Weekend Predictions: Dogs over Hades in bounceback week

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According to Greek mythology, Hades ruled over cursed spirits in the Underworld, until one day he grew tired of his morbid existence, and the fact everybody realized what a blithering idiot he was. So before soul-collecting season was complete, he headed south of Hell to Fayetteville, Arkansas.

You're going down, puffy.

You're going down, puffy.

We here at Weekend Predictions Inc. realized (belatedly) something was amiss in the spiritual world last week when Georgia, Georgia Tech and the Falcons all lost, corrupting what would have been a solid-gold week of financial projections (8-1 straight up, 6-2-1 against the line, if you don’t count the 0-3 whiff on the locals). But much like when Gozer The Gozerian turned into marshmallow guts in the end, we sense good will overcome evil once again.

To borrow from the noted Gainesville philosopher, Chris Rainey: “Time to Die, Petrino.”

The daubers are down in Dawgland. Georgia got smacked in Columbia. A.J. Green is still in retailing detention. But we sense a turnaround. The stunner is that oddsmakers agree. Georgia favored? Oh well, go with it.

Bobby Petrino returns to Georgia. Anybody got a pie?

Dogs win and cover 2 1/2.

Meanwhile, here’s a little old-school pick-me-up, courtesy of the “Beat Farmers,” covering, “Reason to Believe.” Hey, maybe that dead dog will get up and run.

Pros and Dethroned Heisman Winners

Keep this away from Jonathan Babineaux in the pre-game.

Keep this away from Jonathan Babineaux in the pre-game.

Cardinals at Falcons: After going splat in Pittsburgh, the Falcons are trying to get people excited enough for this game to arrive early by offering food discounts until 12:30. Is it just a coincidence Jonathan Babineaux returns from his ganja suspension? Let’s hope J.B. ain’t puffing in the pre-game because, dude, after a couple of bowlfuls, that family pack with four hot dogs, four bags of chips, four sodas and four candy items for $40 would be looking sa-weet! Where was I? Oh yeah, Falcons cover 6 ½.

Eagles at Lions: Michael Vick looked like a real quarterback against Green Bay. He probably gets the start because Kevin Kolb has a concussion and he didn’t wake up thinking he was Donovan McNabb. Meanwhile, Matthew Stafford has his second shoulder injury in 11 NFL games. Oops. Eagles cover 4.

Kim, the Heisman -- a trophy's a trophy.

Kim, the Heisman -- a trophy's a trophy.

Saints at Niners: Reggie Bush is really broken up about this whole Heisman thing. Yeah, whatever. Hey, it’s not the first time he has used a trophy to gain something and then gave it away. Just ask Kim Kardashian. New Orleans covers 5.

Giants at Colts: Indy is coming off a loss to Houston. I guess this is what an alternate universe looks like. Colts win but give me the Giants and 5 1/2.

Campus Keggers

“Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every 10 minutes.” – Thornton Melon, “Back to School.”

Maybe the sign should have read, "Beat Kansas first."

Maybe the sign should have read, "Beat Kansas first."

Ramblin’ Wreckage at UNC-Nanny: The Heels, despite a scandal-depleted roster, scored nearly as many points against LSU (24) as the Jackets did against Kansas (25). But the real problem is Tech’s defense. How does one allow four touchdowns to Kansas without hallucinogens? Al Groh: Welcome to the hot seat. Don’t know why, but: Take the 1 1/2 and a Tech win.

Jax State at G-State: The Panthers make their Weekend Predictions debut. Attendance dropped from 30,237 in the opener to 12,647 in game two. You would’ve thought they were showing a WNBA game at halftime. There are no official point spreads on Georgia State games yet but I know this much: Jacksonville State’s pretty good (ask Houston Nutt). The G goes down by two TDs.

Florida at Tennessee: Urban Meyer vs. Derek Dooley isn’t nearly as much fun as Steve Spurrier vs. Phil Fulmer, but at least Rainey’s texting gave everybody a storyline this week. Hey, Urban: How’s that “top one percent of the one percent” thing working out for you? Love to go upset here. Not happening. Gators cover 14.

Maybe if Duke tried some throw-back unis, it would have a chance.

If Duke wore throwback unis, it might have a better chance.

Alabama at Duke: This game looks like a misprint. Duke’s stadium holds 34,000 fans, so basically it’ll be just like an Alabama practice. The Blue Devils beat Alabama back in the 1945 Sugar Bowl. Then they got cocky. In two games subbing for Mark Ingram, Trent Richardson has rushed for 210 yards, three touchdowns and a 6.6 per carry average. Ingram is back this week. Check? Bama covers 24.

Clemson at Auburn: Not sure about the rest of Auburn but Cam Newton (563 yards in total offense) is the real deal. I figured it was better to lead with that than Dabo Swinney vs. Gene Chizik. Auburn covers 6.

East Carolina at Virginia Tech: Coach Frank Beamer said his defense had 16 mental errors and missed assignments last week. Sorry, but when you lose to James Madison, the head coach isn’t commanding a lot of attention in practice. Maybe Beamer needs to borrow Chris Rainey’s cell phone. Still, Hokies cover 19 ½.

Accountability scorecard

Last week: 8-4 straight up, 6-5-1 against the line.

So far, not awful: 16-5 straight up, 12-8-1 against the line.

Lock of the week: Schlage.

DID TO CATCH UP ON PAST WEEKEND PREDICTIONS? NO PROBLEM. CLICK HERE.

LogoGrass_652173aSACK SCHULTZ UPDATE: Bill Spackman of Powder Springs went 14-1 last week. I never liked him. I stand at only 21-9 through two weeks, placing me 1,511th out of 4,418. But I’m ready to pounce! Our two-week leaders: “Boatbum” at 28-2. Want to join the fun? Click here for more info and then sign up at ajc.com/go/sack-schultz.

Follow me on Twitter @JeffSchultzAJC and Facebook.com/JeffSchultzAJC

302 comments Add your comment

Herschel Talker

September 16th, 2010
1:45 pm

Schultzie:

The Dawgs are favorites, not underdogs.

HT

double g

September 16th, 2010
1:47 pm

Jeff, us homers can always pick the Dawgs and Jackets. But you?!? Don’t know why, either.

But hey, it seems as if you’re emoting now, going with the locals. We love it.(I know, wait till next week.)

Lowcountry Bulldawg

September 16th, 2010
1:49 pm

Crap – 1st?

ormewood

September 16th, 2010
1:50 pm

Yeah, he’s saying that Georgia will win and not cover, which means Jeff thinks they will win by either one or two points. Jeff, did you pick all three local teams to win on the flat last week, too?

Lowcountry Bulldawg

September 16th, 2010
1:51 pm

O I read the article at a leisurely pace! I had no idea and for that, I am relegated to 3rd! Whatta world, whatta world!

Baba O'Riley

September 16th, 2010
1:53 pm

Jeff, any plans to kidnap Mike Mularkey for about 4 hours Sunday? Is it possible to shut down the elevators in the Dome as he’s going up?

DawginLex

September 16th, 2010
1:54 pm

The Georgia game will not be close.

1 of 2 things will happen:

Bobo stays conservative/clueless and tries to run the ball between our underachieving tackles and we lose 28-14 or…

Murray overcomes his OC’s playcalling and goes wild and we win 49-35

Worm

September 16th, 2010
1:56 pm

I bet the TIGERS will cover six..Which tiger

Buck Belue wears a toupee

September 16th, 2010
1:56 pm

Hey Schultz

Their is a better chance of you growing hair than the dawwwwgs winning Saturday.

I think your homer co-workers are rubbing off on you…. stay away from the ewok.

lawzoo

September 16th, 2010
1:59 pm

If a basketball game breaks out Alabama will be in trouble. (I just made that up…I swear !)

Herschel Talker

September 16th, 2010
1:59 pm

Schultzie:

The following individuals should be fired ASAP:
Robert Cox
Mark Richt

They are two buffoons.

HT

StingerSplash

September 16th, 2010
1:59 pm

Does Woody Paige know you stole his schtick with the chalkboard, Mr. Schultz?
(C’mon, how often do we get to work “schtick” into a blog when it doesn’t pertain to ESPN personalities? Besides, Paige is a legend. Perhaps in his own mind, but he is a legend. Covered the civil rights movement and hates Jay Mariotti. And author, allegedly, one of the greatest lines ever when asked by a lady of the evening that she would do anything for 100 bucks.
Good, go up to my room and write a column and a sidebar. Brilliant.)

5150 P.O.A.D

September 16th, 2010
2:01 pm

Dawgs lose because they can only make ponations of $300 to the Allstate Hands Net between the Goal post. UGA kicking field goals will not get it done.
Falcons FOLD starts in 3.2.1.
I love my DOG and will never say that guys name and just wish he would get shot by one of his baby mom’s.
Have to go with the Saints and Giants too.
Tech will have to play well to win, but I think they do win.
G-State ain’t ready for real compition yet but will watch on TV.
Kim K has a FAT BUTT and will not hold-up over time without a Dr. to make her a Joan Rivers wanna be.
The Vols in an Upset. Barbra is in Orange and Making a Change at UT.
Bama and Clemson win.
Va Tech is going to hurt E Carol just for fun.
After the Calvin Johnson TD called a no TD I really hope you people don’t bet on a sport where refs/ officals have so much control. Bet on golf where it is just the player in his own mind against the course.

rduck

September 16th, 2010
2:04 pm

Which Tigers are you predicting to win? I’m guessing Auburn.. We all know that Clemson is in the ACC…

Freehawk

September 16th, 2010
2:04 pm

South Carolina Gamecocks

Herschel Talker

September 16th, 2010
2:05 pm

Schultzie:

Please don’t smoke whatever 5150 P.O.A.D is smoking. It can be hazardous to your health.

HT

WonderDawg

September 16th, 2010
2:10 pm

“To borrow from the noted Gainesville philosopher, Chris Rainey: “Time to Die, Petrino.”’
***********************************
Priceless, Jeff!

The Grinch

September 16th, 2010
2:10 pm

Good one, lawzoo.

Both the Falcons and Bulldogs are gonna need an upgrade at OC before they break into the next level.

Jeff Schultz

September 16th, 2010
2:12 pm

HT — Yeah, I wrote that… Oh, the pts — yeah, fixed that.

Jeff Schultz

September 16th, 2010
2:12 pm

Double G — I’m a little unpredictable. I blame hormones.

Jeff Schultz

September 16th, 2010
2:13 pm

Lowcountry Bulldawg — Hang in there, little bulldawgy.

DawgFan

September 16th, 2010
2:13 pm

Tigers cover the 6! Beautiful, Schultzie.

Jeff Schultz

September 16th, 2010
2:13 pm

Ormewood — Yeah, yeah, I fixed the wording … And yeah, I picked all 3 to win and cover last week. Can’t run from the truth.

Jeff Schultz

September 16th, 2010
2:14 pm

Baba O’Riley — I’m not bailing on Mularkey yet, but I understand the dissension.

DooleyNoted

September 16th, 2010
2:16 pm

Vols should play competitive game against UF. Hope they don’t fold like last week.

5150 P.O.A.D

September 16th, 2010
2:17 pm

HerShalnot what do you smoke? I bet the REFS win more games than the players.
To make my life perfect I will quote a great warrior.
Sgt Mjr Richardson of the 5th Ranger Battalion, “Give me an AK-47 a good dog and a Nymphomamiac that owns a liquor store.

WonderDawg

September 16th, 2010
2:17 pm

DawginLex, how’s Bobo gonna get 14 points?

Jeff Schultz

September 16th, 2010
2:17 pm

StingerSplash — Dude, the day I steal something from Woody Paige, I quit.

Jeff Schultz

September 16th, 2010
2:17 pm

WonderDawg — thanks

DawginLex

September 16th, 2010
2:17 pm

Kim versus Bush?

Kim by 69????????????????

DawginLex

September 16th, 2010
2:18 pm

Defense will get 2 turnovers. Set em up deep where even he can’t mess it up

Mr C

September 16th, 2010
2:18 pm

The Tigers will cover 6. dooohh. Yeah. check back with me on Sunday and i will tell u which Tigers

Murphy

September 16th, 2010
2:20 pm

Scultz,

You are the man!!!! Been waiting all day for this laugh-Great job as usual. Never gets boring!

5150 P.O.A.D

September 16th, 2010
2:20 pm

Lex don’t do 69 with Kim on top unless you have a snorkle. Her fat butt will smother you. Well maybe you like that I don’t know. HAHHAHAHAH. Kim beat the BUSH years ago. She whacked or waxed that thing off on her TV show.

WonderDawg

September 16th, 2010
2:21 pm

Haha. Ol Reggie is looking at Kim like he just saw her sex video (with another guy)!

5150 P.O.A.D

September 16th, 2010
2:21 pm

I want a pic of the TV AZTECA reporter before she does Playboy.

Jeff Schultz

September 16th, 2010
2:21 pm

Thanks Murph.

Jeff Schultz

September 16th, 2010
2:22 pm

DawginLex — Ah come on, keep it out of the gutter.

Steve

September 16th, 2010
2:23 pm

For some reason I am more worried about UGA at Mississippi State then I am Arkansas. If AJ’s hearing is tomorrow and the suspension is dropped, I guess there is still a chance he plays Saturday. That would be a nice surprise.

“Buck Belue” you might want to use proper grammar. “There,” not Their. Must be a Tech fan.

5150 P.O.A.D

September 16th, 2010
2:25 pm

Steve couldn’t be a UGA fan for sure because they didn’t use D’hare.

5150 P.O.A.D

September 16th, 2010
2:27 pm

What is the water girl serving for dinner? Richt is getting a lil fat. The OLD Darth Visor looks to be in better shape for sure.

DawginLex

September 16th, 2010
2:29 pm

Come on Jeff, you posted the bikini pic.

At least it wasn’t you in the bikini……………………..

Murphy

September 16th, 2010
2:30 pm

Scultz,
I will have to disagree with you on Gaytors vs Rocky Top. From what I have seen from the Gaytors compared to what I saw from Rocky Top on Sat,this could and should be alot closer than expected.Im giving the edge to Rocky Top because it is in Knoxville. At some point they are going to win a game they shouldnt. Lets hope it this weekend and not in Athens! Wonder if Derek can talk ole’dad into doing the pre-game speech to the Vols’?

DawginLex

September 16th, 2010
2:32 pm

Murphy, considering DD’s Dad went 18-7 against the gators, he needs to talk to him. Maybe Mark Richt should spend some more quality time with the guy that hired him too.

Murphy

September 16th, 2010
2:36 pm

DawginLex,

Yep!!! Maybe Barbara Dooley can do our pre-game speech on Sat. I can promise you this,she wont hold back at all!!! She is a tough cookie!!

East Atlanta

September 16th, 2010
2:36 pm

WHICH TIGERS ARE THE FAVORITES???

5150 P.O.A.D

September 16th, 2010
2:38 pm

Sigfried and Roy’s Tigers are the Favorites for sure.

East Atlanta

September 16th, 2010
2:40 pm

Also, I’m attending my first game in Auburn this Saturday. Since it’s an evening affair, will I be expected to wear my formal overalls?

5150 P.O.A.D

September 16th, 2010
2:40 pm

MURPHY did you hear Vince say Barbra can’t put on her Orange until they cross the Stateline? HAHAHA Vince does have his rules. Well, at least he makes his wife follow some rules because we know he never made his players.

SOUTH GA DAWG FAN

September 16th, 2010
2:40 pm

how can a top 15 ranked team be an underdog to a team that hasn’t scored a touchdown yet except in scrimmage?
I want the Dawgs to win as much as anybody but i can’t get over not scoring a touchdown i don’t believe South Carolina is that good .
as always
GO DAWGS!!!!!!!