Weekend Predictions: Cam Newton and Auburn conquer all
Before this season’s final week of dead, solid, perfect, financial locks — give or take an Alabama meltdown and the forgotten inevitability that Steve Spurrier would make Dabo Swinney look like he had a head full of nougat (what was I thinking picking Clemson last week?) — we have this update from the world of high of finance:
Stanley Ho, a billionaire casino owner in Macau (of course), who clearly has money and nougat to burn, won an action. For a castle? No. A vintage car? No. Video of Brett Favre’s last pass completion? No.
Rather, Stanley Ho, billionaire, just paid $330,000 for two white “truffles,” which is French for, “Fungus found in dirt or sometimes under old chicken lo mein forgotten in the back of fridge and often resembling the facial expression of Nick Saban after blowing a 24-0 lead at home. Roll [Over] Tide!”
Mmmm. Delectable, delicious fungus. Does that come with fries?
So Stanley Ho paid $165,000 each for two pieces of fungus. You know, there actually was a time when I thought A.J. Green deserved an MBA for getting $1,000 for his Independence Bowl jersey. Now I’m thinking he got ripped off.
Even Cecil “Huggy Bear” Newton didn’t ask for $330,000 when he was pimping his son to Mississippi State. And Cam isn’t even a fungus!
Seriously, I don’t know what Cam Newton is. Some indestructible being? Did he conquer Tokyo with Godzilla and Monster Zero? Regardless of whether you think this kid is wholesome or dirtier than his Polluted Padre, this dude is an unrockable rock star. I’m not sure there has ever — ever — been a college player who has performed at the level he has while all of the world outside of Auburn looked at him and thought: “You sir, are fungus, at $180,000 to $200,000 retail.”
And so, as much I’d like to crawl out on the upset limb in the SEC championship game, I can’t do it. South Carolina is good. But not that good. And whatever happened last week in Tuscaloosa must have something to do with cosmic forces. This team’s not losing. The line is 5. Auburn wins the SEC and covers.
♦
Look out! It’s the three-headed Cam-Monster Zero!
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Not Involving Cam Newton
ACC championship: Virginia Tech has won 10 straight since losing to James Madison. Here’s an idea: Schedule JMU for the spring game instead next year. Florida State was impressive last week against Florida, but who wasn’t impressive this year against Florida, except, well, you know. Arf. The FSU Board of Regents is sponsoring a Bobby Bowden Pin Cushion Doll to the first 10,000 fans. Hokies cover 4.
Big 12 championship: So Nebraska plays in a conference title game, then bolts for the Big Ten when it’s over? That makes for an interesting trophy ceremony with the conference commissioner if the Cornhuskers win. But they won’t. Oklahoma covers 5.
Conference USA: You think either George O’Leary (Notre Dame’s coach for seven minutes) or June Jones (former Falcons coach) ever envisioned the Conference USA title would be the highlight of their season? Oh well. Georgia may face the winner of this titanic tilt in the Liberty. Central Florida covers 9 over SMU.
♦
NFL Value Menu
(Buy 3 games, win a copy of Derek Anderson’s new book, “Laughing in Last Place.”)
Matt Ryan threw everything but a slider in November.
Falcons at Tampa: There haven’t been any grand proclamations from Raheem Morris this week about the Bucs being the NFL’s greatest team. So much for bulletin board material. No matter. The Falcons have won five straight, Matt Ryan completed 69.3 percent of his passes in November for seven touchdowns and zero interceptions and suddenly the franchise is national TV material. Don’t get dizzy from the altitude. Falcons cover 3.
Rams at Cardinals: Derek Anderson was caught by TV cameras laughing late in Arizona’s 27-6 loss to San Francisco and acted like a 2-year-old when asked about it, but at least he had the decency to apologize the next day. What Darnell Dockett’s excuse? The NFL’s Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Twitter is out of control. His latest short-attention span rants included to “[bleep] anybody” (the world starts with an “F”) who dared question him or said the reporter wasn’t “mann[sic] enough to ask me … why Im Laughing!” I don’t know. Because you’re stupid? St. Louis covers 3.
Steelers at Ravens: Ben Roethlisberger has a foot injury. Let’s assume it wasn’t from stumbling in the men’s room again. Take the Steelers and 3 — and in a straight-up upset.
It says here Belichick will capture Ryan's flag.
Saints at Bungles: Cincinnati has lost eight straight and here’s an actual factual: The team has been outscored 58-3 in the second half of the last two losses. That’s a sign of players either quitting or drinking from the same Kool-Aid bowl at halftime. Either way, somebody’s going to take the fall. Does Marvin Lewis’s plane ticket still say coach? New Orleans covers 6½.
Jets at Patriots: Rex Ryan vs. Bill Belichick. Forget that you wouldn’t want to buy cookies from either one. Which one would you bet on in a game of Stratego? (Kids, ask your dad.) Patriots cover 3½.
♦
The Anderson meltdown, redux
♦
“Depend on the rabbit’s foot if you will, but remember it didn’t work for the rabbit.” – R.E. Shay
Last week (not so great): 9-6 straight up, 5-10 against the line.
Financial overview: 111-38 straight up, 77-69-3 against the line.
Lock of the week: Cecil Newton, scared straight.
“Sack Schultz” (It’s over!)
We have our final cheater! I mean, winner! Michael Murray, a local from Sandy Springs, was our national winner (edging contestants from Ohio and New Hampshire via tiebreaker). He wins the 37-inch HDTV. Greg Fox of Roswell won the Georgia-Georgia Tech tickets last week. For the record, I finished in 108th out of 4,815 entries. In short, I let 107 of you sack me — because I didn’t want to show off.
♦
Last few episodes . . .
♦ Richt demotes strength coach, but is that enough?
♦ Stop whining: NCAA got it right on Cam Newton, Auburn
♦ Gruden to Miami would be manna for starving ACC
♦ Falcons are winning because they’re following Mike Smith
♦
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256 comments Add your comment
6-6 won't get you to a national championship
December 3rd, 2010
11:06 am
“You are aware “they obviously know” is a grammatically correct statement, right?”
Wasn’t correcting her grammar, ma’am. I was pointing out that “they obviously know” was ridiculous because…..GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, no one knows.
6-6 won't get you to a national championship
December 3rd, 2010
11:06 am
Enter your comments here
6-6 won't get you to a national championship
December 3rd, 2010
11:07 am
dex
I wasn’t pointing out incorrect grammar. I was pointing out that her statement was/is ridiculous because GASP!, no one knows except for the NCAA and FBI.
Make sense?
dex
December 3rd, 2010
11:08 am
See, where it says “Enter your comments here” is where you type in whatever brilliance you want to contribute to the blog. Once you have completed that you simply click on the “submit comment” button below.
Barners. Gotta love ‘em!!!
6-6 won't get you to a national championship
December 3rd, 2010
11:09 am
“You are aware “they obviously know” is a grammatically correct statement, right? Gotta love trailerpark trash that think they are smart yet foolishly humiliate themselves while trying to correct someone that is O-B-V-I-O-U-S-L-Y more intelligent than they are. LOL!!!!!’
Trailer park is two words, troglodyte. I wasn’t pointing out incorrect grammar but I guess you couldn’t figure that out. Anyhoo, I was pointing out the ridiculousness of that incorrect statement about everyone obviously knowing.
6-6 won't get you to a national championship
December 3rd, 2010
11:10 am
“See, where it says “Enter your comments here” is where you type in whatever brilliance you want to contribute to the blog. Once you have completed that you simply click on the “submit comment” button below.”
For some reason my comments aren’t posting.
6-6 won't get you to a national championship
December 3rd, 2010
11:11 am
“You are aware “they obviously know” is a grammatically correct statement, right? Gotta love trailerpark trash that think they are smart yet foolishly humiliate themselves while trying to correct someone that is O-B-V-I-O-U-S-L-Y more intelligent than they are. LOL!!!!!”
Troglodyte, trailer park is two words, not one. Now, if you had half a brain, you’d have known that I was pointing out the stupidity of that “everyone knows” comment because GASP, only the NCAA knows.
Make sense, low IQ?
6-6 won't get you to a national championship
December 3rd, 2010
11:13 am
dex
I’m so sorry you were raped in prison.
GDAWGS65
December 3rd, 2010
11:20 am
Officiating will be in favor of Auburn – it was during the UGA Aub game. It’s true there’s a vested interest in Aub winning so the SEC will be in the national championship game. It’s all about money and the officials will again overlook Aub’s Fairly’s personal fouls to help Aub win.
6-6 won't get you to a national championship
December 3rd, 2010
11:21 am
GDAWGS65
What about your other 5 losses? Was there vested interest in all of your other 5 losses?
How They See It: Pundits’ Picks :NFL News Team
December 3rd, 2010
11:23 am
[...] “The Falcons have won five straight, Matt Ryan completed 69.3 percent of his passes in November for seven touchdowns and zero interceptions and suddenly the franchise is national TV material. Don’t get dizzy from the altitude.” -Jeff Schultz, AJC‘ Blog. [...]
AU
December 3rd, 2010
11:23 am
Cant wait to watch the players hoist the SEC trophy tomorrow.
AU
December 3rd, 2010
11:25 am
yes GDAWGS65. UGA lost to Auburn because of the officials… now thats funny.
jarvis
December 3rd, 2010
11:28 am
6-6
reality check
December 3rd, 2010
12:02 pm
No matter what happens with Auburn this season, they become at least a 5 loss team beginning next season. They’ll be ready to can Chizik within 2 years. The Tide and Gators will rebound quickly mainly because of their coaching, recruiting, and resources in general. Auburn is already in trouble on the recruiting front, and just wait until probation hits. Auburn fans better savor every minute of this season, because the fall they are about to take will be lightning quick. The chances of Gene Chizik coaching them in another SEC Championship game are ZERO!
Pago Pago Dawg
December 3rd, 2010
12:03 pm
June Jones wouldn’t be a bad offensive coach….UGA should hire him.
jarvis
December 3rd, 2010
12:06 pm
@Pago
I hope somebody just slapped you.
dex
December 3rd, 2010
12:08 pm
Actually, “trailerpark” is a compound word, or a “portmanteau.” Either form is acceptable. Care to try again barner, or do you want to dig your hole of shame even deeper? I hope you chose the latter.
FSU fan
December 3rd, 2010
12:08 pm
FSU wins by 3..Go Fisher, and thanks for very good 1st year.
Coach
December 3rd, 2010
12:36 pm
It was not “cosmic forces” that gave Auburn the win. It was cosmic funding in play. Money talks and the BCS and SEC have a whole bunch of it. Alabama’s complete control of Auburn was obvious to everyone (NO I AM NOT AN ALABAMA FAN) and I am sure the round table at the convention in January will be an interesting one. My questions for you to answer are these:
1.) At the time what would an Auburn loss have meant to the BCS? Especially before the conference switches they have been able to manufacture take place. TCU-Big East? WTHeck?
2.) How much money would the SEC lose in total bowl appearances if Auburn loses?
3.) How important is it financially (including future coverage dollars) to have a team from your conference in the Title Game?
4.) Is it remotely possible that there are political forces in play in any way? (No brainer there)
Just think on this for one moment and consider the possibility of it being a valid argument. Not that it is, just the possibility it is. This is a very tight fraternity. Remember I have absolutely no bias and Auburn’s athletes do deserve their chance, just like hundreds of other athletes left out of an opportunity every year.
GT Rules!!
December 3rd, 2010
12:42 pm
What sucks is that even with our defense we would have wiped FSU by at least 10 points if we played them this weekend in the ACCCG! FSU is a joke. Mark it down, within 2 years they will be back on probabtion!
DIT
December 3rd, 2010
12:44 pm
Have to say. I like the idea about June Jones being UGA’s OC!!!!
gdawginkalamazoo
December 3rd, 2010
12:52 pm
Haven’t we played a June Jones offense before. Seemed like it was in a recent bowl game. Can anybody refresh my memory as to how that one turned out? I think we had Willie Martinez still running our defense when we played June’s high flying offense.
Tiger Stripes
December 3rd, 2010
12:56 pm
OK, Dawg nation – we get it. Nick Fairley is a cheater, Cam is a scumbag, and Auburn is the worst place on earth. Really – it is getting old. Name calling is an arena reserved for the most mediocre of minds. Now, how about an adult conversation about football – not politics.
USC’s Johnson said that in order for them to be successful in the SEC title game, Steve Spurrier and Marcus Lattimore will have to establish a run game that limits the amount of time Auburn’s defense is on the field. Auburn is running 80 plays a game, and no matter how well conditioned your defense is, they will be winded if Auburn is left on the field. Secondly, Johnson suggested that he won’t let Newton get his yards and points and USC will “shut down Auburn’s other playmakers”.
“You’re not going to stop him,” Johnson said. “You’ve got to slow him down, force some turnovers.
“But if you go in there thinking, ‘I’ll take the other guys away,’ Cam Newton will kill you.”
In my opinion, a USC victory depends on 3 things really:
1. Establish the run game with Lattimore.
2. Take out Auburn’s run game (Cam, Dyer, and McCalebb).
3. Capitalize on turnovers.
Spurrier is a genius and USC will have a completely different plan of attack than they did in the first match up, but unless AU has an off game and Cam is held at both the run and pass attack– USC is not victorious into tomorrow’s game. WDE!
All of you are stupid
December 3rd, 2010
12:59 pm
Cam wins SEC title, National championship & Heisman. His dad loses at poker.
Falcons beat Bucs.
Here is a solution to a big problem. Let’s give college football players 7 years to get a degree, 12 years if they go to the NFL. Fully paid for by the school.
Pay the players a modest salary while they’re in school-$20,000 a year. Do this for all the schools in the BCS conferences.
War Eagle/Aubie-won-ka-nobie/AU Fan/Auburn Redhead
December 3rd, 2010
1:01 pm
I will be watching the game with my MOMMY tomorrow.
I promise I will be back here posting after the game.
ALL IN
6-6 won't get you to a national championship
December 3rd, 2010
1:04 pm
“Actually, “trailerpark” is a compound word, or a “portmanteau.” Either form is acceptable. Care to try again barner, or do you want to dig your hole of shame even deeper? I hope you chose the latter.”
Ma’am, I’m not sure if you failed out of public schools or what, but trailer park is two words.
Now, as far as shame goes, have fun in Memphis at the Liberty Bowl.
Thanks for playing.
All of you are stupid
December 3rd, 2010
1:05 pm
Clarification: money paid to athletes is kept in a trust fund and given to them at 23 or when they complete their undergraduate degree, which ever comes first.
6-6 won't get you to a national championship
December 3rd, 2010
1:05 pm
“Alabama’s complete control of Auburn was obvious to everyone”
You left out the fact that that “control” only lasted for one quarter.
jarvis
December 3rd, 2010
1:38 pm
By the way, June Jones makes $2.1 million as the coach at SMU. He’s not coming here to be our OC.
jarvis
December 3rd, 2010
1:47 pm
@All of you are stupid
Got a plan for Title IX. Cause the law (not NCAA regs…the friggin’ LAW) says anything you do for male atheltes must be done equally for female atheltes.
You going to create a trust for the Equestrian Team too? Feds say you have to.
Falcon Jim
December 3rd, 2010
1:52 pm
June Jones is a really fine man. I don’t think we ever got the full story on the impact of that horrible car wreck he was in. If he is happy at SMU, please man, just stay.
jarvis
December 3rd, 2010
1:57 pm
Fishnet is a good compound word.
All of you are stupid
December 3rd, 2010
2:01 pm
Jarvis,
I hear what you’re saying. But when it comes to enforcement, the Feds get right in bed with the NCAA and neither really enforces much of anything.
Get these major BCS colleges to do the right thing and pay these athletes while they help them progress toward graduation during and after their playing time is over at the school. If the kids drop out or flunk out, well, that happens. But at least compensate them for some of what they gave to the school. Which is a lot.
dex
December 3rd, 2010
2:03 pm
Sweetheart, look up the definition for “compound word” and educate yourself. Barners are such wonderful entertainment.
I hope you enjoy college basketball and baseball, because in a couple of more months that’s all your school is going to have for quite sometime
$cammy
December 3rd, 2010
2:06 pm
Never realized just how trashy and pathetic Auburn fans were until this year. I used to have respect for them and considered them a cousin institution. Now that they have shown their true colors, I look forward to watching their demise after their two best hired guns pull a one-and-done at the end of the year and bolt for the NFL before all of Auburn’s dirty dealings hit the fan.
bebo
December 3rd, 2010
2:07 pm
@dex,
You know you shouldn’t waste your time trying to educate a stupid Barner inbreeder. Spend your time more wisely.
6-6 won't get you to a national championship
December 3rd, 2010
2:15 pm
“Sweetheart, look up the definition for “compound word” and educate yourself.”
Trailer park is two words, ma’am. You should know since you reside in one.
“I hope you enjoy college basketball and baseball, because in a couple of more months that’s all your school is going to have for quite sometime”
Blah blah blah blah blah…………..
I’ll wave to you from Glendale!
6-6 won't get you to a national championship
December 3rd, 2010
2:16 pm
bebo
Speaking of inbreeding, did you ever get your webbed fingers looked at?
6-6 won't get you to a national championship
December 3rd, 2010
2:17 pm
“Never realized just how trashy and pathetic Auburn fans were until this year.”
Speaking of trash, did you ever figure out who those herpes invested red panties belonged to?
Bodda Getta
December 3rd, 2010
2:18 pm
Butthurt.
Compound word describing fans of teams who were dominated by the Auburn Tigers.
Bodda Getta
December 3rd, 2010
2:21 pm
$cammy,
Keep hope alive.
Bodda Getta
December 3rd, 2010
2:24 pm
June Jones?
Seriously?
Bodda Getta
December 3rd, 2010
2:27 pm
GT beats FSU by 10 points?
Seriously?
jarvis
December 3rd, 2010
2:28 pm
I’m also fond of pinwheel. It’s a fun compound word.
Bodda Getta
December 3rd, 2010
2:30 pm
Pinwheel.
It turns when your team blows.
OldeFan
December 3rd, 2010
2:30 pm
Isn’t it Auburn who has the deep pocketed fan/supporter = Bobby somebody – who would have paid Newton Daddy much more than the $180K he wanted from Mississippi for Cam. He’s paid for talent before. Bet That’s the reason Cam went to Auburn. Wonder if the NCAA checked that out?
Bodda Getta
December 3rd, 2010
2:31 pm
Pinwheel.
It also turns when your team sucks.
Bodda Getta
December 3rd, 2010
2:32 pm
Olde Fan,
The NCAA checked it out and found nothing other than a solicitation to Mississippi State.
Penalty was assessed and served. It’s over.
Enjoy the game.
Bodda Getta
December 3rd, 2010
2:37 pm
Coach,
“Cosmic funding” and “Alabama’s complete control of Auburn was obvious to everyone”?
Welcome to 1975.