Countdown: Bettman, Spirit on Facebook and Monta’s tattoo

The Count must now acnowledge . . .

Every family has its skeletons, and it’s with that as a backdrop that The Count begins today’s blog with this confession: He has an evil twin brother whom he seldom talks about. His name is Gary. The Count loves numbers, as you know. He learned his times tables the old fashioned way in school. But not Gary. Sure, he promised his parents and teachers he would study and do things the right way. But he took shortcuts and stole test papers from his friends and then sold them on the black market in far away foreign

. . . his evil twin brother Gary.

lands, like Winnipeg. Of course, nobody saw it coming. Gary is skilled in that way. Eventually he was kicked out of school and the family cave. But he didn’t care because by then he had made $60 million for math test relocations in Canada. The Count had hoped to never speak of Gary again. But unfortunately, then the photo on the left showed up on the Internet and he had to come clean. Everybody would pick up on the obvious likeness. Don’t trust that smile. The smile lies. Actually, this dark force is full of so many lies and half-truths, it’s stunning that he’s not an Atlanta Spirit partner. And speaking of the [evil] Spirits, they certainly are popular in the [anti-]social media world. We count down . . .

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10. Atlanta Spirit: Facebook’s favorite punching bag

It’s possible that the Atlanta Spirit is near official implosion. The Thrashers’ sale and move to Winnipeg is close to being finalized. The Hawks and Philips Arena rights also are up for auction. When it’s all over, I propose we all get together and have a cleansing ceremony and burn some incense or something. Any way, the Spirit has become quite the hit in the social media world. Did you know that there’s an Atlanta Spirit Sucks Facebook page? This should not be confused with the Atlanta Spirit Group Sucks Facebook page. Since I often get accused by ownership group members of having an agenda to make them look stupid, I want you to know that I looked for “Atlanta Spirit Rocks!” and “Atlanta Spirit You Are Visionaries And My Guiding Light” Facebook pages.  But I couldn’t find them. I’m sure Bruce Levenson will get to it once he is finished building a Stanley Cup team. (There I go again with my agenda. Damn me.) But wait, there’s more!

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9. Rest in pieces, Thrashers fans

Thrashers fans: Victims of an 11-season hit-and-run.

On Facebook, you’ll also find an Arthur Blank Buy The Thrashers page. In the Spirit’s defense — I’m Johnnie Cochran! — I couldn’t find any positive Facebook fan page for a local ownership group. But I did find a Dump Liberty Media page for the Braves. It’s pretty much like a ghost town right now but it could become more active if Dan Uggla continues to hit like Greg Norton. Radio personality Steve McCoy doesn’t have an official Thrashers’ fan page but he is a hockey fan and he snapped the picture on the left, which is on his Facebook page. Poor little fella. Never had a chance. But wait, there’s even more!

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8. And then there’s Captain Queeg

Author of the faux Bruce Levenson Twitter page prefers to remain anonymous but he did email a picture of his shoe.

It figured that since Levenson is the point[less] man for the Thrashers and, as far as I know, the only Spirit member to once verbally spar with a fan at a townhall meeting — nice community building there — that he would be recognized individually somewhere. And yes, there’s now a Bruce Levenson Twitter page! The Count’s puppeteer, undercover at @JeffSchultzAJC, received a Tweet the other day from @BruceLevenson. Sure enough, somebody has started a faux Bruce Levenson Twitter account, at least until such time as he threatens litigation and purchases the army of a small South American nation with the money he gets from the Thrashers’ sale. Among faux Bruce’s recent Tweets: “Truly wish the banks in Canada weren’t close[d] today.” And: “The Devil didn’t go down to Georgia. He was always here. You’re looking at him, Atlanta.” And: “Flying out to Canada in the morning. Middle finger waving on one hand. #60M [$60 million] in the other. Holla.” The site also has a lovely avatar of Levenson and partner Ed Peskowitz wearing chef hats. I’ll just link here to limit the chance they sue for copyright infringement. They like to sue, you know.

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7. Fifteen years later, is it a new, improved Winnipeg?

OK, one last thing on the expected mugging of Atlanta with regards to the NHL. (At least until after lunch.)  Somebody dug up this YouTube video of a Canadian newscast from 15 years ago, when the Winnipeg Jets were moved to Phoenix. No need to watch the entire video. Just fast forward (drag the indicator) to about the 3:10 mark when you’ll see a graphic of Bettman’s statement from the Netherworld. Ahem: “We regret that the Jets appear to be leaving Winnipeg. The fans of the Winnipeg Jets have been loyal throughout the team’s 16 seasons in the NHL. We have exhausted every avenue in the hopes that the Jets could remain but it appears that no one in the private sector believes after extensive analysis, that a team in Winnipeg is economically viable.” Wait, Winnipeg is not economically viable for an NHL franchise? Has it become a booming metropolis since then?

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6. Win, place and showbiz

Here's a picture of four beach volleyball players and three horses (we think).

OK, we need a little break here. The National Volleyball League (which I’ve never heard of) emailed me this picture to promote the “beach” volleyball tournament at the Preakness last weekend. I’m all for women athletes doing whatever they think is necessary to bring attention to their sport. But is that really Trigger sticking his head out of the stall on the right, or is it a guy in a horse suit with a wandering eye?

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5. Biggest story in Canada after Thrashers: Angry beaver

Another potential Winnipeg season-ticket holder.

OK, back to Canada. (Sorry, I lied. It’s the Gary in me.) Canadians are consumed by the Thrashers’ expected move to Winnipeg, which isn’t surprising considering some of the things that are considered major news up there. The CBC carried this story of an angry beaver — angry, I say! — wandering through the town of Fort Smith, N.W.T. (Northwest Territories), which is somewhere between Missoula, Montana, and the North Pole. (If it’s late May and you’re still freezing, you found it.) Any way, about this beaver:  “It looked huge. I always thought beavers would be smaller,” Mike Keizer told CBC news. “All the beavers I’ve ever seen have been in water, so you only ever see pieces of them. Like, you don’t get to see the whole beaver.” Wow. I feel like Marlin Perkins. (Kids: Google.) There’s exciting video on the link.

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4. Bruce Pearl: From Vols to Red Claws?

Hello. My name is Bruce.

Well, this should be a smooth transition for Bruce Pearl. First he slithered through Knoxville and around the NCAA rulebook. Now he may crawl in the NBA’s Developmental League as the head man of the Maine Red Claws. Coaching under the logo of a beady-eyed crustacean somehow seems appropriate. So far, Pearl isn’t talking. Most honest he’s been in years. But given that he’ll need at least a one-year cleansing before he gets another college job and he won’t find work in the NBA, the D-League seems about right. Of  course, the leader of young men thing still doesn’t seem right.

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3. More attacks on ‘LieStrong’? The Count says ‘Feh’

Do you swear to ... ah, forget it.

The Count isn’t sure what to make of the latest drug allegations against Lance Armstrong from former teammate Tyler Hamilton. On one hand, Hamilton isn’t the first to call Armstrong a cheater. On the other hand, Mark Fabiani, Armstrong’s lieutenant of crisis management, makes a good point when he references Hamilton as “a confessed liar. For years and years and years he maintained that he did not dope in any way shape or form. Second of all, he is now trying to sell a book and he has scammed ‘60 Minutes.’ … If these were his allegations then why all these years, he was talking about 1999, so 12 or 13 years later, he’s finally making these allegations? …This is trash for cash from a washed up cyclist.” On the third hand – vampires have three hands; I read it in Wikipedia – who really cares? See, as much as I hate the thought of cheatin’ athletes and artificially inflated statistics, I’ve always believed that anybody who had stage three testicular cancer that spread into their abdomen, lungs and brain and at any time were told, “You have about a 38 percent chance to live” – you get a pass. Bottom line: I don’t care if Lance Armstrong was cheating. You don’t like it? Get your own blog.

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2. Monta Ellis painfully traces his roots

Monta Ellis and his lovely garden setting.

I didn’t think anything could ever top Eric Hinske’s back Japanese warrior, breathing snake thingy tattoo that I wrote about in spring training two years ago. But I just saw Monta Ellis’s roots thing and he might have Hinske beat. He pays homage to his family tree, even having the words “Family First” burned written across his chest, and then, well, there are these branches and roots and stuff. The tattoo comes with a lifetime warranty, as long he doesn’t collide with a player wearing a “Roundup” tattoo. Thanks to TheBasketballJones.

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1. And finally . . .

The Count isn’t a big fan of politics in general or political ads in particular. But give California Congressional candidate Dan Adler credit for some mildly entertaining goofiness in his recent TV commercial. (Thanks to SI.com’s Jimmy Traina.) Enter Rudy . . .

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By Jeff Schultz

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