Weekend Predictions: Dogs win (it’s the ice cream talking)

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SAN FRANCISCO — Before getting to this week’s potential big story — Young Dooley/Anakin Skywalker returns to Athens with Orange Rebel Alliance — we bring you this update from California:

The lead story on the news last night was about this new stand in Santa Cruz that sells marijuana-infused ice cream (or: “high-scream”).  It comes in three tasty flavors: Banannabis Foster, Straw-Mari Cheesecake and TRIPle Chocolate Brownie. Of course, the owner insists that he will sell only to people who own a medical marijuana license, which is about as difficult to obtain as a Kroger plus card. The owner of “Creme de Canna” says Straw-Mari Cheesecake “is made with local strawberries and a grand marnier reduction.”

ice-cream-500Dude.

Half-pints are $15. Eating an entire carton reportedly is the equivalent of smoking eight joints. The resulting endless munchie cycle, of course, means the owner of “Creme de Canna” will be playing squash will Bill Gates by the end of the week and can finally move out of his current headquarters: a VW van in a Wendy’s parking lot.

Which leads me to Georgia-Tennessee. (Transitions: So overrated.) Mark Richt can use a sedative His team has lost four straight and he’s so lost for ideas that he had the Dogs practice in pads this week and is taking the advice of a caller to his weekly radio show who suggested he lead his players onto the field. I’m thinking of that scene in Animal House when the Delta House crashes the Homecoming Parade and leads the band into an alley and a brick wall.

The Dogs face the Volunteers and, more importantly, coach Derek Dooley, son of, you know. Lose this, and the resulting inferno will make losses to Colorado and Mississippi State look like minor annoyances.

No fear. Eat a TRIPle Fudge Brownie and make the pain go away. Dogs win (but take Tennessee and 11 1/2).

Road Trip!

Al Groh sees this punk in his sleep.

Al Groh sees this punk in his sleep.

Virginia at Tech: Al Groh, drop-kicked as Virginia’s head coach, says he’s not bitter, or angry, or tearing off the finger nails of 150 toy Cavalier dolls he purchased this week at Target. I love when players and coaches play the denial game. How come Groh’s defense hasn’t been this deceptive? Maybe this is the wakeup call. Jackets cover 10.

Lunch at Georgia State: Savannah State is 0-5 and has been outscored 211-48. I know it’s only year one for Bill Curry but you can always tell a former SEC coach by his scheduling. Panthers by two touchdowns.

LSU at Florida: Les Miles is that guy who could walk across the freeway, stop to pick up a nickel, continue, stop to admire a crow on a power line, continue, turn around and go back home because he forgot he left his glasses, cross the freeway again while humming, “Tie A Yellow Ribbon” and somehow not get touched as drivers swerve into a 37-car pileup. After last week’s escape against Tennessee, we ask: Shouldn’t he change his name to Faust? Gators cover 6 ½.

Alabama at South Carolina: When Steve Spurrier was at Florida and Nick Saban was at LSU, Spurrier won two games by a combined score of 85-24. Also, did you know the temperature on Neptune can get to minus-260 degrees? I figure both are equally relevant. Tide covers 6 ½.

Clemson at North Carolina: Butch Davis apologized this week for “trusting” his excommunicated assistant, John Blake, who’s accused of running for an agent, which suggests he knew nothing about the actions of his assistant head coach and recruiting coordinator. Let me translate: “I’ve never seen my left arm before. My right arm and I were over here sipping a latte during that bank holdup.” Give me Clemson and 2 1/2, and in a straight upset.

NFL Six Pack

This is from the Vikings' swimsuit calendar. What? You wanted another picture of Randy Moss?

This is from the Vikings' swimsuit calendar. What? You wanted another picture of Randy Moss?

Falcons at Browns: The Browns are very excited because Jake Delhomme is back from the injured list. That would be great if it was the 2008 injured list and not 2010 because Delhomme has 9 touchdowns and 20 interceptions since. Falcons cover 3.

Vikings at Jets: Randy Moss whined his way out of New England. So instead of working with Tom Brady, he gets a broken down Brett Favre, who has six interceptions, a fumble, six sacks and one bad ankle. If this doesn’t work,  think: Chernobyl. Jets cover 4.

It was OK for Singletary to be nuts as a linebacker.

It was OK for Singletary to be nuts as a linebacker.

Eagles at 49ers: Michael Vick is out is out for Philly. Michael Psycho is still in for San Francisco. Last season, Mike Singletary tried to pick a fight with the Falcons’ Harvey Dahl. Last week, he pouted after a loss to the Falcons and refused to shake coach Mike Smith’s hand. He now admits to “poor sportsmanship.” An admission to poor coaching is still pending. Take the Eagles and 3 and Philly straight up.

Tebow at Ravens: Tim Tebow still leads the NFL in jersey sales. The replica is just like the real thing. Clean. Baltimore covers 7 over Denver.

“Sack Schultz” Update

LogoGrass_652173aSo I went 13-2 last week in contest picks, as I steadily work my way back toward total world domination (go with it). Now at 56-19 through five weeks, still trailing several cheaters. “JohnDaly” (Michigan) is the overall leader at 65-10 and “Jeff6683” (Georgia) leads among AJC readers at 63-12.

Accountability Scorecard

(Nailed the Georgia loss to Colorado last week. Applause? Anybody?)

Last week: 10-1 straight up, 6-5 against the line.

Bottom dollars: 43-11 straight up, 29-24-1 against the line.

Lock of the week: Deadbolt.

WANT TO CATCH UP WITH PREVIOUS EPISODES OF WEEKEND PREDICTIONS? CLICK HERE.

Follow me on Twitter @JeffSchultzAJC and Facebook.com/JeffSchultzAJC

334 comments Add your comment

juvenal

October 7th, 2010
1:21 pm

[...] p.m. Weekend football predictions are in from AJC’s Jeff Schultz. Eagles and 49ers? He’s going with [...]

cattledawg

October 7th, 2010
1:35 pm

I got turned down trying to buy some medical pot in denver last weekend. Those Viking cheerleaders are some real classy ladies I must say.

GT Alum

October 7th, 2010
1:37 pm

You’re criticizing the schedule of a first year team that has ‘Bama on its schedule? As far as I’m concerned, that game alone gives them the right to schedule whatever cupcakes they want.

1eyedJack

October 7th, 2010
1:38 pm

There are plenty of “pharmacists” around here who will sell you weed whether you have a medical condition or not. There’s practically one on every street corner. No prescription required.

George P Burdell

October 7th, 2010
1:38 pm

Mr. Schultz, you are the essence of consistency with your photos.
Not complaining… just wondering if your many (?????) readers of the opposite sex have any comments.

tt

October 7th, 2010
1:41 pm

how did the Dawgs get 11 1/2 in this one….thats more than they’ve scored in two games this season!?

Sanford Drive

October 7th, 2010
1:44 pm

It truly looks like the only guaranteed victory left on the Dawgs schedule is Nov 27th against Georgia Tech.

Mark Bradley

October 7th, 2010
1:45 pm

Bo in North Carolina

October 7th, 2010
1:48 pm

Will Barbara Dooley lead the Vols onto the field at UGA?

cattledawg

October 7th, 2010
1:49 pm

If you eat the ice cream to get stoned, what do you do next?

MURPHY

October 7th, 2010
1:50 pm

Schultz,

I applaud you!!! Great job. Bama will lose to the kick-in chickens in Columbia.

Ralph

October 7th, 2010
1:50 pm

Jeff, why don’t you and Bark Madley just trademark and register your Georgia picks to win every weekend?

Bark’s 9 – 3 thUGA prediction looks a bit shakey, but maybe one of those losses will be overturned in a few years over a player who has been secretly taking money from an agent like Reggie Bush. Oh wait, AJ already did that this year – but at least wasn’t allowed to play a few games instead of giving his team losses.

Dawggie

October 7th, 2010
1:51 pm

What do Georgia Tech and Marijuana have in common??

Both are frequently smoked in bowls.

The Temporary Mascot formerly known as Russ

October 7th, 2010
1:51 pm

Getting mentioned in this blog is a big deal when you consider it’s my last game. And, yes, I’m probably a scapegoat. They are replacing me with an inbred, white-a$$ed, oversized heart, weak bladdered, nincompoop dog who is rumored to have a third ear and runs into the furniture. It will not be pretty when he dies in front of 90,000, or 80,000, or 60,000, or 30,000 or whatever the crowd (and the record) will be this year when he drops dead. White-a$$es don’t win ball games. All this and our coach has managed to coach his tail off.

Falcon Jacket

October 7th, 2010
1:57 pm

“Tim Tebow still leads the NFL in jersey sales. The replica is just like the real thing. Clean.” – Too awesome

Jeff Schultz

October 7th, 2010
1:58 pm

GT Alum — It’s just a joke, come on.

Jeff Schultz

October 7th, 2010
1:59 pm

George Burdell — Thought about running that nude picture of Herschel Walker in ESPN The Mag but I felt icky.

The Temporary Mascot formerly known as Russ

October 7th, 2010
1:59 pm

I’m not saying the new dog won’t work out eventually but his family tree has no fork. I see him crawling around bumping into things and barking and slobbering and drooling and spilling his beer at games a lot like a UGA coed. When Coach Grantham got here we thought he’d add some class to the sidelines but all he’s added is a box of doughnuts and 4 losses. I may sound bitter but they should never have painted my a$$. What kind of people paint a little dog’s a$$?

Jeff Schultz

October 7th, 2010
1:59 pm

Bo in North Carolina — If Derek let her, I’m sure she would.

Jeff Schultz

October 7th, 2010
2:00 pm

Ralph– I guess you missed it last week when I said Georgia would lose at Colorado. I’ll accept your apology now.l

Jeff Schultz

October 7th, 2010
2:01 pm

Dawgie — That’s pretty funny. How come I didn’t think of that.

The Temporary Mascot formerly known as Russ

October 7th, 2010
2:03 pm

Not many people know that Jeff has offered to adopt me since they are throwing me out after this game. Russ Schultz has a nice sound, don’t you think? He can take me into the press box and I will be better behaved than the beat writers there.

I just want to say...

October 7th, 2010
2:03 pm

Surprised Jeff didn’t pick the Cats over the Tiger Eagles.

Coach Sleepy

October 7th, 2010
2:08 pm

No, I don’t need a sedative. Maybe a cup of coffee.

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Elizabeth Milton and Jeff Schultz, Tennessee Vols News. Tennessee Vols News said: RT @JeffSchultzAJC: Weekend Predictions: Dogs win (it’s the ice cream talking) http://bit.ly/cY7TVw [...]

gdawginkalamazoo

October 7th, 2010
2:10 pm

Jeff,
In that picture of Singletary is he looking at the Minnesota cheerleaders?

Les Miles

October 7th, 2010
2:10 pm

Stop calling me a clocksucker!

GrillHouse

October 7th, 2010
2:10 pm

I’m picking Georgia to win out. Florida’s just not very good this year, articularly on offense. Auburn? Please, Richt owns Auburn. Ga Tech? Owns em’. Got the Dogs finishing out at 8-4, then winning the Bowl game, to finish a remarkable 9-4. If Florida stumbles against LSU, Georgia sneaks in to win the SEC East.

Coach Sleepy

October 7th, 2010
2:11 pm

“If you eat the ice cream to get stoned, what do you do next?”
Take a nap, of course.

BRAD STEVENS

October 7th, 2010
2:13 pm

Dooley upsets the leg humpers in the stadium his daddy built! Can’t wait to sing Rocky Top all weekend, just like I sang John Denver all last weekend.

Dr. Evil

October 7th, 2010
2:13 pm

Dear Coach Richt -

I know you’re coaching your tail off but what did you do with Fat Bast@rd? He never made it back from Boulder. I had heard that he had some of that ice cream and then went running after Ralphie mumbling “I eat because I’m sad and I’m sad because I eat.”

And Russ, you could have tried to stop it but you were taunting and provoking the whole thing. Now Mr. Bigglesworth is upset and threatening come after your painted a$$.

So much for helping you dawgies out.

Oh yeah, if you get Mini-Me hurt at QB this weekend and UT wins, a new coaching job will be the least of your concerns.

With heartfelt sympathy,
Dr. Evil MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

gdawginkalamazoo

October 7th, 2010
2:14 pm

I bet Derek let’s Barbara give the halftime speech to the Vols. It’s a little known fact that Barbara use to teach sailors how to cuss at the Naval Reserve in Athens.

MichaelP

October 7th, 2010
2:16 pm

Russ…..I am convinced that the Miss Bulldog “turned” you….and you provided them with top secret information…then Buffalo Ralphie told you you could come live with him in Colorado after you got fired if you would give up the same secrets !

The Temporary Mascot formerly known as Russ

October 7th, 2010
2:22 pm

The UMiss bulldog is a very nice little bulldog just like me. He is no engineered, inbred, white-a$$ed, mindless bulldog like is coming on board at UGA. One thing for sure, when I was hollering at Washaun to jump on that ball in the end zone . . . that other little dog was doing the same thing with the player from his team. Of course, he was closer to the play and you see what happened. Next time I am going to point it out to one of the coaches and let him relay the message to the player on the field. We should have had a touchdown.

Coach Sleepy

October 7th, 2010
2:23 pm

GrillHouse
How’s the ice creme?

shane

October 7th, 2010
2:23 pm

“I applaud you!!! Great job. Bama will lose to the kick-in chickens in Columbia.”

You been eating that Ice Cream? Bama wins by two scores.

Jaffy

October 7th, 2010
2:27 pm

How was last night with Nancy? Did she hand you some food stamps to buy the ice cream!

Charlie Bama

October 7th, 2010
2:31 pm

Ok, write this down — The Cockadoos can only hang with Bama for the first quarter, then the talent & depth differences kick in –and we all know the rest of the story. I predict halftime: Bama 20-10. Once the stadium empties: Bama 35-13 (unless the math doesn’t work out with my halftime prediction — GaTechies, let me know, would ya?). I also predict Cam ‘laptop’ Newton fumbles twice Saturday, giving Caintucky some hope. Maybe they can keep it close.

Alphare

October 7th, 2010
2:32 pm

No way UGA can beat TN. UGA lost to Colorado who was beaten 52-7 by California. California in turn was beaten by Nevada 52-31. And remember Nevada was last ranked in the previous century.

UGA is currently the bottom feeder of all SEC, East and West all included. And UGA was beaten by the previous bottom feeder – Miss State.

I picked UGA against Colorado. Big mistake, lesson learned.

Nick Saban plays pocket pool

October 7th, 2010
2:34 pm

I’ll bet the mortgage that Gene Chizik used to have one heckuva mullet. Bring it back Gene!

Nick Saban plays pocket pool

October 7th, 2010
2:37 pm

I realize you’re already passed out in a pool of your own urine by the time Nevada plays on Saturday nights, but they are a quality football team Alphare. UGA sucks- but Nevada is darn good.

Ed

October 7th, 2010
2:40 pm

Vikings swimsuit calendar: If I had to pick one, it would be the 3rd from the left. Problem is she probably wouldn’t pick me.

As the great Groucho Marx once said, you’re only as old as the woman you feel.

Blaise Pascal

October 7th, 2010
2:40 pm

Vols 31, Dawgturds 17. More hobnail boots in the thugs’ face.

Bye bye, Richt.

Mr. Turnip-Green Jeans

October 7th, 2010
2:42 pm

I’d like a Bananapalooza-Blitz please..

And gimme a couple’a them big green chopsticks to eat it with.

Alphare

October 7th, 2010
2:43 pm

Dawgs will choke again. They will lead until the last 2 minutes and TN will have the final score to beat dawgs 28-27.

Gene Chizik

October 7th, 2010
2:44 pm

I still wear my Members Only jacket when I hit Applebee’s with the missus.

KSUOWL

October 7th, 2010
2:45 pm

Russ, I wish I was still young enough that I thought writing A$$ passed for clever.

Ah, youth.

Nick Saban plays pocket pool

October 7th, 2010
2:45 pm

Alphare- that’s a pretty good prediction for someone with a drinking problem. You may have hit the nail on the head.

KSUOWL

October 7th, 2010
2:49 pm

Is a Vols fan really calling UGA thugs? Wow, next thing you know, people who cheer for someone who beat his girlfriend to a bloody pulp (Robert Hall, Ga Tech demiGod, your table is ready) will be doing the same.