Weekend Predictions: Falcons win, Saints lose and we dance
Before we get to startling revelations like the Metrodome’s Hefty Bag roof being unable to hold 27 tons of snow (What Wendy’s is that architect working at now?), and Real Housetwit Kim Zolciak saying she’s writing a relationships book (Scarecrow and Kroy Biermann, meet fire), and Jets strength coach Sal Alosi admitting he asked his henchmen to form an assault line on an NFL sideline while he attempted to maim opponents (Did he and Tonya Harding meet on eHarmony?), we spread some holiday cheer:
Festive strippers!
I love Las Vegas. A friend of mine once described it as the United State on steroids, which is true, and begs the question: Do implants count as performance-enhancing drugs?
Wow. I want to go to the North Pole.
Anyway, last year one of the keepers of the strippers bought a truck, replaced the sides with Plexiglass, put a stripper pole in the back and created his own little fun house on wheels for marketing purposes while Santa and his Elv-ettes delivered toys. This worked out really well, until the rolling strip club caused something like 612 accidents and one kid walked out of a Toys ‘R Us, saying, “Mommy, mommy! I don’t want the Play-Doh Fun Factory! I want one of those!”
Alas, some Las Vegas residents complained that the Strippermobile ran counter to family values, prompting the uncaring mayor to respond: “Move.”
Well, the Strippermobile was out again this week, and the young lasses decided to tame themselves. They delivered bikes and toys and were practically full clothed. These wore red dresses and leggings and blew kisses and young boys were still overheard saying, “I’m so done with Play Doh.”
(Transition coming.)
Meanwhile, there will be no strippers in Seattle Sunday. It’s too cold. Just a football game and hopefully no attempts to maim by a psychotic strength coach. The Falcons can clinch a playoff spot if they beat the Seahawks, or the Giants, Bears or Packers lose. More importantly, if they win, the need to beat New Orleans next week for a division title and home field in the playoffs diminishes.
Seattle is coached by Pete Carroll. Would’ve been more fun if Jim Mora was there. The explosions would keep everybody warm.
No matter. The love truck rolls again!
Falcons cover 6.
Another look at Sal Alosi and his gang of thugs
Bowl Season!
(Sorta. OK, not really, yet)
New Mexico: BYU vs. Texas El-Intercepted Passo (copyright, original “Bottom Ten,” 1970s): This bowl is a result of “the culmination of a collective effort of people with a vision in a state on the move.” Question: If New Mexico is a “state on the move” and extends bowl invitations to two 6-6 teams, including UTEP, which lost five of its last six, what does it look like standing still? Because to me New Mexico looks like South Dakota. BYU covers 11 ½.
Humanitarian: Northern Illinois vs. Fresno State: This should be easy for you, Georgia fans: Fresno State is called the Bulldogs. The team with snow tubing, which I believe you can’t do in the San Joaquin Valley. Dogs in an upset! (take the 1).
New Orleans: Troy vs. Ohio: You might say, “What’s this little Alabama school doing in a bowl?” But Troy won its final two games, which I believe puts it ahead of Alabama. Roll Troy! The 1 ½ is covered.
The Advocare Independence Bowl has come up with “Advocare V-100 Shuffle”! Dance, Georgia Tech fans! (Oy?)
NFL Six Pack
Bears at Vikings: The Bears say they wore the wrong cleats in a 36-7 loss to New England. The game was in Chicago. They LIVE in Chicago. Did they walk into Soldier Field on Sunday, slap their foreheads and say, “OMG! Snow!” They didn’t wear the wrong cleats. They wore the wrong heads. Bears cover 3.
Jets at Steelers: This week, Rex Ryan is having players throw leeches and scorpions at any Steeler who tries to make a tackle during the punt return. Pittsburgh covers 6.
Sorry, Mike. Nothing personal. I just can't go there yet.
Eagles at Giants: Michael Vick says he would like to own a dog again. Can’t we just work this like a 10-step program? We start him with a picture of poker-playing dogs and see how that goes. Giants cover 2½.
Saints at Ravens: Speaking of teams with known felonious tendencies, Baltimore Ravens really aren’t all that scary any more on defense. Actual factual: They have blown fourth-quarter leads in eight games. That said, Saints are due for a fall. Ravens cover 2½.
Packers at Patriots: New England has won its last two over the Jets and Bears by a combined score of 81-10. Somewhere, Randy Moss weeps. New England covers 11.
Texans at Titans: Bill Cowher is scheduled to put both teams through drills before the game, just so he can decide which one he wants to coach next year. Titans cover 1½.
♦
Toteboard
Last week (feh): 5-3 straight up, 4-4 against the line.
Mondo overall profit margins: 125-41 straight up, 88-75-3 against the line.
♦
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♦
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347 comments Add your comment
Barkin'Dog
December 16th, 2010
6:29 pm
Steve
December 16th, 2010 4:19 pm
Jeff no Thursday Night Internet Special??? 49ers and San Diego.
SD 40, SF 21 Enjoy! Take the over…..
Barkin'Dog
December 16th, 2010
6:36 pm
Shawn
December 16th, 2010 5:00 pm
Saints win, then march into Atl to give the Falcons a home dome thumping. Then win the NFC South. The Falcons are one of the most overrated teams in the NFL!
All I can say is, “Hide and Watch… sonny-buck!” (My funny, but departed brother’s favorite line). The Falcs don’t do anything to impress any one (much like the No-Name defense of Dolphins Fame), but they continue to win… they refuse to lose. That will not only impress many people at the end of the season (maybe even you), but it wouldn’t surprise me if they do it for years to come. Hide and watch…
Boca Baby
December 16th, 2010
6:36 pm
If you point that stripper trailer in the right direction the North Pole can be anywhere you want.
Barkin'Dog
December 16th, 2010
6:38 pm
Whoaooooo… I’m talkin’ to a wall – ain’t nobody around. That’s it, I’m outta here (my bro’s 2nd favorite line)
See ya…
PHIL
December 16th, 2010
7:03 pm
I think it’s hilarious that Saints fans claim the Falcons are over rated when they lost to the Falcons and at home to boot. How irrational would you have to be to say that the team that lost the game is better?
It’s like that rocket scientist at ESPN ranking the Saints, Ravens, and Packers over Atlanta when Atlanta has beaten them all.
idot
December 16th, 2010
7:11 pm
saints fans, have ya’ll ever heard of a team named the AZ Cardinals?
idot
December 16th, 2010
7:12 pm
How about the Cleveland Browns?
Mike "CON" Vick
December 16th, 2010
7:15 pm
Falcons hasn’t beaten anybody.
So, Ravens, Packers, AND Aints fans: each of your teams is nobody.
The falcons has to win two out of last three and they are the NFC south champs!
Brock Lesner
December 16th, 2010
7:28 pm
Jeff, you missed a golden opportunity to continue the stripper thing when pedicting the New Mexico Bowl. Isn’t UTEP’s coach Mike Price?
Fig Newton
December 16th, 2010
7:29 pm
Woody Hayes was much better than sissy Sal Alosi.
JSS
December 16th, 2010
7:30 pm
Reading the comments of “Snarky” fools who normally flounder on Ledbetter’s blog reminds of being stuck in Newark Airport during the low-cost airfares days of the 80’s… People that stupid do truly exist!
idot
December 16th, 2010
7:34 pm
The Falcons will win this weekend, and their next five.
Boiler up
December 16th, 2010
7:41 pm
sidslid …what’s up slamming Purdue on the Minnesota air bag dome. Purdue is in Indiana, moron.
Purdue engineers built the Golden Gate bridge and Hoover Dam….landed the first man on the moon…landed a plane on the Hudson river…3 different quarterbacks won superbowls…wake up.
Arno
December 16th, 2010
7:45 pm
You know Sean Payton has Ravens number. Too bad. Let Giants stomp Andy Reid’s crowd and be content with that.
UGA fan
December 16th, 2010
7:47 pm
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My wittle bullpups keep gettin beaten up by those bigger teams.
It aint fair.
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
EagleDawg
December 16th, 2010
7:52 pm
@JSS……………….The Eagles of Georgia Southern – 34; the Blue Hens of Delaware -31
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
December 16th, 2010
8:09 pm
Wouldn’t it be something if CHOKE does what he does best (CHOKE) vs Seattle and the Saints and finish the season 12-4 and the Saints win the division at 13-3 and the Falcons have to go on the road and EARN a victory.
The Falcons would have to go on the Road and play in the snow in Chicago or Green Bay and we all know old NOODLE ARM’s passes will float like butterflies but they won’t sting like a bee
1 and done is in the cards. Afterall, it could be worse – they could be hosting Vick and the Eagles in the dome and having to deal with the humiliation of a total MASACRE and the humility of their own fans wearing number 7 jerseys
jambee3
December 16th, 2010
8:22 pm
Bravo Schultz. The usual superior stuff. Loved the poker-playing dogs thing, but Mr. Vick will beat the Giants, I think.
Mike "CON" Vick
December 16th, 2010
8:28 pm
“CHOKE” how many games did Ryan let get away? How many did “CON”?
Letting Vick keep a dog is like letting a pedophile adopt a child.
PS
December 16th, 2010
8:28 pm
Dirty birds are doing it this season…..watch and see…..
Seattle Falcons Fan
December 16th, 2010
8:39 pm
Seattle is a very weak team. Pressure Hasselback and he’ll throw 4 INTs. The Seahawks have a very weak O-line.
Matt "CHOKE" Ryan
December 16th, 2010
8:40 pm
2008 vs Eagles 27-14 (Loss)
2009 vs Eagles 34-7 (Loss)
2010 vs Eagles 31-17 (Loss)
The Eagles own the Falcons.
Just face your destiny and that is that you have no playoff success
in your short futures
Ted Striker
December 16th, 2010
8:43 pm
My performance was once enhanced mightily by a stripper’s implants.
Jason
December 16th, 2010
8:44 pm
All the Falcons need to do to win the #1 seed in the NFC is to win any 2 out of their last 3 games. Any combination of 2 out of 3 locks up the #1 seed.
Mike "CON" Vick
December 16th, 2010
8:49 pm
Last 5 seasons of Dog Killers teams.
2005 8-8 No post season.
2006 7-9 No post season.
2007 JAIL
2008 JAIL
2009 wild card loss to Cowboys
NOLA
December 16th, 2010
8:49 pm
JSS
December 16th, 2010
7:30 pm
Reading the comments of “Snarky” fools who normally flounder on Ledbetter’s blog reminds of being stuck in Newark Airport during the low-cost airfares days of the 80’s… People that stupid do truly exist!
——
You are just an old, unemployable, bitter, fart. You are not adding any value to this conversation. You don’t own the blog so STFU old man.
Next time proof read your comment before you call others stupid or fools.
Jim More Jr.
December 16th, 2010
10:00 pm
Me was a great coach in the NFL and I am a great announcer in the NFL. I am the greatest.
I want to buy beer on Sunday
December 16th, 2010
10:01 pm
What a bullsh-t law….. freaking Southern Baptists
ALL IN !!!!
December 16th, 2010
10:05 pm
http://www.al.com/sports/index.ssf/2010/12/auburn_braided_hair_ban.html
Murky Richt
December 16th, 2010
10:06 pm
In the 1986 Jan Kemp trial, O. Hale Almand Jr., a lawyer for UGA, offered a justification for the favorable treatment accorded the athletes, citing a hypothetical player. “We may not make a university student out of him,” he told the jury, “but if we can teach him to read and write, maybe he can work at the post office rather than as a garbageman when he gets through with his athletic career.”
That trial exposed UGA for the football factory that it was, and exposed Vince Dooley as a fraud and a sleazebag. It also derailed Dooley’s plans for a political career. That’s why we see the decrepit old fraud doing TV commercials even now.
Mark Richt is just the latest in a line of sleazy UGA coaches who coddle athletes and discard them after four years of football. He recruits illiterate morons he knows aren’t smart enough for college, but he doesn’t care, as long as they help him line his pockets with millions of dollars each year.
Suntanned Saint Mark isn’t all he appears to be, is he?
JSS
December 16th, 2010
10:24 pm
@ NOLA…
Thanks for the observation, too bad you have no idea what “Snarky” means in terms of the Ledbetter blog. It means the people over there who stifle discussion, make Katrina cracks, call for people to be banned; especially those from New Orleans… So thanks again, good luck running into the same brick wall over and over again (on the Ledbetter blog or over here)…
PS: “Next time proof read your comment before you call others stupid or fools.”
I’ll try doing that about the same time you learn to put a comma between independent and
dependent clauses…
JSS
December 16th, 2010
10:26 pm
@ Eagle Dawg…
That’s a lot of points!
jack bull
December 16th, 2010
10:43 pm
hey jeff, care to wager? i got a feeling the falcons lose, and i also think the saints have found their ‘mojo’ and will win.. you got my email, let me know.. i kinda thought the falcons would go 2-1 on this 3 game ‘road trip’, if you will. so, i gotta stick with it…
Lifelong Dawg
December 16th, 2010
10:49 pm
NOLA,
Re your assertion that the Falcons are a “warm weather” team: the players on the Seahawks didn’t grow up in Seattle any more than all the Falcons’ players grew up in the South. Cold is cold for everyone who hates it; it’s relative for both teams. BTW, the game-time temp is estimated to be 45 degrees. And I believe it was a Falcons squad that handed Green Bay their first ever Lambeau Field playoff loss. Not much to hang your hat on if you’re hoping the mid-40’s will be a factor. The West Coast thing is another specious argument. The Falcons’ last trip out West was a 45-10 demolition of the 49′ers last year. One can dream, though, that all these outside forces will make a clearly mediocre Seahawks team the victor over a demonstrably superior Falcons unit. Alas, it’s just a dream…
Amused,
IF (big IF) the Dawgs EVER fail to sell their ticket allotment out (to ANY game) we can talk about UGA not traveling well. I have a feeling we won’t be having that conversation for quite a while. GT can’t sell out its HOME games (in an arena with half the seating of Sanford Stadium) unless the other teams’ fans buy the tickets. And that’s in a city (Atlanta metro pop. of 5.4 million) with about 45 times the number of people living in Athens-Clarke County (pop. 114,000). THAT’S not even very amusing to me; it’s actually kind of sad. Oh, and where is your condemnation of the now (thankfully) silent St. Simons, who plastered these blogs with the score of GT’s ONLY win against the Dawgs for an entire year, and only shut up because Tech’s annual beatings at the hands of UGA resumed? ((((42-34))))) is admittedly old already, but ((((45-42)))) went on for a full 12 months. Give crap – take crap.
Lifelong Dawg
December 16th, 2010
10:51 pm
I should have said “ONLY win in the last decade…” I’ll clarify that now.
Gen Neyland
December 16th, 2010
10:57 pm
Falcons win and Saints lose is the same thought I had. What are you trying to do to me, JS, make me crazy..? On Vick and a puppy : Should Jeffery Dahmer have been sent to a Juvenile Detention Center..?
Falcon Jim
December 16th, 2010
11:00 pm
I just can’t wait to give the Taints one last BIG F.U,
Pooper Scooper Trooper Taylor
December 16th, 2010
11:07 pm
Uhh me’s son wants to be wearin’ he braids when he ballin yo. this be racist on the real yo. we gots to keeps its real.
kral
December 16th, 2010
11:11 pm
That was a funny article jeffie
NOLA
December 16th, 2010
11:35 pm
JSS
December 16th, 2010
10:24 pm
@ NOLA…
Thanks for the observation, too bad you have no idea what “Snarky” means in terms of the Ledbetter blog. It means the people over there who stifle discussion, make Katrina cracks, call for people to be banned; especially those from New Orleans… So thanks again, good luck running into the same brick wall over and over again (on the Ledbetter blog or over here)…
—–
I know what snarky means, I have no idea what “Snarky” means. Feel free to make up your own definitions as you go along.
Ledbetter is a disgrace to his profession.
Falcon Jim
December 17th, 2010
12:10 am
Mr Ledbetter is an outstanding person and journalist.
Ted Striker
December 17th, 2010
12:33 am
To the guy at 11:35 p.m. who wrote “I know what snarky means, I have no idea what ‘Snarky’ means….” —
Dude. Slow down. You’ll get a headache if left brain doesn’t talk to right brain and get a consensus.
JSS
December 17th, 2010
12:51 am
@ Ted Striker…
“Dude. Slow down. You’ll get a headache if left brain doesn’t talk to right brain and get a consensus.”
These are the times I wished I consumed alcohol! Happy Holidays!
idot
December 17th, 2010
1:13 am
Alcohol would probably make you even meaner.
FF284
December 17th, 2010
1:35 am
JSS—–You chastise someone for not adding to the football discussion and then you don’t add to the football discussion. Good job! Where I’m from that is called being a hypocrite and I was being snarky!!!!
Matt “choke” Ryan—–Do you really want to talk about a quarterback choking in cold weather games when you are backing Mike Vick? Vick has, what, a handful of wins in weather below 32 degrees? I personally can only remember one win in the cold and that was the Green Bay playoff game. Whereas Matt Ryan played in the cold while at Boston Collage and he is well above 500 in December and January games in the NFL. I really have to question if you ever think about or bother to look up any of the garbage you talk about. To me, it just seems like all you have is calling a very good young quarterback noodle arm while he keeps wracking up win, after win. In contrast, the Eagles have twice as many losses, as the Falcons, and they haven’t played a cold weather game yet. Need I point out that in their game against the Steelers it was warm enough to rain? Let’s see how Mike Vick does when it’s cold. His history with the Falcons would suggest that cold weather equals turnovers!
FF284
December 17th, 2010
1:39 am
JSS—–Sorry, I didn’t mean to direct that at you. I meant to direct the comment towards NOLA. Again I am sorry.
JSS
December 17th, 2010
1:45 am
@ FF284…
No problem, have a good night, we can all use a decent night of sleep… No need to apologize, it is just a blog…
Reid Adair
December 17th, 2010
1:49 am
What a shame that the prudes in Las Vegas did not see the sincere, good-hearted efforts of the rolling strip club. At least the owner didn’t give up entirely on his generosity.
I think you’re right about the Falcons and, more importantly, the Saints.
JSS
December 17th, 2010
1:58 am
@ Idot…
Alcohol makes people in my family funnier than the late Robin Harris… My late Uncle Wyman was so funny, but only on the drink. He almost got lynched one night because he bore a striking resemblance to Joe Kennedy… He was so lit that he started telling jokes about County Cork! That silver haired man talked his way out of that; used to love to hear the other old postmen tell that story… So think what you like, like driving, I wouldn’t drink and blog!
dagnabit
December 17th, 2010
4:45 am
Those sissy poodles bite a lot of people every year. And this time of year no-one would confuse New Mexico with South Dakota.