Weekend Predictions: Falcons win, Saints lose and we dance
Before we get to startling revelations like the Metrodome’s Hefty Bag roof being unable to hold 27 tons of snow (What Wendy’s is that architect working at now?), and Real Housetwit Kim Zolciak saying she’s writing a relationships book (Scarecrow and Kroy Biermann, meet fire), and Jets strength coach Sal Alosi admitting he asked his henchmen to form an assault line on an NFL sideline while he attempted to maim opponents (Did he and Tonya Harding meet on eHarmony?), we spread some holiday cheer:
Festive strippers!
I love Las Vegas. A friend of mine once described it as the United State on steroids, which is true, and begs the question: Do implants count as performance-enhancing drugs?
Wow. I want to go to the North Pole.
Anyway, last year one of the keepers of the strippers bought a truck, replaced the sides with Plexiglass, put a stripper pole in the back and created his own little fun house on wheels for marketing purposes while Santa and his Elv-ettes delivered toys. This worked out really well, until the rolling strip club caused something like 612 accidents and one kid walked out of a Toys ‘R Us, saying, “Mommy, mommy! I don’t want the Play-Doh Fun Factory! I want one of those!”
Alas, some Las Vegas residents complained that the Strippermobile ran counter to family values, prompting the uncaring mayor to respond: “Move.”
Well, the Strippermobile was out again this week, and the young lasses decided to tame themselves. They delivered bikes and toys and were practically full clothed. These wore red dresses and leggings and blew kisses and young boys were still overheard saying, “I’m so done with Play Doh.”
(Transition coming.)
Meanwhile, there will be no strippers in Seattle Sunday. It’s too cold. Just a football game and hopefully no attempts to maim by a psychotic strength coach. The Falcons can clinch a playoff spot if they beat the Seahawks, or the Giants, Bears or Packers lose. More importantly, if they win, the need to beat New Orleans next week for a division title and home field in the playoffs diminishes.
Seattle is coached by Pete Carroll. Would’ve been more fun if Jim Mora was there. The explosions would keep everybody warm.
No matter. The love truck rolls again!
Falcons cover 6.
Another look at Sal Alosi and his gang of thugs
Bowl Season!
(Sorta. OK, not really, yet)
New Mexico: BYU vs. Texas El-Intercepted Passo (copyright, original “Bottom Ten,” 1970s): This bowl is a result of “the culmination of a collective effort of people with a vision in a state on the move.” Question: If New Mexico is a “state on the move” and extends bowl invitations to two 6-6 teams, including UTEP, which lost five of its last six, what does it look like standing still? Because to me New Mexico looks like South Dakota. BYU covers 11 ½.
Humanitarian: Northern Illinois vs. Fresno State: This should be easy for you, Georgia fans: Fresno State is called the Bulldogs. The team with snow tubing, which I believe you can’t do in the San Joaquin Valley. Dogs in an upset! (take the 1).
New Orleans: Troy vs. Ohio: You might say, “What’s this little Alabama school doing in a bowl?” But Troy won its final two games, which I believe puts it ahead of Alabama. Roll Troy! The 1 ½ is covered.
The Advocare Independence Bowl has come up with “Advocare V-100 Shuffle”! Dance, Georgia Tech fans! (Oy?)
NFL Six Pack
Bears at Vikings: The Bears say they wore the wrong cleats in a 36-7 loss to New England. The game was in Chicago. They LIVE in Chicago. Did they walk into Soldier Field on Sunday, slap their foreheads and say, “OMG! Snow!” They didn’t wear the wrong cleats. They wore the wrong heads. Bears cover 3.
Jets at Steelers: This week, Rex Ryan is having players throw leeches and scorpions at any Steeler who tries to make a tackle during the punt return. Pittsburgh covers 6.
Sorry, Mike. Nothing personal. I just can't go there yet.
Eagles at Giants: Michael Vick says he would like to own a dog again. Can’t we just work this like a 10-step program? We start him with a picture of poker-playing dogs and see how that goes. Giants cover 2½.
Saints at Ravens: Speaking of teams with known felonious tendencies, Baltimore Ravens really aren’t all that scary any more on defense. Actual factual: They have blown fourth-quarter leads in eight games. That said, Saints are due for a fall. Ravens cover 2½.
Packers at Patriots: New England has won its last two over the Jets and Bears by a combined score of 81-10. Somewhere, Randy Moss weeps. New England covers 11.
Texans at Titans: Bill Cowher is scheduled to put both teams through drills before the game, just so he can decide which one he wants to coach next year. Titans cover 1½.
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Toteboard
Last week (feh): 5-3 straight up, 4-4 against the line.
Mondo overall profit margins: 125-41 straight up, 88-75-3 against the line.
♦
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347 comments Add your comment
5150 P.O.A.D
December 17th, 2010
6:32 am
Bill Clinton wants another intern! Clinton will never change but Vick has ! I live in a glass house ..so throw the rocks with my Tech boys!
Paddy
December 17th, 2010
7:06 am
YOU MUST BE KIDDING??? Vick wants to own a dog Not NO but Hell No!
Jesse Stone
December 17th, 2010
7:30 am
Jeff,
Have you noticed the strange things that go on with Jets and sidelines? Prior to this incident, we saw Namath ask Suzy Kolber for a kiss, Mark Sanchez eating a hot dog, and Brett Favre taking a picture and sending it to someone. Not to mention the locker room stuff with that “muy caliente” hispanic reporter.
How They See It: Pundits’ Picks | Atlanta Falcons
December 17th, 2010
8:11 am
[...] Jeff Schultz (AJC) [...]
Joey
December 17th, 2010
8:18 am
Was it a Techie that designed that roof?
Rebel Ace
December 17th, 2010
8:19 am
Hey, Jeff: Sorry to give you a crapper of a Christmas present, but the Saints stay on their roll this weekend and we finally discover the Falcons are mere bluebirds.
But, I think you already knew that.
ATL is TigerTown
December 17th, 2010
8:22 am
Great dig at the Ttown Tide. Who woulda thunk Troy would be the new number 2 team in Alabama. I think I’ll do the Advocare shuffle. Whoa!
Falcons remind me of Auburn this year….great QB wearing nbr. 2 and several come from behind victories. Go birds!
War Eagle!
tr
December 17th, 2010
9:14 am
Where’s a Georgia Southern/Delaware prediction?
Mike
December 17th, 2010
9:46 am
Go Georgia Southern Eagles!!! Beat the Hens!!!!! One more time!!!
Eagle Creek Magic
December 17th, 2010
9:47 am
Doesn’t matter what Schultz thinks anyway. My prediction is just a s good. Eagles win.
#4
December 17th, 2010
9:53 am
Orlando, how does a company keep a person on the payroll who is convicted on federal charges?
Guess what, that UPS driver who rear-ended Eldrin Bell, he will be fired from his job and his DUI isn’t even a federal offense.
I take it that you support a player who is doing drugs, admits to just going thru the motions when awarded the most important position as a leader of the team, pisses on his responsibilitiy as a role model for kids, finds the killing of helpless animals as entertainment………….tell me, are you just like him?
The only thing Michael Vick cared about was Michael Vick. Your statement of “stupid Falcons should have kept him” smacks of your own ignorance. You know Vick only scored a little higher than his brother Marcus’ score of 12 on the Wonderlic (and that is not what you probably think it is)
Now, everything I have said above applies to Vick the Falcon. I believe in redemption, even salvation but Michael Vick screwed all of us Falcons fans. I won’t wish anything bad on #7, Karma has a way of taking care of things on it’s own. But I refuse to support Vick as a Super Bowl champion (if) that should have been ours.
We control our destiny, as long as we play one game at a time. There is not a team in the NFL that we can’t beat but we start buying into the hype we are one and done.
WDE
December 17th, 2010
9:55 am
ATL is TigerTown
Did you purchase your tix to Glendale? I’m working on getting mine right now and hopefully Santa will leave a pair in my stocking.
WDE
December 17th, 2010
9:56 am
“Alabama will always own Auburn.”
Uh…..we are 7-3 against Bama in the last ten years. Bama is only up by 6 games on us all-time.
In case you forgot. 28-27
WDE
December 17th, 2010
9:57 am
“they both PAY their players!!!”
Funny thing about that asinine comment is the fact that there isn’t any proof.
Sucks to be you, loser.
FalconFan
December 17th, 2010
10:04 am
Keep voting for Falcons in the pro bowl
http://www.nfl.com/probowl/ballot
vafalconfan
December 17th, 2010
10:10 am
Another hilarious article! Thank you Jeff..
DawgNation
December 17th, 2010
10:29 am
Jeff when you are on, you are on. That was a very entertaining artical. Funny shuffle video as I can’t wait to see the yellow wigged fans trying that out, Karma is a………well you know.
DawgNation
December 17th, 2010
10:29 am
article that is
John Abraham loves me
December 17th, 2010
10:51 am
Wow Schultz you’re the 1st person in the wide world of sports that has actually called Sal Alosi a THUG! It’s about time someone call him what he is…. a lowdown scumbag THUG!!!
Flatsdawg1
December 17th, 2010
11:24 am
I am convinced this is our year! The falcons are a team that knows if they get that first round bye, they can go all the way,In our way, Philly and then New England in the Super Bowl. I will sell whatever I have to to see it happen live! Go Falcons, You can do EEEEEEEEEEETTT!!
Cecil Newton
December 17th, 2010
11:52 am
I hope Falcons clinch next week. I have Roddy White on my Fantasy team and need a big performance Week 16. If the Falcons clinch they will still play the Saints tough but I rather not bank on it
Cecil Newton
December 17th, 2010
11:54 am
As much as I want Falcons to make superbowl.
They will have trouble about the Eagles and Giants. Falcons dont have many athletes up front
Heck every QB except the Panthers/Arizona QB looked like HoF against the Falcons.
gdawginkalamazoo
December 17th, 2010
11:56 am
Do all of the Falcons get to go to the Super Bowl? How do they arrange that many tickets and do they get block seating when they order their tickets? There are a few Detroit Lions heading to the Super Bowl too.
Cecil Newton
December 17th, 2010
11:56 am
iam realisitc.. the Pats will beat the Falcons.
Brady against the Falcons pass D? lol
DJ Sniper
December 17th, 2010
12:27 pm
I see some of our resident loony toons are back. First off, let’s address NOLA’s comment about the Falcons not being able to play in cold weather. It was quite cold in Charlotte when they beat the Panthers last week, and let’s not forget about last season’s win over the Jets in very cold weather.
Also, it looks like Choke got a weekend pass so he could come on here and try to convince everybody that he knows what he’s talking about. The only point I will concede to him is the fact that the Eagles have had our number for the past several games. All that other stuff he’s babbling about is nonsense as usual.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater
December 17th, 2010
12:31 pm
giving vick a dog is like giving an arsonist a book of matches. having said that, falcons win, saints lose on sunday. then falcons put the final punch on the saints on monday night, earning 1st round bye for the playoffs.
Too Easy
December 17th, 2010
1:00 pm
Pretty sure I saw Flagboy in the V-100 shuffle vid.
Sanford Drive
December 17th, 2010
1:00 pm
There’s nothing dumber than a Georgia Bulldog fan.
WDE
December 17th, 2010
1:09 pm
“You have a fat belly and no friends.”
No, that would be your inbred father, loser.
Creole Falcon
December 17th, 2010
1:20 pm
Hahaha, the aints bandwagoneers are madddd, the bandwagon is slowly but surly getting empty…no one cares about No-awlins…Falcons WILL win the next three games, and all playoff games…up to and including the SUPERBOWL…Watch and see
Geaux FALCONS WE DAT!!!!
5150 P.O.A.D
December 17th, 2010
2:11 pm
the Raven haired chick on the left has arms as big around as my LEG. She kinds looks in the MOMMY way. Does Kroy have an Alibi?
SECWasteManagement
December 17th, 2010
2:12 pm
Saint’s will lose to the Bucs also. They’re garbage.
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
December 17th, 2010
2:50 pm
Falcon Jim
December 17th, 2010
12:10 am
Mr Ledbetter is an outstanding person and journalist
————————————————-
Now that’s funny……….. ha ha
5150 P.O.A.D
December 17th, 2010
2:56 pm
Sorry JEFF SCHULTZ, but I restore Late 60’s-Early 70’s Muscle cars. I am an OEM parts kinds guy. Breast Implants may ENHANCE my PRE-GAME Excitement, but when it comes to GAME TIME Those THINGS just become Blocking Dummies or Sideshow Freaks. AHHAHAH.
Falcons build a 20 point lead and win by 6.
BYU for SURE—I think.
Fresno & Bulldog is like MV7 & a CAT. Still take the Mutt. MV7 ain’t gettin’ no CAT with that paycheck less he be buy’n it.
TROY is solid. The Preformance Enhancing Drugs will still be in the NOLA TOILET after the TROY SPARTINS DANCE to a Big W.
Shreveport the best thing you can do is get the Casinos to drop room prices and you BOWL REP guys need to run shuttle from the gambling and drinks to the stadium. I will never go to SHREVEPORT is in the HEART of NOWHERE. Sorry other TECH fans, but dad and I like Nashville (if the weather is nice) because it is a Great town with a lot to offer, Birmingham( if the weather is nice) becase it is a short drive back to Atlanta, Charolett (if the weather is good) because it is a cleaner Atlanta(like before the 96 Olympics), Memphis because again we will stay in TUNICA and hit the Tables, and the PEACH BOWL/+ the Chicken advertisements because it is INSIDE, on MARTA, close to the hotels, If ATL built a casion on the old FORD Hapeville Plant it would be perfect. ATL CASINO—Fly in get laidover and stay in the Hotel & Casino. Have a Bowl Game. Fly in and stay in the Hotel & Casino hop on MARTA and go to the GAME. MARTA back to the Hotel & Casino to PARTY your Butt off for the NEW YEAR.
Hey COACH Alosi I got a RONNY LOTT Forearm Shiver for you just like the defenseless WR felt in the 80’s.
What will BRETT FARVE do if the game is in Atlanta? Buckhead and Sandy Springs Bar sceen is not what it used to be. Brett go to STATS downtown. Beas win and the DOME will be rocking with YANKEEs if the game is played here.
STEELERS cover 8.5. Jeff put the J.E.T.S chick back-up on the PICKS. AHAHHAH.
I hate it but Eagles win by 10.
The only DOG MV7 should own is Snookie from the “Jersey Shore”.
Ravens win and OWN the 4th qtr. win by 14 or better.
Why even put the PATS up for a PICK? I will thake the PATS and give you 18. HAHAHAHA. AT HOME? Make that 23.
Titans v Texans? Why? Why? Why?
Well, I will take the young tramp with the gun in the side pocket for a WIN.
Coach Grohbo
December 17th, 2010
3:04 pm
Rumor has it Sonny Seiler is giving Russ to Michael Vick and Bud Grant is coming back to coach the Vikings in their first outdoor home game in 29 years.
The Vikings have never been the same since they moved indoors.
Big A
December 17th, 2010
3:10 pm
Giants are favored to beat Eagles which would probably result in Eagle Seeeded 6, after winning wild card game, it will be a FALCONS VS EAGLES divisional game! So I guess it looks like a NFC Champ game between SAINTS AND EAGLES!
I love that last weeks performance is supposed proof Ryan can play well in cold weather, lol! Aside from Panthers vein the worst team in NFL that had all but given up and 32nd ranked pass defense, Ryan passed for barely 200 yards and had a 76 passer rating (actually an improvement from the 63 the week before). Lucky turner bailed Ryan out cause he was having a bad game for the 3rd game in a row, Look for the ball taken out of Ryans hand against Seattle and runs all day long, AGAIN! The weather forecast in Seattle is 38 degrees with 70% chance of rain/sleet, Good luck with that weather as bad as the 3-2 falcons play on road!
Really funny how Saints miss a chipshot kick and suddenly falcon fans are looking in SB ticket arrangements, LMFAO, ignorance is bliss! Falcons and Ruan are playing very mediocre past few games (look at stats) against very bad or mediocre teams, the will be one and done if the current Falcon team shows up in playofffs. Here is a little example Ryan was 9/17 the ENTIRE first half against 32nd pass defense of panthers vs, Brees was 8/9 three minutes into Rams game on just opening TD drive. Gotta worry when you play the worst team and you QB can’t match the performance of Brees in one drive vs and entire half of game. The ice is melting!
5150 P.O.A.D
December 17th, 2010
3:13 pm
Coach Grohbo
The BILLS have never been the same since OJ(was accused of) killed those people.
If the TWINS didn’t have that Damn dome with the fans the BRAVES would have WON the WS. Well, if the NL had Home Field Ad the Braves would have won easly too. HAHAHAHAHAHA
DJ Sniper
December 17th, 2010
3:16 pm
I swear, the Saints fans who come on these blogs are a bit touched in the head. Some of them keep bringing up the missed FG by the Saints in their first game against us. I bet those same fans were singing a different tune last season when the Saints had several breaks go their way. Also, let’s not forget the lucky break they got at the end of the Dallas game.
gdawginkalamazoo
December 17th, 2010
3:25 pm
Coach Grohbo, the 3:04 post was classic! Good one.
gdawginkalamazoo
December 17th, 2010
3:56 pm
I fell asleep, did I miss anything?
Rip Van Winkle
December 17th, 2010
4:01 pm
Sorry guys, I fell asleep, did I miss anything? Evidently not. Dang it! I drooled on my shirt.
Rip Van Winkle
December 17th, 2010
4:13 pm
I predict I could fall asleep again and wake up 20 years later and be the next to post on here.
KimZ'sPackage
December 17th, 2010
4:17 pm
Rip Van
Is your son out of school yet? Maybe that ain’t drool on your shirt!
Your wife would be happy if you would sleep more for sure.
Katrina says...........
December 17th, 2010
4:41 pm
Yeah, That’s funny to you “Choke” ! Maybe because you are Banned on Ledbetters Blog, Mark Bradley’s Blog and Dewitt Blog !! Soo Funny, Huh ?!?
Tulley
December 17th, 2010
4:45 pm
Why was the blog about the UGA football players helping the bus driver closed without comments? Were you afraid that someone might notice that Washaun Ealey is still driving with a suspended license?
Send this no-good punk home and be done with his crap.
Ijery Proon
December 17th, 2010
5:47 pm
CHOKE IS BAND!
Weekly NFL giveaway contest
December 17th, 2010
5:59 pm
Hey Schultz, possibly next year the AJC could offer a weekly NFL prediction giveaway contest. Every week readers predict the NFL team winners of the week – you decide whether contest it is based on the over under point spread – anyway the reader with the most wins has a chance to win a pair of the next Falcon’s game tickets. At the end of the season, the reader with the most seasonal wins has a chance to win Falcon playoff tickets or even a trip to the Super Bowl.
TROTTINGHOME
December 17th, 2010
6:01 pm
I lose money listening to you….Did someone fart?
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
December 17th, 2010
9:55 pm
Reuters) – The popularity contest known as NFL Pro Bowl voting has not been kind to Atlanta Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan.
The highly successful player has Atlanta atop the NFC standings with an 11-2 record but is missing from the latest top 10 of All-Star candidates based on balloting by fans — a list that features six quarterbacks led by former Atlanta player Michael Vick, now of the Philadelphia Eagles.
“As good as Atlanta is right now, Atlanta is not a household name in Montana or Oregon,” NFL expert Gil Brandt told Reuters in explaining Ryan’s absence. “They don’t have the fan background like someone like the Mannings or Brady.”
————————————————————
BOO HOO HOO
Vick didn’t have a problem making 3 pro bowls in Atlanta.
More excuses
BUSTS don’t make pro bowls.
Gatorman
December 17th, 2010
11:15 pm
You guys worry about home field advantage, I’m just trying to get my Bucs into the playoffs.