According to legend, or sources close to legend, the origins of Halloween date back over 2000 years when the summer harvest ended and the weather turned cold and the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead were so narrow that SEC football coaches figured it was safe to start recruiting and NCAA executives and college presidents lounged inside their palatial suites that were paid for by network executives and texted each other, “Time To Close Our Eyes. Hey, are you going to Urban’s pool party later?”
Hello. It’s that time again.
Where are you going this year? St. Simons? Jekyll? Some dark and secluded place, perhaps near the border of the Netherworld, just in case you feel the need to slip into a neighborhood where they don’t get the Georgia-Florida game but still show Lou Holtz career highlights on an endless loop?
It’s the 30th anniversary of Buck Belue to Lindsay Scott. Now let’s advance to more recent decades. The Gators have won 17 of the last 20 meetings. The last two came by a combined score of 90-27, give or take a major organ.
I know. Georgia has the better quarterback. Georgia has the better running game. Georgia has the best player in the game (A.J. Green). Georgia even has the coach who didn’t drop-kick his conscience and morals this week. Florida coach Urban Meyer will bring back Time To Die Guy Chris Rainey. He will hand off to Time To Die Guy. He will throw to Time To Die Guy. I’m guessing he will even wear an wristband with the inspirational initials: “WWTTDGD.”
Should I pull the trigger? (Kidding! It was just a text!)
No. Just can’t do it. Meyer has had an extra week to fix the problems. He is 31-3 in his career when he has had more than a week to prepare. He is 5-0 after bye weeks at Florida.
The Dogs are better than they were three weeks ago. How much? Don’t know. They’ve won consecutive games over Tennessee, Vanderbilt and Kentucky (2-11 in SEC). How do we gauge that? They have lost to the only three teams on their schedule with overall winning records (South Carolina, Arkansas, Mississippi State).
Can’t do it. Seen too much. Seen Dogs fans leave Jacksonville looking like zombies too often.
“Run, Lindsay! … No wait! Come back Lindsay!”
Not seeing is not believing. Until then: Give me the 2½ points. But I won’t need them. Gators, Gators, Gators.
Will it be this (Georgia fans shopping after the game)?
Or will it be this (30 years ago)?
Is This Gonna Be On The Test?
Auburn at Old Ms.: Is this too obvious? Auburn wins a big game against LSU, vaults to the top and becomes the next No. 1 to spill the soup? Almost. I’d probably call upset here if it didn’t mean taking sides with a coach (Houston Nutt) fond of recruiting from penitentiaries for a one-year fix. Tigers win but give me the Rebs and 7.
Tennessee at South Carolina: I understand Derek Dooley is entertaining and well read but he might want to hold off on any more analogies that liken his football team to panicking Nazis when the Allied forces landed on the beaches of Normandy. Better to just mix in a Lane Kiffin joke. Gamecocks cover a big number (17½).
Kentucky at Mississippi State: The note of the year: Dan Mullen (6-2) is bowl eligible before Urban Meyer, Mark Richt, Steve Spurrier and Bobby Petrino. He doesn’t make as much money as the others but there’s that psychic income of living in Starkville. Wait a minute. Other Dogs cover 6½.
Vandy at Arkansas: Ryan Mallett’s first three games: 9 touchdowns, 2 interceptions. Last four games: 6 touchdowns, 5 interceptions. (Sorry for the research. I slipped.) Fortunately, Vanderbilt stinks. Piggies cover 20½.
Georgia St. at South Alabama: South Alabama has won seven games by an average score of 44-7. I guess Tuscaloosa will be a step down for the Panthers. This week, they go down by two TDs.
Pros and Cons
Sext-Pistols at Patriots: Brett Favre has a bad ankle and doesn’t know if he can play. Seems like a good exit strategy, and it gives him time to work on a new story to tell his wife. Patriots cover 5½.
Jaguars at Cowboys: The really cool thing about those huge video screens in the Cowboys’ $1.3 billion stadium is now you can see Jerry Jones’ head explode in high-def. Hemlock now being served in the martini bars. Dallas wins but take Jacksonville and 6½.
Steelers at Saints: Actually factually: Drew Brees has one less interception (10) than he had all of last season (11), and if he throws four against Cleveland, what’s he going to do against Pittsburgh? The party is winding down in the Quarter. Steelers win (and take the gift 1).
Bucs at Cardinals: Raheem Morris is a good guy but when you say stuff like, “We’re the best team in the NFC. Yeah, I said it,” dude, just go ahead and start chugging the embalming fluid. Arizona covers 3.
Packers at Jets: Rex Ryan said, “It’s hard to say we’re not the best team in the NFL.” When did NFL coaches turn into Ali? Jets cover 6.
Last week: 8-3 straight up, 7-4 against the line.
Bottom dollars: 65-21 straight up, 46-39-1 against the line.
“Sack Schultz” Update
Went 11-4 last week. Was outdone again. Jack Terrill of St. Johns, Mich., went 15-0. Jack, you using a Ouija board? Overall leader is “Tuckys” (Ohio) at 96-24. “Dgoehner” is top Georgia contender at 95-25. Click here for more info.
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