Predictions: Tech wins, Birds lose, Tebow — you still here?
“Hey. It’s me, Tiger. I need a really big favor. Can you PLEASE delete that Georgia Tech pick off your answering machine? Just replace it with another Notre Dame loss. OK? Nobody will notice. Quickly. Thanks.”
Before closing out this fiscal season with even more near-flawless projections, we have actual breaking news that doesn’t involve a 3-iron wielding Swedish runway model or 78 percent of the world’s apparently eligible females, including maybe the one who just cleared your dishes and the rest of your patty melt in alley No. 12.
This comes from Marietta, Ohio, where workers at a Goodwill store opened an antique metal water jug that had been donated and found several bags of marijuana with a value of $1,500.
Michael Vick spends a lot of time just watching.
Nobody knows if this means the person donating the marijuana will now claim a $1,500 tax deduction, or he’s too depressed to think about it. But Marietta officials have since noticed a significant increase in consumption of Doritos, microwave burritos and old couches.
You know, if only the Miami airport police could be brought in to investigate, I’m sure they can clear this whole thing up.
Which leads me to Michael Vick. (See? There’s always a transition.)
On Sunday, the remains of the Falcons face the Philadelphia Eagles and their famous backup quarterback, Michael Vick. Three months into his return, he’s still trying to break into double digits in attempted passes. I’m sure when Vick signed with the Eagles, his first goal was, “I hope I get to play as much as Chris Redman.”
Oy. Hopefully this game doesn’t turn into “West Side Story.” Maybe somebody brings a fake water jug and shares?
The Falcons are missing Matt Ryan, and probably Michael Turner. The Eagles are beat up themselves, but not to that extent. You can hope for a win and a playoff spot. But both are looking like long shots right now. About those pre-season projections. Can we just erase them off the machine?
Eagles cover 5 1/2.
“If I …Were The King .. Of The Fo-rest”
(Sing in Cowardly Lion voice)
OK, Urban. You have to let go now. Tim can't stay.
SEC title: Florida vs. Alabama. It’s No. 1 vs. No. 2 in the nation for a conference title, which almost certainly means only one will play for the B(c)S title. More the reason why if we can’t have playoffs, let’s just go back to the old system when every Homer Simpson-looking bowl official in green or orange polyester begged schools to come visit the Podunk Bowl. Matchups were better and several teams were in the rankings race.
Where was I? Oh yes. Mike Slive Nirvana.
This is officially Tim Tebow’s final SEC game. It’s officially a day of prayer in Athens.
Something I can’t figure out. Florida has won 22 straight games. But most of the reviews this season can be boiled down to one word: feh. Question: If the Gators are mediocre at 12-0, what would they be if they were great? I know. Florida’s defense will be missing a sauced defensive end, Carlos Dunlap. But I can’t pull the trigger on an upset when this team hasn’t lost since the last time a Dogs fan said, “Great game plan, Willie.”
Prediction: Gators over Tide and they cover the 5 1/2.
After losing to Georgia, get the feeling Paul Johnson's isn't happy?
ACC title: Georgia Tech vs. Clemson. Both teams are coming off losses. If the ACC is looking for a mascot, Schleprock would be a good start.
Tech coach Paul Johnson caught heat for cracking that if a Jacket fan is tired of getting razzed by a Georgia fan for last week’s loss, he should, “Punch him in the face.” But what did you expect him to say: “Thank you sir, may I have another”?
OK. So I missed on the Tech pick last week. But I gave you the upset special: South Carolina over Clemson. Here’s another lock: Dabo Swinney peaked at average. I did some research (go with it). That six-game winning streak that made everybody in Clemson forget momentarily that they lived in Clemson? Only one win came over an opponent that finished with a winning record. That was Miami, which lost in overtime and totaled 433 yards in offense.
The Jackets’ defense ain’t much. But I just don’t see the Tigers stopping Johnson’s offense. Nor can I bring myself to type the words, “outcoached by Dabo.” One ACC team has to bounce back, right?
Prediction: Jackets over Tigers and they cover the 1.
Conference USA title: Just kidding.
Big 12 title: Texas vs. Nebraska. Mack Brown is a great coach and Texas is a great team, but giving up 39 points to 3-5 Texas A&M last week didn’t win the Big 12 any points. Nor will a conference title game with a 14-point spread — and a cover. Longhorns roll.
NFL Six Pack
(Drank one)
Patriots at Dolphins: Bill Belichick sleeps with a light on ever since the New Orleans game. But there’s a significant dropoff from Drew Brees to Chad Henne. Patriots cover 5 1/2.
Titans at Colts: I’m not sure where the turnaround from reported suicidal thoughts to five straight wins ranks on the comeback scale. But I’d have to think Vince Young at least qualifies for a George Romero film. (Kids: Google.) Colts cover 6 1/2.
Saints at Redskins: I understand it’s tough for a Falcons’ fan to pull for the Saints. But think about this: Drew Brees (27 TD passes) vs. DeAngelo Hall. Now who are you pulling for? Subplot: New Orleans defensive coordinator Gregg Williams, drop-kicked by Dan Snyder, is kind of motivated. Saints win and cover 9 1/2 (barely).
Cowboys at Giants: The Giants beat Dallas in September, ruining the opening of “Jerry World,” although nobody seemed to notice because they all were either staring at go-go dancers, drinking Cristal, buying $37 Keith Brooking bobblehead dolls (it only smacktalks after trades),
So is anybody watching the game?
sitting in on a time-share seminar, complimenting Muffy on her new perfectly matched cosmetic twins (a two-point conversion?) and going blind looking at the video screen. OK. Enough deep analysis. Cowboys cover 2.
Vikings at Cardinals: In the month of November, Brett Favre threw 12 touchdown passes with zero interceptions and had a quarterback rating of 129.4, give or take a bionic arm. He has killed my Fantasy team’s season, destroyed my belief in karma and makes me want to wear Wranglers. But I still wouldn’t mind if a real Viking clubbed him over the head. Do they exist in Scottsdale? Didn’t think so. Vikings cover 3.
Accounting Dept.
Last week: 8-3 straight up, 5-6 against the line.
Bottom line: 99-43 straight up, 68-74 against the line.
Net profits: Still calculating.
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241 comments Add your comment
Delbert D.
December 3rd, 2009
11:45 pm
Yeah, 360 more days for the Dog fans to gloat. Your boys earned it on the field.
GTkenz
December 3rd, 2009
11:50 pm
Like Ugag, Tech is the better team on paper, but too bad we don’t play these things on paper. Clemson, like Tech relys heavily on 3 or 4 players to win, all of which will play on Sunday.
If I’m correct, and I’m not saying I am, Tech should win by the coaching factor. CPJ has clearly more experience than CDS in these type of games, which ain’t saying much since they came at the 1-AA level, but!!!
Like Ugag dominates Tech, the Jackets have done much of the same to Clemson, and I don’t know why, but it is what it is. I guess if Clemson can put up a “They Don’t Respect Us” message on the chalk board, Tech may be in trouble. On the other hand, I just can’t imagine Tech and CPJ failing to reach their number one goal, and it wasn’t beating Ugag, it was winning the ACC Championship. Jackets win and it’s not as close as one would expect.
Delbert D.
December 3rd, 2009
11:56 pm
If Georgia does play Texas A&M in Shreveport, that ought to be a real hum-dinger. The Aggies lost by 55 to Oklahoma and 48 to K. State. Georgia should win, no sweat. Ignore A&M’s 47-19 loss to Arkansas, that was early in the season.
How the heck does this team get to go to a bowl?
Delbert D.
December 4th, 2009
12:00 am
Looks like Oregon State has their scout team in on defense…
GJW
December 4th, 2009
12:16 am
60-37-5…..UGA series lead over Tech.
Justafan
December 4th, 2009
12:16 am
Oregon Going to Rose bowl…..Good game tonight.
Oregon State has a damn good team.
WW
December 4th, 2009
12:34 am
Jeff, I think that is “Tiger’s Harem 97 so far.”:)
Never confuse the sports activities with the non-sports activities…golf not the other activity.
Matt the Brave
December 4th, 2009
1:11 am
I’d let Paul Johnson hit me in the face if it meant that we beat the Nerds every year. Seriously. Every time we beat Tech, I’d take a punch in the face from Paul Johnson. It’d be great.
Kevin
December 4th, 2009
3:00 am
Tebow beat the Dawgs 2 out of three years thats not complete domination, I wish Tebow could play four more years so when the Dawgs are back on top again we can make him pay. Tebow beat bad Georgia teams thats all there is to that.
That's a bad lie there Tiger
December 4th, 2009
3:59 am
Why is Tiger releasing a statement saying that his actions weren’t consistent with his values when they are entirely consistent with his values?
He obviously values Miss P. Galore, in all her fabulous Ga-lore-y
heeldawg
December 4th, 2009
4:53 am
Here are my predictions:
1. Georgia over Tech. Wait a minute, that was last week. Oh well, we can simply apply it to next season. The once-in-a decade Tech win last season was, in fact, the aberration that we all thought it was. The recent Georgia win and the firing of Willie Martinez means we’re lining up for another Georgia streak in this “unimportant” (CPJ’s designation) series. The next time Tech wins against the Dawgs, someone else will be President. And Tech can make themselves some shiny new rings to commemorate winning that insignificant contest once again.
2. Clemson over Tech–because Tech won the last time as the result of an illegal play. Because Clemson has been looking forward to this rematch all year. Because Tech’s run defense is as beat up as Tiger Woods’ head.
3. Florida over Bama, because I don’t see the Tide doing much against the Gator D, even with “Captain Morgan” Carlos Dunlap back in Gainesville picking up trash by the roadside. Having the second-greatest player in SEC history helps, too (sorry, Gator fans–the consensus is still that Timmy’s the best SEC player not named Herschel).
4. Texas over Nebraska in the championship game nobody cares about. No, wait–that’s the ACC title game. The Texas-Nebraska game at least sold out (question: did the MAC title game sell more tickets than the ACC title game? That would be a hoot!).
If I bought 10,000 ACC title game tickets, do you think I could get them to move kickoff to a time more convenient to me? Just curious.
5. Herschel over Paul Johnson. I’d like to see CPJ punch HW in the nose, just once. And it would only happen once, because Herschel’s badass personality (the one that used to show up against Tech on fall Saturdays) would send CPJ into the next life–the one where he’s thin and politically correct.
I’d pick Mark Richt over CPJ, as well. Or Vince Dooley. Or Erk Russell, and he’s dead.
Urban's current record
December 4th, 2009
5:09 am
What a joke.
Winning percentage against this teams.
Tennessee…Fired coach during Urban’s tenure.
Auburn…Fired coach during Urban’s tenure.
Florida State… Fired coach during Urban’s tenure.
Georgia…Georgia is GA vs FL since what 1990.
Ohio State…Cannot win big games outside the Big 11.
Oklahoma…Bob Stoops is 0-5 in the last 5 BCS games.
Alabama…Beat Bama that Utah destroyed. How good was Bama?
What a joke. But I never hear Urban mentioned like Spurrier was. Maybe most writers know Urban/Tebow are in the right place at the right time.
Red Foreman
December 4th, 2009
5:17 am
Hey dawgies, isnt Ugay the busschit dawg still dead?
Hope it still hurts!!!!
Red Foreman
December 4th, 2009
5:21 am
Ugay is dead hahahahhahahhahahhahahahhahahahhahah
Dead dawgies make me smile!!!!!!!
Red Foreman
December 4th, 2009
5:22 am
Your dawgy died from a “Heart Attack” just like the rest of your fattazz trailer trash fans..
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Red Foreman
December 4th, 2009
5:23 am
dawgy womens mouths are as bis as their azzes!!!!
GT4Ever
December 4th, 2009
5:53 am
My how the tide has turned. UGA celebrating the only meaningful victory of their waste of a season. Tech is still 10-2 and playing in the ACCCG with a chance for the Orange Bowl. While UGA is 7-5 and have plans for the Shreveport bowl. Same for the doggies next with either a freshman or the less than impressive Gray at QB. Get ready for a sub .500 year UGA fans. At least you won’t be blaming Willie for your collapse in 2010. I heard the school will be handing out a box of Cleanex to every fan that enters the gate.
Big time?? Not
December 4th, 2009
5:57 am
Four tickets, four hot dogs, four cokes
heeldawg
December 4th, 2009
6:15 am
GT4Ever, you can spin this any way you like if it makes you feel better. Tech is a pretend top 10 team in a joke conference playing in a conference championship game that no one outside the ACC gives a flip about.
You can’t talk about last season’s win anymore, and your projections for next season are just so much wishful thinking.
Enjoy your illusions of competitiveness while they last.
Xiaoming Hu starring as Scott Smallwood
December 4th, 2009
6:25 am
GT4Ever, which game were you watching on Saturday night?
Johnny Griffith
December 4th, 2009
6:32 am
Sounds like St. Paul has some pretty thin skin. Poor Tech fans.
SourGrapes
December 4th, 2009
6:34 am
Glad to see more non-obsession by Dawg fans.
SourGrapes
December 4th, 2009
6:35 am
Xiaoming: I was watching a game that neither team punted *the entire game* and that a UGA victory wasn’t assured until 1:30 was left in the game. You?
BuzztheKiller
December 4th, 2009
7:06 am
Ah- as predicted- children and dogs are very predictable and trainable- the UGA weinies that have no game plans this weekend must snipe at the one team for Georgia that is playing this weekend for a large trophy that says “Champion”- something not seen in Athens since that preseason championship two years ago. Wait- they do give a trophy for preseason #1, right???
“Shreveport- here we come baby!”
Alan
December 4th, 2009
7:08 am
Lewis Grizzard had it right: two UGAY fans watching a Boodawgs game on TV saw UGA the mascot licking himself. Bubba says to Billy Bob, “Wish I could do that!!!” To which Billy Bob famously replies, “That dog would bite you!!”
‘Nuff said regarding UGAY fans.
BuzztheKiller
December 4th, 2009
7:10 am
GJW- amazing how often we have to remind UGA history buffs ( I guess that would be all of you in terms of talking about successful seasons) how to count-
Series record- 60-39-5
Try to keep up as the middle number climbs over the next decade. Bump in the road this year.
BuzztheKiller
December 4th, 2009
7:11 am
Nice Alan!
M Anthony
December 4th, 2009
7:16 am
Interesting how many morons here are posting about UGA. From my recollections of last weekend, UGA ran right thru the yellownats. Please stop worrying about Mr Vick. Are you trying to take folks mind off the fact the falconettes barely beat a one win team last week.
haywood jablomey
December 4th, 2009
7:20 am
JEFF,
that conference usa pick was CLASSIC!!
keep ‘em comin’.
love it.
Phat Phil
December 4th, 2009
7:31 am
Jeff….sorry that Tennessee is not playing this weekend. You won’t be able to trash Kiffin while predicting a Vol loss, as usual. You must have such a severe case of man-envy with Kiffin.
SatchelBuzz
December 4th, 2009
7:31 am
We’re on a mission,…”Sene Metu”.
Know wonder ugag is celebrating,..it was a huge win for their program. Biggest since they upset Florida.
We’re 10-2, playing for a conference championship and shot at the Orange Bowl. We ain’t apologizing to noboby. We’re also not waiting around for Shreveport or Birmingham to call.
THWG!!
dawgfan
December 4th, 2009
7:32 am
Funny how Schultz brings up Clemsons weak schedule. In all his fawning over Georgia Tech this season he has never once mentioned things like Jack State or consecutive games against Virginia, Vandy. Wake Forest, and Duke followed by an off week. He has never once mentioned that Tech has not played a single team with fewer than 3 losses this season.
Schultz, I hate to keep picking on ya bro but this is just absurd. This has not been a good year for you AJC clowns. You all need to put down the kool aid and go to bandwagon rehab. You are out of control.
Good pick though. I think Tech wins too. Too bad nobody cares.
Kevin
December 4th, 2009
7:38 am
Since Jeff Schultz is pickin Tech well i sorry clemson will beat GT by 21 pts…and falcons will beat eagles 34-10 sunday….as Vick watch is new team lose….fla will whip alabama all over the Georgia dome to…and Tebow will win his 3rd Natl championship n 2nd hiesman trophy to!
JB
December 4th, 2009
7:40 am
UGA showed CU the blueprint. Hence, Spillar left… Spillar right… Spillar up the gut. We also know that the maggots can’t play D, so that blueprint will work well, again.
To that end, if not for a joke of a phantom holding call, CU would have won the first match up. Hence, add in a sprinkle of revenge.
CU by 7.
The collapse continues and PJ tells maggot fans to punch CU fans in the face and that this game didn’t matter. Winning the bowl game will be what is important. Yeah, that;s the ticket.
HBTD!!!
Nativebird
December 4th, 2009
7:43 am
Sunday headline: “Jacket’s Outcoached by Dabo”. Both defenses are just bad. But GT’s is worse. And GT simply does NOT have a Quarterback on the field. In fact, the brilliant CPJ does not have a QB in his offense. Which, at this level, you need one.
Remember the 2nd half of the regular season game? That again.
Okay, if GT wins, all props to the Genius (just ask him). But if they lose, it will be a healthy thing; Maybe this will start real GT fans (and the AJC press) to finally in year 2 drop the euforia, drop the “well it’s not Gailey” routine, and realistic measure this guy by what he does, plays he calls, what he says, WHO he recruits, and ask the real question;
Can a Div II coach with a gimmick offense consistently win at the top level of a mediocre secondary Div I conference like the ACC? maybe. SEC? no way. Big 10? nope. Pac 10? doubt it. Big East? ok maybe.
Tech Rolls
December 4th, 2009
7:46 am
Kevin you write like you are retarded…probably a UGA Alum.
It’s really funny. VanGorder doesn’t want any of that pitiful defense…he is staying with the falcons.
C. J. For Heisman
December 4th, 2009
7:46 am
I RUN THE STATE OF FLORIDA!!!
Washuan Ealey and Caleb King may run the State of Georgia but I RUN THE STATE OF FLORIDA.
I may even run back a kick for a Touchdown, I haven’t decided yet.
Carlton
December 4th, 2009
7:51 am
There’s not one single funny person on this blog.
Wow, I can’t believe CJ Spiller, Paul Johnson, Willie Martinez, and Jesse James are on this blog! So cool!!!
BitDawgBarking
December 4th, 2009
7:53 am
Schultz you seem to be forgetting that Clemson’s defense only gave up 1 TD to GT’s offense in game one.
Tech Rolls
December 4th, 2009
7:55 am
C.J. you will really have to run alot to overcome the 50 pts we hang on you Saturday night.
C. J. For Heisman
December 4th, 2009
7:57 am
UGA is making a ring commerating their victory over Ga. Tech, One side of the ring has Washuan Ealey running the ball, the other side of the ring has Paul Johnson thrownig the ball.
BitDawgBarking
December 4th, 2009
7:57 am
SatchelBuzz
December 4th, 2009
7:31 am
We’re on a mission,…”Sene Metu”.
Know wonder ugag is celebrating,..it was a huge win for their program. Biggest since they upset Florida.
We’re 10-2, playing for a conference championship and shot at the Orange Bowl. We ain’t apologizing to noboby. We’re also not waiting around for Shreveport or Birmingham to call.
You will be after Clemson beats your azz. No bowl wants a team that can’t get 25 fans to a game outside the Atlanta perimeter.
C. J. For Heisman
December 4th, 2009
8:01 am
Tech Rolls
Dwyer with 33 yards and Nesbitt with 41 yards rushing. Thats what I call rolling.
The definition of rolling is Ealey with 183 and King with 166 yards rushing.
BitDawgBarking
December 4th, 2009
8:05 am
GT has become the annual year end collapse that has become tradition at Tech. After 3 season ending losses they won’t be a blip on college footballs radar screen for another 40 years. Dwyer, Morgan, Thomas, and possibly Burnett leave and PJ’s #37 and #52 recruiting classes relegate Tech to their rightful bottom feeding place in the college football universe. PJ also starts looking for a another job.
Cindy Loo Hoo
December 4th, 2009
8:07 am
I predict Georgia loses tomorrow.
Oh wait – their not playing anywhere are they?
Their fans will be down by the dome waving SEC flags around, since their team can’t really compete in their conference anymore.
Samuel
December 4th, 2009
8:07 am
This game between the Falcons and Eagles will be exciting. The Eagles are a 5 point favored. That’s not bad for a team that has their starting quarterback out and best running back on the roster. Eric weems has to step up and give us good field position. You can’t let Andy Reed out coach us, In this game we got to pullout all stops. Somebody on this Falcons roster has to be a leader by example.
C. J. For Heisman
December 4th, 2009
8:12 am
Cindy loo Hoo
You’ll be sitting at home too, Ga. tech fans don’t travel.
Ludicrous
December 4th, 2009
8:23 am
Does beating your girlfriend qualify as another unsportsmanlike conduct infraction? I thought damaging a car was a “chick” thang.
JB
December 4th, 2009
8:26 am
I predict Georgia loses tomorrow.
Oh wait – their not playing anywhere are they?
Very true but the score of, 30-24, makes it soooooooo much easier to take. So much!!!
HBTD!!!
Baba O'Riley
December 4th, 2009
8:26 am
Nativebird- If that’s the headline, the editor should be fired. Don’t usually act as grammar police, but couldn’t resist that one.
UGA fans harping on GT’s illegal play against Clemson are conveniently forgetting that Clemson had an illegal play as well in that game. Also, you are giving Ealy and King waaaay to much credit for their stats this past Saturday night. You should be fawning over your offensive line. They created holes that Mark Mangino could’ve gotten through…..sideways.