Weekend Predictions: Falcons, SEC and Eva, oh my

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Before getting to this week’s big game between the NFL’s unstoppable Monster Zero, the Falcons, and — well, some lesser beings — we have two important updates from the sports world:

1. Tony Parker: Dude. Really? You cheated on Eva Longoria? I thought point guards were supposed to be smart. Are you sure you weren’t drafted by Billy Knight?

2. SEC: Dudes. Really? You’re not even issuing, like, a letter of reprimand to Auburn assault weapon Nick Fairley? Were you drafted by Billy Knight, too? Or could it be that you were concerned any punishment of Fairley would indirectly hurt Auburn, which hurts the SEC, which slows the cha-chinging, because the Tigers might win the SEC and the BCS and that means more millions for the conference and Mike Slive and generations of Slives, and, you know, it’s really hard to get good caviar in Birmingham — they have to get it flown in.

Something tells me she has been to her last Spurs game.

Something tells me she's been to her last Spurs game.

By the way, Eva Longoria didn’t go to Auburn. She went to Texas A&M-Kingsville, during which time she won Miss Corpus Christi, and did I mention Tony Parker was an idiot?

Seriously, nobody expected Fairley to get suspended for burying his helmet into Aaron Murray’s back and nearly dividing him into quarters. But can the SEC at least fake concern? A public reprimand?Maybe have him write 10 times on the blackboard, “I will not maim — well, except in the Alabama game”?

By the way, Eva Longoria has something in common with the Falcons and Rams. None of them went to Auburn, either (Transitions are for wimps.)

The Falcons, still basking in the afterglow of the win over Baltimore, meet the 4-5 Rams this week. Many consider this a trap game. Possible. The Falcons aren’t great on the road. The Rams aren’t bad.

But what are they going to do about Roddy White, who has 70 catches covering 934 yards, give or take a runway? Clone an army of Nick Fairley’s and give the command to attack at dawn?

The line is 3. That’s it? Easy money.

I went 10-2 against the line last week. Mr. Slive, kiss my ring. Eva, I’ll call you later. Falcons cover.

*** Thursday Internet-Only Special ***

gsufoot.0823+04

Bill Curry and AD Cheryl Levick discuss how to spend $400,000. (Kidding. Sort of.)

Georgia State at Alabama: The Crimson Tide has been ducking the Panthers for years. But not any more! Bill Curry’s coming back to Tuscaloosa and he’s bringing a whole bag of bricks! OK, maybe just some of those little Styrofoam balls. But I’ve got to think after a short week following the Mississippi State game and with Auburn ahead, Nick Saban will not want to risk his starters in this for too long. And he kinda likes Bill Curry. I mean, the school’s giving State $400,000 for this, they must like the Panthers, right? I’m feeling frisky. Panther frisky! No, not an upset. I’m not that stupid. Tide rolls but give me Georgia State and 42½.

While Cam Newton Sleeps

Blue Devils at Yellow Mess: Tech played a stinker against Miami and Paul Johnson has lost three straight for the first time since he went 2-10 at Navy in 2002. Not the way anybody drew it up. But win this and they’ll be bowl eligible. That’s bragging rights for one week going into Athens. Shreveport Ho! Tech covers 12½.

Arkansas at Mississippi State: Bobby Petrino will hear a lot cowbells in Starkville. Maybe he’ll think it’s quitting time again. The Piggies have scored 186 points in the last four games but Mississippi State’s defense isn’t bad. Give me the other Dogs and 3 — and in a straight upset.

What's wrong, Houston. Things not going as planned? Maybe you should sign the ballboy next time.

What's wrong, Houston. Things not going as planned? Maybe you should sign the ballboy next time.

Ole Miserables at LSU: Houston Nutt’s only win in the last five weeks came over Louisiana-Lafayette. Are you religious? Because I’m pretty sure when the football gods saw Nutt take in Jeremiah Masoli, they declared, “No, no, no. I must smite thee.” Last week he lost to Tennessee. Now it gets worse. LSU covers 16.

Florida State at Maryland: The winner could go to the ACC championship. I was trying to figure out how Maryland (4-2) got this far and then I looked at the schedule: The wins came over Duke, Boston College, Wake Forest and Virginia. The next opponents: FSU and N.C. State. Everybody wave bye-bye to the Turtles. Noles cover 4½.

Virginia Tech at Miami: The Hokies have won eight straight since opening losses to Boise State and James Madison. I’m guessing that streak reaches 11 at the conference championship, as the ACC wonders: What if? VaTech covers 2½.

Stanford at Cal: Crossing time zones for this annual classic. Why? Because Stanford’s pretty good (9-1) and California is pretty weaselly. Coach Jeff Tedford clearly told players to fake injuries in the Oregon game in hopes of slowing the Ducks’ offense. The hysterical and pathetic video evidence is on YouTube (type “Cal fakes injury” into the search window.)  The Pac-10 won’t discipline Cal. I guess they’re trying to catch up with the SEC.  Stanford covers 7.

Nice Oregon production (via YouTube)


NFL Snack Pack

Packers at Vikings: Packer fans, welcome to heaven. Your team is 6-3 and Brett Favre is on pace for a 5-11 record and 28 interceptions. Enjoy: Packers cover 3.

Lucy, is that you? Can you explain this whole Michael Vick thing?

Lucy, is that you? Can you explain this Michael Vick thing?

Giants at Eagles: Michael Vick has thrown or run for 15 touchdowns and has zero interceptions in 153 attempts. So I guess this means he won’t be moving to wide receiver. Or Buffalo. Eagles cover 3.

Colts at Patriots: Meanwhile, Peyton Manning (four) and Tom Brady (four) each have thrown for more interceptions than Vick. I’m drifting. Drifting. Cellophane flowers of yellow and green, towering over your head. Look for the girl … Sorry. Pats cover 3.

Seahawks at Saints: Reggie Bush reportedly plans to return from a broken leg, but he’s lost a step. He can’t even outrun the NCAA anymore. Saints cover 11½

“Pay that man his money.”“Teddy KGB” from “Rounders”

football-moneyLast week (please bow): 9-3 straight up, 10-2 against the line.

Bottom dollars: 91-31 straight up, 65-55-2 against the line.

Lock of the week: Gwinnett County Commission covers $1 million bribe.

“Sack Schultz” (Final round for tickets!)

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It’s the last week of the Georgia-Georgia Tech tickets! “Stixgfox” leads with 126 wins, one more than “dgoehner,” “jeff6683″ and “mcmug.” Twelve others have at least 121 wins. Meanwhile, I’m cleverly hanging back at 115 wins after going 10-5 last week.  “Tuckys” (Ohio) remains the national leader for the HDTV at 127 wins.

Want to catch up on previous Weekend Predictions? Click here.

Follow me on Twitter @JeffSchultzAJC and Facebook.com/JeffSchultzAJC

146 comments Add your comment

dougmo2

November 18th, 2010
6:13 am

Spike

November 18th, 2010
6:29 am

Instead o suspending Fairley the SEC should begin by reading his Miranda rights to him.

Spike

November 18th, 2010
6:30 am

Sorry. “of”. No coffee yet.

JSS

November 18th, 2010
6:31 am

And again, being physically beautiful does not guarantee you a thing but guys like POAD drooling in a corner! No offense Playa!

Schultz, have you seen Brent Berry’s wife? It is damn shame that folks are so out of sorts… She’s a two time loser like Halle now!

Check out your last blog, I left you a note…

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DamYankee

November 18th, 2010
6:38 am

Jeff, loved the Sgt. Pepper reference, but you’re dating yourself. And please keep on digging at the SEC. CBS/ESPN are to the SEC what Faux News/Limbaugh/Beck are to the lunatic right. Oops, sorry to open that can of worms so early, I can’t help myself!

JSS

November 18th, 2010
6:38 am

You were 55-53- against the line until last week… You need to quit while you’re ahead, the old Vegas axiom is so true!!!

Alabama Jack

November 18th, 2010
7:00 am

Is it true the SEC is going to suspend 31 dawgs for the first half of the Tech game for running on the field at Auburn during the “fight”? Until then, how about enough of the Unfair Fairley commentary. Like Buck Belue said, is he had G on his helmet he would be a frickin’ rock star through that part of the state that chews tobacco, intermarries, and roots for the dawgs.

Probation Prediction for AU

November 18th, 2010
7:01 am

Those of you with friends in Alabama may have received this also. IF any of this is true its gonna get ugly.

Subject: Interesting synopsis of the developing Auburn story

1. Cecil Newton shops Cam to MSU. MSU doesn’t pay and reports it to the SEC office. Cecil continues shopping Cam.

2. Slive/SEC request information from the AU AD/Compliance people. They reply that they didn’t find anything. The power brokers at Auburn have played this game before (as learned from all the background links) and knew what to say to the SEC to attempt the clean sweep under the rug. Chizik, after all, was hired just to enable these guys to do just what is being alleged. Cam AND other players sign on and gives AU arguably their best recruiting class ever. This is with a less than stellar head coach reputation wise that went 7-5 the year before and 5-19 before that.

4. SEC/Slive accepts this answer because it is better if nothing comes of it and much easier than taking it seriously; especially considering AU was expected to win 7-9 games at best before the season. The barn going undefeated caused this to fester.

5. MSU is pissed at AU and the SEC. They followed protocol and were basically ignored on nothing more than AU’s word. They were also probably not happy about the cowbell situation (as stupid as that sounds)

6. Meanwhile the FBI is working on a seemingly unrelated case involving Alabama political gaming interests etc. As a side effect of their surveillance of the key figures (most notably huge AU booster and Victoryland owner Milton McGregor) they gain intelligence about the pay to play system currently in place at AU. It is known the FBI got wiretaps on McGregor. McGregor associates with Dye, Rane, Lowder and others connected directly to AU on a regular basis. These guys are caught discussing paying for multiple players and how they were doing it.

7. The FBI questions the NCAA if they know what is going on down at AU and suggests to some of this information to them. See, the FBI was involved from the beginning; they didn’t just join the party. This was not the intent of the FBI’s original investigation it was just a bonus of wiretapping powerful AU boosters. This just kind of fell into their lap and they passed it along to the NCAA. This is why this case is on the “fast track”; the NCAA has firm starting point thanks to the FBI. This is also why both the FBI and NCAA have been simultaneously interviewing known parties involved as well as some that were not known previously or haven’t been made public yet. They needed to get testimony and match it up with the wiretap evidence.

8. The NCAA privately contact and SLAM Slive and company at the SEC for trying to sweep this under the rug (because that is how it looks to the NCAA). This is why Slive was so defensive and angry at the parties involved and felt like they didn’t get the same information as the NCAA. Slive and the SEC did have SOME information though and chose to sit on it. Big mistake. Slive and the SEC will try to save face, but they are going to take a major hit once this is over.

9. Last Thursday: The powers that be at AU got a glimpse of the wiretaps and know they are in deep shit. They know they’re done and that it is just a matter of time before it hits the fan. They go all in for real and decide to play Cam to go out in what one insider was reported of saying, “a blaze of glory”

10. Future: There is probably more to come this week, but a little farther on the horizon: Once the interviewers start making the rounds inside the power brokers at AU, the rats will come out and they will cannibalize each other in testimony not knowing exactly what the FBI/NCAA has and does not have on wiretap.

You Ain't-Know Gaily Whacker

November 18th, 2010
7:01 am

The Reporter: Mr.McGarity, is the SEC as screwed up as it appears ?

Greg: It does appear to be on fire, much like Toomer’s Corner. Here is a video with Bridgette Bardott, and Marilyn Monroe. If you want more information on a photo–pause and click the image.

http://yeli.us/Flash/Fire.html

FrontRow

November 18th, 2010
7:02 am

Didn’t Fairley terrorize Murray and the Dogs? I can’t believe you libs want to Mirandize a terrorist.

Crumpy feeling frisky today

November 18th, 2010
7:19 am

My two predictions…

- Alabama beats Auburn a week from tomorrow and ruins their perfect season

- Auburn gets the death penalty next Spring while sCam Newton signs his NFL contract

Crumpy needs hugs

November 18th, 2010
7:20 am

Two predictions

-Alabama beats the barners next Saturday, ruining their perfect season

-Auburn gets the death penalty next Spring, right after sCammie signs his NFL contract

MURPHY

November 18th, 2010
7:21 am

Could it be a trap? LSU vs Ole Miserable. Could Rev Nutt muster up the pre game speech of the century and pull the upset? Something just not right here-wierd feeling on this one.

Ralph

November 18th, 2010
7:23 am

Now every sports guy at the AJC has jumped on the thUGA whining bandwagon to distract from the “Fulmer Cup” and record 11 arrests. No mention of thUGA going after Fairly which started the fisticuffs, or the team coming on the field as the Auburn team restrained themselves. The poorly coached undisciplined thUGA gangbangers got beat, but fans and writers can’t let it go – any more than the admitting there is no EVIDENCE that Cam Newton was paid to go to Auburn. No problem that investigators and sports writers keep looking, but BIG problem when rumors are repeated as if fact. FACTS like the 11 arrests and admitted improper selling of a jersey to an agent.

Maybe if thUGA beats a down Tech without its starting QB, and gets a Memphis or Nashville minor bowl in the rain/sleet/snow the fans and writers will shut up about the purposeful Auburn distraction. They have repeatedly shown they certainly won’t concentrate or try to fix the gross problems at thUGA.

RIP Allbarn Football program

November 18th, 2010
7:26 am

Was it fun… was it fun??? Hope it was worth it you morons!

MURPHY

November 18th, 2010
7:30 am

MSN.com Post a pretty interesting story about the payment plan Cam was on at Auburn. POO-POO bout to hit the fan on the plains.

Dragon

November 18th, 2010
7:32 am

Jeff. David Justice cheated on Halle Berry. So Tony Parker is only second or third string on this list.

MastersJacket

November 18th, 2010
7:34 am

I have an idea, if you don’t want a DT to hit your pretty QB, BLOCK him.

WTF

November 18th, 2010
7:38 am

The hits were legal (in college) and stay out of sports blogs with your snotty, leftist, inaccurate, sophmor-metaphoric political rantings, DamYankee.
YDKSFS. And probably did’nt grad-gee-ate 5th grade.

MURPHY

November 18th, 2010
7:38 am

Dragon,

Agree-Halle better than Eva

82Dawg

November 18th, 2010
7:42 am

Ralph you are truly a fool my friend…now STFU…

Buckeye

November 18th, 2010
7:58 am

B I R M I N G H A M B O W L

Glass House, AU?

November 18th, 2010
8:00 am

Hey Ralphie, yep, UGA is a thug school for the 11 arrests from TRAFFIC violations. Gimme a break, nobody at little brother(AU) ever has been arrested in that cow town for underage drinking, having a suspended license, etc. And the serious offenders were punished with suspensions, explulsions from the program.

Please stop deflecting your serious problems (lack of institutional control ring a bell?) No school has gone on probation more than AU, but UGA is known as thuga?

Cast that stone, AU, becuase it’s gonna hurt when then NCAA/FBI get done with your cheating asses.

Mark R.

November 18th, 2010
8:05 am

OK, I got to admit it. After I slipped Cam’s dad 8 $100 bills as the first installment, I learned it was supposed to be 80 thousand. So we wind up with a baby-faced kid in the QB position. You expect me to be happy about getting my kids’ butts dragged all over the field?

Glass House, AU?

November 18th, 2010
8:05 am

BTW, when AJ was under investigation UGA at least sat him down until the final ruling, which was the right thing to do. What does AU do, thumb their noses at the SEC and NCAA and does nothing. That fact alone makes me hope the NCAA beatdown is worse.

AU is “all-in” for playing SCAM….all-in when the hammer comes down. Enjoy your impending move to 1-AA

Barton

November 18th, 2010
8:06 am

Eva Longoria……………..what a woman………….!!

tim

November 18th, 2010
8:07 am

You heard it here first………APPALACIAN STATE (sp) will beat the mighty GATORS in the swamp

Barton

November 18th, 2010
8:08 am

MastersJacket November 18th, 2010 7:34 am
***************************************
Uh, dude, the play was over. Don’t you feel like an knowledgeable football fan now?

Ralph

November 18th, 2010
8:12 am

You know, some college students and/or team members are bound to get into trouble. But when it repeats itself after several examples and gets the attention of the media, coaches and the administration – THERE IS A PROBLEM. Ignoring that problem does not make it go away.

thUGA played a great first quarter of football last week, and Fairly got flagged. The next three quarters only two Georgia players had any heart (freshman QB and about to be NFL receiver). The fans and sportswriters divert attention from the beatdown and lack of thUGA football for the remainder (majority) of the game. Back to unsubstantiated accusations that Auburn paid to get Newton because his father was possibly turned down by MSU for such a payoff.

Man up – like two of your football team players.

Hayseed Dixie

November 18th, 2010
8:17 am

Cam Newton getting some cash to play football for a school and administration that stands to make millions based on his performance is a “big deal.”

Yet, a player intentionally trying to hurt another, possibly seriously, is no big deal.

Somebody explain that to me again.

That helmet to the back of Murray was so much bulls—, it’s not even funny.

Ralph

November 18th, 2010
8:23 am

thUGA lost to Auburn because (pick one):

It was Fairley’s fault.

It was the fault of an unsubstantiated payoff to Newton.

It was the officials fault.

It was the SEC’s fault.

It was Bush’s fault.

I want my mommy.

Lawman

November 18th, 2010
8:25 am

They have repeatedly shown they certainly won’t concentrate or try to fix the gross problems at thUGA.

The AJC badly needs to take an in-depth look at UGA and have a serious discussion about the problems at UGA and why the arrest rate of players is the highest in the country? it’s common knowledge that UGA is a party school, but have any dawgtard players every actually graduated with a real degree? Jan Kemp exposed the school and the coaches almost three decades ago, but there is no sign that anything has improved; if anything, the arrest rate shows that things are getting more outrageous every year while the clueless Mark Richt has absolutely no control over his players. And then there is the infamous “red panties” incident that will haunt UGA for decades.

UGA has become a major embarrassment to all Georgians, and we want some answers starting now.

m

November 18th, 2010
8:27 am

Jeff, why do you bring up Fairley’s hit on the ugag qb, but you were oh so quiet last year when ugag’s players deliberately tried to break Josh Nesbitt’s ankle a the bottom of the pile AFTER the whistle had blown. You are nothing but an sec hack.

By the way, shouldn’t Cal and coach Tedford get honorory membership in the sec for their dirty tactics in the Oregon game?

Fire Rodney Ho

November 18th, 2010
8:29 am

GSU over Bama, don’t call it an upset

jacket man

November 18th, 2010
8:31 am

Georgia Redneck fans squalling about Fairley being a thug and the Dawgs are flagged 5 times for personal fouls is hillarious.

Terpman

November 18th, 2010
8:31 am

Speaking for all of the Terp fans all over the world —> SCREW YOU !!

Lawman

November 18th, 2010
8:32 am

How many players arrested this week in Athens?

Terpman

November 18th, 2010
8:32 am

Walker, Texas Ranger

November 18th, 2010
8:37 am

Any school that produces Aundrey Bruce shouldn’t call any school, including the U, a thug school.

jacket man

November 18th, 2010
8:37 am

There are many beautiful sights: The Tetons, The Grand Canyon, Niagra Falls and Murray being piled driven by that big old bear at Auburn that Thuga Nation would dearly love to have on the Thuga Squad.

Ralph

November 18th, 2010
8:38 am

…. It was South Carolina’s fault.

It was Arkansas fault.

It was Mississippi State’s fault.

It was Colarado’s fault.

It was Florida’s fault.

My red panties were in a wad.

for Cryin out loud Jeffy

November 18th, 2010
8:42 am

Way to bite SNL with your “Really” theme. No originality…

D

November 18th, 2010
8:43 am

If they punish fairley jeff they they would have to suspend half the uga team for running on the field you moron.

JJDawg

November 18th, 2010
8:44 am

Really Lawman?? The AJC is the one who give UGA a bad name by giving it front page space for arrests relating to traffic and underage drinking violations. If you don’t think this isn’t happening at every other school in the country you are an idiot. You don’t hear about because at other schools this is swept under the rug and never heard about. Cam Newton while at UF had thirteen violations alone…thirteen!! If he played at UGA he would have a section specifically dedicated to him on AJC.com. And we didn’t find out his dirt for three years. Rainey threatened someones life and charged with a felony and miraculously made it back for the Cocktail Party…he would be sent packing at UGA. UT players have robbed and assaulted people and they are still suiting up and playing on Saturday…sent packing at UGA The serious offenders at UGA are no longer there ala Mett (who is playing like a stud at a JUCO and is transferring to LSU) and Lemon (plays at NCSU). Give me a break.

Gene

November 18th, 2010
8:46 am

OK, Fairley is a thug. He has singlehandedly returned Mark Richt to his former position as Dudley Do Right, Bishop of North Georgia and Athens coach of the year. Let’s give Richt and his coaches a pay raise and extend their contracts. Fairley has “righted the ship” for us.

Ed

November 18th, 2010
8:53 am

Cal coach should be the soccer coach. That should be a 15 yard penalty.

GTJeff

November 18th, 2010
9:01 am

Excellent point Ralph. Its funny that these inbreds carp about Fairley yet one of their scumbag players INTENTIONALLY injured Nesbitt last year in Atlanta.

UGA is a major embarrassment to the state. Can you even REALLY call it a college? #1 Party School, arrest left & right of its football players. Pathetic. Thank God I am a Yellow Jacket.

GTJeff

November 18th, 2010
9:05 am

Well what do you inbreds have to say about the thug that injured Nesbitt?? Thats what I thought. Arrogant, whiny, redneck d-bags .

Russ555

November 18th, 2010
9:09 am

Did you wirte a column this week. All I saw was a picture of a girl at a spurs game. I will look for it again tomorrow.