Countdown: Stern’s blindness, Canseco’s collapse, Richt’s whiffs

The Count learned vodka and plasma don't mix.

The Count learned vodka and plasma don't mix.

The Count has been off for a couple of weeks, which means he missed several more arrests involving the Georgia athletic department with a combined blood alcohol level that, if anywhere near a sparkler,  probably could blow up Bolivia.

The Bulldogs (whether administrator or players who somehow keep, keep, keep, keep, keep slipping through through Mark Richt’s recruiting filter — gee, who’s fault is that?) should follow the words of a famous drunk, Ernest Hemingway, who between whiskeys at least had the forethought to declare: “Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” And if possible, don’t get caught driving with women’s underwear pulled over your head.

Of course, not everybody can use alcohol as an excuse. LeBron James, ESPN, Dan Gilbert, Jesse Jackson, David Stern — they’re all sober, even if delusional. Where to start? We count down . . .

10. Who’s next to grab the stupidity baton?

James, Wade and Bosh, together at last, almost like they planned it.

James, Wade and Bosh, together at last, almost like they planned it.

This whole NBA offseason has been like a game of goofball dominoes. LeBron James does his narcissistic dance of life across the stage in free agency, then some actually suggest he should be commended for taking less money by not signing with Cleveland, even though he’s certain to make far more money off the court by signing with Miami. ESPN’s signing show was such an

abomination that, for a moment, they seemed to be getting at least as much heat as James. Then Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert took attention off both by releasing a statement which referred to James and his “cowardly betrayal” and “shocking act of disloyalty.” To punctuate his remarks, Gilbert claimed his former breadwinner “quit” in the playoffs. Quoting here: “Watch the tape.” So you figure that’s where it ends, right? No. Jesse Jackson makes everybody forget what a knucklehead Gilbert is by saying the owner’s “feelings of betrayal personify a slave master mentality. He sees LeBron as a runaway slave.” Yes, because do you know how many slaves left one plantation for another and announced it on ESPN. After appearing on Larry King. All the while thrilling their shoe company, Nike, which was about to come out with the “Air Oppressed”?

Is this what happens when you swallow the worm in the tequila bottle? Or is that reserved for drunk, wife-beating, racist, anti-Semitic Nazis like Mel Gibson? Sorry, got off track there. But there’s great news for Gilbert! David Stern just grabbed the baton!

9. Meet Commissioner See No Evil

David Stern sees only what he wants to see.

David Stern sees only what he wants to see.

Sorry, but if you ask me who’s more responsible than anybody for what has gone on, it’s NBA commissioner David Stern. I understand the NBA is a players’ league. I understand the man has a product to protect, and therefore he is shielding the centerpieces of his league. But can he at least pretend like he cares? The NBA announced Monday night that it was fining Gilbert $100,000  for “inappropriate comments regarding Miami Heat forward LeBron James.” Inappropriate? Is this at Stern’s whims? What happened to actual rules? Stern fined Hawks owner Michael Gearon Jr. last month for saying: “If somebody came to us tomorrow and said you can have LeBron for max money and it puts you in the luxury tax, I’d do it in a heartbeat But am I going to do that for [Zydrunas] Ilgauskas? Am I going to do it for Jermaine O’Neal? I don’t think so.” Stern considered that tame comment about Gearon’s general position on paying a luxury tax as tampering. But he did not consider James, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh talking for months about playing on the same team as tampering. He did not consider any of their public comments about playing for different teams before free agency officially started as tampering. He can’t have it both ways. And riddle me this: If Stern doesn’t see players talking prior to the free agency period as tampering, does that meanHeat president Pat Riley (who would be tampering if he spoke of other players) can ask Wade to recruit players, knowing that’s OK with Stern?  Here’s the rule: “Tampering is when a player or team directly or indirectly entices, induces or persuades anybody [player, general manager, etc.] who is under contract with another team to negotiate for their services.” But this is what Stern said Monday: “They don’t collude, they just sort of talk about how nice it is to be able to play together and they’re allowed to do that.” Well heck, as long as we’re just talking, here’s something else for you, commish . . .

8. The next Big Three to New York

If Knicks can get Chris Paul and Carmelo Anthony, Spike Lee would pay the fine for tampering.

If Knicks can get Chris Paul and Carmelo Anthony, Spike Lee would pay the fine for tampering.

Great story out of New York this past weekend. LeBron goes to Carmelo Anthony’s wedding and is greeted by boos outside of the Manhattan chapel. How bad is it when you’re booed outside of a wedding chapel? (I’m not counting in-laws.) Then, inside, Anthony reportedly makes a toast, suggesting he and Chris Paul may one day join Amar’e Stoudemire on the Knicks. From the New York Post: “According to a person who spoke with wedding attendee Amar’e Stoudemire, Paul made the reference during a speech of a potential union of himself, Stoudemire and Anthony, saying, ‘We’ll form our own Big 3.’ Attendee Spike Lee nearly passed out at the suggestion.”

7. Wonder if this guy is from Philly?

OK, let’s lighten up, Francis. Turns out, the U.S. didn’t corner the market on dumb sports fans. Some guy, apparently quite famous in Spain, tried to swipe the World Cup trophy before Sunday’s championship game between Spain and the Netherlands. Jaume Marquet Cot, also known as “Jimmy Jump,” was quickly dropped by security.  For what it’s worth, I have no idea what the announcer is saying, nor what language he is saying it in.

6. Jose, can you see? Or think? Or Function?

The Count has wandered down the Jose Canseco Meltdown Expressway before. About a year ago we brought you video of the former “Bash Brother” getting clocked in a Mixed Moronic Arts bout by South Korean hulkasaurus Hong Man Choi. If you missed it, we found it in The Count’s archives and re-posted it. But Canseco outdid himself this time: He boxed a 60-year-old! And lost! Canseco dropped a four-round decision to Gary Hogan, an assistant athletic trainer from the University if Arkansas-Little Rock. Hogan scheduled the exhibition to raise money for a boxing gym. Canseco fought to raise money for himself: reportedly between $10,000 to $30,000. Hogan said afterward it was clear that Canseco got tired. Canseco responded, “He’s got some big [expletives].” (Feel free to follow with the steroids joke of your choice.) Here’s the video. There’s not much action. But take a look at it — and last year’s faceplant against Choi — and then meet me back at No. 5 in the Countdown. This story gets better.

Canseco drops decision to Methuzelah

Down goes Canseco!

5. Twitter in the hands of a fool (again)

A peek inside of Jose Cansco's head.

A peek inside of Jose Cansco's head.

Are you following @JoseCanseco on Twitter? It’s like witnessing a daily self-immolation. Canseco is getting pounded by his followers for the loss. Canseco is  now claiming he really wasn’t trying to win. He also wrote (term used loosely) on Twitter: “Hey golic u think I am a joke in the ring I won’t hold u up and go easy on u. Knock your fat [butt] out.” (I’m assuming ESPN radio host Mike Golic, a former NFL player, mocked him but I didn’t hear it.” Canseco also responded to the criticism as so (verbatim): “You haters will fight me on my show,it will be a blast showing u want [sic] I can really do I will not hold back because I hate haters.” And there also was this one: “Anytime I need a reality check on what you liars and hypocrits [sic] are about I go on twitter, it reassures me on why all other countries want to exterminate us.” To which Twitter follower @YankeeMegInPHL responded: “No, Jose, just you.” And who knew even Lichtenstein wanted to exterminate us?

4. Meanwhile, back to Athens . . .

Why would you NOT look at Mark Richt when his players are getting arrested?

Why would you NOT look at Mark Richt when his players are getting arrested?

Question to Mark Richt apologists: How can a college football coach not be responsible when the players he recruits keep getting into trouble? I understand the whole personal responsibility argument. But if Richt believes he is doing everything he can to discipline his players, maybe the problem is he’s picking the wrong players. A question to Bulldog loyalists: If Urban Meyer or Nick Saban have seven players get arrested in an offseason, who would you blame? What if the president of a bank or a grocery store or law firm keeps hiring employees who get arrested? Think eventually he might take the fall? Hello? McFly? Meanwhile, I believe only 13 players are eligible for the Louisiana-Lafayette game. But that will still be enough.

3. Delonte West: Definitely not going to Miami

huggysOne of the strangest underground/unconfirmed/sleazy stories of our generation is the one that allegedly explains why LeBron James was so mediocre in some playoff games this year: He discovered teammate Delonte West was having an affair with LeBron’s mother, Gloria James. Now, very few media outlets have even acknowledged this rumor, which originally appeared on the website TerezOwens.com, mainly because it’s so nauseating. ESPN Radio’s Colin Cowherd was one of the few mainstream media folk to mention it, claiming it was one reason James would not sign with the New York Knicks (and that the New York Post already was looking into the story). We mention it now only so we can run the photo (via MyBlockSportsTalk) of the sign outside of Huggy’s Place in Vermilion, Ohio. The message, which went up right after James announced his exodus, says it all.

2. OK, last shot

These shirts were not produced by Nike.

Really, I didn’t intend for this to turn into the LeBron Countdown. Last thing. Well, two things. If you’re on Twitter, @LeBronJamesEgo is worth following for laughs. Second, Cleveland Scene has an anti-LeBron T-shirt wrap-up, some referencing his lack of rings, lack of honesty or, of course, Delonte West. It’s not believed Nike has produced any of the shirts.

1. And finally

Tonight is the All-Star Game. If Ryan Braun of Milwaukee hits a game-deciding home run off of Fausto Carmona of Cleveland, making a winner of Josh Johnson of Florida, that means the Braves could have the home-field advantage over the Yankees in the World Series. And it all will make sense in Bud Selig’s strange little world.

Follow me on Twitter @JeffSchultzAJC and Facebook.com/JeffSchultzAJC

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131 comments Add your comment

UGAKevin

July 13th, 2010
2:52 am

I really dont care if i am first or not…..GO DAWGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jeff Schultz, Sue Lee. Sue Lee said: Countdown: Stern's blindness, Canseco's collapse, Richt's whiffs: Atlanta Journal Constitution (blog)James, Wade a… http://bit.ly/bazF4f [...]

innocent bystander

July 13th, 2010
3:08 am

I’m a huge UGA fan but this is a funny column.Agree about Mel but you mispelled anti-Semitic.

The Grinch

July 13th, 2010
3:13 am

Even though Jessie Jackson obviously completely lost his mind decades ago, he still never ceases to amaze me when he opens his mouth.

David Stern’s arrogance is incredible. Anyone else who’d destroyed an incredibly popular and lucrative sport would be acting like a comedian flopping in his own muck sweat in front of a booing audience; Stern’s still making up and issuing nonsensical judgments from on high as if he wasn’t shooting down the rapids without a paddle.

Speaking of basketball, is it just me or did we essentially get hosed on the Josh Childress situation? Another 2nd rounder they can sell off for the no 6 overall pick in ‘04 (even if it was a BK pick)? Really? ASG at least owes every Hawks fan a souvlaki.

Steve

July 13th, 2010
3:19 am

Jeff Schultz you are the master. I am calling the AJC and suggest no more vacations for you. We can’t live without stuff like this!!!

Ted M

July 13th, 2010
4:04 am

Canseco looks 40lbs heavier in the pic w/the hot chic than in video. I wonder why? lol

Sean Limbaugh

July 13th, 2010
4:08 am

obama did it

The Realist

July 13th, 2010
4:27 am

Jeff,

May we assume you didn’t like Gibson’s “Passion of the Christ?” It really shows as this is your only reference to an individual totally unrelated to sports.

Turnt_Up!

July 13th, 2010
4:39 am

Apparently, while LeBron is headed south, his mom Gloria is riding West!
Goodnight folks…

JTH

July 13th, 2010
5:28 am

Schultz goes on “vacation” and UGA people get arrested left and right. Coincidence?

'Bout time...

July 13th, 2010
6:23 am

…you brought the count back…

StevieWonder

July 13th, 2010
6:39 am

OUTSTANDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NCBravesFan

July 13th, 2010
6:39 am

Obviously, vacation does a writer good. That, and a cavalcade of crazy the past week. Good work, Jeff.

Paddy

July 13th, 2010
6:53 am

Jeff….You said it and explained it in one sentence. The NBA is a players league. It was bound to end up a side-show. Fans are fed up with the whole NBA mess. If the ASG had the money they could also join in on the madness. But JJ has just sucked the air out of this team for at least 6 years.

piper

July 13th, 2010
7:04 am

maybe the cops don’t turn a blind eye like they do in tuscaloosa or gaynessville? i believe the acc pd and uga pd are witch hunters. you never hear about underage possession or scooter violations in those towns. wonder why? those college kids must not drink i guess (yeah right!). or ride scooters. the cops might actually serve as public servants and tell those kids they run across to get home. the dui’s are one thing, arresting a kid for having a scooter motor too big or for underage possession doesn’t serve the public good. it’s a waste of time to enforce.

Rich

July 13th, 2010
7:07 am

Good stuff as always, Jeff. Good to see you back …

You Know Who

July 13th, 2010
7:10 am

When’s the cops going to return the red panties? I worked hard to get them. Not a word from Schultz about them.

JB

July 13th, 2010
7:11 am

Richt ought to impose physical punishment also, as in running stadium steps 7 days a week until they puke……..I really think they have a better system in Bama and Florida with the authorities. I don’t think it’s look the other way, but they take them to the coach rather than jail.
Same kids, college campus, same opportunities, different way to handle it. Are you telling me players at Florida and Bama don’t party, don’t drink, don’t start trouble. Ah no.

Octagon

July 13th, 2010
7:11 am

Great article! I’d like to see Richt make a stronger stand by kicking kids off the team and taking more of a look at the character of potential recruits. UGA wouldn’t have as much talent as a result, and that would mean not winning 10 games every season… but I would definitely be more proud of that kind of team.

JB

July 13th, 2010
7:12 am

A fitting punishment for me if I got in trouble with the law would be, ” JB, I sentence you to watch 10 NBA games”………please, anything but that……

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

July 13th, 2010
7:14 am

welcome back Count!!! the whole LeBron situation is enough for me to be sick of the NBA- now throw in Jesse Jackson in the mix and it’s become an episode of One Tree Hill on crack!! Richt needs to start the warden role- he can’t control everyone but he needs to change something ASAP.
But Count i ask you- where is your UT bit with the players rolling an undercover cop??

JB

July 13th, 2010
7:14 am

Octagon, take that route and you end up as Vandy !

Bulldog Sam

July 13th, 2010
7:16 am

Looks like Jessie Jackson has crawled out from under his rock. I wonder if he had someone else’s wife under there with him. He is about as close to being a preacher and a representitive of the Christian faith as I am to becoming a pine tree. There must be some home that will take old racisit idiots to get them out of public viewing.

Bob Horner had a sweet compact swing

July 13th, 2010
7:18 am

Shutlz is back with a vengence…good article…all I have is this in German the word stern is “star”….he is NOT a star I’m not jealous of David Stern….but I wish I was a real estate lawyer just signing my name all day…that’d be cool….then I could tell my wife I had a meeting in Atlanta…..she would’nt care I’d be knoocking down $550K/yr

ummmmm..what if I get pulled over..?? by a State Trooper that doesn’t negociate..??

F-105 Thunderchief

July 13th, 2010
7:19 am

I notice more and more that after Bradley comes out with his opinion, you come out strongly with the opposite one. Might you and he step into the ring for a cause? I’ll be happy to arrange a venue.

BIRDDAWGONE

July 13th, 2010
7:19 am

Jeff, thanks

F-105 Thunderchief

July 13th, 2010
7:21 am

Google images reveals Gloria James isn’t in the same area code as hot.

BravesFan79

July 13th, 2010
7:22 am

Say what you will about the format of the All star game determining home field, but i remember several very boring all star games right before the rule was put in place. The NL will win behind strong pitching from Johnson and Jimminez!

Otis the drunk

July 13th, 2010
7:38 am

The police in Toothlessloosa Alabama would never hurt Their beloved teams chance at winning a game. A dui for a them is simply a free ride home. Hey when is the last time a starter for them had academic trouble. What Jeff, they are out recruiting head to head with Yale for half their players. GET REAL. Remember Myers couldn’t discipline his own future felon eye-poking linebacker.

dap01

July 13th, 2010
7:43 am

CMR recruits the same players that GT recruits, the only difference is that most chose to play at a major university.

Sloan

July 13th, 2010
7:43 am

Good column Jeff. Some funny stuff mixed in with the truth. As a UGA grad, I think Coach Richt is a great man, but there is a problem with underage drinking that he cannot seem to get control of. And it is becoming more than a minor embarrassment.

The most unbelievable thing I heard yesterday; however, wasn’t Jesse Jackson’s comments on Dan Gilbert, but last night on PTI Michael Wilbon actually agreed with the reverend and supported his comments saying that black men were having that conversation as soon as Gilbert’s comments were posted on the Cavs website. He stated that he was thinking what Jackson said on the PTI show Friday but didn’t say it! Either Michael Wilbon is less intelligent than I have given him credit for over the years or is as big a racist as JJ underneath his public exterior. In either case, it made me turn the TV off. What Dan Gilbert said about Lebron showed a lack of class for sure. But it’s 2010 and Lebron just left one city for another and signed a 6 year, $110,000,000 contract to play basketball and be treated like a hero for playing a game. To invoke the words “slave master mentality” in this situation is an affront to slaves and slave masters the world over!

Herschel Talker

July 13th, 2010
7:44 am

Schultzie:

Great call on Mark Richt. I am tired of making excuses for this guy letting the lunatics run the asylum. Enough is enough.

HT

Rod

July 13th, 2010
7:47 am

If Jesse’s been spotted, can Al be far behind?

MightyQuinn

July 13th, 2010
7:55 am

Passing the stupid baton…..perfect! That and JJ’s contract are reasons once more that just when I was beginning to get interested in the NBA, I decide……Nah! Welcome back, Count!

CoastDog

July 13th, 2010
7:56 am

Good that you got the dig in on Mel-he is white and fair game- but you forgot about King Shamir Zulu Shabazz. Wait -he’s off limits to the media, I forgot.

Bob Didier Caught Here

July 13th, 2010
7:59 am

Shultzie……..

Welcome back! And man you are back with a vengence! Great Article……just need more cheesecake shots!

Walker, Texas Ranger

July 13th, 2010
8:02 am

Welcome Back, where can I get one of those T-shirts. My feelings exactly. Now you got guys wanting to sign for the min. in Miami. The NBA is such a joke now.

Clay

July 13th, 2010
8:05 am

Jeff, maybe Mel and Jesse will somehow wind up in the same retirement home someday. You should wish for that also – think of the material for the Count!

Walker, Texas Ranger

July 13th, 2010
8:13 am

Stern is a dumb*** I think the definition is spelled out. He may have just passed Selig in the idiot rankings. Love the Gloria sign. Cleveland may be the arm pit of America but they do have a sense of humor.

Beast from the East

July 13th, 2010
8:13 am

Jeff,
I disagree about Richt. It is certainly not his fault that these kids CHOOSE to make stupid decisions.
That being said, it is responsibility to get them in line. The tactics he’s using aren’t working and he needs to try something different. I’ve suggested punishment for the entire team. Peer pressure is pretty dang effective and long-lasting. He can’t be there 24/7, but the fear of consequences can be.
Your thoughts?

TONE

July 13th, 2010
8:16 am

One of the funniest countdowns ever Jeff !!! So i am pretty sure you meant to be serious. Strangely enough i agree with what you say about coach richt taking blame , I am a Richt fan and want to see him at UGA for many years , but i do think he is still teaching from the Bowden school of recruitment and punishment. I wonder how many FSU players years ago got out of trouble and it never made the news because of a phone call (Dadgum Officer he’s just a pup lets let this one slide and i will take care of it internally see you saturday !)
that doesnt work anymore and it shouldn’t , but i bet it was common when richt was learning from bowden.

BJ

July 13th, 2010
8:17 am

Yeah the same jesse jackson that called the president the n word on live camera because he felt his boy wasn’t doin what jesse wanted. No one takes this moron seriously. Most never did. He really needs to just disappear in the wind.

TommyP

July 13th, 2010
8:18 am

It IS different in Tuscaloosa concerning the football team/police department. They are still doing things the way most college teams/police departments did back in the day….under the table agreement with the police getting some perks. (i.e. tickets)

President of a grocery store? Bank? Compared to the world of college football? That might be the most asinine analogy ever made in print. That’s reaching to get a jab in on a guy, well, that history shows you have your problems with.

Jackson suspended for at least half the season and King got a game for having a cup of beer. Seems about right.

Let’s see….looking at the drug problem Urban obviously has going on in Gainesville (per Florida players and NFL), you would think that Florida would get slammed in the media. Nope….

Recruit different players, huh? Wonder how many of the guys we got were recruited by Bama, Florida, etc.? Seems every time I look at the schools that have offered our recruits Florida is listed in his set of offers.

But URBAN is disciplining his players, huh, Jeff? They just play football in Tuscaloosa, huh, Jeff?

Walker, Texas Ranger

July 13th, 2010
8:20 am

Jeff, I love how ESPN just ate up this whole deal and played it off like he was unselfish for taking less money. These guys are the biggest brown nosers ever. I think Labron was a punk for doing this nationally and/or not letting Cleveland know ahead of time…..like two years ago so they could plan for this. Now they are just screwed and $100,000 lite.

johnny

July 13th, 2010
8:22 am

Deal with 7 loses or 7 arrests? Get the priorities straight before you go off…….

Mr. Phil

July 13th, 2010
8:24 am

Jeff,

Clearly the time off did you good. This is one of the best countdowns I can remember. AJC should put a little something extra in the paycheck for this one. LOL.

G

July 13th, 2010
8:24 am

So Jeff let me get this straight… If you write bad articles over and over then that is your editors fault because he hired you? When did we as a society become responsible for other peoples actions. No one is responsible FOR people, we are all responsible TO people….

Billy Goat Gruff

July 13th, 2010
8:26 am

I don’t know about the peer pressure thing. Neville tried to stop Harry, Ron and Hermione from sneaking out again, and all it got him was paralysis.

Yep

July 13th, 2010
8:31 am

Jesse Jackson IS AN IDIOT!!!!

Idot

July 13th, 2010
8:33 am

One reason that Ga. players get arrested more than Ala. and Fla. players, is that Georgia is a prison state, with one of the highest prison populations in the U.S.