Predictions: Tech wins, Birds lose, Tebow — you still here?
“Hey. It’s me, Tiger. I need a really big favor. Can you PLEASE delete that Georgia Tech pick off your answering machine? Just replace it with another Notre Dame loss. OK? Nobody will notice. Quickly. Thanks.”
Before closing out this fiscal season with even more near-flawless projections, we have actual breaking news that doesn’t involve a 3-iron wielding Swedish runway model or 78 percent of the world’s apparently eligible females, including maybe the one who just cleared your dishes and the rest of your patty melt in alley No. 12.
This comes from Marietta, Ohio, where workers at a Goodwill store opened an antique metal water jug that had been donated and found several bags of marijuana with a value of $1,500.
Michael Vick spends a lot of time just watching.
Nobody knows if this means the person donating the marijuana will now claim a $1,500 tax deduction, or he’s too depressed to think about it. But Marietta officials have since noticed a significant increase in consumption of Doritos, microwave burritos and old couches.
You know, if only the Miami airport police could be brought in to investigate, I’m sure they can clear this whole thing up.
Which leads me to Michael Vick. (See? There’s always a transition.)
On Sunday, the remains of the Falcons face the Philadelphia Eagles and their famous backup quarterback, Michael Vick. Three months into his return, he’s still trying to break into double digits in attempted passes. I’m sure when Vick signed with the Eagles, his first goal was, “I hope I get to play as much as Chris Redman.”
Oy. Hopefully this game doesn’t turn into “West Side Story.” Maybe somebody brings a fake water jug and shares?
The Falcons are missing Matt Ryan, and probably Michael Turner. The Eagles are beat up themselves, but not to that extent. You can hope for a win and a playoff spot. But both are looking like long shots right now. About those pre-season projections. Can we just erase them off the machine?
Eagles cover 5 1/2.
“If I …Were The King .. Of The Fo-rest”
(Sing in Cowardly Lion voice)
OK, Urban. You have to let go now. Tim can't stay.
SEC title: Florida vs. Alabama. It’s No. 1 vs. No. 2 in the nation for a conference title, which almost certainly means only one will play for the B(c)S title. More the reason why if we can’t have playoffs, let’s just go back to the old system when every Homer Simpson-looking bowl official in green or orange polyester begged schools to come visit the Podunk Bowl. Matchups were better and several teams were in the rankings race.
Where was I? Oh yes. Mike Slive Nirvana.
This is officially Tim Tebow’s final SEC game. It’s officially a day of prayer in Athens.
Something I can’t figure out. Florida has won 22 straight games. But most of the reviews this season can be boiled down to one word: feh. Question: If the Gators are mediocre at 12-0, what would they be if they were great? I know. Florida’s defense will be missing a sauced defensive end, Carlos Dunlap. But I can’t pull the trigger on an upset when this team hasn’t lost since the last time a Dogs fan said, “Great game plan, Willie.”
Prediction: Gators over Tide and they cover the 5 1/2.
After losing to Georgia, get the feeling Paul Johnson's isn't happy?
ACC title: Georgia Tech vs. Clemson. Both teams are coming off losses. If the ACC is looking for a mascot, Schleprock would be a good start.
Tech coach Paul Johnson caught heat for cracking that if a Jacket fan is tired of getting razzed by a Georgia fan for last week’s loss, he should, “Punch him in the face.” But what did you expect him to say: “Thank you sir, may I have another”?
OK. So I missed on the Tech pick last week. But I gave you the upset special: South Carolina over Clemson. Here’s another lock: Dabo Swinney peaked at average. I did some research (go with it). That six-game winning streak that made everybody in Clemson forget momentarily that they lived in Clemson? Only one win came over an opponent that finished with a winning record. That was Miami, which lost in overtime and totaled 433 yards in offense.
The Jackets’ defense ain’t much. But I just don’t see the Tigers stopping Johnson’s offense. Nor can I bring myself to type the words, “outcoached by Dabo.” One ACC team has to bounce back, right?
Prediction: Jackets over Tigers and they cover the 1.
Conference USA title: Just kidding.
Big 12 title: Texas vs. Nebraska. Mack Brown is a great coach and Texas is a great team, but giving up 39 points to 3-5 Texas A&M last week didn’t win the Big 12 any points. Nor will a conference title game with a 14-point spread — and a cover. Longhorns roll.
NFL Six Pack
(Drank one)
Patriots at Dolphins: Bill Belichick sleeps with a light on ever since the New Orleans game. But there’s a significant dropoff from Drew Brees to Chad Henne. Patriots cover 5 1/2.
Titans at Colts: I’m not sure where the turnaround from reported suicidal thoughts to five straight wins ranks on the comeback scale. But I’d have to think Vince Young at least qualifies for a George Romero film. (Kids: Google.) Colts cover 6 1/2.
Saints at Redskins: I understand it’s tough for a Falcons’ fan to pull for the Saints. But think about this: Drew Brees (27 TD passes) vs. DeAngelo Hall. Now who are you pulling for? Subplot: New Orleans defensive coordinator Gregg Williams, drop-kicked by Dan Snyder, is kind of motivated. Saints win and cover 9 1/2 (barely).
Cowboys at Giants: The Giants beat Dallas in September, ruining the opening of “Jerry World,” although nobody seemed to notice because they all were either staring at go-go dancers, drinking Cristal, buying $37 Keith Brooking bobblehead dolls (it only smacktalks after trades),
So is anybody watching the game?
sitting in on a time-share seminar, complimenting Muffy on her new perfectly matched cosmetic twins (a two-point conversion?) and going blind looking at the video screen. OK. Enough deep analysis. Cowboys cover 2.
Vikings at Cardinals: In the month of November, Brett Favre threw 12 touchdown passes with zero interceptions and had a quarterback rating of 129.4, give or take a bionic arm. He has killed my Fantasy team’s season, destroyed my belief in karma and makes me want to wear Wranglers. But I still wouldn’t mind if a real Viking clubbed him over the head. Do they exist in Scottsdale? Didn’t think so. Vikings cover 3.
Accounting Dept.
Last week: 8-3 straight up, 5-6 against the line.
Bottom line: 99-43 straight up, 68-74 against the line.
Net profits: Still calculating.
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241 comments Add your comment
archangeladidas
December 4th, 2009
8:29 am
Another garbagedawg ARRESTED! Come on Jeff, if this was another GATOR you would be talking a lot of trash. There is nothing but “THUGS” in athens and cmr is running a “THUG” program. Thug this and thug that. You losers are so quick to use that word when its someone else in trouble. Now let me see you use it on one of your on. GO GATORS!!! 41-17! 17 out of 20!!!
The One
December 4th, 2009
8:30 am
Houston over East Carolina in conference USA bowl. Yeah!
Baba O'Riley
December 4th, 2009
8:32 am
Houston trounced Okie State, who beat…..
JB
December 4th, 2009
8:39 am
“They created holes that Mark Mangino could’ve gotten through…..sideways”
And, like I mentioned, that’s the reason that Spiller will have a field day!
There’s a Tech fan that posts on the Dawg Post and his sig talks to the fact that Tech had four games this yr where four teams, combined, had ONE punt.
Spiller right… Spiller left…
HBTD!!!
dawgfan
December 4th, 2009
8:40 am
Georgia wins no matter what happens from here on out. A Tech win tomorrow assures that the worst Georgia team in a decade beat the best Tech team in a generation. A Tech loss and the emotional downward spiral for Tech fans continues. Its a win win for the Georgia Bulldogs. We can’t possibly lose!!! 30-24.
Tech fans, remember all those times in the past when you would take one of your mediocre teams and stun one of our Top 10 tea…..Oh wait a second. That has NEVER happened. LOL.
If Tech loses I can’t wait for Robersons fluff piece on how CPJ gave the women’s track and field team a bag of marbles for motivation. The only thing softer than Georgia Tech football right now is the AJC’s coverage of Georgia Tech football.
JB
December 4th, 2009
8:51 am
Jeff’s friend Tony Barnhart last week….and I quote, ” If Paul Johnson gets a chance, he’ll put the hammer down on the Bulldogs”……LMAO
Mark Richt Quote from Wed, 11/25, ( before the game) ” We’re not dead yet”…………………………………………
30-24……glad it still hurts……….there’s a new Sheriff in town………………. Yes, we RUINED their season……This game Saturday against Clemson is not very important NOW. It’s going to be a wonderful Holiday Season, Obama and All !!!!!!!!! HBTD
JB
December 4th, 2009
8:54 am
Damn , I’m at Cracker Barrel this morning………….and right before my eye’s, Caleb King ran right by my table untouched……….and scored again……………LMAO
j
December 4th, 2009
8:58 am
JB,
45-19 buddie. Go F yourself! UGAY sucks!
j
December 4th, 2009
9:00 am
JB, or BJ
Is it true that Lane Kiffin whiped his @$$ with UGAY? Some say it was your face?
JB
December 4th, 2009
9:01 am
News Flash: Richt calls Johnson Monday and ask the coach if we get our ball back we used for the game. It has a “G” on it and A Nike Logo on it. Johnson said, “where do you think it is”? Richt say’s, Check one of your Defensive players throats………………………LMAO.
JB
December 4th, 2009
9:03 am
Big crowd at Greyhound Station this morning loading up Tech Fans…….Maybe 15-20………
It was a mess……………………………..
JB
December 4th, 2009
9:05 am
Dywer or dwyer….whatever…………….39 Yards…………..” it’s just a game dog’ !!!!!!!!!!
Brock
December 4th, 2009
9:07 am
HMMM, Thomas is holding up ‘09 goals for Tech and I don’t see Ga’s name on there anywhere.
JB
December 4th, 2009
9:08 am
News flash this AM: Oscar Meyer suing Ga. Tech AD for insisting that the Hot Dogs be FREE Saturday…….. Vendor said he’s never heard anything like that…….
GT Big Boss, class of 2003
December 4th, 2009
9:17 am
Wow!! I just love the way all thses UGAy bulldog fans / alumni just trouncing all over Tech because they finally won. The game was over last Saturday, and y’all still talking about it. I got something that UGAy can talk about. Did you hear about the UGA student that was arrested twice recently? Why can’t UGAy students stay out of trouble. First it’s the trash on the ground during tailgating that stunk up the campus, not to mention all of I-85 and 316, and now this.
Anyway, back to the predictions, which is the reason why I’m on here anyway:
GT wins a close one over clemson. 11-2, ORANGE BOWL, HERE WE COME!
Florida beats Alabama, and plays Texas for the National title. Too bad that it can’t be Florida and Tech for the national title, no thanks to the likes of Cincinnati, TCU, and Boise State.
Texas bulldozes Nebraska.
Falcons get their acts together and beats the Eagles at home.
New York Gaymen upset Tony Homo and the Dallas Cowgirls.
Patriots bounce back from the beatdown from the N.O. Stanks and beats Miami
Speaking of the New Orleans Stanks, I meant Saints, they’ll punch D-Hall in the mouth and beat the Washington Deadskins.
I must be a Baby Horse hater because I am one of a million people making this bold prediction: TITANS UPSET COLTS!!!
Vikes beat Arizona.
revwreck
December 4th, 2009
9:24 am
Nativebird
Joe Cox….ahhhhhhh now there’s a real QB
revwreck
December 4th, 2009
9:25 am
dawgfan
Beg to differ….you sir can lose and have 5 times already this year…LOL
dawgfan
December 4th, 2009
9:30 am
LOL @ “finally won.” What cave have you been living in for the past 40 or so years son?
Tech fans, we get it. Beating you is no big deal. Point conceded!!! LOL.
Geoff Schultz
December 4th, 2009
9:32 am
Sorry, Jeff. Keep it in your pants. MeAngelo Hall is out this week so now Dream Team pairings of Brees’ balls whipping through Hall’s hands.
revwreck
December 4th, 2009
9:36 am
dawgfan
where I have NOT been living for the last 40 years Son is in a trailor park in Athens with trash in the yard
revwreck
December 4th, 2009
9:39 am
And unlike UGA fans that live 40 years in the past, or 1980, I will not comment on our win last year. UGA beat us straight up this year and I am over it already. I will only comment on 2009 and we are 10-2 you are 7-5…we play tomorrow, you don’t, and btw you go to the crap bowl. And those son are the facts.
RTR
December 4th, 2009
9:40 am
Delbert D. — You are an idiot… The comments made by the Kansas HC were taken out of context like most things said to the media. He was making the player aware that he had a great opportunity to make his life better and that he had a choice. I don’t like Kansas but I feel for the coach.
The TIDE ROLL in Atlanta 21-17, GT beats Clemson by 17, and Texas? Who cares!
Mike (original formula)
December 4th, 2009
9:41 am
Wow… It’s hilarious that all of you tech fans don’t feel like last Saturday was an important game for you guys. Just because your coach is in denial, it seems you guys are following along. I can understand that some of you are tired of all of the gloating comments. Honestly, I’m getting bored with them. BUT, you had it all coming to you with all of the comments from the last year about UGA. Someone before me wrote about Georgia “finally winning this game”. Last time I checked “finally” did not include the time between the last game and this game. All you tech fans can make all of the comments you want about “who’s playing this Saturday”, but honestly everyone here knows it really gets to you that you had a chance at something special and were still put in your place by a rebuilding UGA team. Sorry if this comes off as anything other than rational, but some folks on here are just out of their minds.
revwreck
December 4th, 2009
10:10 am
Mike (original formula)
And we still have a chance at something special. If we will tomorrow we go to the orange bowl. We know we lost to UGA and it did mean a lot, but we can’t go back in time and change the fact that we did not show up. But if the shoe is on the other foot and it is CMR second year and you have a chance to play in a BCS bowl then the UGA fans would be just as content with a loss to Tech, it would suck but still content. We have been tech fans a long time and yes there have been many bad years, but we are happy with our record last year and are even more happy that it is better this year. And yes some of your facts are rational, but we are just as rational (other than our idiots just as yours)so I will give you the respect you give me
Mike (original formula)
December 4th, 2009
10:34 am
revwreck,
I’ll be the first UGA fan to get on board with your statement about you guys being excited about your record. I’m excited right along with you. I’ve watched that program just kind of exist instead of growing for a while and I think it’s great. I hope you guys build an ACC powerhouse and make these games between UGA and GT better every year. I’ll absolutley get in line with that. I don’t know about the line regarding UGA fans being content with a loss to Tech if the shoe were on the other foot. We’ve had a couple of coaches fired because of losses to Tech and similar rivals. However, I do concede that it must be easier to look at the overall picture of the year when you’ve got a shot at a BCS bowl. I wish you guys all the best until next November back between the Hedges.
revwreck
December 4th, 2009
10:48 am
Mike (original formula)
I give you that….and deep down we will always hate losing to each other, but winning the next week always heals some wounds but never ALL. Outta here got to work
Paul in RDU
December 4th, 2009
10:49 am
Enter your comments here
Paul in RDU
December 4th, 2009
10:58 am
revwreck,
I agree with you. The loss to UGA hurts – any Tech fan who says it doesn’t is lying – but doesn’t ruin what has been an enjoyable season. GT still has a lot to play for and hopeully they won’t show up tomorrow with a hangover.
With Gailey the only thing Tech seemed to have to play for by the beginning of November was a chance to upset UGA. With CPJ I expect a much closer series with wins and losses on both sides.
People take sports way too seriously – I stopped doing that on April 15th 1989
Delbert D.
December 4th, 2009
11:45 am
So now I’m an idiot for quoting si.com on Mangino? A quote is a quote, right? Just like CPJ being quoted about “just punch them in the face”, or something to that effect.
I Georgia decides to get a new offensive coordinator, Mangino was voted the top assistant coach in the nation as OC when he led Oklahoma to the mythical national championship in 2000. He would be a fine counterpoint to Mark Richt.
GT4Ever
December 4th, 2009
11:56 am
heeldawg
We’ll see. So you guys are going to miraculously get better next year with one of three unproven QBs. Yeah right!
Chick Fil a Bowl Chick Fil a Bowl Contact Lens Solution
December 4th, 2009
1:09 pm
[...] Predictions: Tech wins, Birds lose, Tebow â you still here? | Jeff … [...]
Falcons thinking Eco-Green and Eagles’ green | Atlanta Falcons with D. Orlando Ledbetter
December 4th, 2009
1:39 pm
[...] under coach Mike Smith, no one believes they can beat the Eagles, who are 5 1/2 point favorites. AJC columnist Jeff Schultz picks the Eagles to cover. All seven of the Sporting News football prognosticators, including my man Clifton Brown [...]
Dawg Days
December 4th, 2009
2:57 pm
Jeff, you’re just one long stream of consciousness, aren’t you big fella?…..
BOOGIES THE MAN FROM HARTWELL GA
December 4th, 2009
8:47 pm
PREDICTION………….. CLEMSON 24 – tek 10
(((((((((((((((((((((((( 30 – 24 )))))))))))))))))))))))
359 DAYS AND COUNTING TILL NEXT GOAT ROPING
Doyle Hargraves
December 5th, 2009
1:07 am
Actually I think the Falcons can win on Sunday. Ryan looked terrible before he got hurt last week, and RedMan stepped in and played with great CONSISTENCY, without INT’s or FUMBLES, which was actually a nice change of pace. First play of game by Ryan – pass to Jenks on sideline, Jenks went long and Ryan threw short. Second play – timeout. How the HAYELL can your offense be that out of sync to begin a freaking football game in the NFL in yo own dam house???
White & Jenkins will be back, Turner out will hurt but I predict the crowd will be all over the Eagles as opposed to booing the Falcons. I predict a much needed win against a potential wild card opponent. Despite what Coach said, this is a must win game if we want to make the playoffs. Moral victories no longer count. Hopefully we have someone who can kick a field goal from 40 yards now. As for Chris Owens, he didn’t look bad last week, I’ll admit, hopefully that means I won’t be seeing Dimry in my dreams no mo. LLYFF
Doyle Hargraves
December 5th, 2009
1:14 am
And no, I ain’t like Tiger Woods dreaming about Derek Jeter…I meant nightmares of Dimry covering Rice. In a football game. 49er’s vs. Falcons. Are you threatening me????
The Other St. Simons
December 5th, 2009
8:19 am
Just making sure everyone is up. Have a hot steaming cup of 30-24 and remember, you are playing for title of tallest dwarf. Win or lose today, you lost.
pb
December 5th, 2009
11:54 am
Delbert D:
Mangino might be avaialble, but doubt he would fit in @ UGA. Probably wouldn’t want to go to a Southern school, plus he looks like he could eat everything in Athens in one session…
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December 5th, 2009
3:02 pm
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Dawg '88
December 5th, 2009
5:32 pm
Saint Simons….Saint Simons….Saint Simons…Saint Simons…Yech Sucks!
30-24 (2009) 51-7 (2002) 60-39-5….Just to name a few numbers….And just in case you needed a reminder of more than one now meaningless score. And one more thing:
WE RUN THIS STATE!!! Deal with it Yechmite.
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December 31st, 2009
2:13 am
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