Taser them all, I say (and I’m not throwing my beer)

I think he pretty much speaks for everybody, don't you?

I think he pretty much speaks for all Philly fans, don't you?

What is it about Philadelphia? I understand the city is the historical centerpiece of our independence, but does conformity not come into play at some point with sports fans?

By now, you’ve no doubt seen the video of the 17-year-old, chucklehead Phillies fan who ran onto the field Monday night and was zapped with a Taser (if not, I’ve posted it below).

Well, somebody — I would imagine the 17-year-old, chucklehead’s third cousin, thought this was such a great idea that he also ran onto the field Tuesday at Citizens Bank Park. Similar to Chucklehead I, who phoned his father to seek permission first about running onto the field (the father said no), Chucklehead II apparently announced  his temporary (or not) insanity  in advance on Twitterturn on the phillies game, im about to be on the feild!!!!!!!!!!” (Morons can’t spell.)

Unfortunately, security did not pull out a Taser this time, though some fans in the stadium did chant, “Tase him! Tase him!” (that video also is posted below).

I understand there are morons everywhere. But Philadelphia has a rather rich history of them in sports venues.

Eagles fans booed and threw snowballs at Santa Claus. You can decide whether that’s worse than the time they cheered when Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Michael Irvin was laying on a stretcher on the field with a career-ending neck injury.

Have to love those Phillies fans. They threw batteries — “D” size, of course — at J.D. Drew, then of the St. Louis Cardinals, because Drew wouldn’t sign with Philadelphia after the draft. It was only a few weeks ago when a sauced 21-year-old intentionally vomited on the 11-year-old daughter of an off-duty police officer because he was angry that his friend (another sweetheart) was thrown out earlier.

The old Veteran Stadium, home to the Eagles and Phillies, became so infamous that officials actually constructed a jail cell in the stadium, complete with a judge and a court room. (Justice was swift, usually before the next inning or change of possession.)

There are a million other stories of Philly fans throwing snowballs or beer. See, that can’t happen here in SEC country. We generally don’t have snowballs, and we sure as heck are NOT going to throw our beer.

My all-time favorite “oops” moment for a fan probably came at the old First Union Spectrum when a Flyers fan verbally (yes, only verbally) assaulted Toronto’s Tie Domi in the penalty box, leading Domi to turn around and squirt water at him. The fan then climbed the Plexiglass to get at Domi, only to have it collapse. He fell in the box, right next to the amused Domi. The two then went at it, kinda, sorta. It was more comedic than anything  — except probably not to the NHL.

Personally, I don’t have a problem with fans being Tasered. In fact, I believe there should be a contest each game for one fan to actually administer the Taser to any other fan who does something stupid.

Or, if somebody runs onto the field, we can also tie that fan to a post and take turns throwing hot dogs at him.

Then we can replay on the JumboTron between innings and during timeouts and make him watch.

Then we phone his mother and patch the phone call into the public address system.

We could start this out as a pilot program. And I know just the city.

Phillies fan gets Tasered

Tuesday night’s almost replay

Tie Domi vs. a Flyers fan

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Earlier posts:

Georgia’s quarterback issues no worse than most opponents

Tuesday Countdown : Vicodin, hookers, Valdosta banning?

229 comments Add your comment

Bob Didier caught here

May 5th, 2010
10:03 am

First, and WAY TOO FUNNY! JS you are on a roll my good friend!

Herschel Talker

May 5th, 2010
10:15 am

Indeed Schultzie! I fully support the police whacking these clowns as hard as can be. Stupid idiots.

Hillbilly Deluxe

May 5th, 2010
10:17 am

Life Lesson #1:

If one is going to be dumb, one has to be tough.

Blood soaked worm

May 5th, 2010
10:20 am

Tase them all. What baffles me is why someone thinks it OK to do something after seeing another person do it. I think we should tase anyone that does something selfish and stupid. Ever go to a grocery store and see the shopping carts propped on the curbs because people are too lazy to take it to the cart return area a mere 50 feet away? TASE THEM! They do it because they get away with it. It’s like anarchy of idiots on this planet.

Miri

May 5th, 2010
10:20 am

Only a fascist would approve of tasering a kid who has the temerity to run out on the field. Do you also like the videos of the petite grandmother getting tased for refusing to accept a speeding ticket? Or the tasering of a pregnant woman who also refused to accept a speeding ticket? Or maybe, the 10 year old child, tased by two cops who were called to a day care center because the child was misbehaving?

The big lie was that the taser was to help end the use of lethal force. Considering that approximately 500 human beings have died from such non-lethal torture, I begin to wonder if the entire ideology behind tasers was to make people — such as yourself — support its use in encroaching fascism.

Shame on you, and shame on anyone who wishes polite debate on all forms of conformity.

Blood soaked worm

May 5th, 2010
10:21 am

Miri……You have no clue do you?

Tea Party Meber

May 5th, 2010
10:22 am

THEY SHOOD USE THE TASER ON THE TAX AND SPEND LIBERELS

Hankie Aron

May 5th, 2010
10:26 am

Jeff,
I remember a few seasons ago Braves and Phillies game where an umpire took a foul ball to the adam’s apple and fell to his knees struggling to breathe. The wonderful Phillies fans applauded apparently because their guy before struck out looking or because they like to see an umpire barely breathing.I haven’t liked those Philly fans since because seeing that was inhumane and made me sick that they would cheer a man down.

For cryin out loud JEFFY

May 5th, 2010
10:26 am

Thank God, Mark has taken over writing blogs about the Hawks.

Let’s please keep it this way…

ATLNick

May 5th, 2010
10:27 am

Couldn’t agree more Jeff. Especially the Phillies! Tase on Philly’s Finest!

Miri

May 5th, 2010
10:27 am

This kid ran onto the baseball field. It has been done, before, by other fans wanting to be on t.v. Big deal. No cop has ever been injured removing such fans from the field.

Obviously, you are the one with ‘no clue,’ as you’ve made no remarks regarding any of the other fascist tasing incidents I made mention of.

Ergo, I can only imagine there is something rather freudian in your hots for the taser, which seems to be becoming one of the largest phallic symbols in the history of phallic symbols.

Alas, Sir, it is only a symbol, and fantasy, and has nothing to do with your reality, if you get my meaning…

AlternateReality

May 5th, 2010
10:31 am

Terry Tate would have blindsided him.

Blood soaked worm

May 5th, 2010
10:32 am

Miri, I have chunks of people like you in my stool…..Back off.

VincePapale

May 5th, 2010
10:33 am

The kid running on the field I found hilarious. He calls his old man, posts a tweet??, and then has the cajones to actually pull it off…that’s what legends are made of. If he’s smart he’ll use the attention it’s getting to his advantage and make some cash from some interviews. But that spineless, wish I could actually say what I wanted, jerk that puked on that young girl is as trashy, and classless as it comes. Their passion for sports is almost unrivaled, but once again we are reminded of how cruel and repulsive people truly can be.

Ed

May 5th, 2010
10:35 am

Miri……………….sticking up for bleeding heart liberal panty-wastes everywhere.

Bill Mc

May 5th, 2010
10:36 am

The over/under line is 50 on morons running on the field at Phillies’ games this year.

For cryin out loud JEFFY

May 5th, 2010
10:37 am

OMG Jeffy, Miri just rolled you up and smoked you. Reminds me of the Rush Limbaugh blog you obviously still haven’t recovered from.

And on the topic of your blog, shouldn’t all Eagles fans be forced to hold that sign above their heads?! They truly are a miserable group of losers…

Sonny Clusters

May 5th, 2010
10:41 am

We was never tasered but one time we was stunned at a ballgame. Her name was Jessica and she was sitting right on the front row and we was at bat and when we looked over there at her our heart started racing and we was breaking into cold sweats and then we struck out. It was so embarrassing that we went up the next time and we was looking to our left and wouldn’t look at her and we was struck by a pitch. The next time up we hit a double to win the game. After that, we walked right on up to her and invited her to go to the Dairy Queen with us and have some parfaits or blusters either one she wanted. She turned us down! Clusters don’t handle rejection real well and we was in the dumps but it only got worse when we saw her getting in Stinky Wintes’ pickup for a date with Stinky Wintes. They both ended up at the Dairy Queen and she was giving us the eye the whole time and we was playing it cool when we spilled half a blizzard all down the front of our uniform shirt. She made us nervous like that. We won’t bore you with the details but Clusters are always lucky in love and this time was no exception. Soon, Jessica was sitting with us and mopping up our shirt and feeding us little spoonsful of ice cream and calling us a pet name. We felt like we’d been tasered but it was just puppy love. Tasering at a ballpark could dramatically reduce the number of sportswriters at a game.

Bill Mc

May 5th, 2010
10:43 am

What’s the big deal. Put up a sign saying if you come onto the field, you will be tasered. Then it officially becomes a sport.

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jeff Schultz. Jeff Schultz said: I say we Taser and humiliate all knucklehead sports fans (starting in Philadelphia of course) http://bit.ly/cOcToS [...]

Miri

May 5th, 2010
10:45 am

Aren’t you boys just a little too old to be suffering from castration anxiety?

devildawg

May 5th, 2010
10:47 am

I wish we could tase Jeff every time he wrote a weak, uninformative article. He would probably be number 501. Sissy.

Blood soaked worm

May 5th, 2010
10:48 am

I’m the biggest bleeding heart, bed wetting liberal there is, however, if you do something dumb, you deserve the consequences. It’s called thinning the herds.

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jeff Schultz. Jeff Schultz said: Taser them all, I say (and I’m not throwing my beer) http://bit.ly/aLWFIL [...]

ATLFalconHawkBravesFan

May 5th, 2010
10:50 am

THIS is why I hate the 76ers, Phillies, Eagles, etc…there fans are complete IDIOTS & they are just dumb without any cause whatsoever & they make you hate the city & franchises more than you already do!

George Bailey

May 5th, 2010
10:51 am

Sonny Clusters, you are a riot!

devildawg

May 5th, 2010
10:52 am

So, all the other morons in the history of running on the field were just tackled and taken off the field. Why now do we need to risk killing someone just because they made a bad, misdemeanor mistake. If any of you got tased for something so minor, you would be filing a law suit right now. Tasers are for use only when there is a impending physical threat, and yes, its written in law that way. So all you morons calling for more tasing, I hope you get one in the back of the neck one day that puts you right on your face.

ATLFalconHawkBravesFan

May 5th, 2010
10:54 am

Ill-informed, dim-witted, low lifes like DevilDawg NEED to be tasered…Thanks for another good one Jeff!

George Bailey

May 5th, 2010
10:55 am

Call me a moron, cause I say taze’em. If stupid and selfish enough to do soemthing like that, then I deserve it.

meh

May 5th, 2010
10:55 am

I think they give the security guards lassos. that’d be fun to watch. a bunch of security guards running around trying to rope some drunk idiot. now that’s entertainment!

dale in newnan

May 5th, 2010
10:55 am

Miri?!?! WTF!!!!! So in your liberal utopia, it is alright to obey only the laws you want to. Kid shouldn’t be on the field. In the current state of the world, how can you blame the cops if they are a little keyed up. remember just a few days ago there was an attempted terror attack. people like you are ruining this great country. Tase them all if you have to restore order.

meh

May 5th, 2010
10:56 am

George Bailey

May 5th, 2010
11:00 am

I think they should hire retired NFL linebackers as security guards and let them t-off on them.

Dave in Buford

May 5th, 2010
11:02 am

Obviously Miri does not know about the “fans” who came on the field at Comisky Park and attacked a first base coach … and who is to say that the idiot didn’t have a bomb on his person? No, we unfortunately live in a time where you can’t be sure of anything.

He got what he asked for.

Jeff Schultz

May 5th, 2010
11:07 am

Thanks Bob … and Herschel.

McDawg

May 5th, 2010
11:07 am

if they tried to Tase me i would puke on them

Jeff Schultz

May 5th, 2010
11:08 am

Hankie — don’t remember the incident but it doesn’t surprise me.

Jeff Schultz

May 5th, 2010
11:09 am

Bill Mc — Just wondering if they make it 3 games in a row tonight.

El Bravo

May 5th, 2010
11:09 am

If you are going to run onto the field you must have the guts to do it the way God intended… naked…

Valdostan surrounded by nothingness

May 5th, 2010
11:10 am

Ingrams Feed STore down here in Valdosta has installed
a new antenny on the roof, so we can pick up the Braves
and Hawks games live. We luv them thar Atlanta teams
down here in Dosta.

Jeff Schultz

May 5th, 2010
11:10 am

Sonny — Where have you been?

Jeff Schultz

May 5th, 2010
11:11 am

Blood … Thinning the herds. I like that rationalization.

Craig

May 5th, 2010
11:11 am

Good stuff Jeff. If these idiots want to get their 15 seconds of fame then give them electro-shock therapy to bring them back to their senses. Of course, it does not work on everyone but, it gives the people in the stands a show in between innings. More fun then three big cartoon characters running a race around the field for sure.

Valdostan surrounded by nothingness

May 5th, 2010
11:12 am

Speakin’ of people runnin’ on the field,
we have livin’ right here in Dosta, one
of the ol’ guys than ran round the bases
with Hank when he hit his record home
run. He said he settled down here in
Dosta cause we don’t taser sports fans.

Jeff Schultz

May 5th, 2010
11:13 am

DevilDawg — If I ran onto the field, not only would I be in no position to sue but my father would be the first one WITH a Taser.

Jeff Schultz

May 5th, 2010
11:13 am

AtlFalconHawkBravesFan — Thanks.

wxwax

May 5th, 2010
11:14 am

Tasers aren’t intended to kill.

But they can kill.

For that reason alone, anyone about to use one should give the matter some serious thought. Do you really want it on your conscience that you killed a 17 year-old just because he was running around like a fool on a baseball field?

StingerSplash

May 5th, 2010
11:14 am

Where’s Mike Curtis when you need him?

Jeff Schultz

May 5th, 2010
11:14 am

Dave — forgot about that White Sox incident. Good memory.

Jeff Schultz

May 5th, 2010
11:14 am

Dave — forgot about that White Sox incident. Good memory.