Weekend Predictions: Falcons, Jackets win (Dogs? Feh)

Before we get to this week’s big issues — can Georgia win a game, and is Oregon being replaced on future schedules by Catawba and the flag football team from Bob’s Catfish And Such — we have this important news update:

A bear broke into a car this week in Colorado and went joy riding. According to a story broken by the BBC, because apparently there’s nothing interesting going on in England, the bear broke into the car when he saw a sandwich (maybe he just had a buzz), then knocked the gear shifter into neutral, causing the car to roll out of a driveway, down an embankment and into trees.

Impressed by the element of surprise in this attack, Mark Richt immediately signed the bear as his new offensive coordinator. (I might have made up that last part.)

This week, Georgia faces Colorado, which generally inflicts less damage than its Sprint Cup wannabe wildlife.

Good news: The Trembling Chihuahuas are undefeated this season when they don’t play SEC teams! Athletic director Greg McGarity, sensing a problem, dropped a future home-and-home series with Oregon but added games against Charleston Southern and Georgia Southern.

A move into the Sun Belt is still pending.

By the way, A.J. Green is back. I guess that’s why Georgia is favored. Sorry, been burned too much by these guys. Give me Colorado and the 4 1/2.  In fact, give me the Buffs straight up.

OK, Dogs fans. If you’ve got some time (about seven minutes), this A.J. Green highlight tape should make you feel better

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Sis Boom Bah

I'm pretty sure this guard is not protecting Paul Johnson -- he's protecting Tech's players from Johnson.

Tech at Wake: Paul Johnson said, “We need to play like our hair is on fire.” I was thinking more the backside, but hair works. The defense has allowed 12 touchdowns in the last three games and has an ACC low two interceptions. Is something wrong with Al Groh’s flamethrower? Jackets cover 9 ½.

Morehead State at G-State: The first Homecoming week included the pageantry of a golf-cart parade through the concrete campus. It was a success — none of the carts got booted. This is what I know about Morehead State: They went 2-6-1 even with Phil Simms at quarterback. Panthers by 6.

Florida at Alabama: Nick Saban denies a Wall Street Journal report that he has run off at least 12 players since 2007 and hid them as medical redshirts. “Those are medical decisions made by our medical staff,” he said. And if you need a follow-up comment from the doctors, they’ll be sitting on the 50 on Saturday. Roll Tide! Meanwhile, according to my pal Pat Dooley in Gainesville, Florida hadn’t been an underdog since 2007 (to LSU) and hadn’t been an underdog by this many points since 2003 (10 to LSU). LSU won the BCS title both years. Parade time in Baton Rouge? No. Just Tuscaloosa. Bama covers 8.

Tennessee at LSU: It’s hard not to like Derek Dooley. But when your team is going overtime to beat UAB by a field goal at home, you’ve got problems. Tigers cover 16.

East Carolina at North Carolina: A new report ties an agent with a former Tar Heels assistant coach, John Blake, who resigned three weeks ago. I would say the NCAA is about to bring down the Tar Heels, but that would suggest Butch Davis ever did much to prop them up. Still, UNC covers 13.

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Between CBA Wars

Dez Bryant and the Dallas Cowboys sit down to their feast, as the hungry townspeople look on, hoping for fallen scraps.

(Purchase two games and get a free a copy of, “The Dallas Cowboys’ Guide to Narcissism and Gluttony,” which includes a copy of Dez Bryant’s $54,896 dinner bill, or about $2,700 per person. Bryant will be signing books today at the Dallas food bank.)

Phoney Niners at Falcons: San Francisco just fired offensive coordinator Jimmy Raye because it’s easier blaming a 33-year NFL coach for being unable to turn Alex Smith into Johnny Unitas than it is admitting you drafted a lunkhead and might as well have thrown $49.5 million into a food processor. Meanwhile, the Falcons suddenly are everybody’s flavor of the month. Birds cover 7.

Redskins at Eagles: Michael Vick makes his first home start for Philly, and he’s opposed by the former Eagles quarterback, Donovan McNabb, who made 139 but was chased out of town because he only went 10-4 last year. Wait. Huh? I’d love to pick a Skins upset here, but the flotsam surrounding McNabb prevents me. Vick over McNabb (but take Wash and 6).

Ravens at Steelers: This is the Steelers’ final game without Ben Roethlisberger. They’re 3-0.

Your odds are 2-1 Chan? Which way are you going?

So much for missing his leadership. Or his arm. Or his drooling. But: Baltimore wins this in an upset (take the 1).

N.Y. Jets at Buffalo: Chan Gailey is such a nice man. I’m not sure if I have the heart to tell him that BetUS.com just e-mailed me odds on the first NFL coach to fired, and Gailey is a 2-1 favorite. Unfortunately, there are no odds on Rex Ryan to spontaneously combust. Jets win, but take the Bills and 5.

Panthers at Saints: Just in case any Falcons’ fans needed a pick-me-up: Drew Brees is wearing a knee brace this week and says he’s “sore” from a hit by John Abraham. Alas: New Orleans covers the 13 ½.

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Bottom Dollars

Last week: 7-4 straight up, 6-5 against the line.

Season totes: 33-10 straight up, 23-19-1 against the line

Locks: Bagels.

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SACK SCHULTZ: Making a little comeback. Went 12-3 last week and I’m at 43-17 through four. Leaders are “JohnDaly” (that one?), “Tuckys,” “Tola” and “Terrijaca” at 52-8. They cheat. Note to all: You’re going down. Want to join the fun? Click here for details and then here to enter.

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