Digi-Blog goes to Masters in search of: Tiger Woods (UPDATED: He’s here)

I looked almost everywhere for Tiger. But not in the restrooms. I don't want to jeopardize my membership chances. I hear I'm on deck.

(UPDATE BELOW WITH WOODS SHOWING UP)

AUGUSTA – I went to Augusta National. Looked on the practice tee. Looked on the practice putting green. Looked in the interview room. But no Tiger Woods.

So then I fooled him. Went to Hooters and he no show up. (Chico Marx, copyright.)

“I would think he’d be smarter than to show up here,” said my new best pal, Amanda Collins. “If he came here, that would be kind of risky. Don’t you think?”

True. Tiger is not one to take risks.

Wait a minute . . .

Amanda not only will bring you wings and a beer with a smile, but here it was Easter Sunday morning and she already was sweeping up trash in the tented expansion of the Hooters off Washington Road, just down the street from Augusta National, host of this week’s Masters and Tiger-palooza.

Honestly, the scene early Sunday was relatively low key. Most fans and even golfers were expected to arrive late in the day. Swapped messages with Stewart Cink Saturday night. He’s coming in Monday. But here are a few snapshots that should give you a feel for the atmosphere, as Digi-Blog (scaled back version) goes to Augusta. (Professional photos by Curtis Compton, as noted. Amateur photos by me.)

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This is Amanda. You didn’t think I would quote Amanda and not run a picture of her, did you? That wouldn’t be journalistic. If you would like to see more of Amanda — pause for effect; keeping pausing; almost there; OK, long enough — she will be in TWO pageants this week at the Augusta Hooters: The “Miss Par 3 Bikini Contest” Wednesday night and the “Miss Green Jacket Bikini Contest” Saturday night. “I’m nervous,” she said. Don’t be, dear. After watching her for what must’ve been hours, I can state that she elevated sweeping to an art form. For the record, Chad Stawicki, the general manager of the Hooters, is not happy with the way things have been spun this week by the media, particularly by TMZ. The bikini contests, he says, are annual events held in conjunction with the Masters, and not a “Tiger Special.” And that’s pretty much all corporate wants him to say about Woods. His business is five times that of  the other 51 weeks of the year, he said, necessitating the tent in the parking lot. He has never seen Woods in Hooters. But he has seen Vijay Singh, Justin Rose, Todd Hamilton, Vaughn Taylor, Boo Weekley and, of course, John Daly (who used to have an endorsement deal with the company and, I believe, slept on one of the tables.

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Should my membership application at Augusta National fall through, this is my fallback plan. Watch out for the ice cream truck near Amen Corner.

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This is Jimmy B. And this is Jimmy B’s office, smack on Washington Road, in front of the Parkway Inn motel, about 100 yards from the Augusta National gates. Want to buy a ticket to a practice round? Jimmy B. can hook you up for between $200 to $750, depending 0n the market and how much he likes you. Want a badge for the week? Right now they’re tracking at about $2,300. How many badges does Jimmy B. have access to? “Can’t talk about that,” he said. “Kind of sensitive.” Jimmy B. said he hasn’t sensed an increase in the market this year because of the Woods’ soap opera, but added: “It’s just average, but we consider that good because it’s a recession year,” he said. “Because of the economy, other events are down. So being average is good.” His view of the Tiger scandal: “I don’t care. That’s his business. I like Tiger. You know, I taught him how to golf when he was a kid. And another thing: These girls used to chase me around and then they went to Tiger. Now that he’s off the market, maybe they’ll come back to me again.” Jimmy B. has been in the sun too long. His wife, meanwhile, was standing nearby listening, until she went looking for Elin Nordegren’s six-iron.

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As you can see, Jimmy B. isn’t the only independent contractor set up on Washington Road. But they’ve all been pushed a little further down the street as Augusta National keeps buying up property. My guess is, they’ll buy Fulton County by 2012 and put in a par 3 course, just east of the state Capitol. One scalper, Dan Phillips, told our Mr. Compton: “I’ve been laid off for six months and I figured there will be money to be made here this year with all the Tiger frenzy.” And that’s the extent of his business plan. Suppose he’s a Harvard MBA? (Photo by Curtis Compton)

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Television crews and photographers are moving into position. How bad is it? Donny Thompson, the owner of Windsor Jewelers across the street from Augusta National, says he has had TV networks ask if they could rent space on the roof of his tall brick building. Why? Because it gives a clear view of the practice tees — and, therefore, Woods. Thompson decided against it. Didn’t need the money. I guess diamond and gold sales are holding steady near the gates. Thompson told an AP reporter, “This just started when Tiger was talking about coming back.” (Photo by Curtis Compton.)

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Found him!

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♦ UPDATE ♦

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Furyk to Woods: "Hi, what's new with you?" Kidding. (Photo by Curtis Compton)

Tiger’s here. Still no Joslyn James sighting. Maybe I should text her.

Woods showed up at Augusta National in the early afternoon. He chatted with Jim Furyk. He hit over a dozen practice putts. He hit several shots at the driving range. Then he headed out to the 10th tee. Reporters were not allowed to follow him, as the course is closed the Sunday before the Masters. Woods went out with friend Mark O’Meara and another player, who hit the trees with his first tee shot. After a better second drive, O’Meara joked with reporters, “I gagged on my first one. I’m not used to playing with this kid.” Woods did not speak to reporters, beyond a tongue-in-cheek greeting to one.

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For previous full-fledged Digi-Blogs, click here.

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