Countdown oddities: Miami chill, Tech fans, Goff, Sharpton

The Count likes his pina coladas.

MIAMI BEACH — The Count loves the feel of the tropics, the warmth, the moonshine, even the $27.50 shrimp cocktail appetizer you can everywhere in South Beach. Even when he can’t make it down to Florida, he’ll sit at home, drinking a pina colada. But you’ll just never see him in a Trader Vic’s because Warren Zevon got it so wrong when he sang, “I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada in Trader Vic’s. His hair was perfect.” Because that was NOT a werewolf in Trader Vic’s! It was the Count! It was HIS hair that was perfect! The Count went a few days without shaving, going for that Miami Vice look, and suddenly Zevon is on hallucinogens and can’t tell one species from another. Well, anyway. The Count ventured down to Ocean Drive on South Beach late Monday night. He sought warmth and moonshine. Imagine his surprise when all he found was Winnipeg and Iowa fans. Hey, where did the feel of the tropics and all the Tech fans go? We count down . . .

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10. Welcome to Iowa Beach

I remain confident that when I walk into Land Shark Stadium for the Orange Bowl tonight, I will find Georgia Tech fans. Just didn’t see many last night. Ocean Drive looked like a dressed-up tractor pull. Iowa fans swarmed the streets, the restaurants, the bars. Iowa was less than a 1,000 tickets from selling out its 17,500 official allotment last week. (Tech sold 11,000.) But it looks like the entire state is here (and maybe a few from Nebraska). Nor did it seem to bother any of them that the temperature

was in the 40s. “This is nice for us,” said Darren Lindstrom, as he sat with a friend at the noisy, “Clevelander,” an Ocean Drive landmark bar. “We just got 18 inches of snow. I think it was four degrees when we left Sunday.” When asked if he was surprised so many Iowa fans were here, he said, “Not at all. We travel well. This is one trip every plans for every year, no matter where the bowl game is.”

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9. Alas, I see Techies . . .

The few, the proud: Jonathan, Ashton, Allison, James.

I had pretty much given up my search for Tech fans when I finally spotted four walking down the street. “There’s nobody down here,” said Jonathan King.  “We were just talking about this,” said Ashton Etheridge. “Nobody,” said Allison Gober. “It’s ridiculous,” said James Stokes. But you guys are here, right? “Yes, and we’ll be loud,” said King. “The few, the proud, the Tech fans!”

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8. Of Bulldogs and unicorns . . .

Dogs fans see Smart and Muschamp; I see Lauren Holly.

Some Georgia fans still cling to hope Mark Richt will be able to lure Alabama defensive coordinator Kirby Smart or Texas defensive coordinator Will Muschamp — former Dogs who ironically are facing each other in the BCS title game — back to the school. And they do, as Jim Carray said to the gorgeous Lauren Holly when she told him he had a one-in-a-million chance with her, “So you’re saying I’ve got a chance.” But this is interesting. Former Dogs coach Ray Goff, who clearly has no designs on being mayor, was asked by the Dallas Morning News what he would tell Muschamp if Georgia contacted him about a coordinator’s position. Answer: “If he called and said he had a chance to be the coach at Texas in two or three years or go to Georgia, I’d tell him to stay at Texas. I’d tell him you are going to get fired one day because 99 percent of guys get fired. And if you get fired by your alma mater, you no longer have an alma mater. You no longer have a place to call home.”

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7. EA Sports deals only in one-dimension, anyway

Woods has struggled with hazards, just not this kind.

Since it wouldn’t be a Countdown with your weekly Tiger Woods update, here goes: Now you can have the full Tiger Woods Experience at home! Wait. That didn’t come out right. EA Sports, which has helped the world fry young minds with video games, announced Monday it is moving ahead with plans to launch, “Tiger Woods PGA Tour Online.” This follows several of Woods’ other endorsement companies, including AT&T, dropping him. But EA prefers to stand by its man, and by the way I’m sure the fact that they’ve spent a year developing this game and probably spent millions and hope to recoop some of those losses with a subscription-based game has absolutely nothing to do with it. EA president Peter Moore said in a statement, ” Tiger Woods PGA TOUR Online is a breakthrough experience – golfers will love the authentic feel of the course and gamers will be struck by the detail and smooth flow of the browser based experience.” I believe this is almost the exact wording porn actress Joslyn James used on her Tiger WoodsOnline game.

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6. Hey commish: The problems are in August, not January

NFL marketing officials posed in August after selling exhibition game tickets.

The Count believes Roger Goodell has done some good things as NFL commissioner. But Goodell’s mock concern about NFL playoffs teams tanking it in the final week of the regular season is pretty much a crock. This is the same league that has never done one thing to cease the legalized armed robbery of forcing season ticket holders to purchase two exhibition games at regular season cost annually. So let me get this straight. It’s OK to charge $150 for a ticket to watch a seventh-round draft pick and a guy who the week before was working at Wendy’s battle it out for a spot on special teams. But it’s not OK for a team to rest its starting quarterback the week  before a playoff game? Look, I’m not thrilled with the set up either. But Goodell’s claims that the league needs to find a way to “incent people and reward them” for playing a meaningless game is disingenuous, if not silly. What? Give Jim Caldwell a fruit basket as incentive for the Colts to take the bubble wrap off Peyton Manning when there’s a Super Bowl on the line? Look, I don’t like the Week 16 depth charts either. But nothing is going to change that. And maybe the commish should start with the problems at the start of the year, then work his way forward.

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5. Shooting guards update:  Even Sharpton takes aim

Even Ann Coulter and Al Sharpton can find common ground.

Goodell has shown significant backbone in the past when it comes to disciplining players. NBA commissioner David Stern has been, well, selective. So far, there has been not a peep out out the league office regarding the goofy gun play between Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton of the Washington Bullets/Wizards (Maybe it was just Bullets Throwback Week?) The NBA doesn’t have nearly the negative image that it used to. But this is the kind of incident that causes things to slide back. And how about this: Even one Al Sharpton believes Stern needs to act, and he criticized black leadership groups for not speaking out about the “culture of violence being perpetuated in professional sports.” He also said, “If it had been a white player pointing a gun at a black player, there would have been much more of an uproar. It’s almost as if people are saying, ‘Well, we don’t expect anything better from our black athletes.” Stern responded by praising the the Wizards’ shooting guards.

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4. The circus goes to Uganda

Because there are never enough Frans Botha pictures.

Spoke Monday night to Ken Sanders, who is in his second incarnation as Evander Holyfield’s manager, because, I guess, he has a high pain threshold. Sanders attempted to clarify what has happened with Holyfield’s latest proposed disaster, a fight against Frans Botha for some minor title belt in Uganda. (Holyfield vs. Botha in Uganda. Can we get Sharpton to take a stand on this, too?) Reader’s Digest version: The fight was pushed back from Dec. 17 to Jan. 16 to Feb. 20, but, unfortunately, is still scheduled to take place. The reason for the delays is not to give the fighters more time to prepare, as promoters put out. It’s because the money hasn’t shown up. (Duh.) Sanders is “very confident” a “25 to 40 percent” share of Holyfield’s purse will be wired to him as soon as today. Actually, I believe a courier, Will Muschamp, will deliver it. There also are plans for Holyfield to fight Derric Rossy for another minor belt in Las Vegas April 24.  And no, I don’t know why I just spent 10 minutes typing this paragraph.

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3. Stat of the week

Not sure a quick meeting is going to solve these problems.

The Thrashers’ slide is really starting to get ridiculous. Or is this normal? According to the NHL’s generous point distribution plan, they’re 0-5-3 in the last eight games. Really, they’ve lost eight straight. But consider this: Their last four victories have all come in overtime (three) or a shootout (one). They haven’t won a game in regulation since Nov. 30 (4-3 over Florida). They have played 17 games since (4-10-3). Do you realize how close that is to a 17-game losing streak? When things like this happen, it goes beyond the potential distractions created by one impending free agent (Ilya Kovalchuk).

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2. Skip is one step from Cooperstown

Skip Caray, in his younger days.

Late Braves broadcaster extraordinaire Skip Caray, whom I feel lucky to have known, has been named one of 10 finalists for the Ford C. Frick Award, which is given annually for excellence in broadcasting by the Baseball Hall of Fame. Final voting will be conducted by a 20-member panel, including past winners, historians and columnists. Unfortunately, I don’t have a vote. The electorate is on the link, if you’re curious. It includes Georgia native Ernie Harwell and former Braves broadcaster Milo Hamilton. Here’s wish luck to the Caray family.

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1. And finally . . .

Reggie Bush has moved on to other conquests.

Those upstanding folks at USC have stepped forward and admitted that, yes, indeed, there might have been some shenanigans involving the recruiting of former prep basketball star O.J. Mayo (now in the NBA).  So the school pulled a Michael Adams and banned itself from post-season play, a preemptive step before the NCAA moves in. Of course, the Trojans haven’t slapped around anybody in the football program. They may not have to. The NCAA hasn’t done squat with their “investigations” into Reggie Bush’s parents living in a home rent free when he went to school there, and Joe McKnight driving a car of far greater value than scholarship per diem. Fortunately, nobody really cares about USC basketball, Mayo is gone and the flea-covered Tim Floyd resigned. Football? Moving along. Nothing to see here. As far as the NCAA is concerned, cash cows and sacred cows are synonymous.