Gloria Allred, the leech in a pants suit, is expanding the Tiger Woods’ branch of her legal practice: Now she’s representing Woods’ former teachers, not just porn stars.
Just a few days before Woods holds his first actual news conference in over four months — coincidence, I’m sure — Maureen Decker of Cerritos (Calif.) Elementary School denounced past claims by Woods that he was harassed and racially taunted on his first day of kindergarten. She also pretty much blamed Woods for her migraines, her high blood pressure and — I’m not making this up — her colitis.
“If Tiger is truly following a 12-step program for a so-called sex addiction,” Ms. Decker said, as she did that finger-quote thing, “then he needs to apologize to all those he has hurt by his words and actions, and that includes me, his kindergarten teacher.”
There is good news. She made no claims of sleeping with Woods, nor could she provide evidence of pornographic finger puppets.
A little background: In Charles Barkley’s 2005 book, “Who’s Afraid of the Big Black Man,” Woods told Barkley and writer Michael Wilbon: “I became aware of my racial identity on my first day of school, on my first day of kindergarten. A group of sixth-graders tied me to a tree, spray-painted [the n-word] on me, and threw rocks at me. That was my first day of school. I used to live across the street from school and kind of down the way a little bit. The teacher said, ‘OK, just go home.’ So I had to outrun all these kids going home, which I was able to do. It was certainly an eye-opening experience, you know, being five years old. We were the only minority family in all of Cypress, California.”
Decker claimed then, as now, that the incident never happened. Here’s my question: How would she know? Do you suppose that’s something a five-year-old would just randomly make up?
And here’s the bigger question: Why does it bother her so much that she feels the need to hold a press conference 19 years later? Oh right. The colitis.
Stay tuned for next week, when Allred holds a news conference with Woods’ first grade teacher, who’ll spill the beans on what a horrible speller he was and how he seldom colored inside the lines.
Attention class: Miss Decker is speaking