Weekend Predictions: Falcons, Jackets win (Dogs? Feh)

update

Before we get to this week’s big issues — can Georgia win a game, and is Oregon being replaced on future schedules by Catawba and the flag football team from Bob’s Catfish And Such — we have this important news update:

A bear broke into a car this week in Colorado and went joy riding. According to a story broken by the BBC, because apparently there’s nothing interesting going on in England, the bear broke into the car when he saw a sandwich (maybe he just had a buzz), then knocked the gear shifter into neutral, causing the car to roll out of a driveway, down an embankment and into trees.

Impressed by the element of surprise in this attack, Mark Richt immediately signed the bear as his new offensive coordinator. (I might have made up that last part.)

This week, Georgia faces Colorado, which generally inflicts less damage than its Sprint Cup wannabe wildlife.

Good news: The Trembling Chihuahuas are undefeated this season when they don’t play SEC teams! Athletic director Greg McGarity, sensing a problem, dropped a future home-and-home series with Oregon but added games against Charleston Southern and Georgia Southern.

A move into the Sun Belt is still pending.

By the way, A.J. Green is back. I guess that’s why Georgia is favored. Sorry, been burned too much by these guys. Give me Colorado and the 4 1/2.  In fact, give me the Buffs straight up.

OK, Dogs fans. If you’ve got some time (about seven minutes), this A.J. Green highlight tape should make you feel better

♦♦♦

Sis Boom Bah

This guard is not protecting Paul Johnson, he's protecting Tech's players from Johnson.

I'm pretty sure this guard is not protecting Paul Johnson -- he's protecting Tech's players from Johnson.

Tech at Wake: Paul Johnson said, “We need to play like our hair is on fire.” I was thinking more the backside, but hair works. The defense has allowed 12 touchdowns in the last three games and has an ACC low two interceptions. Is something wrong with Al Groh’s flamethrower? Jackets cover 9 ½.

Morehead State at G-State: The first Homecoming week included the pageantry of a golf-cart parade through the concrete campus. It was a success — none of the carts got booted. This is what I know about Morehead State: They went 2-6-1 even with Phil Simms at quarterback. Panthers by 6.

Florida at Alabama: Nick Saban denies a Wall Street Journal report that he has run off at least 12 players since 2007 and hid them as medical redshirts. “Those are medical decisions made by our medical staff,” he said. And if you need a follow-up comment from the doctors, they’ll be sitting on the 50 on Saturday. Roll Tide! Meanwhile, according to my pal Pat Dooley in Gainesville, Florida hadn’t been an underdog since 2007 (to LSU) and hadn’t been an underdog by this many points since 2003 (10 to LSU). LSU won the BCS title both years. Parade time in Baton Rouge? No. Just Tuscaloosa. Bama covers 8.

Tennessee at LSU: It’s hard not to like Derek Dooley. But when your team is going overtime to beat UAB by a field goal at home, you’ve got problems. Tigers cover 16.

East Carolina at North Carolina: A new report ties an agent with a former Tar Heels assistant coach, John Blake, who resigned three weeks ago. I would say the NCAA is about to bring down the Tar Heels, but that would suggest Butch Davis ever did much to prop them up. Still, UNC covers 13.

♦♦♦

Between CBA Wars

WedCana

Dez Bryant and the Dallas Cowboys sit down to their feast, as the hungry townspeople look on, hoping for fallen scraps.

(Purchase two games and get a free a copy of, “The Dallas Cowboys’ Guide to Narcissism and Gluttony,” which includes a copy of Dez Bryant’s $54,896 dinner bill, or about $2,700 per person. Bryant will be signing books today at the Dallas food bank.)

Phoney Niners at Falcons: San Francisco just fired offensive coordinator Jimmy Raye because it’s easier blaming a 33-year NFL coach for being unable to turn Alex Smith into Johnny Unitas than it is admitting you drafted a lunkhead and might as well have thrown $49.5 million into a food processor. Meanwhile, the Falcons suddenly are everybody’s flavor of the month. Birds cover 7.

Redskins at Eagles: Michael Vick makes his first home start for Philly, and he’s opposed by the former Eagles quarterback, Donovan McNabb, who made 139 but was chased out of town because he only went 10-4 last year. Wait. Huh? I’d love to pick a Skins upset here, but the flotsam surrounding McNabb prevents me. Vick over McNabb (but take Wash and 6).

Ravens at Steelers: This is the Steelers’ final game without Ben Roethlisberger. They’re 3-0.

Your odds are 2-1 Chan? Which way are you going?

Your odds are 2-1 Chan? Which way are you going?

So much for missing his leadership. Or his arm. Or his drooling. But: Baltimore wins this in an upset (take the 1).

N.Y. Jets at Buffalo: Chan Gailey is such a nice man. I’m not sure if I have the heart to tell him that BetUS.com just e-mailed me odds on the first NFL coach to fired, and Gailey is a 2-1 favorite. Unfortunately, there are no odds on Rex Ryan to spontaneously combust. Jets win, but take the Bills and 5.

Panthers at Saints: Just in case any Falcons’ fans needed a pick-me-up: Drew Brees is wearing a knee brace this week and says he’s “sore” from a hit by John Abraham. Alas: New Orleans covers the 13 ½.

♦♦♦

Bottom Dollars

Last week: 7-4 straight up, 6-5 against the line.

Season totes: 33-10 straight up, 23-19-1 against the line

Locks: Bagels.

♦♦♦

LogoGrass_652173aSACK SCHULTZ: Making a little comeback. Went 12-3 last week and I’m at 43-17 through four. Leaders are “JohnDaly” (that one?), “Tuckys,” “Tola” and “Terrijaca” at 52-8. They cheat. Note to all: You’re going down. Want to join the fun? Click here for details and then here to enter.

Follow me on Twitter @JeffSchultzAJC and Facebook.com/JeffSchultzAJC

229 comments Add your comment

Sid

September 30th, 2010
2:37 pm

Seen is a peeshwank

Sid

September 30th, 2010
2:40 pm

Is there any chance little tiny Ben won’t start?

Sid

September 30th, 2010
2:46 pm

AJ Green is finally back but he doesn’t act like someone who by his actions contributed to his teams losses. I wouldn’t bet a popped kernel of popcorn on the Georgia game.

Falcons win, they’ll cover the spread but I think the 49ers will come and play tough. It won’t be an Arizona game…………..

Really, you think the Neaux Geaux Saints will cover 13.5? Shouldn’t they pull Wheeze if they get a sizeable lead.

idot

September 30th, 2010
2:48 pm

How much longer is Singletary going to last in 49erland?
I would enjoy seeing the Falcons stomp the 49ers down.

Barkin'Dog

September 30th, 2010
2:50 pm

THIS is the week the Dawgs win — Jeff picked against them. Hope Mr. College Football does as well.

5150 P.O.A.D

September 30th, 2010
2:50 pm

WHERE ARE THE HOT CHICKS JEFF? WE NEED OUR HOT CHICKS with our FOOTBALL KICKOFF ARTICLE.

rolltide71

September 30th, 2010
2:55 pm

What you failed to mention Jeff is that just about every program in the nation has used this practice at one time or another with medical redshirts

5150 P.O.A.D

September 30th, 2010
2:57 pm

To the dawg fans going to the Colorado game: you can save money on Drinks and MATY JANE. The Alitude with less Oxygen will allow you to get HIGHER faster and cheaper. WA HOO the dawg fans win on that fact alone.

SOUTH GA DAWG FAN

September 30th, 2010
2:58 pm

but who would win in flag football between the 49er’s and falcons cheerleaders ?

5150 P.O.A.D

September 30th, 2010
2:59 pm

sorry MARY JANE and no she is not the fake blonde uga freshman Tri Delta Pledge you also get to ROLL and SMOKE.

wes

September 30th, 2010
2:59 pm

Took Tech and Georgia today. They’re both due to cover like…Jeff Blauser! ZING!!!

GStateBen

September 30th, 2010
3:00 pm

Thanks for the shoutout Jeff! It will likely be worse than 6 but I see your confidence in the Panthers is growing.

Dr. Evil

September 30th, 2010
3:01 pm

Great news for the DAWGS! Grantham just signed Fat Bast@rd – who had a year of eligibilty – to play nose tackle. NOBODY will be able to move him off the line.

The only thing Coach Richt has to worry about is to keep the QB Mini-Me away from him so he doesn’t try to eat him into his belly. Make sure to keep Fat Bast@rd full of baby backed ribs and he’ll be OK.

Also, Damon was only in Buckhead that night to try to get Coach Richt’s mojo back. #2 took it from the Coach during his visit to a tanning spa when I was feeling really evil.

Sure hope FB helps out. Grantham hired my son Scotty as DB Coach but you can see how that’s worked out. Then again, Scotty doesn’t get it, he just doesn’t.

I’m off to Boulder to create an oxygen inversion dome to help the puppies out against the Buff’s.

Yours Truly,
Dr. Evil BWAH -HA-HA HA-HA-HA

Dawg House

September 30th, 2010
3:02 pm

The fact people are ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED when UGA struggles, is a major compliment to the program.

GO DAWGS!!!

UGA- 34 Colorado- 12
Bugs- 21 Deacons- 28
Falcons- 23 Niners- 10

MURPHY

September 30th, 2010
3:03 pm

Great comments. Even though im a UGA fan I still laughed at the comments. I dont blame you Im not picking the Dawgs untill they show me they can compete and win a game. Disagree on UT/LSU-Dooley gets a signature win in Baton Rouge. Go Rocky Top-Dang I can believe I said that!

Still@theBAR

September 30th, 2010
3:03 pm

UGA has decided to bring out their CHAMPIONSHIP Uniforms too for the game. The DAWGS will be wearing the GYM DAWGS LEOTARDS under their game uniforms. Jockstraps will be optional but the panty liners are required.

Still@theBAR

September 30th, 2010
3:06 pm

DAWG HOUSE you closed the door on the dawg house sat in Russ’s ice bag and fired up the Bong full of HASH right?

MURPHY

September 30th, 2010
3:07 pm

Dr. Evil,

Classic post-enjoyed it

SadDawg

September 30th, 2010
3:07 pm

I guess Saban doesn’t break rules doing this or with his practice of signing more players to scholarships than he actually has scholarships to offer, but sooner or later this has got to hurt him, and Bama. He’s a great coach, but those things just seem like he stretches the rules as far as he can.

Jeff, am I just “misremembering” (a roger Clemens verb), or didn’t Butch Davis have problems with the NCAA at Miami?

DawginLex

September 30th, 2010
3:08 pm

Tech 42 Weak forest 20
UGA 29 Colorado 24
Falcons 27 niners 10
Bama 27 Floriduh 14
LSU 23 UT 6

Gordon Solie

September 30th, 2010
3:08 pm

You had a nice week last week Jeff you caught me in Sack Schultz….this week will be different…Dawgs cover thanks for the mojo…

KimZ'sPackage

September 30th, 2010
3:09 pm

How do you divide 34 uga points by the value of a field goal(3)? We know UGA can’t find the endzone unless the game is over for the dawgs. Maybe DAWG HOUSE you should sa UGA 30. 30 is only 10 field goals for Walsh to kick.

JB

September 30th, 2010
3:09 pm

Schultz picked us to lose……….We win then……………I think the Bobo thing was heard by Richt this week…..Either he takes over or has redirected his game planning….Dawgs will not score much, but enough to win, say 24-17

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Tu-Anh Pham, How I C It Sports and Jeff Haws, Jeff Schultz. Jeff Schultz said: Weekend Predictions: Falcons, Jackets win (Dogs? Feh) http://bit.ly/dBmaqR [...]

Not Disappointed

September 30th, 2010
3:09 pm

I really laughed out Loud! My wife, Reba just read it and was speechless! “This is going to be a fun week.” Thanks Jeff!

MURPHY

September 30th, 2010
3:10 pm

Still@theBAR,

IS THAT THE CLASSIC SILVER LEOTARDS OR ARE WE BRINGING BACK THE CLASSIC DOOLEY RED LEOTARDS?

Ralph

September 30th, 2010
3:12 pm

Don’t forget to bring the little dog for my lunch.

Howard

September 30th, 2010
3:12 pm

Jeff…how in the name of Hades does Chan Gailey keep getting coaching gigs…anywhere at any level???? Does he have incriminating pictures on a lot of folks??

icallbs

September 30th, 2010
3:12 pm

“Fey”: took the word right out of my mouth.

KimZ'sPackage

September 30th, 2010
3:12 pm

UGA is going to play an O-line with all Alpha Gamma Delta’s girls. They stop PENETRATON better than the current UGA o-line. Well the Animal Goats and Dawgs don’t get penetrated at UGA even when all the guts are drunk on a friday night. Maybe it will work on the football field as well as it works at the soroity house.

Gadawg443

September 30th, 2010
3:15 pm

Jeff, if you are smart you would take some of that Chan Gailey action.

anyone who thinks Buffalo will fire Gailey this season is smoking crack. He is in his first season as the teams coach – that in and of itself is an automatic bye for one season. Plus he not only had the stones to bench Trent Edwards he got the waste of a QB off the team completely.

That is the type of decisive action Bills fans have been craving after the Dick Jouran wishy-washy blah years. Gailey made his decision that Edwards was never going to get beyond his Capt. tentaive issues and then made sure there was no chance of there being any type of QB Controversy.

The players responded to the changes and played their hearts out in NE last week, almost pulling off an epic upset.

Trust me, right now Gailey will get a complete pass this season from Buffalo fans and management. The Bills very well may go 1-15, 2-14 — won’t matter — Gailey will be Bills Coach next season – GARAUNTEED!

SadDawg

September 30th, 2010
3:18 pm

KimZ’sPackage, aren’t you a Techie? Do you guys that come on here mindlessly writing this trip have short-term memory loss? Tech got shellacked Saturday, yet you’re on here giggling . . .

Jeez . . .

bruce mac

September 30th, 2010
3:19 pm

Finally, Dawgs win easy. Jeff is never right. Thanks for the win Jeff.

Jeff Schultz

September 30th, 2010
3:29 pm

Trashing Georgia makes me feel better about how lousy my Jackets are.

(30-24)

Dr. Evil

September 30th, 2010
3:32 pm

Thanks MURPHY.

DawginLex -

I see you must have gotten your PC out of hock after your brilliant picks from last week. Hope it works out a little better for you this week! Even Barnhart the hack was better.

BEHAVE NOW

Still@theBAR

September 30th, 2010
3:34 pm

Murphy I think they will need all the GYM DAWG Leotards. Offense will wear the Silver, Defense will wear the Black, and Special Teams will wear the Red Leotards.

Lew Burdette

September 30th, 2010
3:36 pm

What the hell does FEH mean?

Jeff

September 30th, 2010
3:36 pm

Dawgs: 28 Buffs: 10
WEAK: 28 Honey Bee’s: 9
Blama: 34 FlorDUH: 7
WHO:38 Hilbillies: 3

KimZ'sPackage

September 30th, 2010
3:37 pm

SadDawg NCSU is still undefeated and in the top 25. What is Miss St.’s record? Miss St has has 2 winning season since 2000 and are 42-76 since 2000. Please worry about Colorado an Russ not trying to kill himself after the game.

MURPHY

September 30th, 2010
3:38 pm

Still@theBAR,

Great!! Do we put green on Murray so he can avoid contact?

SadDawg

September 30th, 2010
3:41 pm

Think about 2 weeks further back than NCSU, KimZ’sPackage, and you’ll also find a stink bomb called Kansas.

…..and I wasn’t over at GT’s blog giggling even then . . .

Still@theBAR

September 30th, 2010
3:43 pm

Murphy that would be nice but NO. The scariest thing is that Murry will Tuck and Run sometimes. That hase to make Bobo’s butt get tighter than the lil sub that probed the Titanic. AJ does get to wear Dominque Dawgs old Leotard and Murry gets to wear Courtney Kopets old Leotard. They get the feeling of Champions plut the OLYMPIC feeling too. I hope it helps.

Still@theBAR

September 30th, 2010
3:45 pm

sorry isn’t it D. Daugs? I don’t remember how to spell her name but she was the tall prety Black gils that was also on the US Olympic Team.

MURPHY

September 30th, 2010
3:46 pm

Still@theBAR,

Sounds like a winning formula. Hope A.J excels on the vault as a result of this. I question him being able to stick the landing though?

DawginLex

September 30th, 2010
3:46 pm

Dr Evil,

thanks for noticing.

It is bad being loyal to our school while trying to win games with an interim mascot with a painted butt.

It’s Russ’s fault……………………….

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Tim Tucker and Jeff Schultz, Jeff Schultz. Jeff Schultz said: Your (almost) flawless financial forecast is now posted. #Falcons #Jackets #Dawgs. http://bit.ly/9xun9W [...]

Still@theBAR

September 30th, 2010
3:48 pm

All dawgs amke great landings. ust look at the LANDINGS they complete in the Athens-Clarke County JAIL. The Dawgs are at a PERFECT 10 for the year.

MURPHY

September 30th, 2010
3:49 pm

Still@theBAR,

Ouch. Dang man easy on that.

RUSS' HANDLER

September 30th, 2010
3:51 pm

Look It is not russ’ fault. IT IS BARBRA DOOLEY’s FAULT SHE IS WEARING ORANGE BRAS AND PANTIES. It is ALL BARBRA’s FAULT. Look I have had to feed Russ zanex in his food for weeks now. Please stop blaming RUSS. I am having trouble keeping hin away form anything that has ANTIFREEZE in it. Hell I had to drag him out from under Richt’s F-150 while hes was chewing through the raidator hose.

Dr. Evil

September 30th, 2010
3:57 pm

RUSS’ HANDLER -

Please, FOT THE LOVE OF GOD, keep him away from Ralphie! I’ll have my hands full with Fat Bast@rd and Mini-Me.