

BAMA STAN

June 10th, 2011
2:46 pm

13 National Titles – 22 SEC Titles!!!

We all have our sidewalk alumi – which are usually great supporters and a bunch of characters – but this guy is a gutter alumni. Wish he was Tennessee fan! Nope – would not wish that on the mighty Vols.

Hey, congrats again to Auburn – they beat us fair and square – and won a National Title for themselves and for the SEC.

Now, let’s focus on 2012 – kickoff in 12 weeks!

ROLLLLLLLLLLLLL TIDE!!!!

UGA Insider

June 10th, 2011
2:48 pm

Shultz… another day, another “nothingness” blog. Now get serious and go do some investigative journalism…. drive to Montgomery and cover the Milton McGregor trial and give us the dirty details of mass corruption with Auburn Board Members, Trustees and Administrator’s.. Don’t be scared, those power brokers can’t hurt you now.

Chi Town

June 10th, 2011
2:48 pm

Thanks, Bob.

Glad to know I have your approval.

Chi Town

June 10th, 2011
2:51 pm

Agree, UGA Insider.

Schultz combs twitter looking for stories from other people and brings nothing to the table besides his cool glasses in his bio pic.

I have an idea, Schultz. What about a story on Propecia and how it works and if it works at all. You could probably use some.

Sonny Clusters

June 10th, 2011
2:57 pm

Can he play second base and hit more than .170? Has anybody asked Chipper what he, uh, thinks? Will they still have Heyward Bobblehead Night as scheduled on June 15? Are they really going to go through with Uggla Bobblehead Night in August? How many bobbleheads will it take to cover the field? We was wondering.

GeoffDawg

June 10th, 2011
3:10 pm

Two hours later and only 30 comments. Old Harvey just doesn’t move the meter like he used to.

Chi Town

June 10th, 2011
3:14 pm

GeoffDawg ,

No, he doesnt. Seem everyone has moved on from this topic excluding Schultz AKA the father from Pet Semetary 2.

Larry

June 10th, 2011
3:19 pm

Jeff,

Please be careful not to offend some of your readers who are related to Harvey!

Remember Billy Redden, the inbred banjo player in “Deliverance?” Well, he and Harvey mated and the result was “JSS” who commented above. You wouldn’t want to alienate your most famous reader who still sucks his thumb (or anyone else’s who gets too close to him) at an advance age.

Bryan G.

June 10th, 2011
3:31 pm

Did he poison Dan Uggla?

Bob Rathbun

June 10th, 2011
3:34 pm

Hey no problem Chi Town!! Can you gives us another line about how Shultz’s stories?

NoGaGator

June 10th, 2011
3:34 pm

Jeff-

Must be really slow in the sports news biz.

Clever try at trying to see if the delusional fringe responds en masse to this blather.

Time to clean it up and post something more compelling, more newsworthy. Maybe something on McGregor at Victoryland.

I’ve always thought of you as one of the more better and irreverent scribes out there.

Don’t dissapoint us. Otherwise you’ll be consigned to the Barnhart hack heap.

Up the dyke

June 10th, 2011
3:37 pm

Actually, Updyke perfectly fits the profile of a typical UGAy fan, i.e., a stupid, illiterate redneck. :-)

JSS

June 10th, 2011
3:49 pm

Wrong again Bedford Forrest (Larry), my father was named Edward and my Mother is named Doris… And in your 3 year old sanctuary disguised as a mind; that was as good as you could come up with, a mating crack? There must have been some leftover radiator fluid in the still yesterday? Careful there Bilbo, you’re neck is starting to get scarlet again!

Heath

June 10th, 2011
3:50 pm

‘Know why we don’t marry virgins in Bama? If she ain’t good enough for her family, she ain’t good enough for our’n. Roll Tide!’

schmeckdawg

June 10th, 2011
3:55 pm

That idiot needs to keep his mouth OR FINGERS quiet, or he may be enjoying his stay at The Gray Bar Hilton!!!!!!!!!

schmeckdawg

June 10th, 2011
3:56 pm

The reason they don’t marry virgins at Alabama is because there isn’t one!

Bwahahahahaahahahahahahahaha!

schmeckdawg

June 10th, 2011
3:59 pm

At this point, I don’t think that Dan Uggla could play for my 12 year olds nephews all star team!

Peace and hair grease!!!

Chi Town

June 10th, 2011
4:00 pm

Bob Rathbun ,

Pretty sure I’m done for the day. If I think of anything else I’ll be sure to let you know.

Also, how long have you and Jeff been dating? Just curious.

Have a good weekend!

you bama boys

June 10th, 2011
4:17 pm

coming from an auburn man, I feel really sorry for him. Growing up in alabama, I have been immersed in the iron bowl culture. I understand that HUjr represents the fringe fanbase only and not the true UofA men and women. I feel sorry for the man b/c he will never have a chance to have his life back. While I believe the trees should have been treasured and cherished, just as i do for all old oaks, I don’t believe he should be treated like a felon. my $0.02

Beast from the East

June 10th, 2011
4:28 pm

The scary thing is this maniac was patrolling the highways in Texas with a gun and a badge for several decades.
Makes you feel real safe doesn’t it.

Heath

June 10th, 2011
4:53 pm

Having been through Alabama many times, I’d say he fits the profile of their cops.

Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Go the other way at a moderate jog, they’ll all pass out when they come for you.

Tokyo jacket

June 10th, 2011
5:08 pm

Probably not the real Updyke…no internet in Alabama yet.

Joyce Kilmer

June 10th, 2011
5:21 pm

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the earth’s sweet flowing breast;
A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.

Larry

June 10th, 2011
5:33 pm

Just Suck Something (JSS),

I can’t believe you’ve kept that nickname you were given after all these years! But then, even more amazing and knowing your genetics, is that out of a millions of sperm cells you were the fastest to the egg. Impressive!

As Sonny would say, we always wondered why JSS was sexually aroused during the Deliverance “love scene” while the rest of us were so shocked and repulsed?

Been awhile…you still squealing?

5150 UOAD

June 10th, 2011
5:46 pm

Harvey Did you put anything in Uga VII or Uga VIII water bowl?

He sounds like a UGA, Auburn, Vols, LSU… Hell any and all SEC teams fans with the exception of Vandy and maybe Kentucky.

5150 UOAD

June 10th, 2011
5:52 pm

They now have a name for what A Murray did last season. It is called “A Magic LeBron”. You know disappearing in the 4th quarter.