Weekend Predictions: Dogs win — Auburn, not so much

Welcome to this week’s titanic showdown between 5-6 Georgia and 6-5 Georgia Tech, who battle for coveted The Governor’s Cup in a year where the Governor-elect is fresh off a Congressional investigation for ethics violations. Of course.

I think Georgia coach Mark Richt put it best when he stated: “It’s great to have a game like this at the end of the season, and in particular at the end of this season, when we haven’t reached some of the goals, or hardly any of our goals.”

And then he threw a pie at Todd Grantham.

But first, this raspberry in the direction of Ohio State president Gordon Gee. He’s a big fan of the BCS. People hear this and they assume Gee reached his position because he’s related to somebody important, sort of like Gummo Marx. Gee states that even if Boise State and TCU go

I'm thinking Gordon Gee got stuffed into a few lockers as a kid.

undefeated, neither deserve to go to the national title game, no way, no how, not even if all other schools lose or get nuked, because as Gee, from the bowl powerhouse that is the Big Ten (we kid), says: “We do not play the Little Sisters of the Poor.”

That’s true. Because Little Sisters of the Poor mandates that its games take place on fields with two workable end zones, you yutz, unlike the Northwestern-Illinois game at Wrigley.

You can tell everything Gee learned about sports came from Vanderbilt, where he was chancellor and abolished the athletic department. We all agree that Boise State and TCU do not play difficult schedules. But in a year when the SEC generally stinks and every conference is fairly “feh,” this isn’t the year to try to mock the WAC. Because last time I checked human polls, computers and Tarot Cards, Boise State and TCU ranked ahead of almost every school from every other conference.

Which leads me back to our little state of confusion and the Dogs vs. the Jackets.

Tech can knock Georgia out of a bowl game. OK, makes for a good pregame speech.

But the Jackets lost to Kansas. Lost their quarterback.  Lost three straight before beating Duke (barely). The Dogs aren’t much better but they have the only sure thing going into this game: Aaron Murray to A.J. Green. That will be enough to get them to . . . Birmingham?

It wasn’t the goal. But this will ease the pain somewhat in Athens. Dogs win and cover a whopping 12½.

This is where college football started:

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Bragging Rights Week

Cecil Newton never will be as good as the original.

Auburn at Alabama: It’s been quiet on the Cam Newton front. You would’ve figured somebody at Alabama would’ve started a rumor about him dating Lizzie Borden or being part-Klingon. But even if Cecil “Huggy Bear” Newton and the NCAA don’t derail Auburn this week, Alabama will. War Eagle this, mister: The Tigers are No. 5 in the nation in scoring offense but No. 60 in scoring defense — two spots lower than Georgia Tech. The story’s over: Bama covers 4½.

Miss. State at Oxford Correctional Institute: Let’s check in on the school of Faulkner. Houston Nutt is 1-6 in the SEC. Good thing he de-shackled felon Jeremiah Masoli or his team might be really bad. Nutt’s also suspended leading receiver Melvin Harris for an unspecified team violation (presumably not robbery because we know that’s allowed). Dogs cover 2½.

Florida at Florida State: The Seminoles have lost seven straight to the Gators. Maybe they should change their name to the Bulldogs. Don’t weep, little Renegade: Noles cover 2½.

South Carolina at Clemson: State police were required to break up a bench-emptying brawl in 2004. It wasn’t all bad. It sent Lou Holtz in retirement. Tigers in an upset (and take the 2½).

Is Derek Dooley going to a bowl game?

Kentucky at Tennessee: After a 2-6 start, the Vols have won three straight and can become bowl-eligible with a win. That would enable Derek Dooley to coach one more bowl game than Lane Kiffin. OK, for one week, everybody loves orange. Vols cover 3.

LSU at Arkansas: I get all of the Les Miles-is-a-lunatic jokes. But has it occurred to anybody that the Tigers are 9-1 and their only loss came at Auburn by a touchdown (24-17)? LSU in an upset (and take the 3½).

Virginia at VaTech: Virginia ranks 106^th in the nation against the run. Another 10 yards and they’re officially a turnpike. Hokies win and cover 23.

N.C. State at Maryland: If the Wolfpack win this game, they’ll play in their first ACC title game and coach Tom O’Brien hits $150,000 in contract incentives. Me, I stole two notepads from the supply closet the other day. Wolfies cover 2½.

Remembering the Clemson-South Carolina brawl of 2004

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*** Thanksgiving Internet Only Specials ***

Patriots at Lions: Legend has it that the first Thanksgiving in 1621 was kind of boring. So organizers decided to bring in a comedy show. And that’s when the Detroit Lions became a Thanksgiving Day tradition. Patriots cover 7.

Saints at Cowboys: Jason Garrett is 2-0 as interim coach. Wonder if those tire marks on Wade Phillips’ f0rehead have healed yet? Saints cover 3½.

Bengals at Jets: Carson Palmer, T.O., Chad Ochobozo. The Bengals (2-8) are what happens when you try to turn a video game into real life. Jets win (but take Cincy and 9).

NFL Snack Pack

Wisconsin in January: It does strange things to people.

Packers at Falcons: The winner has the inside track for home field through the NFC playoffs. If you don’t think that’s a big deal, check the difference in January forecasts between a dome and Fond Du Lac. Not feeling real solid on this but Matt Ryan is 18-1 at home. So: Birds win (but take Green Bay and 2½).

Vikings at Redskins: Brett Favre leads the NFL in interceptions (17). And on the seventh day, the Lord rested. Skins cover 2½.

Eagles at Bears: ESPN’s K.C. Joyner calls himself the “Football Scientist.” He says Michael Vick has had “phenomenal luck” and is getting away with mistakes. Really? The guy has 11 touchdowns and zero interceptions. Did Joyner’s last science experiment involve eating paint chips? Eagles cover 3½.

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“Money won is twice as sweet as money earned.” Eddie Felson, “The Color of Money”

Last week (damn, I’m good): 11-1 straight up, 7-4-1 against the line.

Financial overview: 102-32 straight up, 72-59-3 against the line.

Lock of the week: Pepcid stock.

“Sack Schultz” (Our BCS title week!)

Congrats to Greg Fox of Roswell, who cheated the entire season and wasn’t caught once. OK, maybe he didn’t cheat. But he won tickets to the UGA-Tech game for his outstanding 137-43 record in 12 weeks. The HDTV will be awarded this week. “Tuckys” leads at 138-42, one more win than Fox, “jlalopo” of New Hampshire and “Tola” of Iowa. Good luck, everybody.

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