Countdown: Glanville, FSU meanies and singing leprechaun

The Count has been in hibernation.

The Count has been in hibernation.

After several weeks off for dental surgery and a bloodletting at the last NFL owners convention, the Count is returning this week.

These old fangs just ain’t what they used to be. Bit into a hard pretzel after seven green beers on St. Patrick’s Day, or maybe it was the mug. That would explain it. Postponed plans to bring The Countdown out of its offseason coma last week.

Head still hurt. Still seeing things. Could have sworn I heard the words Jerry Glanville and employed in the same sentence again.  Not possible. Is it?

We count down . . .

10. What happens when you try to mix patriotism and a drinking holiday?

Hard to imagine how this could go wrong. (AP photo)

Hard to imagine how this could go wrong. (AP photo)

OK, about Jerry Glanville. He did not sing the national anthem at a spring training game the other day. But a leprechaun did. An angry leprechaun. True story: The Dodgers — who used to be about things like scouting and winning and baseball tradition and now just do stupid stuff — thought it would be a cute idea if they had a “little person” dress up like the Lucky Charms guy on St. Patrick’s Day and sing the national anthem at a spring training game. I’m guessing their second choice was having a yak tap-dance to God Bless America. Anyways, the poor little “singer,” whose name is Donald Davis, apparently forgot some of the words. (Maybe a song by the Oompa Loompas would’ve been more in his range.) So The Little Donald apparently got nervous, blew the anthem performance, then got mocked and harassed, according to his quasi-manager, Jeff Beacher. It’s true: Little men dressed as leprechauns who sing the national anthem at spring training games apparently have managers. Who knew? Beacher’s company rents out little people. So Beacher was angry too and he fired off a letter to the Dodgers, admonishing the team for its “treatment” of Davis and demanded that the organization “formally apologize.” I haven’t been able to find The Little Donald’s anthem on YouTube or iTunes so I can’t remark on the reaction to it. I’m also pretty sure The Little Donald won’t be playing at Bonnaroo.  But I don’t think this is what Walter O’Malley had in mind when he moved the team from Brooklyn.

9. And speaking of clown acts . . .

Glanville is back in football (if you count the UFL).

Glanville is back in football (if you count the UFL).

Back to Glanville. He has been named coach of the UFL’s Hartford Colonials. I’m struggling with this question: Is this more of an insult to Glanville’s career or the UFL’s existence? At his most recent job, Glanville went 9-24 in three seasons at Portland State, which really was just looking to sell tickets, which works out well because the UFL identified “21″ strong markets, intended to start with eight teams, instead opened with four, three of which played home games in combined seven cities, and then two of those teams moved, and I think two others folded, and one might now be a car wash, but I’ve kinda lost track, and really all they want to do is sell tickets, too! (The Count commends you if you made it through that sentence in one breath.) Let’s put it this way: The UFL is the third-rate traveling circus that sets up in the abandoned shopping mall parking lot on the wrong side of town, and Glanville is its star attraction: similar to the two-headed goat, except that the second head kind of looks like paper-maché, or possibly Mouse Davis.)

8. No NFL? Don’t turn to the UFL to fill the void

Wow, this must be worth -- uh, nothing?

Wow, this must be worth -- uh, nothing?

UFL commissioner Michael Huyghue has one distinct advantage over the NFL’s Roger Goodell. He is not on the verge of being knocked out in court for anti-trust violations. I follow @UFLcommissioner on Twitter because you just never know when the league might offer a free set of pots and pans if you attend a game. This is close: The Las Vegas Locomotives were scheduled to receive their UFL championship rings Monday night, and they were going to raffle off a ring to one lucky fan, assuming one showed up. The advantage to a guy wearing a UFL ring in a singles bar is you probably could convince a hot girl that you’re one of the players. And just like them, you’re leaving alone.

7. No NFL? OK, Lingerie football, maybe

Athletes courtesy of the Undies Football, Inc.

Athletes courtesy of the Undies Football, Inc.

The Count really has about had it with these NFL labor issues. It probably was seeing Hines Ward on Dancing With The Stars Monday night that sent him over the edge. If the lockout continues, expect to see Ndamukong Suh singing later this summer on “310 pound Defensive Tackles Got Talent.” For a viewing alternative until the NFL returns, The Count recommends video clips from the Lingerie Football League. And if their league has labor issues, it’s easy for a owner to restock the roster with one trip to the Club Boom Boom, or possibly to a certain street corner. (”Hey mister. I’ll do anything for $200. Even run the triple option.”) The LFL season is over. But seriously, tell me what you would rather watch: Hines Ward dancing or this Lingerie Football post-game brawl from this season?

First, the unfortunate Mr. Ward (naughty Bulldog)

Next, the sweet science from the Lingerie gals (ooh, naughty girls)

Make your selection and let me know you preference. (Note: If you choose Hines doing the cha-cha, your kind is not welcome here.)

6. Can’t say he doesn’t know his product

Stabler chose this ...

Stabler chose this label ...

... over this one.

... over this one.

Ken Stabler, who has been arrested three times for DUI, has chosen an unfortunate new career path: winemaker. Stabler’s “Legend Cellars” has a “12″ on the label. That was his uniform number, as well as possibly his blood alcohol level. The thought of Stabler running a winery seems like Orson Welles running a Golden Corral.  Stabler is running an early promotion: If you purchase an entire case, he’s teach you how to blow into an empty bottle like a harmonica and play Dixie while driving with your tippy toes.

5. Pearl gone, grease spot remains

I think the picture pretty much says it all.

I think the picture pretty much says it all.

Tennessee finally booted out Bruce Pearl, and the wonder is not only that it took so long but how some Rocky top yahoos have blind loyalty to a coach who likely is going to get the school on probation. There is even a Keep Bruce Pearl Facebook page with 13,223 members, possibly several of whom are related. Consider the logic of one Barry Smith, 49, of Knoxville, who told the Knoxville News: “I think the NCAA has reared their head and are extorting UT, saying, ‘If you keep [Pearl], you’re going to regret it.’ What Bruce did was wrong, everybody gets that, and he’s paid a price for that. But he gained no competitive advantage from the violation he committed.’’ Of course not. Because don’t you know: college coaches like Pearl sometimes host secret barbecues for high school recruits and then lie about it, only because they didn’t want the NCAA to know that they foolishly had overstocked their freezer with ground beef and baby back ribs. I mean, that could be embarrassing.

4. Mike Hamilton, your shuttle is waiting

cartoonThe Count believes there’s a special place waiting in the afterlife for former athletic directors who act like nothing is wrong while buildings burn down around them. First there was Nero, who, you know, fiddled. Then there was former USC athletic director Mike Garrett, who watched as both the football and basketball programs went on probation. Now there’s Mike Hamilton, who we suspected was loony when he hired Lane Kiffin (and did nothing about his shenanigans), and then he completely mishandled the Pearl situation. If Hamilton keeps his job, that only means that the UT chancellor, Jimmy Creek, needs to lose his, too. Suddenly there are so many empty lockers in Knoxville. (Nice job by CW Young at @TheCountySeat, the first Twitter-based cartoon for his work just prior to Pearl’s firing.)

3. On the subject of lyin’ coaches: Off to “O-lie-o State”

We didn’t want to get past this week without also recognizing the work of MichiganZone.net, which is kind of enjoying watching Ohio State’s Jim Tressel twist in hellish winds after his admission of covering up NCAA violations.  The kids in Ann Arbor are projecting how the Ohio State band will dot the “i” at halftime next season.

OH-LIE-O_2

2. Pac-12 hits the Independence Bowl of marketing campaigns

As you probably know, The Count’s roots are on the West Coast. Therefore it pains him to admit this publicly about the Pacific 10/12: What a bunch of geeks. The conference desperately has been trying to raise awareness and improve its brand and . . .  Sorry. Lapsed into marketing speak. It’s late.  I need a shot. Be right back. …. (Pause) (Go do something)… Back. Better.  So the conference, which is expanding from 10 to 12 teams by adding superduper power houses Utah and Colorado — stop laughing — just made quite possible the worst promotional video ever. Not sure yet about BCS ramifications. (Thanks for tip from the Lost Letterman).

1. And finally . . .

A special Countdown raspberry this week to Florida State, which is forcing two cash-strapped schools Atlanta area schools to cough up a settlement for copyright infringement, as well as $250,000 in legal fees. The schools’ Seminoles’ logos apparently too closely resemble FSU’s logos. To quote school member Darlene Hotchkiss:  “I thought it was a joke. Why are they going after the little guys?” No kidding. FSU’s athletic department had over $75 million in revenue in the 2009-10 academic year. Rockdale County schools are looking at a $10 million deficit and now must replace uniforms, gym floors, etc. because they carry the logo. The assumption is they won’t be doing any recruiting around here.

By Jeff Schultz

Follow me on Twitter @JeffSchultzAJC; friend me at Facebook.com/JeffSchultzAJC

142 comments Add your comment

Chef Jultz

March 22nd, 2011
2:02 am

First! awwww yeahhhhh

StingerSplash

March 22nd, 2011
2:03 am

First? Maybe? Because I can’t get the volume on my Hogan’s Heroes stream any louder, I had to read Countdown.
The Lingerie Football League … where betting the over/under takes on a whole new wonderful meaning.

StingerSplash

March 22nd, 2011
2:04 am

Dangit. Second.
My self-esteem is obliterated.

hines ward | Trendy News

March 22nd, 2011
2:15 am

[...] Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog)Countdown: Glanville, FSU meanies and singing leprechaunAtlanta Journal Constitution (blog)It probably was seeing Hines Ward on Dancing With The Stars Monday night that sent him over the edge. If the lockout continues, expect to see Ndamukong Suh singing later this summer on “310 pound Defensive Tackles Got Talent.” For a viewing alternative … [...]

Rikus

March 22nd, 2011
2:29 am

You guys are suckers… third is the new first :D

DeepDiver

March 22nd, 2011
3:48 am

Nice job Jeff

YellerSkeeters are PeterEaters!

March 22nd, 2011
4:08 am

Um, I almost always like your posts Mr. Schultz, but this is one I’ll chalk-up to boredom? Nothing really of interest in this one. Slow day?

Beau Bock

March 22nd, 2011
5:37 am

Glanville is the best coach this town has ever seen.

Steak

March 22nd, 2011
5:38 am

Can we have Bruce Pearl on three times in a month? Is that too much?

Not Don Waddell

March 22nd, 2011
6:03 am

Curious if Florida State has to pay any royalties to the Washington Redskins for the use of the Redskins’ original logo?

Does anyone know the answer to this?

look out

March 22nd, 2011
6:24 am

no video could be worse than “party in the uga” starring Mark Richt

JustAThought

March 22nd, 2011
6:31 am

The Redskins probably don’t own the logo, because if they did, they would have sued long ago…….you can bet on that. The real question is, what was the school board lawyers doing when the logo issue was initially being decided by the board? That’s the real question. If nothing else the matter should of been investigated……at least.

The Braves, they...

March 22nd, 2011
6:33 am

I’m not a FSU fan, but I’ll bet that someone at those Georgia schools had a notion that copying another school’s logo/mascot wasn’t right at the time they made their decision.

Marcus

March 22nd, 2011
6:44 am

Schultzie,
I disagree with FSU being meanies. I would also look deeper to determine if it is the CLC (Collegiate Licensing Co.) acting on FSU’s behalf.

read this: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/27/sports/football/27logos.html?_r=1

My alma mater, Florida A&M, is in the same city as FSU, but that is not why I feel that way on the subject. Schools invest time and resources in their logo and images. Oftentimes, there is the issue of “enterprising individuals” creating non-sanctioned merchandise at the schools expense, either loss of revenue (most times) or damaged reputation (potentially). the smaller schools (like my alma mater) don’t have as big a margin to absorb loss of revenue like the usual front-runners for collegiate merchandise sales. Go to any game, esp. at non-BCS schools (esp. Historically Black Colleges) you will see merchandise that takes “liberties” with school colors and logos/likenesses, the proceeds of which oftentimes does not find its way back to the schools’ coffers in the way of proper licensing.
Unfortunately, HS get caught up as well. Are these HS top 10 on the FBI most wanted for logo use? Certainly not …. but the enforcing agent (CLC) may or may not have distinctions or differentiation between unauthorized use.

http://www.hackneypublications.com/sla/archive/001157.php

Ultimately, like the above ref. articles shows … there can be some resolution.

te29wr

March 22nd, 2011
6:47 am

ALL OF YOU KIDS THINKING ABOUT GOING TO FreeShoesUniversity AND YOU COACHES REMEMBER WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE DOING TO YOU. THEY ARE NOT DOING THIS TO FLORIDA SCHOOLS SEND THEM HOME THE NEXT TIME THEY CALL

BnB

March 22nd, 2011
6:55 am

Uh, does the FSU spear logo not very closely resemble, as in look exactly like, the Redskins logo from the 60s? Can Clemson University be far behind? Isn’t there a high school in ATL whose uni looks virtually identical to the Tigers? Make no mistake, these “amateur sports” organizations are all about the money however they can get it. Here in Auburn the school was sure to copyright “Toomer’s Oaks” just before their first press conference about the posioning of these oaks. True story…

QWDH

March 22nd, 2011
7:01 am

Man, West Virgina should check out the North Murray High Mountaineer. Hmmm.

countdown | TrendyTwits

March 22nd, 2011
7:04 am

[...] Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog)Countdown: Glanville, FSU meanies and singing leprechaunAtlanta Journal Constitution (blog)Postponed plans to bring The Countdown out of its offseason coma last week. Head still hurt. Still seeing things. Could have sworn I heard the words Jerry Glanville and employed in the same sentence again. Not possible. Is it? 10. … [...]

Let's Go

March 22nd, 2011
7:24 am

Before everyone starts ever piling on FSU read the article about the lawsuit.

“The letter, sent by the Collegiate Licensing Company on behalf of the university,”

The Collegiate Licensing Company is THS NCAA. This was the NCAA making sure no one sold any products that looked anything like their “Official” products without them getting their piece of the pie. If someone used a logo that looked like the Falcons the NFL would file the suit, not the team, because the NFL owns the rights to the logos.

I’m not defending FSU but I doubt they had much, if anything, to do with this as Jeff would have you believe.

Grim Reaper

March 22nd, 2011
7:40 am

First off, the take on “Stabler” was classic, must read. Second, “O-lie-o State”, hope you got that copyrighted, I can already see a slew of those shirts in the Michigan stands. And best of all, “FSWho?” Why would anyone want to copy that lame logo and “HEAD HUMMING” chant? Four years of school in Tally you either graduate a clown for Ringling Brothers or direct traffic. 3 NC’s in all sports, puh’lease… At some point we’ll hear, Noles Rule, but my question will be the same, rule what? ACC? O for 2 at the barbecue, aka CWS. Constantly gagging in football, losing by 32 points to your biggest rival for a NC, 11-0 the next year and lose to them again with two mins. left for a trip to the NC game, and that chant sounds like a choke, if you know what I mean..

legionaire

March 22nd, 2011
7:58 am

Stabler was the best left handed drunk qb I ever saw. I think he and Alex Hawkins used to be judges at the Mullet Toss at Gulf Shores. One thing about Kenny is that he is not a quitter….3 DUI’s and counting.

BigGAdawg

March 22nd, 2011
8:00 am

Hey FSU, I hope every HS and player in the state of GA will remember how you handled this situation when you come knocking on the door recruiting. Hopefully the “NOT WELCOME” mat will be rolled out for you slimy skanks. You should have considered it a tribute and ignored it. No one would have considered it an endorsement from you, as the lawyer slime suggest, for a HS to have a similar mascot and similar logo.

BTW Jeff, I enjoyed this post more than most, however, using spellcheck is NO substitute for actually proofreading the article. If you don’t have the time or an assistant or an editor to do that you can hire me.

Delbert D.

March 22nd, 2011
8:10 am

Colorado and Utah..PAC-12…No need to worry about Tsunamis in that part of the Pacific.

Maybe when this expansion is all done there will be a Louisiana Purchase Conference. More likely, they’ll go with corporate sponsorships. The Apple Conference and Microsoft Conference champs meet in the Byte Bowl.

dean

March 22nd, 2011
8:12 am

The LFL shows what is wrong with fake grass. I want rain and mud at my LFL games.

Bubba

March 22nd, 2011
8:13 am

Great PR move FSU. Gotta love the arrogance. Id say f ‘em if I was Creekside. Sue me if you must.

Tom

March 22nd, 2011
8:15 am

The University of Florida required Ware County to do the same 15 years ago. The “logo thing” isn’t new. Apparently one of the UF was riding through Waycross, saw the logo and started the complaint … may have to do with Fred Gibson going to UGA rather than UF.

learn something everyday

March 22nd, 2011
8:20 am

Finally! The count returns! My life is now complete. Thanks Schultz.

Big Dawg Daddy

March 22nd, 2011
8:20 am

I hope FSU loses every game it plays this season. Disgusting act by Free Shoe University.

Beast from the East

March 22nd, 2011
8:23 am

I hate the Noles, but they have to protect their logo or they risk losing the rights to it. They could sell the use of it for $1 like GT does to several schools.

More

March 22nd, 2011
8:25 am

What about the Georgia “G” … or the Green Bay “G” … or the Ware County “G” ??? Are “G”’s copyrighted?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

March 22nd, 2011
8:32 am

welcome back count…my withdrawal symptoms finally went away…love the stabler’s juice bit..almost as bad as the braves wine selections (chipper’s chardonnay, maddux’s merlot, etc)

doc

March 22nd, 2011
8:37 am

great to see you in mid-season form count. you have been missed.

SOUTH GA DAWG FAN

March 22nd, 2011
8:47 am

glad the count is back and in rare form

Starring Kam Fong as Chin Ho

March 22nd, 2011
8:57 am

Maybe Dan Snyder (Skins owner) would cough up the money to replace the logos at the schools if they agreed to change their names to the Redskins. Maybe then he could be associated with a winning program.

Delbert D.

March 22nd, 2011
8:59 am

Interesting story on how Mack Brown methodically assessed the team’s flaws after their bad season on the NY Times web site. It including outside consultants to evaluate the program’s talent and auditing each recruit from film to character to see if they had missed something.

Good insight on the new co-offensive coordinator from Boise St. and Manny Diaz.

gdawginkalamazoo

March 22nd, 2011
9:01 am

Jeff, you heard it here first… Glanville builds a bridge to the past and gets Brett Favre to QB the Hartford Colonials….

I didn’t bother to watch the HInes Ward footage as it was 5 minutes long. I watched the LFL footage 5 times and voted for it every time. I don’t think the dreadlock dude in the footage knew that the “women will hit on you” in the job description actually meant that women will HIT on you. But I suppose massaging the carpet burns on the a$$es of the players makes up for it.

Joey

March 22nd, 2011
9:02 am

“…a “12″ on the label. That was his uniform number, as well as possibly his blood alcohol level. The thought of Stabler running a winery seems like Orson Welles running a Golden Corral.”
*****************************************
That’s funny right there, I don’t care who you are!

Long live the Count!

Paul in RDU

March 22nd, 2011
9:06 am

The Collegiate Licensing Company, with the knowledge and approval of FSU, went after 5 schools and asked them to desist from using their logo – this includes at least 1 school in Florida. They have worked out agreements where the schools have a period of years to comply (e.g. Rockdale has until August 1st 2019 – 2019 is not a typo – to remove them from the band uniforms).
Since CLC also represents UGA and GT, and there seem to be plenty of schools with logos that are identical to these 2 schools, it’s going to be interesting to see what, if anything, happens next.

gdawginkalamazoo

March 22nd, 2011
9:09 am

I knew a dude so drunk that he called Mad Dog 20/20 …. “Nectar of the Gods”

Grape flavor at that. Too bad we didn’t have cell phone cameras back in the day.

Leon "Pooch-Kick" Trotsky

March 22nd, 2011
9:10 am

Jimmy Cheek, not Creek at UT. Of course the the entire UT Athletic Department may be up the latter, without a paddle.

gdawginkalamazoo

March 22nd, 2011
9:12 am

(”Hey mister. I’ll do anything for $200. Even run the triple option.”)

$180,000 and she will win you a National Championship too.

Paul in RDU

March 22nd, 2011
9:12 am

Jeff,
Speaking of legal matters with an FSU connection, how did the Count miss this one.

http://www.wtsp.com/news/article/181661/250/Jenn-Sterger-sues-manager-over-Favre-texts-pics

Count von Count

March 22nd, 2011
9:15 am

Welcome back to me!

5150 UOAD

March 22nd, 2011
9:15 am

The COUNT IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nice to have you back Count! You are looking young as ever.

shankit

March 22nd, 2011
9:17 am

I guess FSU’s next target will be the Braves using their chant and
arm motion.
I recall FSU actually had to recently overcome a problem with the
Seminole nation in Florida to continue using them as a mascot.
Perhaps Chief Noc A Homa could represent Rockdale County and contact
the Seminole chief down at one of his Hard Rock Casinos and get the
same permission FSU had to go thru to use them as a mascot, cause
actually FSU don’t have any say so over the use of Seminole.

jarvis

March 22nd, 2011
9:25 am

Wouldn’t it have been classy for the NCAA and Florida St. to have allowed the schools phase out their use of the logos?

Floor logo must be changed when it needs to be replaced, future uniforms can’t have use the logo, no school merchandise can carry the logo going forward, etc.

I understand protecting your brand, but it could have been done at a smaller cost to the tax payers.

shankit

March 22nd, 2011
9:29 am

I don’t think FSU has any legal justification for this episode.
Actually, the Seminole brand is owned by the Seminole
“Hard Rock” nation. As they are a reservation (foreign country??)
and connected with the Mafia, I think a good attorney with the
right jury could turn this thing around and make it backfire for FSU.
Punitive damages, perhaps?

shankit

March 22nd, 2011
9:32 am

I would consider sharing in the legal expense
for a percentage of the punitive damages Rockdale
County could collect from FSU for the damages
they have fraudently created.

collegeballfan

March 22nd, 2011
9:39 am

The question is why Rockdale County let two of its schools steal the property of Florida State?

Should the someone be arrested for thief?

What does Rockdale County not understand about stealing?

5150 UOAD

March 22nd, 2011
9:40 am

MIDGET girls are SEXY, but green Midget men; not so much unless they are wrestling.