Weekend Predictions: Cam Newton and Auburn conquer all
Before this season’s final week of dead, solid, perfect, financial locks — give or take an Alabama meltdown and the forgotten inevitability that Steve Spurrier would make Dabo Swinney look like he had a head full of nougat (what was I thinking picking Clemson last week?) — we have this update from the world of high of finance:
Stanley Ho, a billionaire casino owner in Macau (of course), who clearly has money and nougat to burn, won an action. For a castle? No. A vintage car? No. Video of Brett Favre’s last pass completion? No.
Rather, Stanley Ho, billionaire, just paid $330,000 for two white “truffles,” which is French for, “Fungus found in dirt or sometimes under old chicken lo mein forgotten in the back of fridge and often resembling the facial expression of Nick Saban after blowing a 24-0 lead at home. Roll [Over] Tide!”
Mmmm. Delectable, delicious fungus. Does that come with fries?
So Stanley Ho paid $165,000 each for two pieces of fungus. You know, there actually was a time when I thought A.J. Green deserved an MBA for getting $1,000 for his Independence Bowl jersey. Now I’m thinking he got ripped off.
Even Cecil “Huggy Bear” Newton didn’t ask for $330,000 when he was pimping his son to Mississippi State. And Cam isn’t even a fungus!
Seriously, I don’t know what Cam Newton is. Some indestructible being? Did he conquer Tokyo with Godzilla and Monster Zero? Regardless of whether you think this kid is wholesome or dirtier than his Polluted Padre, this dude is an unrockable rock star. I’m not sure there has ever — ever — been a college player who has performed at the level he has while all of the world outside of Auburn looked at him and thought: “You sir, are fungus, at $180,000 to $200,000 retail.”
And so, as much I’d like to crawl out on the upset limb in the SEC championship game, I can’t do it. South Carolina is good. But not that good. And whatever happened last week in Tuscaloosa must have something to do with cosmic forces. This team’s not losing. The line is 5. Auburn wins the SEC and covers.
♦
Look out! It’s the three-headed Cam-Monster Zero!
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Not Involving Cam Newton
ACC championship: Virginia Tech has won 10 straight since losing to James Madison. Here’s an idea: Schedule JMU for the spring game instead next year. Florida State was impressive last week against Florida, but who wasn’t impressive this year against Florida, except, well, you know. Arf. The FSU Board of Regents is sponsoring a Bobby Bowden Pin Cushion Doll to the first 10,000 fans. Hokies cover 4.
Big 12 championship: So Nebraska plays in a conference title game, then bolts for the Big Ten when it’s over? That makes for an interesting trophy ceremony with the conference commissioner if the Cornhuskers win. But they won’t. Oklahoma covers 5.
Conference USA: You think either George O’Leary (Notre Dame’s coach for seven minutes) or June Jones (former Falcons coach) ever envisioned the Conference USA title would be the highlight of their season? Oh well. Georgia may face the winner of this titanic tilt in the Liberty. Central Florida covers 9 over SMU.
♦
NFL Value Menu
(Buy 3 games, win a copy of Derek Anderson’s new book, “Laughing in Last Place.”)
Matt Ryan threw everything but a slider in November.
Falcons at Tampa: There haven’t been any grand proclamations from Raheem Morris this week about the Bucs being the NFL’s greatest team. So much for bulletin board material. No matter. The Falcons have won five straight, Matt Ryan completed 69.3 percent of his passes in November for seven touchdowns and zero interceptions and suddenly the franchise is national TV material. Don’t get dizzy from the altitude. Falcons cover 3.
Rams at Cardinals: Derek Anderson was caught by TV cameras laughing late in Arizona’s 27-6 loss to San Francisco and acted like a 2-year-old when asked about it, but at least he had the decency to apologize the next day. What Darnell Dockett’s excuse? The NFL’s Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Twitter is out of control. His latest short-attention span rants included to “[bleep] anybody” (the world starts with an “F”) who dared question him or said the reporter wasn’t “mann[sic] enough to ask me … why Im Laughing!” I don’t know. Because you’re stupid? St. Louis covers 3.
Steelers at Ravens: Ben Roethlisberger has a foot injury. Let’s assume it wasn’t from stumbling in the men’s room again. Take the Steelers and 3 — and in a straight-up upset.
It says here Belichick will capture Ryan's flag.
Saints at Bungles: Cincinnati has lost eight straight and here’s an actual factual: The team has been outscored 58-3 in the second half of the last two losses. That’s a sign of players either quitting or drinking from the same Kool-Aid bowl at halftime. Either way, somebody’s going to take the fall. Does Marvin Lewis’s plane ticket still say coach? New Orleans covers 6½.
Jets at Patriots: Rex Ryan vs. Bill Belichick. Forget that you wouldn’t want to buy cookies from either one. Which one would you bet on in a game of Stratego? (Kids, ask your dad.) Patriots cover 3½.
♦
The Anderson meltdown, redux
♦
“Depend on the rabbit’s foot if you will, but remember it didn’t work for the rabbit.” – R.E. Shay
Last week (not so great): 9-6 straight up, 5-10 against the line.
Financial overview: 111-38 straight up, 77-69-3 against the line.
Lock of the week: Cecil Newton, scared straight.
“Sack Schultz” (It’s over!)
We have our final cheater! I mean, winner! Michael Murray, a local from Sandy Springs, was our national winner (edging contestants from Ohio and New Hampshire via tiebreaker). He wins the 37-inch HDTV. Greg Fox of Roswell won the Georgia-Georgia Tech tickets last week. For the record, I finished in 108th out of 4,815 entries. In short, I let 107 of you sack me — because I didn’t want to show off.
♦
Last few episodes . . .
♦ Richt demotes strength coach, but is that enough?
♦ Stop whining: NCAA got it right on Cam Newton, Auburn
♦ Gruden to Miami would be manna for starving ACC
♦ Falcons are winning because they’re following Mike Smith
♦
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256 comments Add your comment
We rent players Inc
December 2nd, 2010
9:54 pm
I don’t think they have finished with the AU investigation either- they have only had this case since late July I think it was.
Captain Obvious
December 2nd, 2010
9:56 pm
They should pass out Pepto before asking us to watch the post heisman photo sesion.
Gag me.
Jeff Schultz
December 2nd, 2010
10:01 pm
“Cam Newton” — One more and you get banned.
Captain Obvious
December 2nd, 2010
10:04 pm
No stinch surrouding this kid?
Signs w/ Floriduh.
Doesnt play.
3 cheating violations.
Transfers to Juco.
Committs to Miss St.
Switches at last sec. to AU
Anyone heat the interview with his Juco Head Coach?
You ain’t gotta be very smart to figure this one out
I feel stupid even pointing out the obvious. C’mon.
Pew!
AU Engineer
December 2nd, 2010
10:06 pm
Auburn was never under investigation, and the NCAA has stated this. Auburn has the best compliance guy in America – - a former NCAA attorney – - and he needs a pay raise! The whole story was an eligibility story until the media played it up into all kinds of unrelated stories (Cam’s laptop, Cam’s UF grades, Milton McGregor, etc.).
Auburn met with the SEC last summer and cleared Cam before he ever stepped on the field in August. This is what you are not hearing much about. AU knew about the Rogers stuff in July, but I don’t think they had detailed information. AU learned more after the NCAA made Cecil turn over his bank account info. and church financial records, and pretty much forced Cecil to come clean and admit what he and Rogers were up to at MSU.
We rent players Inc
December 2nd, 2010
10:13 pm
I am assuming that the investigation will continue and that if a money trail turns up they will follow it- whether it is discovered by the NCAA or the FBI.
AU Fan
December 2nd, 2010
10:16 pm
NCAA president released a statement about Cam Newton.
Letter summed up: F OFF, we made the right decision.
WAR DAMN EAGLE!!!!!!!!!
AU Fan
December 2nd, 2010
10:18 pm
AU Engineer
UGA and Bama fans are the only people crying about this case. If any of them had actually looked at the case, they’d see where Auburn has never, I repeat NEVER, been accused of anything.
Bottom line: SUCK IT BAMA AND UGA FANS!!!!!!
We rent players Inc
December 2nd, 2010
10:20 pm
AU Fan YET!!!
AU Fan
December 2nd, 2010
10:20 pm
UGA fans,
What bowl are the 6-6ers going to this year?
HAHAHAAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AU Fan
December 2nd, 2010
10:21 pm
Hey Jeff,
I’m a little surprised that you let racist people comment on your blog. Then again, what else do Bama fans have in life?
Sheep
December 2nd, 2010
10:21 pm
Follow along… to foloow the Cam, Auburn, SEC, NCAA, ESPN logic… every dooshbag that ever solicited a HO is not guilty.
Auburn Alumni
December 2nd, 2010
10:23 pm
Cam is very representaive of the fine student athletes of our fine institution.
When do the preseason rankings come out?
December 2nd, 2010
10:32 pm
Boise State 69, Georgia 13. A humiliating beatdown and the start of another crappo season.
Pulpwood Smith
December 2nd, 2010
10:35 pm
Dese UGA players are even mo dumma than I wuz.
Demon Avens
December 2nd, 2010
10:38 pm
“Cam is very representaive of the fine student athletes of our fine institution.”
Compared to the overpaid thugs and goons at UGA, you’re right.
Tweets that mention Weekend Predictions: Cam Newton and Auburn conquer all | Jeff Schultz -- Topsy.com
December 2nd, 2010
10:43 pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jeff Schultz, Jeff Schultz. Jeff Schultz said: @FalconsDCox Sorry, they got up a little later tonight. Sidetracked by other things. http://tinyurl.com/23tj4fb [...]
GaBlue
December 2nd, 2010
11:04 pm
“Regardless of whether you think this kid is wholesome or dirtier than his Polluted Padre, this dude is an unrockable rock star.” — JS
Indeed, Mr. Schultz!! Cam Newton IS a rock star, and Lord knows… without rock stars, who would ROCK us when we need it?
But this kid (like most of our kids) is neither as wholesome as we wish to believe, nor as dirty as we’ll never admit to being at least once in our own youth. He’s still merely on the threshhold of manhood, learning to be the man he’s going to be. Will he follow the ways of his father? Or are there assistant coaches, trainers, or a teacher somewhere we’ll never know about who inspired his faith in himself?
And what will he learn from the haters who bombarded him these last weeks? My sources down there tell me he’s GREAT with the children with whom he volunteers, and just adores them. Big picture: How we treat young people matters more than where our favorite team lands in the rankings from one year to the next. (Blasphemy on a sports blog, I know, but if it helps even one mouth-foaming DAWG fan step back from the edge of the sanity cliff, it was worth it. God bless! {;-> )
Heath
December 2nd, 2010
11:04 pm
It won’t do any good to ban Cam, Jeff, the NCAA will just reinstate him. There’s money to be made, ya know (but Cam doesn’t know anything about it).
jack wagon from mamby pamby land
December 2nd, 2010
11:08 pm
GaBlue One thing I have never forgotten about the Florida computeer episode though- when the cops went to his room and saw the computer in his room – his first comment was “I want to talk with my lawyer”. How many average kids would have that as their first response? This was in the police report.
Kinda indicates he has used that line before. Ya think?
college football
December 2nd, 2010
11:14 pm
i smell a rat at auburn…and so do a lot of other people!
Herschel Stalker
December 2nd, 2010
11:14 pm
I was cheated. All I got from UGA was a new Trans Am.
Okay, they gave me “gas money” too.
Beaver
December 2nd, 2010
11:15 pm
Gosh Wally. Could the SEC be rigging the game?
Wallace Clever
December 2nd, 2010
11:16 pm
Why no Beeve. Tony, Mr. College football, says the NCAA got it right.
jack wagon from mamby pamby land
December 2nd, 2010
11:17 pm
Beaver No Beav- don’t worry your little head. The SEC stands up for goodness and the American way- it would never do anything unethical.
Rednecks Everywhere
December 2nd, 2010
11:17 pm
See! Tony says it’s right!
GaBlue
December 2nd, 2010
11:18 pm
jack wagon,
Good point. If you’re asking me, I’d say that’s might well be an “average kid” thing to say where he grew up. Not so much in my neighborhood, but honestly, I did have occasion to say that to a police officer once in 80s when the dinosaurs roamed Atlanta. (Heh….) Yet, I still managed to become a decent, responsible adult. You?
jack wagon from mamby pamby land
December 2nd, 2010
11:20 pm
It just stood out to me when I read the quote.
jack wagon from mamby pamby land
December 2nd, 2010
11:21 pm
And my college years were from late 50’s to early 60’s
GaBlue
December 2nd, 2010
11:26 pm
jack wagon,
I can certainly see that nothing about that situation looked good, beyond that he didn’t actually steal the item himself. As the parent of a college student (and at an age of reflection, I suppose), I can’t help but remember some of the crazy, stupid stuff that went on during the college days, and note how far (most of us) came since then, and what great kids we have now. The big picture doesn’t have to be grim, you know?
C from Marietta
December 2nd, 2010
11:29 pm
Choke,
There you are! We wanted a loser to post idiot rantings! We got one! Ha Ha!
C from Marietta
December 2nd, 2010
11:31 pm
Oh Cam! How you live with yourself getting banned from a 2nd rate hackers blog. You life will be over. Ha Ha!
Casey
December 2nd, 2010
11:35 pm
Yeah, the people who hear a duck, see it walk like a duck, and subsequently call it a duck are the delusional ones. Please, we are not so stupid and naive to believe anything that comes of the Newton family’s mouths (the SEC). I think the real problem that Auburn will have with Cam is that he likes the attention too much so next year, after he signs his big NFL contract (no doubts there, the kid is good at football), he will probably start talking and bragging about how he got away with it all at Auburn to anyone who will listen. They keep him away from reporters now because they can, but next year, ah next year, he can do whatever he wants with NO consequences to himself or his family……I mean his real family not the Auburn “family” who I am sure mean just as much to him as Florida did (where he left his heart). Oh, and I am a Vanderbilt alum so before you accuse me of being either UGA or Bama (or having one tooth, a mullet, or living in a trailer) just know that I didn’t go to either school nor do I live in a trailer……(that baby went back months ago, now it’s just me and the kids living in a van down by the sewage plant……river property is way to expensive now).
jack wagon from mamby pamby land
December 2nd, 2010
11:36 pm
The stories out of Florida about him hurt his reputation big time. It wasn’t just the computer- it was the cheating and breaking the honor code- then leaving before he would have gone before the student council. Plus the 13 traffic/parking violations. That says “rules don’t apply to me” like nothing else I would say. You disagree?
db
December 2nd, 2010
11:40 pm
Rock On Jeff.
south carolina
December 2nd, 2010
11:41 pm
anyone?
jack wagon from mamby pamby land
December 2nd, 2010
11:42 pm
Casey- good luck with your logic. All Aubies believe that all detractors must be from Ga or Bama. So it is simply sour grapes that is causing the criticism. They cannot fathom that other football fans might find this whole charade to be too unbelievable for words. The stink test is failed miserably.
Stealing laptops
December 2nd, 2010
11:58 pm
is not normal “kids will be kids” behavior. And if you really believe he bought it then you really are naive.
flagboy?
December 3rd, 2010
12:04 am
I’m not quite sure why everyone who has a problem with the Cam Newton decision must be labeled a Dawg fan or a Bama fan. . . Did the pres of the NCAA come out and speak just because the Georgia and Alabama people thought the ruling was bogus?
I honestly think a few of the Auburn posts are from trolls who just want to stir up trouble, but come on. .
Don
December 3rd, 2010
12:38 am
Lotta UGA haters on Auburn out there.
Admit – your team sucks and you’re just jealous of Cam. So you keep spreading rumors about stuff you know nothing about. Pathetic.
waaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaa
Steve
December 3rd, 2010
12:39 am
I guess all the Cam and Auburn haters know more of the facts than the NCAA and know how to interpret the rules better.
Either that or they’re a bunch of idiots who have no clue.
Wondering
December 3rd, 2010
12:40 am
Is UGA going to accept the invitation to the TOILET BOWL?
bobby s world | Trendy News
December 3rd, 2010
1:37 am
[...] Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog)Weekend Predictions: Cam Newton and Auburn conquer allAtlanta Journal Constitution (blog)Arf. The FSU Board of Regents is sponsoring a Bobby Bowden Pin Cushion Doll to the first 10000 fans. Hokies cover 4. Big 12 championship: So Nebraska plays … [...]
mike
December 3rd, 2010
2:33 am
One thing about all the Cam hate, he does not know any of you goobers exist. He is marching on to the NFL and you folks are spending your time hating on something you have no control or input in. Talk about a waste of time and energy. Get a life or maybe you want his?
JSS
December 3rd, 2010
3:46 am
@ MCR…
He is 10-11 away from the GA Dome. He has thrown 11 TDs and 15 INTs while completing 55.5% of his passes. Ryan is 4-1 against the Bucs. They are the only team in the NFC South he has winning record against (N.O. and Carolina are .500 against Ryan). But here is a caveat, Ryan has only covered the spread twice against Tampa in 5 tries…
longdog
December 3rd, 2010
5:57 am
But: Is the FBI finished. Laws are alot different than rules
MR
December 3rd, 2010
6:56 am
Evans is the role model UGA fan…Drunk and stupid all rolled up into one. What a comedy act in Athens. Mascot moves faster than your QB! The SEC West is high school talent this year….somebody has to win it.
Buckeye
December 3rd, 2010
7:16 am
‘Cocks will loom large.
mowreck
December 3rd, 2010
7:22 am
Jeff, most fun I’ve had in a while, playing your “Sack Schultz” contest. Looking forward to next year, so I can whup up on you again!
Hilton Head Island
December 3rd, 2010
7:44 am
SOUTH CAROLINA . . . . . conquers Auburn 35-21.