Weekend Predictions: Falcons win, Saints lose and we dance
Before we get to startling revelations like the Metrodome’s Hefty Bag roof being unable to hold 27 tons of snow (What Wendy’s is that architect working at now?), and Real Housetwit Kim Zolciak saying she’s writing a relationships book (Scarecrow and Kroy Biermann, meet fire), and Jets strength coach Sal Alosi admitting he asked his henchmen to form an assault line on an NFL sideline while he attempted to maim opponents (Did he and Tonya Harding meet on eHarmony?), we spread some holiday cheer:
Festive strippers!
I love Las Vegas. A friend of mine once described it as the United State on steroids, which is true, and begs the question: Do implants count as performance-enhancing drugs?
Wow. I want to go to the North Pole.
Anyway, last year one of the keepers of the strippers bought a truck, replaced the sides with Plexiglass, put a stripper pole in the back and created his own little fun house on wheels for marketing purposes while Santa and his Elv-ettes delivered toys. This worked out really well, until the rolling strip club caused something like 612 accidents and one kid walked out of a Toys ‘R Us, saying, “Mommy, mommy! I don’t want the Play-Doh Fun Factory! I want one of those!”
Alas, some Las Vegas residents complained that the Strippermobile ran counter to family values, prompting the uncaring mayor to respond: “Move.”
Well, the Strippermobile was out again this week, and the young lasses decided to tame themselves. They delivered bikes and toys and were practically full clothed. These wore red dresses and leggings and blew kisses and young boys were still overheard saying, “I’m so done with Play Doh.”
(Transition coming.)
Meanwhile, there will be no strippers in Seattle Sunday. It’s too cold. Just a football game and hopefully no attempts to maim by a psychotic strength coach. The Falcons can clinch a playoff spot if they beat the Seahawks, or the Giants, Bears or Packers lose. More importantly, if they win, the need to beat New Orleans next week for a division title and home field in the playoffs diminishes.
Seattle is coached by Pete Carroll. Would’ve been more fun if Jim Mora was there. The explosions would keep everybody warm.
No matter. The love truck rolls again!
Falcons cover 6.
Another look at Sal Alosi and his gang of thugs
Bowl Season!
(Sorta. OK, not really, yet)
New Mexico: BYU vs. Texas El-Intercepted Passo (copyright, original “Bottom Ten,” 1970s): This bowl is a result of “the culmination of a collective effort of people with a vision in a state on the move.” Question: If New Mexico is a “state on the move” and extends bowl invitations to two 6-6 teams, including UTEP, which lost five of its last six, what does it look like standing still? Because to me New Mexico looks like South Dakota. BYU covers 11 ½.
Humanitarian: Northern Illinois vs. Fresno State: This should be easy for you, Georgia fans: Fresno State is called the Bulldogs. The team with snow tubing, which I believe you can’t do in the San Joaquin Valley. Dogs in an upset! (take the 1).
New Orleans: Troy vs. Ohio: You might say, “What’s this little Alabama school doing in a bowl?” But Troy won its final two games, which I believe puts it ahead of Alabama. Roll Troy! The 1 ½ is covered.
The Advocare Independence Bowl has come up with “Advocare V-100 Shuffle”! Dance, Georgia Tech fans! (Oy?)
NFL Six Pack
Bears at Vikings: The Bears say they wore the wrong cleats in a 36-7 loss to New England. The game was in Chicago. They LIVE in Chicago. Did they walk into Soldier Field on Sunday, slap their foreheads and say, “OMG! Snow!” They didn’t wear the wrong cleats. They wore the wrong heads. Bears cover 3.
Jets at Steelers: This week, Rex Ryan is having players throw leeches and scorpions at any Steeler who tries to make a tackle during the punt return. Pittsburgh covers 6.
Sorry, Mike. Nothing personal. I just can't go there yet.
Eagles at Giants: Michael Vick says he would like to own a dog again. Can’t we just work this like a 10-step program? We start him with a picture of poker-playing dogs and see how that goes. Giants cover 2½.
Saints at Ravens: Speaking of teams with known felonious tendencies, Baltimore Ravens really aren’t all that scary any more on defense. Actual factual: They have blown fourth-quarter leads in eight games. That said, Saints are due for a fall. Ravens cover 2½.
Packers at Patriots: New England has won its last two over the Jets and Bears by a combined score of 81-10. Somewhere, Randy Moss weeps. New England covers 11.
Texans at Titans: Bill Cowher is scheduled to put both teams through drills before the game, just so he can decide which one he wants to coach next year. Titans cover 1½.
♦
Toteboard
Last week (feh): 5-3 straight up, 4-4 against the line.
Mondo overall profit margins: 125-41 straight up, 88-75-3 against the line.
♦
Have you entered the “Sack Schultz Bowl Contest” yet? Time is running out. Games start Saturday. Just pick the winners and you can win an iPad! And the best thing is, I’m not even paying for it! Click here for more info or go to ajc.com/go/sack-schultz to enter.
♦
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347 comments Add your comment
Shawn
December 17th, 2010
11:23 pm
The difference between ATL and The Saints TY is a missed chip shot FG by the Saints kicker. If he makes it the records are opposite. Now the Saints are Healthy and won’t lose again TY unless NE wins the SB against them. The Falcons are going down hard next week at home. They won’t beat the defending Champs twice in one season! Get real losers!
Katrina says...........
December 17th, 2010
11:47 pm
Yeah, It won’t matter monday because the A-I-N-T-S are going to get beat by the Ravens Sunday, Loser !!!!!!!!!
Shawn
December 18th, 2010
12:10 am
Keep Dreaming! The falcons will always be losers!
NFL News Team :: Atlanta Falcons :: How They See It: Pundits’ Picks
December 18th, 2010
12:58 am
[...] Jeff Schultz (AJC) [...]
Katrina says...........
December 18th, 2010
1:25 am
Jealous, Huh ?!? Little raggedy city !!
5150 P.O.A.D
December 18th, 2010
2:23 am
Muschamp is young and passionate in Florida. FRANKLIN and DOOLEY at the Helms of Tenn teams shows a YOUNG PASSIONATE Change in the SEC east. Spurrior is OLD and finally made it to the Dome. Richt been there and ain’t going back anytime soon. JOKER is in what his 2nd year? He is HOT on the job too. Richt is OLD and dry. Bobo is a 3rd rate high school HC in AAAAA.
5150 P.O.A.D
December 18th, 2010
2:27 am
I just BURNED a HOGLEG with Rom Mexico. Damn, he looks famous. He. had a new lil baby PIT. I know him from somewhere.
Rockdale Falcon
December 18th, 2010
5:01 am
Jeff: The Seattle game is the most important one left for
the Falcons according to your own Mark Bradley. I hope the Falcon players read Mark`s article and respond with
a great effort. I believe they will need it on a road game that will not be an easy one.
Paddy
December 18th, 2010
7:34 am
Does anybody believe that Paul Brown or Hank Stramm would hire a Sal Alosi? Sal just didn’t wake up one afternoon and deciede to be a thug. Someone should have seen this guy coming a mile away. He is toast in the football world and thank goodness for that!
georgiavol
December 18th, 2010
10:20 am
I can’t figure why everybody is so high on the Saints. They have been given two wins against teams with losing records and somehow they are a juggernaut? I think Baltimore drills these guys tomorrow.
JSS
December 18th, 2010
11:20 am
“They have been given two wins against teams with losing records and somehow they are a juggernaut?”
Wow that sounds eerily familiar…
5150 P.O.A.D
December 18th, 2010
1:43 pm
Man Ga Sou has fumbled in the REDZONE twice. and trailing by 7, but should be up by 7. Come on JAYBO get the EAGLEs in the Championship game.
5150 P.O.A.D
December 18th, 2010
2:28 pm
Barn Burner
Cynthia Tucker doesn’t even like herself. Mrs. Tucker abuses herself with BOB so bad it would make you blush. LOL
5150 P.O.A.D
December 18th, 2010
2:31 pm
Ga SOU on 4th and Goal from the 6 scores. Go EAGLES Delawear 17 GSU 10 with 7:37 left in the 4th.
5150 P.O.A.D
December 18th, 2010
2:32 pm
Why no LIVE blog on the Ga. Sou Game?
murphy
December 18th, 2010
2:39 pm
In my humble Who Dat opinion the rabbit foot is about to run out of it’s magical powers. There can only be so much luck in one foot lest of course maybe the birds have two or more. Saints win birds lose,hello NFC South.
Shawn
December 18th, 2010
2:52 pm
Hey georgiavol…Maybe people are high on the Saints because they are the defending world champs. Maybe because their losses happened when they were very injured and are getting healthy now while continuing to win. Mostly its because they are very good.
The Saints will win the South. Deal with it!
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
December 18th, 2010
3:15 pm
Mike Vick creates a stir at Sixers game
Posted by Mike Florio on December 18, 2010, 4:16 AM EST
Despite his stellar play, the Eagles seem to be concerned about giving quarterback Mike Vick a huge signing bonus that, under the current labor deal, couldn’t be recovered in the event that something happens in the offseason that makes him ineligible to play football in 2011 or beyond. After all, it will be the first offseason in which Vick once again enjoys superstar status since 2007.
And superstar status he will enjoy in the offseason, since he’s already enjoying superstar status during the 2010 season.
Vick got a glimpse of it when he showed up at Friday night’s NBA game between the Lakers and 76ers.
“This whole place went bananas,” Lakers guard Kobe Bryant said, according to the Associated Press, regarding the reaction to Vick’s arrival.
The sellout crowd, only the second of the year for the 76ers, chanted “MVP!” as Vick reportedly “slapped hands” with fans and waved to the crowd.
“You would have thought the president walked in or something,” said Matt Barnes of the Lakers.
————————————————-
“AMERICA HAS SPOKEN”
5150 P.O.A.D
December 18th, 2010
3:18 pm
Murph can I call you WORM? We met at the Englewood Preparatory Academy. We were running a scam a day when my dad wasn’t to drunk to be the Custodian. The Friends Academy got us busted. I hope your time behind bars was OK. LOL M Damon to E Burns in the movie ROUNDERS.
5150 P.O.A.D
December 18th, 2010
3:20 pm
CHOKE you do understand that MV7 sell papers and all the media love is because they are just waiting for the FALL. When MV& Fs-up the Loving media will eat him alive.
Ed
December 18th, 2010
3:48 pm
Falcons 35 Seahawks 17
Frozen Rope
December 18th, 2010
4:20 pm
There goes Choke again with his Michael Vick man crush ,, there is something disturbing about your affection for this guy,,,,,
stendek
December 18th, 2010
5:04 pm
I have been a Falcnatic since 1966! My top two victories still involve Minnesota Vikings. First was upset of unbeatable Vikings for NFC championship in Minnesota. Second was upset of streaking Vikings on insane winning streak coutesy of John Zook, Claude Humphrey and associates. Original Longest Yard actor Joe Kapp was QB of that Norse squad. No signature victories for present Falcons. Wins will do just fine. OT loss to Steelers in Pennsylvania no disgrace. Blowout gag job to Eagles in Philly was! Two losses in 13 outings. Not much to complain about. Do Falcons secure home field advantage with two more wins regardless of what happens against NO in regular season finale? Just curious. Not ready to bequeath Super Bowl to Falcons just yet. Still remember what happened to unbeatabloe Patriots several seasons ago. Shudder! STENDEK
UGA89
December 18th, 2010
5:52 pm
UGA finished 6-6
ha ha ha
Who Dat Nation
December 18th, 2010
6:44 pm
Falcons 14 Seahawks 42
Matty Duck CHOKES again
WDE
December 18th, 2010
6:58 pm
“Mike Vick creates a stir at Sixers game”
What, did he kill some more dogs?
MV7 for MVP
December 18th, 2010
7:09 pm
WDE
December 18th, 2010
6:58 pm
“Mike Vick creates a stir at Sixers game”
What, did he kill some more dogs?
What a typical response from a vick hater, MV7 is the man and you know it moron
JDAWG
December 18th, 2010
8:26 pm
http://isportsweb.com/2010/12/18/falcons-vs-seahawks-preview/
Frozen Rope
December 18th, 2010
9:18 pm
MV7 for MVP,, MORON,, seriously,, Vicks gonna get hurt,, He runs too much,, and he totes the ball around like a loaf of bread,, fumble waiting to happen,, just an observation,,,
UGA Thugs
December 18th, 2010
9:47 pm
Is UGA playing in the NC game this year at 6 – 6, or was it a rebuilding year? Just curious, as all UGA fans and teams believe they will win it every year. LMAO! Puppies are pathetic. By the way, anymore arrests to report!
Who Dat Cracker
December 18th, 2010
10:04 pm
No Jeff, the Saints will NOT fall. Who dat knocking on the Raven’s door? It’s Drew and he will pick apart that crappy defense along with their homicide perpatrating, Soosbee drinkin’ Old Spice wearin’ thug.
BigGAdawg
December 18th, 2010
10:37 pm
Seeing Mike Vick with the puppy is a bit uncomfortable. I hate What he did to his previous dogs. I don’t hate Him for that…he says he is a changed man, that he finally got it that what he did was wrong. Since I cannot see into his heart I can only take him at his word and forgive him for his past.
What I cannot forgive is hearing him say that when he was a Falcon he never played his best or gave 100% effort. That can never change. No matter how hard or how well he plays for other teams, he can never fix that.
MV7 for MVP
December 18th, 2010
10:44 pm
Frozen Rope
December 18th, 2010
9:18 pm
MV7 for MVP,, MORON,, seriously,, Vicks gonna get hurt,, He runs too much,, and he totes the ball around like a loaf of bread,, fumble waiting to happen,, just an observation,,,
Better than that happy feet of a QB they have in Atlanta, what is his name again???? Matty Duck, LMAO, look frozen tool for you calling me out after the falcons lose tomorrow how about you eat crow loser
Jay
December 18th, 2010
10:46 pm
dang u schultz. you picked the same 3 i did in the contest. i was really hoping you had done like that fool stewart mandel and missed on all 3. what a dope.
Barls
December 18th, 2010
10:48 pm
Vick is a piece of scum and an idiot for whining about wanting a dog. Hello, that would be like a freaking child molester saying they wanted to adopt a child. I hope the thug breaks some ribs again this week. It’s called Karma you pos loser supporters.
MV7 for MVP
December 18th, 2010
10:55 pm
Barls sounds like a complete idiot
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
December 18th, 2010
11:16 pm
Frozen Rope
December 18th, 2010
9:18 pm
MV7 for MVP,, MORON,, seriously,, Vicks gonna get hurt,, He runs too much,, and he totes the ball around like a loaf of bread,, fumble waiting to happen,, just an observation,,,
—————————————————–
Vick has 5 T-O-T-A-L turnovers this season and he is a scrambling qb.
How many does “Snail” CHOKE have?
Vick has a 104 QB RATING.
What is CHOKE’s QB RATING?
Don’t hate Vick because he is the only player that OWNS 2 Cities…. HA HA.
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
December 18th, 2010
11:21 pm
What does it really say about your Franchise qb when the former qb
goes to prison, not playing any football, comes back and in his 1st
full season, out performs you, when you have been playing for 3 years
since he was inactive.
That is pathetic
Vick getting a dog is like a pedophile adopting
December 18th, 2010
11:24 pm
DK7(DogKiller) for MVP!
Vick getting a dog is like a pedophile adopting
December 18th, 2010
11:25 pm
Hmm last I checked, Ryan’s team is 11-2.. What’s DK7’s team win/loss?
Falcons are fighting for home field, Eagles? Wild card.
MV7 for MVP
December 18th, 2010
11:30 pm
Vick getting a dog is like a pedophile adopting
December 18th, 2010
11:24 pm
DK7(DogKiller) for MVP!
Wow what a lame comeback, when is the last time Matty Duck got a standing ovation at a hawks game??? Lol, the hawks never sellout and no one knows who matt ryan is anyway
MV7 for MVP
December 18th, 2010
11:31 pm
Vick getting a dog is like a pedophile adopting
December 18th, 2010
11:25 pm
Hmm last I checked, Ryan’s team is 11-2.. What’s DK7’s team win/loss?
Falcons are fighting for home field, Eagles? Wild card.
The eagles lead the NFC East idiot, shows what kind of fans the falcons have
Vick getting a dog is like a pedophile adopting
December 18th, 2010
11:33 pm
When was Ryan ever seen at a hawks game? Maybe he is too busy preparing for the next game, which DK7 never did in ATL.
Vick getting a dog is like a pedophile adopting
December 18th, 2010
11:35 pm
I know they have the same win/loss record and they are playing at NYC this week. Good luck DK7.
MV7 for MVP
December 18th, 2010
11:46 pm
Vick getting a dog is like a pedophile adopting
December 18th, 2010
11:33 pm
When was Ryan ever seen at a hawks game? Maybe he is too busy preparing for the next game, which DK7 never did in ATL.
Wow that shows how bad of a player ryan is if vick didn’t even try his best and he got the falcons to the NFC TITLE GAME, hahahahahahahahah you are one funny vick hater
MV7 for MVP
December 18th, 2010
11:47 pm
Vick getting a dog is like a pedophile adopting
December 18th, 2010
11:35 pm
I know they have the same win/loss record and they are playing at NYC this week. Good luck DK7.
Mike Vick doesn’t need luck, but Ryan has got lucky in some key situations this year so he needs it more
Vick getting a dog is like a pedophile adopting
December 18th, 2010
11:53 pm
MV7 for MVP
Wow that shows how bad of a player ryan is if vick didn’t even try his best and he got the falcons to the NFC TITLE GAME, hahahahahahahahah you are one funny vick hater
========================
How many years had DK7 in the league before that NFC title game which he got crushed?
This is Ryan’s 3rd year. You are the one that’s funny.
MV7 for MVP
December 18th, 2010
11:55 pm
This is Ryan’s 3rd year. You are the one that’s funny
And Ryan hasn’t won not one single playoff game, so why are you talking????
Vick getting a dog is like a pedophile adopting
December 19th, 2010
12:06 am
DK7 hasn’t won any playoff games for 6 years. Why are YOU talking?
MV7 for MVP
December 19th, 2010
12:09 am
How many years had DK7 in the league before that NFC title game which he got crushed?
Vick got to the title game in his 3rd year in the league??? And you expect ryan to win and he hasn’t won one single playoff game?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA