Tuesday Countdown: Fans, enemies, Peanut Dawg, Tebow (UPDATED)

The Count is having dental issues.

The Count has crown issues.

(A RARE COUNTDOWN UPDATE: Check out No. 8.5.)

If the Count is a little grouchy this morning, it’s because he spent part of Monday in a dentist chair, getting his teeth jack-hammered to make room for a crown, which I believe is the closest The Count ever will get to royalty. (Crown. Royalty. Get it? Sorry. That’s my dental humor.) Next time, I will get my dental work done in the French Quarter, where I can feel no pain. How much is New Orleans partying since winning the NFC title game? Try this? Nobody wants to leave town. Maybe not even for the game. In Miami! We count down. . . .

10. What street in Miami is better than Bourbon St.?

035713_NFC_Championship_Foo

OK. There was some slight overstatement there. Any Saints fan who is fortunate enough to land a ticket to the Super Bowl against Indianapolis will leave town. That covers what — one out of every 297,000? But the unique thing about the Super Bowl is how many fans will go to the game just to be in that city for the day, or the weekend, or the week. That’s why the game is held in places like South Florida and not Cleveland. Notice how Atlanta hasn’t hosted a Super Bowl since the ice storm? True story: Covered a Super Bowl in Minnesota one year. Nobody went outside. Except to see the ice sculptures and that got old after 10 minutes. Everybody used those walking tubes between buildings downtown. I felt like I was in a Habitrail for eight days. My room even had one of those wheels and the maid they left carrots on my pillow. Good workout though. Anyway, back to New Orleans.

9. Can’t we just drink here and save the airfare?

It's just another night on Bourbon St.

If you’ve ever been to New Orleans, you know it’s the city of excess. Remember as a kid when everybody had  a friend with the best party house? That’s like New Orleans. Except this party house is a city. So it follows that a lot of Saints fans are now faced with this dilemma: Do we stay at home and get drunk or do we go to Miami and get drunk? The New Orleans Times Picayune is even running an online poll, “New Orleans or Miami: Where would you rather be for the Super Bowl?” In a strange way, this is the worse thing that could have happened to the NFL and the South Florida Convention Bureau. Sure, the Saints getting to the game is a great story. But somebody paid good money to have people go to South Beach and spend $12 for a beer and $37.50 for a shrimp cocktail appetizer. OK, Colts fans will be there. But seriously? Who wants to party all week with people from Muncie? (Here come the emails from Muncie. Oh wait, they don’t have Internet. Never mind.)

UPDATED: BONUS COUNTDOWN ITEM

8.5. VIKINGS JUMP THE GUN

Thanks to ProFootballTalk.com for picking up on this. It seems the Minnesota Vikings were so sure they were going to win the NFC title game over the Saints that the team’s website was “updated” prematurely. No more commentary necessary. This picture tells the story.

NFCChamps

8. It looks like somebody still has Al Groh issues

Al Groh apparently didn't empty the joke book in Virginia.

Al Groh apparently didn't empty the joke book in Virginia.

So last week, I wrote with some amusement about how jovial new Georgia Tech defensive coordinator Al Groh seemed at his introductory press conference, even cracking jokes. And I kinda speculated that his decision to take the Jackets job might have had something to do with having a chance to stick it to Virginia next season. The item apparently made the rounds up in Charlottesville. In fact, I even received an email from somebody who sent me a poem, titled, “An Ode to Al Groh,” and it began,

  • “You got what you wanted in your struggle for pelf,
  • When the Hoos made you millionaire rich,
  • Now go to the mirror and look at yourself,
  • An egotistical Son of a  …”

All-righty then!

7. ‘Fred’ says Groh wasn’t beloved in Charlottesville (duh)

Another verse.

  • “You replaced George Welsh – of the Hall of Fame,
  • And a truly a wonderful guy,
  • But in your nine years we went down in flames
  • Who’s to blame? Look yourself in the eye.”

Bitter? OK, so I can tell you that this person does not want to be publicly identified. “Call me Fred,”  he said. But he’s a former Virginia athletic department staff member. He confirmed what most of us already knew: That Groh was not the most popular guy on campus, particularly at the end. He was arrogant and militaristic and grumpy, just like Nick Saban, except he lost a lot of games, unlike Nick Saban. Also, he is being paid $4.33 million to not coach. Now, if you’re a Georgia Tech fan, you really don’t care about that. You just know he’s a terrific defensive coordinator. But it’s funny how one’s school’s treasure is another school’s nuclear waste. “Fred” says Groh burned a lot of bridges at Virginia. “He came in and talked the whole NFL shtick, how he worked with [Bill] Parcells and everything. He talked about playing chess when everybody else was playing checkers. Obviously, he recruited well in the beginning. But over time things changed. One year, eight of his 24 recruits didn’t get into Virginia and he complained about it publicly. That didn’t go over well.” The former official also is convinced Groh took the Tech job, “So he can stick it in Virginia’s eye.” And my guess is he will.

6. Wonder how baloney and cheese, off the shoulder, would’ve looked?

We give you Peanut Butter Dolt. (Photo by UGASports.com, via Deadspin)

We give you Peanut Butter Dolt. (Photo by UGASports.com, via Deadspin)

So I covered the Georgia-Tennessee basketball game last week and apparently I missed the big story. Some kid covered himself with peanut butter. I don’t know why he did this. Maybe it was pledging a fraternity. Maybe he didn’t have any pockets and needed a snack for the games. Maybe he’s a food sciences major. Maybe he’s just a moron. Yeah. That’s it. He’s just a moron. Wonder if he’s on the Hope scholarship? His parents, Mr. and Mrs. Skippy, must be so proud. Anyway, here’s a link if you want to read a “first-hand” account of the “Peanut Butter Kid” on Deadspin. I’ll try to be more on top of these things at the Arkansas game, when somebody covers themselves with grape jelly.

5. Tim Tebow: You’re not in Gainesville any more

tim-tebow-warming-upSo by most accounts, Tim Tebow did a faceplant in the first day of workouts at the Senior Bowl in Birmingham. Here’s the analysis of Todd McShay from Scouts Inc.

Monday (1/25/10): Day 1 was not a good one for Tebow. The concerns we had coming in were all magnified today. He was out of rhythm, missing receivers low and high and fumbling snaps while also struggling to read defenses and use proper footwork when dropping from under center. He remained positive, though, continuing to accept coaching and showing the same leadership qualities that helped define his college career. We’ll have a keen eye on Tebow’s progress this week and whether he can correct the biggest issues surrounding his game.

Today is expected to go much better. Scout team defenders will be dressed in red and black.

4. Tebow, part II: Please not on Super Sunday

etrade-baby-golfCountdown disclaimer:  The Count will not criticize any man for his religion, political beliefs or blood type. But when The Count watches Super Bowl commercials, he wants to see funny babies giving stock tips for E*Trade, Mean Joe Greene throwing a kid his smelly football jersey for Coke, and a hot Miss USA, Ali Landry, catching Doritos in her mouth in a laundry mat (see video below). Do you know what the Count doesn’t want to see? “Issue-oriented” ads. It’s Super Bowl Sunday. The only issue I want to deal with is replenishing the queso dip. Are you listening Tim Tebow?

3. Movement for: ‘National I Don’t Want To Think Day’

Fortunately, the Who will only sing songs at halftime. No ads.

The Who will only sing. No ads.

Disclaimer II: I am NOT taking a public stance on this issue. Again: I am NOT taking a public stance on this issue. (Somehow I don’t sense that’s going to stop the “left-wing agenda” comments.) But do we really want to start seeing anti-abortion/pro life messages on Super Bowl Sunday? A national coalition of women’s groups is putting pressuring on CBS to scrap an ad with Tebow and his mother, Pam Tebow, which focuses on her pregnancy in 1987. The ad is paid for by a Christian group, “Focus on Family,” with the theme, “Celebrate Family, Celebrate Life,” and is said to be a cleverly disguised anti-abortion/pro life ad. CBS spokesperson Dana McClintock said only that the network will ensure that any issue-oriented as is “appropriate for air.” You know what’s appropriate on Super Bowl Sunday? Beer. Chips. Football. Hotties doing their laundry. Somebody should declare Super Bowl Sunday as “National I Don’t Want To Think Day.”

2. Wait, Sasha — don’t go!

Even dirty old men would've watched Sasha Cohen skate.

Even dirty old men would've watched Sasha Cohen skate.

You know, we here at the AJC have had our financial issues like everybody else. (I’m not supposed to say that publicly, I think,  but I’m pretty sure editors only read the first few items of Countdown anyway, then look at page view totals.) But I can’t think of anybody this side of, well, the government that has blown more cash than NBC. For several years, it made the catastrophic decision to get out of the pro sports scene, particularly the NFL. Then when it got back in with Sunday night football, it hired Keith Olbermann (aaaaaaagghh!). Just recently, it gave Conan O’Brien $45 million to just leave town. (For the record, Virginia fans: That’s almost $41 million more than Al Groh.) Now this: NBC estimates it is going to lose $250 million on the upcoming Winter Olympics. That’s why parent company General Electric will be charging $237 for a toaster come March. The final crushing blow to the expected bottom line came when figure skater Sasha Cohen finished fourth in the U.S. championships, which meant the Games will not have a high-profile figure skater for women viewers and a reason for dirty old man (who comprise most of my readers) to pay attention. But the Count has another idea.

1. Maybe it’s time for another knee-capping?

gretchenbleilerfhm

The IOC needs to start getting a little more creative. When Tonya Harding hired somebody to knee-cap Nancy Kerrigan, it led to highest TV ratings in history at the 1994 Olympics. Only four TV shows topped it: Two Super Bowls, the final espisode of Mash and an episode of Roots. Now I’m not suggesting athletes start attacking each other in warmup competitions to help the Olympic movement. But I’m just sayn’. They need to shake it up a little. Nude slalom skiing, maybe? How about the bobsled through rings of fire? I’ll do my part for the television ratings. To the left is a picture of snowboarder Gretchen Bleiler, who must be the best-looking thing to ever come out of Toledo, Ohio. Otherwise, here’s a nice little Tonya Harding retrospective: 1) A recap video; 2) Her celebrity boxing match with Paula Jones.

167 comments Add your comment

Grahzny Bratchny

January 26th, 2010
9:54 am

Matt

January 26th, 2010
10:02 am

NOT, your best effort El Jefe.

Matt

January 26th, 2010
10:03 am

Oh, and SECUNDO just like Senor Favre.

Burdell

January 26th, 2010
10:06 am

Dawgs and peanut butter.

I know there’s a joke there somewhere…nevermind…too easy.

PMC

January 26th, 2010
10:08 am

It would be pretty cool if when Groh went back to Charlottesville he coached the entire game with about 4 million dollars worth of “old gold” Jewlery around his neck. That would be a pretty cool statement.

He could get Jacob the Jewler to design a custom bird finger necklace for the occasion.

juvenal

January 26th, 2010
10:11 am

count could try some crown royal for that tooth-ache…

juvenal

January 26th, 2010
10:11 am

count could try some crown royal for that tooth-ache…mixed with rc cola..

Bryan G.

January 26th, 2010
10:15 am

I’m actually 28. A dirty young man, Jeff.

Buckhead Dawg

January 26th, 2010
10:20 am

Party’s over for Tebow. Tanking at the Senior Bowl, annoying people during the SuperBowl, and then floudering in the draft and NFL.

You had 4 great years my man, you shoulda spent it notching your bedpost into a toothpick.

Sasha...

January 26th, 2010
10:21 am

I had a serious comment to make but seemed to have forgotten it and many other important items when I got to the Sasha photo!!! Now I would watch that kind of figure skating!!!

Lowcountry Bulldawg

January 26th, 2010
10:21 am

I thought the joke was Ali Landry catching something else in her mouth….

Miami Vice

January 26th, 2010
10:23 am

Answer to point #10=A1A(A-ONE-A)/South Ocean dr in Miami Beach is better than Bourbon St…..you can get drunk while watching young women in G-strings walk by instead of watching drunks making fools of themselves on Bourbon st.

T-Bone

January 26th, 2010
10:27 am

Tebow could care less where he is drafted……He will make tons more $ on endorsements that clowns like Woods lose…..I bet he will reel in more$ in one year than the Nfl’s first draft choice next year does for his entire contract.

Bawney Fwank

January 26th, 2010
10:28 am

Why don’t the national coalition of women’s groups pay 3 million dollars and run a pro-choice ad showing a late-term abortion or even do what many people do during advertisements or shows on TV they don’t like – DON’T WATCH!

Dawg BOY

January 26th, 2010
10:28 am

Hey I am a Dawg through and through, but even I am happy Tim Tebow is standing up for what be believes and doing the Anti-Abortion Ad! Way to go Tim Tebow.

Al Groh?

January 26th, 2010
10:34 am

Al Groh is a grumpy old man who has lost his ability to coach…..Why else would his buddy Bill Parcells not want to hire him when the Dolphins had a D-Coor Job open??………ONE AND DONE FOR GROH.!!!!

Too Easy

January 26th, 2010
10:34 am

Burdell: You owe me royalties.

falcon71

January 26th, 2010
10:36 am

coffee during the Super Bowl for you Jeff. COFFEE dont forget
PS
I’ll do the blog for a case of Bud

PMC

January 26th, 2010
10:36 am

I don’t care what the ads are or what they are about except my stance that perscription drug adds should be banned period.

I’d rather ignore the Tebows and whoever paid thier hard earned money than see another Levitra add from the rip off artists in New Jersey.

It’s only what 3 million bucks…. I’m sure Eddie Vedder would happily pony up that kind of money for a pro choice add. Run them back to back if you want. I think the budweiser frogs would get the message across maybe more effectively than Tim Tebow though.

Ocho Cinco

January 26th, 2010
10:36 am

CHILD PLEASE!!

Pro-Life

January 26th, 2010
10:36 am

I guess the people who don’t like Tebow would rather see Tiger Woods do an ad for a Swingers Club instead??????

PMC

January 26th, 2010
10:39 am

If anything though, this womans group is ridiculously afraid of the power of this add and that’s why they are condemning it. It’s a free country, people have different views, if they pony up the cash they should be able to espouse those views on whatever medium they wish. It’s our personal responsibility to determine what to think of the message.

Tom

January 26th, 2010
10:42 am

Glad none of the “Luke Schenscher Has a Posse” crowd had a similar notion when he was at The Flats, Jeff. Have you ever smelled vegemite?

On the other hand, PB Dolt did receive 3 hours towards his coveted UGA Consumer Ec degree for this stunt. Not quite the 5 hours awarded for a double-double, but still…..

F-105 Thunderchief

January 26th, 2010
10:42 am

I’ll cover myself in peanut butter if Elisabetta Canalis covers herself in jelly.

Barnacle Bill Bavasi

January 26th, 2010
10:43 am

Better get Tebow out there now, before some All-Pro defensive end aborts him on the field.

waw

January 26th, 2010
10:50 am

The “Women’s Media Center” protests the 2.5 mil Tebow ad? Sounds a little hollow. Look at all the righteous indigngation they are getting aired for free! So after we hear the glorious Star Spangled Banner, we kill free speach and get down to enjoying Miss Doritos.

Timmy Tebow...

January 26th, 2010
10:53 am

Couldn’t Pam have aborted Timmy instead?

Moran’s at UGA.. Nah…. There are some great people there but just as many nasty stupid hick Morans.

My favorite Athlete/Babe will always be Anna Kornikova. She just has/had it all. Sergio thought so as well.

It is amazing how all these religious right freaks think they have the right to impose their beliefs on 1,000,000,000 people throughout the world that simply want to watch a FB game. People can worship a tree for all I care but don’t sell that stuff to me, especially over salsa and beer. Can you say tactless or cheesy. That type of behavior is truly unAmerican!

Tebow needs to read the constitution and understand what freedom of religiion and person liberties really mean. It is amazing that CBS now appears to be controlled by the right wing freakies. I guess when the RW freakies zombie the folks in power they become popular and privilaged.

This country is returning to the 1930’s Hoover days. Any S. Georgia lynching lately? WHo is riding in the front of those buses with crew cuts and fire hoses?

Frightening.. Tim Tebow is frightening. A product of a truly disoriented society.

Just Sayin'

January 26th, 2010
10:53 am

If all Dawgs were spayed or neutered, in a couple of generations the world would be a much better place.

Heav

January 26th, 2010
10:53 am

Hey Schu;tz…you left wing liberal…if Tebow was a minority player, had 2-3 illegit kids, cursed like a sailor, in every other sentence said “you know what I mean?”, was any other religion than Christian or maybe even an atheist…hadn’t graduated from college…maybe had ten or 12 tattos, maybe had robbed a convenience store, etc., you and your MSM buddies and the NFL would have no problem with him…maybe if he was in a pro-choice commercial…then you’d be all for him and calling him the greatest prospect ever! Oh, the aformentioned qualities would make him prime time for the NFL (National Felons League).

Timmy Tebow...

January 26th, 2010
10:54 am

Morons.. Sorry.. Bad typist or bad at spelling or both.

But they are morons!

Dawgdad

January 26th, 2010
10:55 am

I had rather see Tebow than another Cialis commercial of the old folks in the tubs. If you can afford to buy an add run whatever you want, It is suppossed to be a free country, inspite of Obama’s disdain for the first amendment.

So Jeff...

January 26th, 2010
10:57 am

I know how the Count likes to mention hotties and the time is upon us to discuss Winter Olympic hotties on the count down. I am throwing Allison Baver into the mix from the US Speed Skating team. I dare you to present a hotter female athlete that will be competing in Vancouver. Bet you can’t find one…

Barnacle Bill Bavasi

January 26th, 2010
10:58 am

Actually, I’m one of those who believes what a woman does is her business and not mine. I also believe what this group’s doing is its business and I have no desire to try and squelch their free speech. Don’t agree with them, but would fight for their right to say what they want.

Lowcountry Bulldawg

January 26th, 2010
11:02 am

This is a sports blog. Who cares. Jeff was simply pointing out that the Super Bowl is more geared towards mindless entertainment, not a Agenda Driven Social group. Like Jeff, I would rather sit back and enjoy the game and commercials and not be subjected to this. I have no opinion for or against, its just that there is a time and place for everything. Stop being oversensitive, thats whas wrong with America today! To many people get there damn feelings hurt to easy.

Dawggy

January 26th, 2010
11:02 am

Has Tebow learned how to talk like an adult yet? Who talks like he does , other than 12 year olds?

Heath

January 26th, 2010
11:06 am

Can we all agree now that Urban Cryer destroyed Tebow’s future by not developing him into a pocket passer his senior year? And ‘ol Cryer didn’t even get another NC out of him like he thought he wuld. That sucks when you can’t even get the fun of a championship out of destroying a kid’s future.

Tebow Super Bowl Ad - Nardu

January 26th, 2010
11:09 am

[...] Tuesday Countdown: Fans, Enemies, Peanut Dog And Tebow | Jeff SchultzBut do we really want to start seeing anti-abortion/pro life messages on Super Bowl Sunday? A national coalition of women’s groups is putting pressuring on CBS to scrap an ad with… Tebow Super Bowl Ad from Bloglines [...]

Bugs Bunny

January 26th, 2010
11:20 am

Penut Butter Boy is a maroon, and this whole discussion is maroonic.

steveh

January 26th, 2010
11:23 am

Good for Tebow and his mom for doing the ad. I have read that the ad is tasteful and positive. But, if you cannot handle it you are more than welcome to excuse yourself from more cheese dip during the ad.

Thomas Anthony "The Taxman Cometh" Jones, Sr

January 26th, 2010
11:29 am

As a Yellow Dog Democratic voter and member I have no problem with Mr. Tebow’s commerial with his mother. Tebow and family, unlike most Republicans really believe in what they say. God will let them into Heaven, unlike most evil Republicans!

Jeff Schultz

January 26th, 2010
11:29 am

On the Tebow thing: For those who want to turn this into a free speech issue, it’s not. I never said they didn’t have a right to take a public position. I never said CBS didn’t have a right to air the commercial. What I said was I would rather not see those commercials during the Super Bowl. … But for the guy who said he didn’t want to see the old couple in the hot tub on Cialis ads, I’m with you there.

Jeff Schultz

January 26th, 2010
11:30 am

Heav — You’ve got serious issues, man.

todd grantham

January 26th, 2010
11:31 am

Jeff, I see the novacaine hasnt worn off yet…

Jeff Schultz

January 26th, 2010
11:33 am

Brian G– you qualify.

todd grantham

January 26th, 2010
11:33 am

Jeff, agreed about heav. i dont think we will be seeing m vick doing any spca plugs during the game, do you? as you said, the commercials should be funny, or at least show a lot of skin.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

January 26th, 2010
11:34 am

Good Stuff JS- i think being on Bourbon St for the SB will be a lot better (and cheaper) than hanging out with the plastic people of Miami. Can you imagine how many free shots will be given out if the Saints win?? Sasha Cohen- my lord!! Tebow- is anybody really surprised by this??

Jeff Schultz

January 26th, 2010
11:34 am

Juvenal — Thanks for the “Crown” tip. Unfortunately gotta work tonight. But could be nice in the post-game, post-write.

Jeff Schultz

January 26th, 2010
11:37 am

F-105 — I had no idea who that was until I just Googled her. Yeow.

ga gator

January 26th, 2010
11:37 am

With all the ads that will sell sex (most ads do in some form or another), maybe what we need will be an ad that will make young people think about consequences. I have no problem with it. Typical of the left; they want to tell us what to do but are offended when someone with values speaks.

Jeff Schultz

January 26th, 2010
11:39 am

Todd — Actually, novocaine has worn off. That’s the problem.