Predictions: Falcons, Dogs, Jackets win; Rex plays footsie
And on some Tuesday after Christmas, my bookie gave to me . . .
12 Goodell’s a fining, 11 Shananans a tanking, 11 Kiffins a clucking, 10 Petrinos a oinking, nine more Goodell’s a fining because baby needs a new pair of Porsches!, eight Atlanta Spirit owners a cash calling, seven Favre’s a sexting (five intercepted), six Jenn Sterger careers a flopping (next stop: The Club Bada Bing), five Ohio Staters a tattooing, four Kim Zolciak’s a prowling (step back, Kroy, it’s a trap!), three Roddy Whites a Tweeting, two Beverly Halls a lying and one Rex Ryan foot fetish video but don’t ask me about it because it’s private and that’s why we put it on YouTube.
Not that you needed any more motivation, but ...
(My wife wanted me to do a Christmas rhyme. But after re-reading “Green Eggs and Ham,” I thought: I can’t top this. So you get a run-on-sentence and maybe some socks. Happy happy.)
We head into the final two weeks of Weekend Predictions. Let me just remind all active members of our investment club that you have kept alive a tradition of failing to mail me my 10 percent commission in time for the holidays, or ever. This information does not come cheap. Pay up or I’ll have Roddy White open a can of whoop-Tweet on you.
This week, the Falcons face New Orleans. Please, no matches inside the dome. Blood-alcohol levels could peel paint. The Saints lost to the Falcons in week three and haven’t gotten over it since. The Falcons haven’t lost a home game all season. Win this and they won’t have to go on the road again until the final game in Dallas.
How many statement games must one team play? Well, here’s one more. Falcons win and cover 2½.
Last Tango in Shreveport
Bowl Appetizers
Take your last look at A.J. Green in a Georgia uniform.
Liberty (Georgia-Central Florida): Georgia fans confuse me. I get inundated with flaming emails from one side when I criticize the program, then I get mocked and pounded by the other side when I write that Mark Richt deserves another year to try to fix the problems. Maybe I should just make George O’Leary jokes and then both sides will be happy. Win or lose, you can say goodbye A.J. Green. By the way, what’s a Liberty Bowl jersey go for on the street? Doggies cover 6½.
Independence (Georgia Tech-Air Force): So Shreveport hosts Georgia one year and Tech the next. Isn’t there a bowl rule preventing the Independence Bowl from taking a state school for the third straight year because I was thinking we can invoke the cruel-and-inhuman-punishment clause next season and make them pick from, I dunno, North Dakota. It’s the Auburn-Oregon Alternate Universe: Two option offenses. Oh look, a dive play. Jackets win (take the 3).
Chick-fil-A (South Carolina-FSU): It’s Steve Spurrier against his former Florida rival opponent, the one he once dubbed, “Free Shoes University.” Spurrier accepted this bowl bid only after assurances that Cam Newton would not be in the Georgia Dome again. He won’t, but Cecil Newton will be in the parking lot selling Cam’s old shoes. Roosters covers 3.
Military Bowl (East Carolina-Maryland): The Military Bowl seems like an appropriate game for the Terps, considering they just water-boarded Ralph Friedgen. Terps win, but take East Carolina and 7½.
See more flawless bowl projections on the Sack Schultz bowl contest page.
Tune Time
Learned the other day that Will Ferrell’s father, Lee Ferrell, played keyboards for the Righteous Brothers. So I was thinking, with so many in Bulldog Nation turning on Mark Richt, why not this little tune?
NFL Snack Pack
Next time you accuse Jets coach Rex Ryan of putting a foot in his mouth, just remember: It's not his.
Jets at Bears: So a series of foot-fetish videos emerge on YouTube starring somebody who appears to be Rex Ryan’s wife, Michelle. One of the videos is called, “Hot Mature Sexy Feet.” When asked to comment by the warm-and-cuddly New York media, Ryan said only, “This is a personal matter,” and then he smiled at an anchor woman’s three-inch heels (OK, that part I made up). I’m sure there’s a simple explanation for all this. Maybe the Ryans were simply playing, “This little piggy went to the S&M store.” Take the gift 1 but Jets win straight up.
Giants at Packers: Aaron Rodgers has been cleared by an “independent” neurologist to play. You’ll recognize him Sunday because he’ll be the only “independent” neurologist wearing a cheesehead. Take New York and 3 and in a straight upset.
Vikings at Eagles: Are we sure the Vikings weren’t actually in the Metrodome when the roof caved in, because even most corpses wouldn’t give up 40 points at home to the Bears. Eagles cover 14.
Colts at Raiders: Before this season, what would the odds have been that Oakland could be in position to knock Indianapolis out of a playoff spot and finish with a better record? Now that I led you one way, it’s not happening: Colts cover 3.
Redskins at Jaguars: The Redskins just promoted Mike Shanahan from coach to captain. As in Queeg. Jags cover 7.
♦
The Toteboard
“The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice is so pleasurable that I assume it must be evil.” — Heywood Broun
Last week: 7-3 straight up, 6-4 against the line.
Bottom dollars: 132-44 straight up, 94-79-3 against the line.
♦
Enter the “Sack Schultz” bowl contest and win an iPad! The bowls have started but don’t worry. Early games count only one point each and there’s like 12,000 bowls. Click here for more info or go to ajc.com/go/sack-schultz to enter.
♦
Previous two posts in high-def
– Roddy White comes across better with words, not Tweets
– Atlanta Spirit settles lawsuit — this can only be good news
♦
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160 comments Add your comment
Skitty Fritty
December 23rd, 2010
6:10 pm
I don’t think the OSU players knew about their tatoos because their Dad’s didn’t tell them. I believe this is just like Cam down at Auburn. They shouldn’t be punished for something their Dad’s did.
Reggie Ball
December 23rd, 2010
6:11 pm
Sorry Boss, your FO is ready!
Reid Adair
December 23rd, 2010
6:22 pm
“…six Jenn Sterger careers a flopping (next stop: The Club Bada Bing)…”
I could not stop laughing out loud. Fantastic.
The Nature Boy
December 23rd, 2010
6:22 pm
@ moonpie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpDMzj1tc44&NR=1
Asheville Dawg
December 23rd, 2010
6:25 pm
UGA needs a big toe to lead them.
Ryan suffers from hoof and mouth disease.
BirdDog
December 23rd, 2010
6:26 pm
@Muck – you have posted this same crap many times under several different monikers. Get over yourself nerd. You keep on bringing up Jan Kemp? Give it a rest man. How long ago was that? If I recall, GT has had their share of academic scandals as well. Yeh UGA has had some problems, no one denies that. But you keep spewing out the same ol stuff. They have made changes and will right the ship, ie new AD.
Let's Talk About UGA!
December 23rd, 2010
6:44 pm
DawgNation,
I was laying around Mama’s trailer, watching the movie “Alien vs Predator,” when I came up with an awesome idea for a video game.
How about “Dawgs vs Aliens?”
We could manipulate the joystick to make our Dawgs do various things to the aliens as they defend the town of Memphis:
1) Pee on their flying saucers.
2) Hump their legs.
3) Sniff their butts.
3) Bite ‘em on the nads.
Of course, the end result would be the same. The aliens would win — everybody else does.
Anybody want a beer?
Go Dawgs!
Sic ‘em!
Woof! Woof! Woof!
Popsicle Dick
December 23rd, 2010
6:44 pm
If the Falcons beat the Saints this Sunday I will officialy become a Falcon believer.
Georgia Bulldogs will kill UCF, bank on that. Richt will get all warm and fuzzy with anybody who will listen to him.
Georgia Tech will win a close one and Paul Johnson will begin outsmarting Richt for next year.
Will Muschamp already knows how to beat Georgia, (just show up with the team on time) he will be watching FSU and Gamecocks. Gamecocks will lose.
Merry Christmas to All!
Stinger2
December 23rd, 2010
6:48 pm
Jeff: I agree with all your picks except two. Unfortunately, they are my favorite teams..the Falcons and Jackets. The Falcons will lose to the Saints because
New Orleans has more at stake in this game. The Falcons
will play hard but it wont be enough agains the Saints this time.
As for GT, its sad but I believe this team has too many weaknesses to beat a good Air Force team and win a bowl game. Loss of Nesbitt and a pitiful defense is hard to overcome.
michelle ryan youtube | TrendyTwits
December 23rd, 2010
6:49 pm
[...] ryan youtube Author: admin December 23, 2010 Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog)Predictions: Falcons, Dogs, Jackets win; Rex plays footsieAtlanta Journal Constitution (blog)Jets at [...]
Josh Smith For 3
December 23rd, 2010
6:51 pm
I’m with you on everything except the Chick-fil-A Bowl, Jeff. I think FSU’s stomping of Florida, regardless of the Gators’ down year, has given them a ton of confidence and I expect them to play a really strong game.
Funny story I read concerning that Righteous Bros song: Bobby Hatfield reportedly expressed his annoyance to [Phil] Spector upon learning that he would have to wait until the chorus before joining [Bill] Medley’s vocals. When Hatfield asked Spector just what he was supposed to do during Medley’s solo, Spector replied: “You can go straight to the ####### bank.”
TybeeDawg
December 23rd, 2010
7:18 pm
Who cares what you think Shults? Not me, you piece frigiin trash. Go Dawgs!
The Nature Boy
December 23rd, 2010
7:21 pm
@ TybeeDawg…I’ve been called “white trash”…and it doesn’t hurt me…but being called “frigiin trash”…..that would hurt
5150 P.O.A.D.
December 23rd, 2010
7:37 pm
Shouldn’t the Saint symbol be the Lilly Pad now instead of the Flower-de-Leaf? Is that a water wave under the Saints name covering the city on the ring?
Falcon’s lose by 7. I hate to say it, but I fear the Falcons do lose but get their minds right for the SuperBowl run.
UGA loses by 3 Murray gets picked trying for the win.
Tech wins by 10. Ugly first half but second half is the ANT show.
Sorry USCeast goes down because Garcia does his Sybil impersonation again.
Fridg goes out with a win give the points.
Jeff why not the picture of the HOT JET chick again instead of some old ladies feet? Bears win this one.
Aaron “I am Batman” Rogers is still in a FOG. Giants win.
Eagles in a closer game than we think! 17 point win.
Colts should have no problem with the travel to the left coast.
Jags could win this game drunk.
Have fun holidays.
The Nature Boy
December 23rd, 2010
7:41 pm
@ 5150 P.O.A.D.
Jeff why not the picture of the HOT JET chick again instead of some old ladies feet?
There are people out there that are “in to” feet…..Jeff had to show the feet come on man..!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
gcs
December 23rd, 2010
7:49 pm
Super Bowl wins:
Mike Shanahan 2 Donovan McNabb 0.
.
.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater
December 23rd, 2010
7:55 pm
Great stuff JS, enjoy the holidays. Hopefully all 3 will win big but want Eagles to lose and Giants to win out.
mowreck
December 23rd, 2010
8:01 pm
6 P.O.A.J. how did Tech do in the ACC last year?
JSS
December 23rd, 2010
8:38 pm
Oh Snap!!! Jeff Schultz learned how to use Screen Grab!!!
Mike "CON" Vick
December 23rd, 2010
8:59 pm
If the Falcons win this week, they can solidify this home field advantage thingy. No one will want to come in and play.
Lets stomp the Aints!
Tweets that mention Predictions: Falcons, Dogs, Jackets win; Rex plays footsie | Jeff Schultz -- Topsy.com
December 23rd, 2010
9:14 pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by ajc sports editor, D. Orlando Ledbetter. D. Orlando Ledbetter said: AJC columnist Jeff Schultz is predicting a #Falcons win — Predictions: Falcons, Dogs, Jackets win; Rex plays footsie http://t.co/r9loQXs [...]
Ted Striker
December 23rd, 2010
9:43 pm
I gotta have more cowbell.
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
December 23rd, 2010
9:50 pm
If it’s Christmas time, it can mean only one thing – CHOKE’s annual vacation & offseason hibernation
JSS
December 23rd, 2010
9:56 pm
@ Ted Striker…
That was classic!!!
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
December 23rd, 2010
10:01 pm
St. Clarkston
December 23rd, 2010
5:22 pm
Espn has already given the NFL coach of the year award to Andy Reid.
____________________________________________________
Don’t hate the player, hate the game
Here is Mike Vick’s Christmas Shopping List:
Another Division Title…………… CHECK
Another Pro Bowl……………….. CHECK
Another Playoff Win…………….. CHECK
Another Championship Game………….. CHECK
Comeback Player of The Year…………….. CHECK
MVP………………………………….. CHECK
Superbowl MVP………………………… CHECK
Pro Bowl Starter…………………… CHECK
Yep, in 2 more seasons, the Falcons will be shopping for another Franchise Quarterback
JSS
December 23rd, 2010
10:01 pm
But only if I can Pa Darling to give us more jug on “Dooley!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFwgzOxs0yM&feature=related
JSS
December 23rd, 2010
10:06 pm
The Willie Martinez blogger goes to school…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQZyuAX4cD8
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
December 23rd, 2010
10:06 pm
Mike “CON” Vick
December 23rd, 2010
8:59 pm
If the Falcons win this week, they can solidify this home field advantage thingy. No one will want to come in and play.
Lets stomp the Aints!
______________________________________________________
Doesn’t matter they still are the Eagles Biotches
JSS
December 23rd, 2010
10:11 pm
The Willie Martinez blogger finally leaves Athens…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQQLcw3c1uE
Big Dawg Cobb
December 23rd, 2010
10:36 pm
Dawgs/Falcons win… Bugs lose
Tom
December 23rd, 2010
11:13 pm
Schultz
How many people entered the sack em bowl contest? I am like you in going 6-6 so far. Just wonder because there’s still like 250 people who got the first 5 right and looking at the % of people who took some of the early games, there must have been like 30k entries?
75% fresno-nope
68% ohio nope
73% s miss nope
70% navy-nope but that hasn’t been factored in yet
Duh
December 23rd, 2010
11:15 pm
rednecks lose to guinness o’leary again
tech loses because they will
falcons lose because it doesn’t matter
see what pitt is doing to carolina? that is a team that is mailing it in.
C
December 23rd, 2010
11:23 pm
Let’s go Falcons! Saints bleaux!
college football
December 23rd, 2010
11:34 pm
Hewitt, the lead blowfly won’t last the year…the techies are howling at his heels.
Paul in RDU
December 23rd, 2010
11:42 pm
Wow – SuperBowl MVP for Vick? I see that Nostra”Choke”us is on the blog today.
Pudwacker
December 23rd, 2010
11:57 pm
Oh blewitt blew it long ago. if the loser had any integrity, he’d take 3 mil and walk away. deal was done during different economic times and there was obv some shady crap going on with it. wouldn’t be surprised if he gives braine a cut when he’s done.
Rex
December 24th, 2010
12:01 am
I gotta say, Rex Ryan looks a lot like a woman when he’s not on the sidelines … I mean seriously, why does he have his smelly feet out the window of that car?
wxwax
December 24th, 2010
1:28 am
Judge, I didn’t know I was speeding.
Darling, I didn’t know I needed a condom.
Taxman, I didn’t know I needed to file.
Doctor, I didn’t know pork had to be cooked. *bonk*
JASon
December 24th, 2010
4:57 am
“Georgia fans confuse me. I get inundated with flaming emails from one side when I criticize the program, then I get mocked and pounded by the other side when I write that Mark Richt deserves another year…”
Jeff, did you ever think of having one perspective and sticking with it? This is what normal people do.
JSS
December 24th, 2010
6:24 am
“Jeff, did you ever think of having one perspective and sticking with it? This is what normal people do.”
And thus explains why nothing much gets done and our society spirals into chaos whenever the crap hits the fan… Having one perspective is much different than having a set of core values… Perspective is based on conditions and those are ever changing…
Joey
December 24th, 2010
7:37 am
I don’t know about you boys, but I pay absolutely no attention to my girl’s feet during, you know, romantic times . . .
Mike Vick
December 24th, 2010
7:40 am
Damn, even I hate “CHOKE.”
gtne80
December 24th, 2010
7:49 am
El Jeffe’, I’m afraid that you’ve allowed your “homer” instincts guide you into a bad pick with my alma mater. Tech’s bowl record under Johnson has been worse with better teams. I see a close Air Force victory. Thankfully, it will be a mercifully short game.
The trend since O’Leary and Cremins left has been from respectable to inconsequential…and the trend will continue (Jeez, Kennesaw and Sienna and we haven’t even started ACC play…).
Fair and Balanced
December 24th, 2010
7:57 am
Ya know what – I’ve decided that I don’t like your style, Jeff. I’m done reading anything you write.
righteous morons
December 24th, 2010
8:16 am
Check out the Righteous Bro’s video above. The guy on the right is snapping to the upbeat, the guy on the left to the downbeat.
Don’t you just love it? It took me forty years to love this song. I hated it until 2006, when I suddenly realized it’s merit. But in 1965, it sounded like the anti-beatles to me. I hated it worse than I hated the world’s first beatles cover band: the Dave Clark Five. This song totally ruined the sixties for me, (and the ensuing decades cause the radio wouldn’t stop playing it ever).
But now I think it’s pretty great. “….criticize little things I do….”
great lyric.
righteous morons
December 24th, 2010
8:20 am
Also, I am not going to fall for the Falcon Tease of 2010. Unbreak my heart and maybe I’ll get fooled again. I can’t take another playoff fiasco. I just can’t. Sorry.
I want to believe. I still love to watch, but I’m protecting myself from the agony of you know what. Why, I bet eleven discontinent grandmas in wheelchairs could beat the Falcons on any given Sunday.
bwa ha, Falcons, you can’t hurt me ever again. Ten bucks say they go for the three man rush late in the first playoff game and lose late.
Betcha
hypocrites
December 24th, 2010
8:27 am
If there is still anyone left that doesn’t believe there is a huge double-standard and bias towards the Little 11 with the national media and NCAA, look no further than the current 6 OSU players who were popped doing far worse things than what AJ Green ever did. NCAA bylaws, guidelines, loopholes, what have you, they should not be playing in the Sugar Bowl, as everyone knows.
gtne80
December 24th, 2010
8:39 am
Righteous – I agree with the comments about the Falcons. I was there in 1980 when they had the best team in the NFL and pizzed away a big lead to the Cowboys. I got fired up when the Dirty Birds actually made it to the Big Show. Fool me twice….shame on me, fool me for the umpteenth time….no, no, no.
Ricky
December 24th, 2010
8:43 am
Any chance Lemay can suit up and play QB for Georgia for the Bowl game? Done with 6 loss QB Murray.
P.S. Murray is ranked LAST in the NCAA in accuracy on 3rd and 10.
gtne80
December 24th, 2010
8:44 am
And, on the subject of Ohio State and the NCAA, it’s clear that the NCAA has abandoned all pretense of integrity. The “lack of proper instruction” explanation doesn’t pass a giggle test.