Weekend Predictions: Even Vegas is down on Dogs

Occasionally, we here at Weekend Predictions, home of the world’s only 100 percent guaranteed financial projections, assuming you didn’t fall for one of those silly picks we just put out there for comic relief, bring in a consultant.

So let me introduce you to my new market analyst, Todd Fuhrman, race and sports book analyst at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, where I once helped fund a significant expansion. I phoned Todd because Georgia opened this week as an underdog to Mississippi State, which is somewhat like the Ukraine opening as an underdog to Lichtenstein. These Dogs haven’t lost to those Dogs since 1974 (1951 in Starkville, when bread was 16 cents. Starkville looked the same, though.).

Trust me. I have a system.

Todd’s research goes back only 20 years but  he’s never seen Georgia less than 3 1/2 point favorites. Why is Mississippi State favored?

“It’s tough to get behind Georgia,” he said. “Their passing game is stagnant without A.J. Green, their freshman quarterback has played well in spurts but he’s inconsistent and I think a lot of people were surprised how they came out against Arkansas.”

Can you offer any other tips?

“Sure.”

Where’s the best buffet?

“We have a 24-hour buffet with unlimited access for $45.”

Should I split 10’s?

“It depends what the dealer is showing, but why not?”

Red or black?

“Always black.”

Over/under on Cher’s age?

“Low 60s.”

Back to the game. Georgia opened as 2-point dogs on one line. It has since moved to pick ‘em. Momentum!

If they lose this, you’ll never see another Georgia win predicted in this disturbed corner of the universe.

Athens Dogs win in Starkville.

Devoted reader and commenter “Ted Striker” suggests this strategy might help Georgia ends its 0-2 slump in the SEC.

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Faber College

(Where Knowledge is Good)

Gaylord the Camel: He's representin'.

North C. State at North Ave.: Al Groh’s defense rebounded nicely in Chapel Hill. Now the trick is not turning back into Dave Wommack. The Wolfpack has scored 106 points in three games, including eight touchdown passes by QB Russell Wilson. OMG, research. What’s gotten into me? Tech wins but take State and 8 ½.

The G at Campbell: The Panthers hung with Jacksonville State last week. Impressive. Now they face the Fighting Camels of Campbell. Shockingly, a school with “Gaylord the Camel” as its mascot does not award athletic scholarships. Either that or they offer them and everybody just laughs. State by 3, say I.

Alabama at Arkansas:The Pigfaces are 3-0 and ranked No. 10. Ever have one those perfect days and then somebody drops a piano out the window? Arkansas: Don’t look up. Bama covers 7.

South Carolina at Auburn: Gene Chizik said his team needs to be more physical. The last time I heard a coach say that, Mark Richt’s team was getting drilled in Columbia. Take the gift 3 but Chickens win this straight up.

Kentucky at Florida: HBO’s Bryant Gumbel thinks the NCAA should put the Gators on probation for all of their arrests, reasoning: “I’m no legal expert, not by a long shot, but I do believe that driving drunk, robbing a convenience store, and hitting your girlfriend are all worse offenses than dealing with an agent.” I think I suddenly like Bryant Gumbel. Do I need a shot? Gators cover 14.

NFL Snack Pack

Year's over, Drew. You can put the trophy down now.

Falcons at Saints: The Falcons’ defense goes from facing Dennis Dixon and Derek Anderson to Drew Brees. But the Saints are coming off a short week and they just lost Reggie Bush, who has a broken leg to go with his fractured conscience. I have no idea why I’m doing this: Take the 4 but the Falcons win in an upset.

Eagles at Jaguars: Michael Vick is a starter again. The Philadelphia Daily News was so excited that it ran the headline, “Top Dog,” which I guess was a cute play on words, assuming you weren’t one of Bad Newz Kennels’ failed low-round draft picks. Fetch: Eagles cover 3.

Stooges at Dolphins: The New York Jets have devolved from reality show to a Three Stooges episode, when the gun powder accidentally falls into the pancake batter (oh Curly, not again). This week, Braylon Edwards was arrested for driving with twice the legal limit of alcohol and half the legal minimum for brains. Rex Ryan, a walking F-bomb on TV, suddenly says he’s tired of the drama. Seriously? Miami covers 2 ½.

Don't worry, Wade. Jerry's very patient.

Cowboys at Texans: Dallas is 0-2 after going 11-5 last year. It’s the Wade Phillips Market Correction. Phillips still has a chance to pass his father, Bum, in career coaching victories but at this point he’ll be happy with return airfare as a gift. Wrap this: Dallas wins on the road (but take the 3 points).

Lions at Vikings: Minnesota is 0-2 and Brett Favre doesn’t have any receivers. How long before he suddenly says he can’t play through the ankle pain any more? Just sayin’. Vikes win but take Detroit and 11.

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Braylon Edwards gets pulled over for DUI. (I could watch this 1,000 times, and probably have.)

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Dept. of Hindsight

Last week: 10-1 straight up, 5-6 against the line.

Bottom dollars: 26-6 straight up, 17-14-1 against the line.

Lock of the week: Deadbolt.

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SACK SCHULTZ: Dude, this contest is like totally ruining my street cred. Went 10-5 last week. At 31-14 overall. Two guys named Ills (Georgia) and Axmann (Wisconsin) lead at 39-6. I’m pretty sure they’re cheating. If you haven’t played, it’s not too late too humiliate me! Click here for details and then here to enter.

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Follow me on Twitter @JeffSchultzAJC and Facebook.com/JeffSchultzAJC